My "ex" story keeps repeating over and over?

[rc97]

From my other topic here , same ex which we know from online 1 year ago. She never really had a relationship quite like we did. I doubt anyone used her for something other than sex , maybe the other guys get bored of her easily , she knew they are far too high value for her , but that's the saying goes "you want what you cant have" , so she basically wants always a guy or guys who she can't have a relationship with in HOPES someone will love her , while all she does is what they say and want. But ME , not so much, why is this double dating standart? Why , even though im 24 , im tall and little more fat in the belly area , not so much trained she looks at me like an average Joe , while forgetting the looks area , i should say i am funny guy , i can help girls if they need to talk to someone. Always loved the talking , but for unknown reason this nice guy , and beta male bull**** got me nowhere this year , and the years before (yeah i had few girlfriends short term , lived for few years with my first LTR , but thats pretty much it. She was the one controlling the things , i was at her place because SHE insisted so much me not paying anything , but rather than that wanted me to pay her stuff at home and etc.... basically a provider/provisioner), but let's forget that story. I always had this SHY , Insecure and confused attitude not confident all the time , confused what to say and do in many situations with people , yes in some i was pretty much myself and good/silent / normal. But in others , experience is needed. Also for the household too!

 

[rc97]

So back to my current ex who she pursues me time after time again. Always in rush for attention , both from online platforms and in real life she can't get any almost. Rarely anyone notices her and thinks anything of her. So that's where her friends, alpha lovers and ME come into play. I always wanted to be the alpha, but instead miserably fail and b the beta. I never had a REAL definition of what alpha is in the attitude/thinking/doing.Long story short time after time again , we see each other, she convinces me we would be in relationship once i got my finances right , but so far i get NOTHING sex or whatever related , just making out and kisses, because i initiate sometimes thats it. I couldn't feel embarrased enough im not one of those guys , but idk man.... It's crazy to think shes back for me , but WHY she keeps denying the sex/changing the subject , last time we seperated ourselves its one conversation for 1000nd time "She wants a serious man , financially stable"; "I'm the same guy i was before , so therefore we can't be together. I turn-off her , she said that to me." even though she is fat too , so there's no reason to have "standarts" for the body , when she is skinnier she can. But now she can't that much at least IMO. I would rate her a 5 at max,shes working , helping her parents, hanging out with friends, talking on the phone and having a boring life. Yeah she go this year to the sea , yeah she go to a vacation , she promised to bring me , instead she lied and turned me down , her friends and her go. I was useless at that point. Even the last time she said im gonna be invited, i wasnt , she said she was joking im gonna be there, but i made a sexual joke. She said her girl best friend few years older doesnt want me there. So she put me in a "box" where she could control me. Pathetic. I was FULL ONEITIS case back then.

 

[rc97]

I intensely though what to do , how to fix this, how do i get her back. Im over that stage from month and maybe few weeks more. I learn some things from time to time , but i feel as a man IM NOT CHANGED , my best friend said that to me. My boy character will bring only cheating on her side , shes not gonna respect me and so on. I am just childish. Not so serious , not so confident, not so big or great at anything at all. maybe at reading and searching intensely some stuff , if that counts and in english to some point.
Introvert by nature , but i developed some extrovert talking skills a bit , not so much , but i love myself the way i am.

However , this simping/beta/cuck/idiot mindset and thinking and doing will gonna bring me AGAIN to failure.

 

[rc97]

The "date" is a pool one. She said it all what i need, what to do and so on. Even said she is gonna pay for me. Her best friend didnt wanted to go with her. Asked me if i could swim , i didnt done that in many years , but i did , i said confidently I would definetely do it.
On the phone i was smooth talking , maybe little "nice careful guy" not sounding desperate or needy , but i can always mess it up if i go in oneitis mode with her again......
In 1 day we will go to the pool , any ideas for what to do and get to the sex , if that isnt even an possibility for me , i can hope all i want , but last time before she called 10 days ago she said "I hope someone goes along with you , wish you good luck , i am not gonna call or text you" , i said the next day to call me , because i owed her some cash to bring back. I said to her "dont act cold , we dont need to be this way really.is that clear?"

 

[rc97]

Didnt hear from her , but before she goes walking away , i said im meeting other girls and i want to give it a shot, so she basically wants to see me for "free attention" and validation , or i really have a chance to get sex with her , but how? All i think of is stories , laugh , do crazy and very fun time , laugh teasing and flirting a lot , but that still isn't enough for me , i know i can mess it up. After all , she rejected me several times this year , i said to her before im not afraid of rejection , but i feel as tho she is going back because other HV guys dont want her for anything else.
I wish i was a HVM too , only thing in my mind is reading the books i bought and browsing the website here , learning on and on stuff , but experience in real life is with risking , doing , saying even if im full of regrets/worries and thinking im not gonna do it , i still got to. Girls do , guys do , many people do . Can i ever be an alpha in her eyes or is it just me thats obsessed over this idea? I know i must be my best self , but i really dont got no action plan for the date.
Should i call its quits and not try to have sex with her , im already in her beta category , how can i move up to alpha one? Im going because i havent gotten with my friends for long time. But i feel as tho if i sexually escalate at some point out of nothing , she will feel either creped out and rejecting my advances , she KNOWS i want her , my friend advice is to not 'get her to get you in your head" , "dont give into her" , yeah easy to say but maybe he meant (being in control,relaxed,not falling for her stupid talking and judging , **** tests are always gonna be there.... Maybe all her people and friends who we talked about say to her "oh just go with him he is a nice guy , but not your boyfriend , just play with him like a kid" , basically thats what is happening. I was acting like a kid , not like a serious guy , being beta , being overly nice and comforting her , calming her down like a queen , unknowingly , thats why i became a simp , because i was blind of the pink glasses and feelings. I shoulda know better. I think this will be my LAST shot , if i fail this time im gonna dissapear like for real , no more chances and no more dissapointment. Ive been played , led on , string along in so many years. How come a guy like me can't find a decent job again , even though these days im signing with the first affordable job i want to go. She's basically like my cousin or sister , thats how she treats this "thing" we are having. Im sick of it , i can't be alpha if im in this mode. I feel all hyped up later tonight , but the next day my life aint alpha , im no werewolf leader of the pack im just a regular guy who try to learn be what he isn't yet.

 

[rc97]

I dont know if i should even bother trying , getting rejected again in my face will make me feel like a even bigger failure. Honestly , i think she has interest. But she full of games,manipulations and crap , she mouthy as hell , and she likes experienced men. For her im very green guy. shes 21 , but she knows big part of the game already , been with lots of dudes , i havent been with lots of women , but i feel like im not succeeding this year , my happiness is rare , its there but i feel too serious ,not having so much fun and discipline. I want to go forward in 2-3 years becoming different version of myself , for the record i even got FEW of these type of girls in the past. All of them played me and i was the one regretting. I was treating them like kids,princesses when i was younger , while they go for the other ones which arent what i am. "Bad , muscular , tatoos and abusive or judging behavior , leadership without questioning" , when i try the same approach and sound like a dictator , neither my family or friends or people accept it , they just seen my old beta image and thats who i am for them in their heads. Even if im on the way to changing to alpha , there is no point of explaining this to them , its for me. I can join some friends, but they way ahead in the game the naturals. So only thing to learn from is the books,courses and videos. the naturals friends are constantly busy, they got salary,job and life to live , work and more on. While this girl is on her way next year finishes university , she would have lots of fun , new people im sure. And what im doing? Nothing else , staying with my parents at home get treated like a beta. I need to man up and change myself in attitudes,beliefs and mindsets , boundaries,saying no and respect etc..... But all i do is doing the fun,normal friendly part , while the other parts doesnt exist like. They want to say and do whatever they want without respecting my position.
So how am i gonna be alpha with this girl or the next ones, they are responsible for me not being alpha..... Hopefully we can get a plan or i could leave it if it's not worth the time. My personal opinion stays the same. She doesn't wants me in LTR at the moment , she just looks not to be alone. She can easily replace me with one of those. IDK whats happening behind my back right now but we aren't anything so **** that , im over it. I just want to get again BJ , things and maybe the possibility of intimacy. Maybe she manipulates me to act in this way by being too judgemental,masculine and envy. I dont care , but i want to try and win. Enough rejections......... Hopefully this situation is reversable , some pickup guy said he turned different story but similiar to mine very easily , its just me the stupid simp with oneitis who cant get things handled till the end. I hate to see that....... Lets try and do something, but if it fails what to do next?
She has the options i dont got mine , yeah i talk to them but thats it. They got body advantage over me........ So what happens if i try to pull her out somewhere and she rejects or says i dont want to do it , while doing it with other dudes PROBABLY , she aint sayin without sex.
How to get this out of contrrol mindset?
how do i become more dominant assertive and **** tests
And finally , but not last. How can i forget women and clear my head totally with that girl. Im so inlove with the idea being together , but i know she already had her cake eaten many times. For strange reason she doesnt wants me.... why and how i can change that around?
I understand other point now too. Im in one big movie for this girl , and in fact with any girl at all. I pedestelize , become full on anxious mode and if shes gonna accept me or not . Im acting childish so i could be liked , instead of an alpha male. How can i fix this , please help brothers. Gotta go from boy to man i got to push through this

 

[Barrister]

You know the correct answer to your problems already. You care way too much just based on how much you just typed (admittedly I skimmed a lot of it). No Contact immediately. If you feel ready - begin seeing other women. Regardless of whether you do or not, begin focusing on improving yourself now. It’s very important you not reach out to her and do not respond to her attempts to reach out to you. If you do either of those you are delaying your healing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are this crazy about a 5? C'mon man...

 

[bat soup]

I'm getting a headache trying to read all of this text without paragraphs or punctuation.

You want your ex back? Forget it. She's your ex for a reason and there are plenty of women out there that are better for you than her.

 

[rc97]

Thanks for the posts guys. I'm having the heartache now.... We met today , played , then nothing , again got rejected for something more , admits she wants a friendship and im so good her friend etc.... Which is BAD !
I finally got this thing "figured out" acting the way i was supposed to act to fix all dramas and stuff and its working , but else than that - i see very little attraction. She hugs me , states she cares about me but nothing sexual. I feel insecure and weak inside , i barely have the guts to say anything confidently and she always throws it away or testing it. I was in theh its most heart pain today , to the point i couldnt get enough of this testing and so on. Had very long conversation , she said "maybe tomorrow it will go rainy so we can either go or not" , "my parents are gonna go to their home town for a day,but they might not if that
listening to her problems and dramas , she said "i gotta talk about things i dont like that in you , you must listen" , so basically i have to listen to all her BS stories , dramas and so on , friendly talks about her friends and stuff , but when i advance to more its a "block" for me , she doesnt allow or listen to me to go and do our thing like before we did. She said to me also "why are you silent , why are you this , that" , she first declines , then she asks , what the hell bro? So much for my "alpha toughen up today" , im just doomed to fail here.
Too hard testing , putting barrier after barrier , promising me being with her , but in 2 months just to see , we are good and happy , so in the meantime the fatty can exercise her hypergamy , do things and i get "blue balls and oneitis" , while she puts herself avaivable to all the guys?
I think she's a master manipulator , there was a book for these kinds of behaviors. I think she's the one drawing me down all this year , sucking out my energy and attention , while giving no sex and nothing in return. Teasing me with sexual stuff , laughing and so on ,even talked about her horny ass last time , but that was it "She wanted a serious and financially stable man" , but yet nobody wants her in LTR,
my guess is she's stringing me along , playing me like a chump and cuck and me having this "false hope" , so i can see her whenever SHE pleases , do and agree with whatever SHE pleases , she told me she's a leader to the groups and leader female... She also told me im a leader too and so on , but my guess is its bull**** , just to give something good to my ear. I have a feeling shes playing a BIG strong game on me. So i guess no hope for sex , just if im her provider , but she lies , hides truths , even when i asked her whats going on she needed to tell me this year , she says nothing.... That's it , im overly angry now. She crossed so many lines , i cant take this **** anymore! It's like she wants to "screen me" , wait me to have "financial gain and go up" then i will be her backup guy. I honestly dont believe all her hugs , telling me things like "you got things to work on , just go with me at the pool we will see" , i told her "gotta listen and do my needs or it aint gonna work out" , other days too. I seen this before. Adding sexual types , mixing with them , they dump her , while i get all the bull**** and emotional baggage from her. "She feels good with me , we can get along , she cares about me and supports me" , BUUUUL****. Few months yeah , she did it . But she throw me much temper tantrums. To the point i barely escaped and learned some lessons for this type of person. My other guess is she is a narcissist , toxic and damaged goods. She aint foolin me , why do i even got to be in a LTR with a hoe thats already damaged for free by other dudes. Why is this oneitis so intense here? Why cant i just let it go ....
but NO , she wants ME to be her beta orbiter for the moment , making me a cuck and whipped over her. Female nature is evil bro .... I can't be happy anymore.

 

[bat soup]

Thanks for the posts guys. I'm having the heartache now.... We met today , played , then nothing , again got rejected for something more , admits she wants a friendship and im so good her friend etc.... Which is BAD !
I finally got this thing "figured out" acting the way i was supposed to act to fix all dramas and stuff and its working , but else than that - i see very little attraction. She hugs me , states she cares about me but nothing sexual. I feel insecure and weak inside , i barely have the guts to say anything confidently and she always throws it away or testing it. I was in theh its most heart pain today , to the point i couldnt get enough of this testing and so on. Had very long conversation , she said "maybe tomorrow it will go rainy so we can either go or not" , "my parents are gonna go to their home town for a day,but they might not if that
listening to her problems and dramas , she said "i gotta talk about things i dont like that in you , you must listen" , so basically i have to listen to all her BS stories , dramas and so on , friendly talks about her friends and stuff , but when i advance to more its a "block" for me , she doesnt allow or listen to me to go and do our thing like before we did. She said to me also "why are you silent , why are you this , that" , she first declines , then she asks , what the hell bro? So much for my "alpha toughen up today" , im just doomed to fail here.
Too hard testing , putting barrier after barrier , promising me being with her , but in 2 months just to see , we are good and happy , so in the meantime the fatty can exercise her hypergamy , do things and i get "blue balls and oneitis" , while she puts herself avaivable to all the guys?
I think she's a master manipulator , there was a book for these kinds of behaviors. I think she's the one drawing me down all this year , sucking out my energy and attention , while giving no sex and nothing in return. Teasing me with sexual stuff , laughing and so on ,even talked about her horny ass last time , but that was it "She wanted a serious and financially stable man" , but yet nobody wants her in LTR,
my guess is she's stringing me along , playing me like a chump and cuck and me having this "false hope" , so i can see her whenever SHE pleases , do and agree with whatever SHE pleases , she told me she's a leader to the groups and leader female... She also told me im a leader too and so on , but my guess is its bull**** , just to give something good to my ear. I have a feeling shes playing a BIG strong game on me. So i guess no hope for sex , just if im her provider , but she lies , hides truths , even when i asked her whats going on she needed to tell me this year , she says nothing.... That's it , im overly angry now. She crossed so many lines , i cant take this **** anymore! It's like she wants to "screen me" , wait me to have "financial gain and go up" then i will be her backup guy. I honestly dont believe all her hugs , telling me things like "you got things to work on , just go with me at the pool we will see" , i told her "gotta listen and do my needs or it aint gonna work out" , other days too. I seen this before. Adding sexual types , mixing with them , they dump her , while i get all the bull**** and emotional baggage from her. "She feels good with me , we can get along , she cares about me and supports me" , BUUUUL****. Few months yeah , she did it . But she throw me much temper tantrums. To the point i barely escaped and learned some lessons for this type of person. My other guess is she is a narcissist , toxic and damaged goods. She aint foolin me , why do i even got to be in a LTR with a hoe thats already damaged for free by other dudes. Why is this oneitis so intense here? Why cant i just let it go ....
but NO , she wants ME to be her beta orbiter for the moment , making me a cuck and whipped over her. Female nature is evil bro .... I can't be happy anymore.

It's funny how for women, the perfect friend is a guy that wants to bend her over and bang her from behind.

 

[KirthWGersen]

You write walls of text longer than my BPD ex on cocaine.

I haven't read it but I can guarantee there is a serious case of oneitis going on here.

You know the answer. And therapy will probably help.

 

[bat soup]

You write walls of text longer than my BPD ex on cocaine.

I haven't read it but I can guarantee there is a serious case of oneitis going on here.

You know the answer. And therapy will probably help.

I think maybe electrotherapy is required. Bootcamp. And an English tutor.

 

[jimwho]

Man Dude, this girl has your Naaads zip tied to a furnace! Go into the mountains with enough supplies for ten days.
No phone, just you and nature and some matches. Ten days minimum.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

You write walls of text longer than my BPD ex on cocaine.

Hahaha I know what you are talking about

 

[jaymbrs]

Your problem is your obsession, judging by what has to be the longest post I’ve ever seen on sosuave.

 

[rc97]

You know the correct answer to your problems already. You care way too much just based on how much you just typed (admittedly I skimmed a lot of it). No Contact immediately. If you feel ready - begin seeing other women. Regardless of whether you do or not, begin focusing on improving yourself now. It’s very important you not reach out to her and do not respond to her attempts to reach out to you. If you do either of those you are delaying your healing.

Youre totally on point man, i can't heal if im obsessed over a 5 that thinks shes a 8 and thinks shes a **** , when in reality shes on her way to damaged goods , she will get even worse with time. I don't think she's the person i though she was.

You write walls of text longer than my BPD ex on cocaine.

I haven't read it but I can guarantee there is a serious case of oneitis going on here.

You know the answer. And therapy will probably help.

Aren't they all BPD nowadays?
Sure
I think i will trust the boys on this one , because my emotions are playing with my thoughts and it's pointless. Shes not loyal or worthy of a high quality/value man. She herself thinks has value , when in reality shes just games and has "grass is greener on the other side" "shiny object" syndrome , i will leave it like that , no point of being with a hypergamous girl 21 old , who she always looks for the next deal. Even if we ever got together , i would never trust her fully , even i think i wouldn't stand her and her stupid games,provocative behavior and actions towards others. Basically she wants a Provider in me , while keeping the options open for other guys. Typical and predictable.

Man Dude, this girl has your Naaads zip tied to a furnace! Go into the mountains with enough supplies for ten days.
No phone, just you and nature and some matches. Ten days minimum.

I think its a great idea as long as i am surrounded by people and be relaxed, clearing my head out of obsession over one girl , the more i learn things i start losing interest in getting back ever , which was and still is the dumbest idea ever. The only person who wants this at this point its me , while all the other people around her want different person. So do i , i want starting my meeting up with more and more girls to the point i can get a selection of few at least , i can be myself around them and not make fatal mistakes with neediness and over caring and dumb sharing stuff and actions (supplicating to her, and needing them more than they need me , plus giving my power away in their hands) , basically Oneitis is seriously ****ed up , If i had a job and much money , i wouldnt even give a damn at this point where i am now. Would be thinking about another obsessions like Hiking , Running , Training and even games and new people,having llaugh and playing games. Which is what i feel i really want to , but in every case any other activity other than obsessing like a fool so she could wrap me up around her finger and boost her own ego , self esteem and confidence , i guess thats her "revenge" on me. She doesnt really want , she just wants the attention and the benefits she will get from me. Plus , shes already been getting other dudes , not just me this year. Then why am i the one whos in this soo much ? I dont think there is a point of overthinking anymore. I hurt myself enough already.

 

[rc97]

I'm really getting a big heartache from this girl....
I semi-invited myself to her place when she called after the last time we were in pool. Thought we could do sex , nothing like that. Seen herself , talked and talked , then go to the center of the town. I become serious and clear about what happened between us , i tried making it seem like we could become again more and change , but nah....She doesn't wants me , always cancel plans to invite myself to her place(later on) and the day before that silent and ghost me , constantly getting mad at me for different stuff , hurting my self esteem and confidence and abusing me sometimes... IDK whats happening these days , is she with some other guys at her home , im not quite sure , i know it was a mistake to begin with , i had my last money for job starting , wasted almost half of them , now almost close to none..... Life is terribly hard , but i still find a reason to go forward. So i talked things with her , foolishly thinking she would change and be someone else , surprise surpsrise nothing like that happened.

Excused herself before we were gonna be at her home , instead of telling me to do stuff. I felt so insulted , like she pretends to be my friend , says i do things , when she wants to be rejecting my advances to making her more than my just friend. I was so insecure and confused what to do and say , she controlled my emotions and saying to me things like i should go home when we were at the store.... I couldn't believe it , we were arguing i was again emotional and angry over her for 1000nd time. I didnt wanted the night to go that way , but i felt terible , said things i shouldn do and say , become needy and nice towards her.

She goes on and on , making jokes and having fun while commanding me , disrespecting my boundaries and stuff. In her mind im her 'friend' , i'll never view her that way , it's all in for me , or no contact at all... SHOULD I TELL HER FINALLY that im leaving in hopes she would never reach out or can i fix things somehow? (It was more of a friendly vibe,turned me into her male therapist and empathetic girlfriend , thats why i couldn't advance to more , because she put me in a stupid box , and doesn't want me to go out of there. What should i say to her damn it? I never felt so bad , getting rejected time after time this year for her. She got her ego boost and confidence up , feeling superior to me , NOW WHAT?
Didn't called me 1 day ,
Called today , i answered , she admitted i made her angry thats why at the end of the date yesterday she made me that. Told me i was "over the top to the sky with confidence" which means i did a big stupid mistake by being arrogant and push over, over pursue her and make things very worse.... She said " i never listen to her problems and she wants to share , be feeling good with me" , but no sex.****.. and started to explain to me Her girlfriend goes to a guy who just uses her for sex , and etc.... I was like you can talk that to her not to me , i cant do this conversation , then it was i am so angry you are stupid ..... I canceled , told her she was rude and disrespectful she " i can do what i want youre not my boss" , on the phone again she said she could do and say whatever she wants, started to say me and her girlfriend owe her money , she is furious about this , is considering to cut me and her and not talk to us , we are going to be sorry for it , i tried to explain what mistakes i did and so on , she said we always say the wrong thing and get on her nerve.... From what i see and hear from her , i aint getting no *****.

 

[rc97]

She surely thinks im her "male girlfriend emotional tampon" and puts that role on me. Ive been very emotional and hurt these days , tried to turn the game and win over so i could try , now i see it was pointless. In her eyes i doubt she sees me as a real man , partly because of job and not getting payment , partly because of my body which is not very fit , and partly because she cannot count on me. I'm so confused, angry and hurt at the same time. I think shes a narc and toxic one. How can i RECOVER emotionally and mentally , i owe her some money and shes very demanding it. I think shes playing a role just to get the money , so she can get it back and then play me again and leave , which i dont want to happen.
Should i give her the 20 bucks she spent on me , then dissapear totally , change number and change facebook? But what if she tries and finds me somehow , shes kind of angry ***** and may do something stupid , idk what to do for real , im not that confident exiting this , partly because i still want her , but from what i feel she doesnt respect me or sees me as an alpha , im her beta , no matter how hard i try exit she always calls me and brings me back , i was gonna change my number last week but i didnt. I can change it in 2 weeks the earliest i can. I give this year advices for us what and how to be , but instead she uses them for her selfish needs. Im starting to think she was buying me all that stuff , so she could learn and be with a guy she really wants , while im her orbiter and in need supporter emotional and for walks when shes alone. To be honest , i too need walks and a friend , but not her.

 

[rc97]

From my own gender , and yeah. I dont think women will understand me and the things im going through. She claims she tries to get me for work , but always rushing me , and last time she said if im so smart , i coulda got a 500 euros+ job ,reality is im unsure of myself and all hurt over her. Hope you guys here understand. The REASON im feeling this way is because ive got so much on my shoulders now and no dad or anyone else to turn to. I just search for jobs for now , get outside and talk to few friends , rarely i see my best friend thats pretty much it. This girl i mentioned gave me advice to find new jobs , supported me , had dinners and more stuff with me , its like we were like a couple , but without the sex and etc. involved ; so basically when


Sorry for typing it so confused and etc , but what can i do , im before starting a job and feeling lost and not so confident , with a little heartache , my parents are arguing i cannot count on them , its just me against everything of this. My best friend left me 'figuring out on my own' , i didnt admit the girl i talked about is this ex , because he would even lose the slighest respect for me he has. We rarely see , i dont got anyone else to go to , just this girl , him and one more friend who i dont call him a big friend hes more of a partner.Wanted me to be a "serious and financial stable guy" so it can be different between us. I doubt that. Shes never ever going to be happy with me , always find something to nag about , talk **** about and exercising her search for HVM , BBD , thats why i can't trust her. But she just wont quit on me, as i learn the saying "Make rules for betas , break for alphas" , this is what i get , no respect , no appreciating my company , just using me for attention and good feel about herself , she herself said shes not sexually or physically attracted to me , which i took personal , but thats the truth... A friends of mine suggested i get fit (like you here do pretty much)
Finding a job and focusing on these two things , then we can workout stuff. Im always doubting myself , im naturally shy and hard to find new girls i can keep . Its very hard as a introvert because most of them are gonna reject me , online its pretty much pointless they go for fit guys , im not that fit , yeah big and good looking in the face , but still got lot to do.