The problem I have with self improvement (rant)

[corrector]

I think it is easier to remove the blackpill about female sexual sexual abundance and how unfair it all is. Maybe this is because I'm not blackpilled about that. I acknowledge it exists but if I want to have sex, I need to devise strategies and tactics to manage my experiences. That seems more red pill.

You mean the 2 girls in your.2+ year old rotation is sleeping with lots of.guys because of abundance but you are just limited to them and have to even manage them so you dont lose that too? Yeah you cant be blackpilled.

 

[rjc149]

You are married though so you dont have to self improve.

I think this mindset leads a lot of marriages to the rocks.

 

[Fruitbat]

What you achieve in many ways isn’t down to what you do. The cult of law of attraction and owning your own life is completely wrong in many ways. As an example, you can develop a disease from a genetic problem and die. No end of “will” and “ownership” will change that fact. It’s an extremely popular concept with those who got lucky. It justifies their fortune.

On the other end of the spectrum is a defeatist attitude - “it’s all genetics!” “It’s all luck” “its all because I didn’t have rich parents/got abused/am short” etc

The reality is that life hands you a lot of curveballs. Personally my own baggage is I got sexually abuse age 6, my parents were alcoholics and drug addicts (not the abusers and they were loving parents who tried their best with what they had so I don’t have any ill will). I was encouraged to stop education at 16. I then later got married and my first love descended into mental collapse. There are tons of stuff I can feel bad about and yes, I feel very resentful of people more succesfull than me who did not have these circumstances. Especially when they have the gall to feel some sense of achievement from what was a golden hand in life. Even some, being poorly developed people, try to rub it in my face.


I learned long ago that it isn’t about what you have, it’s not about that at all. It’s about fighting back with every last ounce to make a bad hand better. It’s looking at each day and trying to make it better.

Stoic philosophy is where it’s at. Disregard indifferents like wealth, they are transient and often not earned. What matters is being the best you can be.

I often picture it like walking through a storm. It doesn’t matter how hard it hits, you have the god damn heart to keep walking with a cheerful smile on your face and a song in your heart.

Don’t measure your life in what you have or what you achieve, measure your life in your ability to control yourself and do things correctly. Don’t focus on the outcome as fate controls that, and the more fate hurts you, the better you become. Don’t expect a happy ending.

 

[Roober]

Self-improvement in wealth, fitness, relationships, or otherwise is pointless..

If you don't first improve the mind

 

[SW15]

You manage the mother hen with cold approach in a club.

In a social circle you have to become friends with the mother hen and the beta orbiters and go to dinners with them.

Yes. The mother hens are always a royal pain. They must be managed.

In my observations and experience, the opposite is true.

Most "beta" males I know who are in LTR's these days met online. They spammed a lot of profiles and wifed up the first girl who would go on a 4th date with them.

Most "alpha" males I know have large social networks or work in night venue industries, from which meeting a lot of women is a natural byproduct.

80% of men are either beta/omega and 20% are either alpha/sigma.

Most men are betas.

I've seen beta males get into LTRs because they had a social circle from childhood and stayed in the same area as adults. These betas can thank their parents for not relocating them as children and they can credit themselves for not moving as adults and having good continuity with a social sphere. This usually happens in smaller to mid-sized metro areas, though it can happen in a bigger metro area.

The betas that have no social circle due to relocations or other factors swipe and text like maniacs and settle for whatever will go out on a 4th date with them. They might have a college degree and a good paying job, which will attract some mediocre woman in her 30s.

Alphas can achieve from either social networks, cold approaching, or swipe apps. Sigmas as lone wolves tend to not have social networks, so they are confined to cold approach and swipe apps.

 

[Francis]

It's lonely at the top. Most men are soyed simps (even many jacked guys who look like they have their sh1t together). Genuine, mutually supporting male friendships are rare. What usually happens is other men notice you're doing better than them and they try to sabotage you.

You said it. I never really understand just how pathetic a lot of men are until you start achieving good things. They absolutely despise you for being better than them (even if you don't care or view things that way) and will do anything to tear you down -- even to the point of ruining your reputation by spreading lies and turning people against you. It's quite an eye opener. Contrary to what I initially thought, they are not happy for you at all. Even people you once thought were your friends. They'll use your weaknesses against you and the whole nine.

In a lot of instances, they enjoy the superiority they have over you when you aren't achieving great things, or may even be struggling in certain ways. They aren't interested in "helping" you at all, and it shows when you actually succeed, which they likely tried to sabotage from the beginning. The crabs in a bucket mentality is very real out there.

 

[Francis]

You'll notice that the Betas, even on this forum, blame the Chads for the destroyed sexual market place. They whine "because of chads banging and ghosting all these women, there's nothing left for meeeee"

No doubt about that. They used to do that even before forums existed. Any time a guy was very successful with women (usually because of his looks & status, which he did put effort into), other men hated and blamed them for their lack of success. When these other men never even had a chance to begin with! They weren't viewed as sexual prospects to most women regardless of if "Chad" was there or not. I think it just made them to feel better, to be able to point the finger and blame their lack of success on an external source. It was also protection against their own ego and feelings of inferiority. And like all toxic people, it gave them someone to dump their insecurities onto.

It's the same as people hating on those who are successful, without doing a single thing to achieve success themselves. It's a lot easier to just criticize and devalue everyone else... you see it pretty much everywhere.

 

[metalwater]

Beware of taking advice from the wrong people mate.

This guy is a larrping gamma who's sending men astray, and gets severely butthurt when I call him out. I like his energy, but his advice is so terrible that it makes me feel bad for any dude who actually wants to improve, reads Puller's advice, and takes it onboard.

This forum needs quality control. At the very least call out the terrible advice if this forum is actually serious about Male Improvement.

Stringpuller is pulling you off.

Most all of the things are stuff I/we all know but don't synch with. Truth rings loud when it aligns with gut feelings.

We have a few different types that we must deal with, the more we know about how this one or that one ticks it's quicker to triage. I haven't ever seen much in this forum that was completely useless.

 

[metalwater]

The useless advice on this forum is useful only for me to point out how useless and weird it is. To serve as an example of what not to do.

So you are right. It's all useful, even the useless advice.

exactly.

 

[zekko]

For me personally, I have an issue with dating because I may be seen as socially stunted but due to me having a lot going for me I don't see why I should date down. Men that are successful, in shape, motivated and all around solid should be getting much better results on paper but because of the lack of social skills with women it creates this dynamic. Very few men are in a situation like this, which I feel is the reason why this is such an unhealthy trap to just say "go work on improving yourself".

There's no question that if you are trying to maximize your earnings and your gym gains, or just being successful in general, that is a time suck. And an energy suck. But if you really feel that you are socially stunted, you may have to reorganize your priorities to some extent. You may need to set aside certain times to build your social skills, increase your social circle, and the like. Tackle the social problem like you've tackled your other areas of improvement.

You have to decide just how important this is to you, because you may have to sacrifice some time and energy elsewhere if you're going to do it. Whatever you do, I would keep on earning that money, because that is for YOU, and it gives you options. You are right to be worried about a woman getting her hooks into you and taking your money - she wouldn't even have to be a gold digger or have bad intentions, this sort of thing just happens organically. You could be in a perfectly good relationship, but if things go south you could end up screwed. Just as you have moved beyond some of your friends, couples can grow apart as well. The solution is just don't get married.

 

[SW15]

80% of men are either beta/omega and 20% are either alpha/sigma.

Most men are betas.

That's very generous. Maybe 50 years ago?

I'd say the beta/omegas would be high 90%'s nowadays from what I've seen. They are rare as hell, and many true alphas are currently in prison. Masculinity is illegal in Clown World.

80-20 was my estimate, but your estimate could be more accurate. Either way, there are a lot of beta males out there.

It's lonely at the top. Most men are soyed simps (even many jacked guys who look like they have their sh1t together). Genuine, mutually supporting male friendships are rare. What usually happens is other men notice you're doing better than them and they try to sabotage you.

I have noticed this as well.

 

[sangheilios]

There's no question that if you are trying to maximize your earnings and your gym gains, or just being successful in general, that is a time suck. And an energy suck. But if you really feel that you are socially stunted, you may have to reorganize your priorities to some extent. You may need to set aside certain times to build your social skills, increase your social circle, and the like. Tackle the social problem like you've tackled your other areas of improvement.

You have to decide just how important this is to you, because you may have to sacrifice some time and energy elsewhere if you're going to do it. Whatever you do, I would keep on earning that money, because that is for YOU, and it gives you options. You are right to be worried about a woman getting her hooks into you and taking your money - she wouldn't even have to be a gold digger or have bad intentions, this sort of thing just happens organically. You could be in a perfectly good relationship, but if things go south you could end up screwed. Just as you have moved beyond some of your friends, couples can grow apart as well. The solution is just don't get married.

One of the points I mentioned on this thread was that as I'm continuing to grow and improve I'm having an increasingly difficult time finding people on my level. Something that I picked up on with people I used to hang out with was that as I improved I noticed that I'd get a lot of these passive aggressive put downs, stemming from insecurity on their end. This is one of the reasons why I started becoming distant from people I used to have around me and the next thing you know they have faded out entirely. I've found that with these people I outgrew I can now saw that looking back I'm much better off without them.

As for the comments about wealth and women. I honestly am not really materialistic and if I don't disclose any of this information people would assume I'm comfortable but average if that makes sense. I drive a Toyota, I live in a nice house in a good area but not one that immediately says wealthy. I don't wear expensive clothes, jewelry, etc. I can cite a handful of men in my area that post all of this crap on instagram, showcasing a life of status, wealth and success. However, none of these men are actually wealthy and instead they created this artificial image through social media. I'm not entirely sure what the goal of that is but it is not a behavior that I partake in for the reasons I've discussed on this thread.

 

[metalwater]

I can cite a handful of men in my area that post all of this crap on instagram, showcasing a life of status, wealth and success. However, none of these men are actually wealthy and instead they created this artificial image through social media. I'm not entirely sure what the goal of that is but it is not a behavior that I partake in for the reasons I've discussed on this thread.

Many women will fall for that tricks. It is called peacocking and it can work. Some women might know the diff, but often the young ones don't.

the leased BMW is more attractive than the paid-off one ton dually that cost the same or more to certain women that those guys would like to have over.

 

[sangheilios]

Many women will fall for that tricks. It is called peacocking and it can work. Some women might know the diff, but often the young ones don't.

the leased BMW is more attractive than the paid-off one ton dually that cost the same or more to certain women that those guys would like to have over.

That's honestly what I suspected, that it was just a means to showcasing status, albeit false status, in order to land a bunch of dumb bimbos. The women that go for these particular men are literally the female equivalent of them so it all makes sense. It also could just be the social scene/social circle that these particular men fall under and naturally they just emulate all of this behavior to fit in. There are so many fake people in my particular metro, both men and women, and I'm not really sure if it is a unique case or if what I'm seeing is a trend of the times with the current generation. This has been one of the reasons why I've considered relocating but I'm not fully convinced it would necessarily be any different someplace else.

 

[metalwater]

That's honestly what I suspected, that it was just a means to showcasing status, albeit false status, in order to land a bunch of dumb bimbos. The women that go for these particular men are literally the female equivalent of them so it all makes sense. It also could just be the social scene/social circle that these particular men fall under and naturally they just emulate all of this behavior to fit in. There are so many fake people in my particular metro, both men and women, and I'm not really sure if it is a unique case or if what I'm seeing is a trend of the times with the current generation. This has been one of the reasons why I've considered relocating but I'm not fully convinced it would necessarily be any different someplace else.

nope, it is the same in all places. albeit with different details. well, that's not exactly true, In some locations the laws are different and feminism is not so far along.

yes those guys are fake, but in some cases they are getting what they want. in some sense that makes them smart....

it goes like this.
- sex is nice, we like it
- if we do what those guys are doing that get some we probably will also

I live in a very different place than you. Lots of fakes, showing off, gaming, status, politics, money, poor, sexy, slutty, pimps, criminals, list goes on. Just the same.

No matter where you go, there you are...

If you haven't already read the book, The Red Queen. Fascinating.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@sangheilios
I see one hole in your thinking, and I used to have a similar thought pattern when I did nothing but grind all day; that is that you're 'too good' to hang out with certain people.

Success isn't measured by the amount of things you can't tolerate. I would argue it's the opposite, that a successful man can hang out with anyone and draw value from or create value for any encounter. This man is next to impossible to upset. Success is being flexible and having the ability to turn any event into a good time.

You may think you're too good to hang out with someone or a group, but you're most likely assuming what you don't know about them is nothing noteworthy. When they inevitably show a skill that exceeds yours, you're forced to restructure this world view of 'being at the top'. You realize there are all kinds of 'tops' and that what you prize may be holding you back from reaching some of them.

Most importantly their flex reminds you of your flaws and shortcomings. Maybe you're subconsciously avoiding this reality?

Challenge yourself to be open to these people you think are 'beneath you'. There is something they can offer you, whether you see it or not.

You also have more power by networking and mingling, not closing yourself off to everyone except a select few (that you may choose very poorly anyway). You may find a friend annoying, but they may be a social butterfly that provide a consistent stream of new connections.

You become untouchable by being a master of social judo. And you can only become a social master through exposure, not isolation.

Personally I've found that having few connections makes it easy to be very critical of existing friends and new ones. I see this as a symptom of social appetite, and possibly being too hard on yourself.

When you have many connections you simply don't have thoughts like what you've described. There are so many connections, so many options, that there is nothing to complain about. There is a group for every mood. It's certainly not lonely, and you're more accepting of others because your wide array of interactions keep you socially skilled.

@Pan87
Success is an extremely subjective thing. Red pill literature can say marriage is simping, but that's rudimentary logic. Personally I think impregnating a high value woman and raising a bright kid is the most alpha/dominant thing a man can do(intersex wise). If a marriage increases the odds of a healthy family/child, I'll do it. I really don't care about fuucking as many women as possible, that's very easy to do and holds no real constructive value.

I'm surprised you think most alphas and masculine men are in prison. Just what exactly do you think masculinity is?

 

[SW15]

I can cite a handful of men in my area that post all of this crap on instagram, showcasing a life of status, wealth and success. However, none of these men are actually wealthy and instead they created this artificial image through social media. I'm not entirely sure what the goal of that is.

Getting laid is the goal of it.

 

[Fruitbat]

You're married, my friend. You are a Beta by the very definition of what it means to be Beta.

That's not even my opinion. It's objective fact. Married = Beta. You got married because you were in scarcity mindset, she probably demanded it from you, you freaked out and got married to her to keep your big scary Boss Girl happy.

To answer your point - if you're relying on other people to get you women, which appears to be what you are advocating, then that's Beta too.

All the people who run my company are married. They are far from being Beta males.

Certainly they would be too busy hiring, firing, leading and earning seven figure incomes to spend their time on an online forum, insulting other people because they’re angry about something.

Have some respect for goodness sake.

 

[zekko]

As for the comments about wealth and women. I honestly am not really materialistic and if I don't disclose any of this information people would assume I'm comfortable but average if that makes sense. I drive a Toyota, I live in a nice house in a good area but not one that immediately says wealthy.

Well, that's just smart. Reminds me of The Millionaire Next Door book. The way I was raised, I've always considered my finances to be completely personal, and I keep that to myself. But the main benefit I was thinking about with regard to money is freedom, and being able to participate in interests and hobbies, not using it to peacock or flash wealth.

 

[sangheilios]

@sangheilios
I see one hole in your thinking, and I used to have a similar thought pattern when I did nothing but grind all day; that is that you're 'too good' to hang out with certain people.

Success isn't measured by the amount of things you can't tolerate. I would argue it's the opposite, that a successful man can hang out with anyone and draw value from or create value for any encounter. This man is next to impossible to upset. Success is being flexible and having the ability to turn any event into a good time.

You may think you're too good to hang out with someone or a group, but you're most likely assuming what you don't know about them is nothing noteworthy. When they inevitably show a skill that exceeds yours, you're forced to restructure this world view of 'being at the top'. You realize there are all kinds of 'tops' and that what you prize may be holding you back from reaching some of them.

Most importantly their flex reminds you of your flaws and shortcomings. Maybe you're subconsciously avoiding this reality?

Challenge yourself to be open to these people you think are 'beneath you'. There is something they can offer you, whether you see it or not.

You also have more power by networking and mingling, not closing yourself off to everyone except a select few (that you may choose very poorly anyway). You may find a friend annoying, but they may be a social butterfly that provide a consistent stream of new connections.

You become untouchable by being a master of social judo. And you can only become a social master through exposure, not isolation.

Personally I've found that having few connections makes it easy to be very critical of existing friends and new ones. I see this as a symptom of social appetite, and possibly being too hard on yourself.

When you have many connections you simply don't have thoughts like what you've described. There are so many connections, so many options, that there is nothing to complain about. There is a group for every mood. It's certainly not lonely, and you're more accepting of others because your wide array of interactions keep you socially skilled.

@Pan87
Success is an extremely subjective thing. Red pill literature can say marriage is simping, but that's rudimentary logic. Personally I think impregnating a high value woman and raising a bright kid is the most alpha/dominant thing a man can do(intersex wise). If a marriage increases the odds of a healthy family/child, I'll do it. I really don't care about fuucking as many women as possible, that's very easy to do and holds no real constructive value.

I'm surprised you think most alphas and masculine men are in prison. Just what exactly do you think masculinity is?

I wouldn't say that I necessarily see them as inferior but I do feel that there isn't really all that much I personally can gain from spending time with these people. I have a lot going on right now so I don't have much free time and I don't really experience loneliness to the point where I NEED to be around people in a social setting. I can think of a few people like this, where they can't be alone at all.

However, I do agree with you that having social connections is helpful in many ways and can open many doors that may otherwise not be available. I personally have a difficult time accepting this because most of the accomplishments I've had were based upon my own efforts, decisions, etc. I feel that certain types of people hold me back, which was why I mentioned picking up on the passive aggressive remarks, etc., and it was better for me to distance myself. This has been a trend my entire life where I genuinely believe that these other people feel threatened or insecure around me so they resort to put downs, etc. This is the reason why I've become highly selective with who I spend time with and as I mentioned on here earlier it is becoming increasingly difficult to find people that are on my level. This is especially the case for dating/relationships.