The problem I have with self improvement (rant)

[sangheilios]

It's pretty well understood that most men should seek to better themselves in a variety of ways (career, finances, fitness, etc.). However, most men ultimately still are within an averageish range for most of these traits and really don't stand out all that much. However, for some men they are able to take this beyond a certain range that is out of the norm, much of this is due to genetics, being at the right place and the right time or often times "cheating" (steroids, scam artist/con men, creating a fake lifestyle image, etc.). With the millennial generation I feel social media has allowed them to create an image of status and success which does not actually exist, I can think of many people who engage in this nonsense and it is all nonsense.

Anyway, here is the issue I have with true self improvement.

I was at the gym earlier and had a killer workout, a hobby that I regularly enjoy. On this particular day it was much busier than usual and while I've been aware of this for a while I'm physically at a level that is completely different than the vast majority of men without steroid use, largely a result of genetics. I've been criticized with this before but looking back it's always originated from a place of insecurity from other people, both men and women.

While I've never had some killer career to brag about, I'm slowly approaching on millionaire status, excluding real estate, and I'm getting to the point with that where most people can't even dream of. I've learned to keep this to myself entirely, as I've found it seems to attract the wrong people into your life (social climbers, gold diggers, etc.). However, in order to accomplish all of this required a lot of research, time and energy and ultimately financial resources that I risked and put on the table.

One of the main issues I have is that with these various types of self improvement is that it sets you well apart from others, which obviously has it's pros and it's own cons as well. I've found that as I continue to improve I really just cannot relate all that much to people around me. I've even found that people I used to enjoy spending time with I now feel keep me back from growing. One thing that I've noticed is that as I've become more goal oriented and continued climbing the ladder of success my tolerance of a lot of things has diminished. I used to think that these different people changed when in reality they've stayed the same and instead I've grown and changed quite a bit. Overall I feel that this has grown to isolation and instead of sitting around in boredom you use that time to even further build upon your success, which deepens the social isolation.

One of the solutions to this is to find people that are on the same page as you, but as you continue to grow and improve this becomes increasingly difficult to do so.

 

[handle]

most high-achiever, self-improvement types i know (including myself) operate in 'seasons.' now and then they spend a month taking it easy and socializing, then they head back toward their goals with tunnel vision again. it's a positive thing.

 

[sangheilios]

If your post is related to a lack of good women in your life...

You don't have Game, that's your issue. You're focused too much on materialism and not on a spiritual acceptance of the way the world is and the way people are. It gives you a negative vibe that will repel women.

Looking good, having a good job etc means diddly squat to women if you can't penetrate her mind and give her fantasies and cl1t tingles. Quality women need that communication.

If you're relating this to finding male friendships and men at your level....

It's lonely at the top. Most men are soyed simps (even many jacked guys who look like they have their sh1t together). Genuine, mutually supporting male friendships are rare. What usually happens is other men notice you're doing better than them and they try to sabotage you.

I'm referring to friendships and with no platonic interactions with women. One of the issues, which I briefly elaborated on, is that the further I grow and build the lower my tolerance is for certain behaviors, etc.

As men we are told to up our game but one thing that I personally have had issues with is that by building and growing it's taken up so much of my time that the social/dating aspect took a major backseat. I've noticed that men when we are young are told to get a good career, get rich and have all of the things lined up and then we are worthy of getting women. This is something that I was pushed on when I was very young and I actually believed that this was how it worked, which I now know is incorrect. One of the issues with this, for me and other men in a similar position, is that it more or less creates a situation where you become socially stunted, in particular with your interactions with women.

For me personally, I have an issue with dating because I may be seen as socially stunted but due to me having a lot going for me I don't see why I should date down. Men that are successful, in shape, motivated and all around solid should be getting much better results on paper but because of the lack of social skills with women it creates this dynamic. Very few men are in a situation like this, which I feel is the reason why this is such an unhealthy trap to just say "go work on improving yourself".

 

[sangheilios]

If you're relating this to finding male friendships and men at your level....

It's lonely at the top. Most men are soyed simps (even many jacked guys who look like they have their sh1t together). Genuine, mutually supporting male friendships are rare. What usually happens is other men notice you're doing better than them and they try to sabotage you.

As for this comment, I totally agree and this is one of the reasons why I've become increasingly distant over the past year from people I used to hang out with. One of the things I picked up on was that as I continued to grow I'd notice that these other men would do or say things in a way where I felt they were trying to bring me down. I've actually become very selective with who I hang out with now because of this. I can look back on various people that popped into my life and after being separated from them for a time I realize how little value they added to me personally.

 

[sangheilios]

Yeah, the Burden of Performance and leveling-up is a bit of a matrix trap. You can short-cut a huge amount of this if you simply know how to communicate with women and manipulate their emotions.

The looks/money/status thing is Provider Game. It's not worth it if you have to strive hard for it. You end up with women that are materialistically interested in you (and you're disposable), rather than women who have genuine burning desire for you.

My biggest fear is bringing some gold digger type into my life, as I've worked really hard to get where I'm at. To be quite honest I only pursued this so that I could do what I want if I chose to and not live a life as a wage slave spending hours every single week commuting to some job that I hated. I'm not really all that materialistic and have no real urge to flaunt wealth with high end cars, clothes, etc.

There are a ton of fake rich people in my area around my age that I can think of and naturally they consist of fake douchey men and gold digging thots. I honestly want to find a woman that I can vibe with that does not operate on this level. This was one of the lessons I learned fairly recently was to keep wealth and success to yourself and not flaunt it, as this does not attract these fake people.

 

[sangheilios]

This is key, man. The vast majority of men are pathetic and have no purpose in their life other than trying to fill their void with pvssy/female affection/female acceptance. It's gynocentrism. Once you can come to terms with this, it becomes much easier to see why women are revolted by most men and treat most men very badly.

I totally agree with this and I can think of many examples of people I know of that operate on this level. I feel that every man has been like this at some point but when a man's life is heavily revolved around sleeping with women, or at least trying to, it is rather odd. I can think of a few men that literally compromised their friendships, self respect, etc. all for the chance of getting some vagina from women that weren't even all that lol. I feel men simp far too much for women now and are ever thirstier, I believe this dynamic is caused by a multitude of things, social media being a major factor.

 

[sangheilios]

Depends what your goals are. If you just want pvssy, then gold diggers are easy to manipulate into sex at low cost - you sell her the dream, and then you switch after sex and just tell her that you're not "feeling it" - women know all about feelz so they get it. The problem with this is that after a large number of notches you'll come to see that it's quite empty. Seems you already know that.

If you want authentic connection with chemistry (which leads to better sex, and more fun with women IMO) then the materialistic stuff is just vastly inferior to an ability to penetrate and manipulate her emotions.

Filter for high interest women by doing low-investment dates (low key coffee or drink near your place) and let her chase you. If she tries to make you take her to an expensive restaurant just say "No" or "that's a girlfriend privilege" - this absolutely nukes any perception of you as a simp or a chump in her eyes. This requires ultra non-neediness and self-love. It also gives you giant balls when you start rejecting and next-ing hot women who aren't meeting your requirements.

I honestly am looking for an authentic connection with someone, especially now that I'm getting older I really see past all the fake and empty relationships that exist around me.

 

[sangheilios]

This is the difficult part. You can't look for authentic connections. This is another form of gynocentrism which gives your power away to women.

You have to only seek an authentic connection with yourself. It's all about loving who you are and what you bring to this world. You'll start discovering that it's women who seek authentic connections with you, and you just sit back as an Alpha Buddha and strictly filter and choose who you want to bring into your life.

You can't fake this stuff though. It has to be real. You genuinely have to love yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror and think "Fvck yeah" and wink at your own reflection. People will tell you this is narcissism and arrogance. This is a male shaming tactic designed to humble you and keep you in your box because a man who loves himself is genuinely threatening and scary for most people. Because it's so powerful.

This is one of the reasons I feel that a man should be all about his mission in life, whatever that may be. Something that I was guilty of in the past was seeing other people as a means to achieve happiness when in fact I've learned to experience happiness through my own success and accomplishments from my own hard work and risks that I took. I actually created a thread about this a few weeks back and I feel that what we are discussing is something that not many men are aware or accepting of. I don't seek the validation of other people, I experience that on my own.

 

[SW15]

The looks/money/status thing is Provider Game. It's not worth it if you have to strive hard for it. You end up with women that are materialistically interested in you (and you're disposable), rather than women who have genuine burning desire for you.

You don't have Game, that's your issue. You're focused too much on materialism and not on a spiritual acceptance of the way the world is and the way people are. It gives you a negative vibe that will repel women.

Looking good, having a good job etc means diddly squat to women if you can't penetrate her mind and give her fantasies and cl1t tingles. Quality women need that communication.

If you're relating this to finding male friendships and men at your level....

Money/status is Provider Game. Bill Gates ran that game in the 1980s with Melinda French. That's the only way he could get laid. He needs to make millions and millions of dollars to get laid with a mediocre careerist MBA having woman.

The typical hottie who worked at Hooters wouldn't have never had a burning desire for 1980s/1990s Bill Gates. They needed a tattooed dirtbag or a suave rich guy.

If you're good looking, you need less game. Being 6'4" and muscular is a game advantage. I'd like to be 6'4" and more muscular. A man will still need some amount of game to close the deal.

Let's all remember that Eliot Rodger drove a BMW 3 Series, which is a solid car. Rodger could have driven a Ferrari and still would have had issues getting laid. A 3 Series is a car that can help you get laid if you have a couple of other things going on. If all you have in life going for you is a 3 Series, then you'll need to do more self improvement.

I feel men simp far too much for women now and are ever thirstier, I believe this dynamic is caused by a multitude of things, social media being a major factor.

Yes! Good point.

 

[SW15]

Its only an advantage if you can combine it with game.

Tall, buff guys without game get wrecccccked by women. I know many of them personally.

What do you mean by wrecked?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Overall I feel that this has grown to isolation and instead of sitting around in boredom you use that time to even further build upon your success, which deepens the social isolation.

Have you tried getting your existing friend group into self improvement or find others who are on the same path as you?

most high-achiever, self-improvement types i know (including myself) operate in 'seasons.' now and then they spend a month taking it easy and socializing, then they head back toward their goals with tunnel vision again. it's a positive thing.

That's definitely true, nobody can focus only on self improvement for years without a break. It would just lead to burn out.

I spent 8 months straight with tunnel vision, i made a lot of progress with gym,reading and got a great job but i seriously needed a break.

 

[MatureDJ]

If your post is related to a lack of good women in your life...

You don't have Game, that's your issue. You're focused too much on materialism and not on a spiritual acceptance of the way the world is and the way people are. It gives you a negative vibe that will repel women.

Looking good, having a good job etc means diddly squat to women if you can't penetrate her mind and give her fantasies and cl1t tingles. Quality women need that communication.

If you're relating this to finding male friendships and men at your level....

It's lonely at the top. Most men are soyed simps (even many jacked guys who look like they have their sh1t together). Genuine, mutually supporting male friendships are rare. What usually happens is other men notice you're doing better than them and they try to sabotage you.

Agreed, he is GymCelling and trying to BetaBux; that said, his financial success could allow him to retire very early and LocationMax.

 

[Zimbabwe]

The only true antidote is to kill the inner beta and remove the gynocentrism brain tumor. The West has plenty of available women for the non-simps.

Most western women are very insular/cliquey, you notice this in Sydney where most Aussie players exclusively target Expats and international students.


The only way to find quality women here in the west is through social circle, you don'teven need self improvement to do it. A good social circle is going to take years of investment before you see the fruits of your labour.

Example, many filipino women now have online simps sending them money direct from the West in exchange for "I love you longtime" promises. The internet allows simping to go global without simps ever even having to leave the West.

I've been running a fake female account for a few weeks now, and I'm amazed at how simps message "can i send you money". They are willing to send money no questions asked, I'm starting to wonder if i should create a dozen fake onlyfans account and profit off of them.

 

[sangheilios]

I've been running a fake female account for a few weeks now, and I'm amazed at how simps message "can i send you money". They are willing to send money no questions asked, I'm starting to wonder if i should create a dozen fake onlyfans account and profit off of them.

Hilarious, I'm betting the vast majority of the scam bots, catfish, trolls, etc. that you see on OLD sites and apps are mostly men on the other side haha.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Hilarious, I'm betting the vast majority of the scam bots, catfish, trolls, etc. that you see on OLD sites and apps are mostly men on the other side haha.

It's very easy to figure out though, a man can never really replicate the way women talk/text. Whenever you talk to a catfish you always feel something is off just from the way they are texting.

Limited self belief on the cliquey social circles man. These women are guarded by their fat mother hens and they are bored as fvck. All women have "friends" that supposedly look out for them. You can break through all that very easily with Game. Most women actually hate their friends anyway.

Yep, the "Can I send you money" guys are absolute proof that betabux are abundant and worthless. Trying to buy pvssy really turns women off. Many women tell me this. They like to see their vaginas as "priceless".

Have you seen the guys who use social circle game, a lot of them are average but get access to above average women.

Guys like us have to put the work in improving our game, as well as other aspects of our lives while they do it with a fraction of the effort.

A buddy of Mine got a guy in Qatar to send $10 thousand dollars and to buy him first class tickets, he managed to pull all this off without even using onlyfans.

 

[metalwater]

mother hens

isn't part of the circle game to manage the mother hen? and yes the woman in that position is a problem if she doesn't like you.

 

[metalwater]

Your mind is in the wrong place. Tbh those things that you name as success are just a shell of it. What you are looking for is in you. Not outside of you. Those are just the sprinkling.

You are putting your self worth into how people relate to you. Find that in you first.
Goals are important sure but your inner confidence in who you are is way more important.
Ive said this before and it makes sense for you. "Make loneliness your friend"
Its not doom and gloom. Its the beginning really.
Good luck

right string.. but how to tell how to do it. step by step.. I know what you mean, but how to tell someone else that does not so that they can do it. its like, man up, but how....

 

[SW15]

Social circle orbiting Beta's get access to maybe 1 woman who's above him in SMV value. And he better treat her nice or the Social Circle will expel him. He's not dating the girl, he's dating the "circle" and they all know his business.

Most men who meet their girlfriends/wives through social circle are beta males. Social circle is the best option for the beta male because betas who tend to foray into cold approaching and app swiping have less good outcomes. These less good outcomes can lead into bad consequences like simping on Instagram and OnlyFans.

Social circle dating requires a man to be more relationship oriented. Social circles generally get pisssed at you for having one night stands and casual sex with mutual acquaitances. Social circles will be ok with a couple of dates/no sex, "there was no chemistry" type things or longer term relationships. If you want to keep drawing from the social circle, you're going to need to have extended relationships of at least a year with social circle setups, more like 2 years or more. Often times, there will be pressure to put a ring on it.

When you read the previous paragraph, that sounds beta.

If you get good at cold approach and you remove the blackpill about female sexual abundance and how unfair it all is, then you have access to unlimited beautiful women.

I think it is easier to remove the blackpill about female sexual sexual abundance and how unfair it all is. Maybe this is because I'm not blackpilled about that. I acknowledge it exists but if I want to have sex, I need to devise strategies and tactics to manage my experiences. That seems more red pill.

Getting good at cold approach is a bigger IF to me. That isn't easy at all. Because both app swiping and cold approach are difficult, men who have the option of a social circle (often not entirely their own doing) choose the social circle and extended relationships route. The men with social circle, which are often a function of their parents not relocating them in K-12 years and them staying in that same area as adults, choose some woman from their circle, marry her, and live a typical beta life of one-itis. They see it as ok because the married man sex life of 2-3 times a month consistently is superior than the long sexual droughts they might experience as a single man beta male needing to swipe or cold approach.

 

[rjc149]

Most men who meet their girlfriends/wives through social circle are beta males. Social circle is the best option for the beta male because betas who tend to foray into cold approaching and app swiping have less good outcomes.

In my observations and experience, the opposite is true.

Most "beta" males I know who are in LTR's these days met online. They spammed a lot of profiles and wifed up the first girl who would go on a 4th date with them.

Most "alpha" males I know have large social networks or work in night venue industries, from which meeting a lot of women is a natural byproduct.

 

[corrector]

All these posts in this thread are about self improvement yet focused on women? Guys think about that for a few minutes.

You are married though so you dont have to self improve.