Ive lost countless friends and people this year , because of this case. I lost myself even , i just want to get everything back to normal with confidence, healthy self esteem and few people. In 3 weeks im starting to go in a place , but im mentally and emotionally not over her , everytime she does drama and insulting , putting the blame on me i just lose it.
All i think about these days is pretty much her , and how i should find the soluions and the heartache and oneitis to go away , i find peace late at night studying few books of mine , music and relaxation , but the next day its pretty much the same story.
Last question - is it even worth it to keep it in my life? I maybe think you will all again tell me to leave her, but can i use something good out of this like advices on stuff and going to companies with her , while meeting other people in the future. Again , i think if i leave instantly , i wont get this treatment , but i will surely get a piece , maybe. I will still feel regret for not giving her the money , but at least i will have my freedom. IDK with who im gonna spend my days mostly , it seems like im going to be alone again , while she has few friends like 3 or 4 girls she sees rarely , 1 of them more and more , 1 boy friend , and others are just using her as i suppose. Im the one who shes toying with 100% , they all hate their exes after they dump us. I am not so bad and cruel towards her , but im soft and such a stupid boy.
She knows she will get away with any behavior , so i dont see the point of keeping her in my life , she respects guys who barely even care about her beyond sexual things , she herself told me she was with 30 year old with very fit good body before , done sex so much hours in the past , but thats it pretty much she respects the top guys , while people like me who are somehow fat and not accomplished as alphas are lower on her list and sexual marketplace value. She isnt a hot looking girl either , but she demands always the best. Treats me with disrespect several times , admiting im acting in wways to anger her , but i know shes feeling im not top tier guy and she relegates me into beta males , so what are my ideas for getting back in life? Introvert yes , but i must find my masculine power again , but also make friends and not getting into low position at all costs , because im not backing down from life challenges. Im here , posting this because i want a direction,purpose and very good plan to succeed forward. Hopefully i can get new girls , but for the moment i dont have big choice or pool of women , more and more of them are looking to the top guys , while im still working **** out. She herself said i have things to work on , yet im not the top guy in her priority list , if i was a better high value guy , life would been very different. I'm gonna read Mark manson's books for now. starting with models.
Sorry guys , shoulda listened to you , again my instincts to contact her , because i still want to be with her on subconcious level , but maybe thats my need for attention from women and feeling good about myself..... Stupid me , shoulda not go to her , shoulda go to the job and pay what i had to already. Now job start is again in front of me , because my obsession to be going with her that night and make crazy **** was too strong , i imagined last time we did it and was ready to do so ..... But i felt so needy and desperate in the end that i didnt wanted to say something nasty and leave her in the worst way ever...... Only thing i feel now is regret for myself and for delaying my job start this year and meeting new people and girls because of this ****. I met some , they help me on some ideas , but i still need to socialize in real life and have this feeling of female validation like before , to feel "alpha and player again" , or start my road again , but everytime im in several places - job browsing , reading stuff and expecting to make stuff going for me and see the papers for the place im going to study now. I feel so insecure and with anxiety , that if i left her idk when and who of my friends im gonna see again.
this is the last time i write about this case , need to put an end to it now and stop overthink. I will wait for your opinions and we can be done then
All i think about these days is pretty much her , and how i should find the soluions and the heartache and oneitis to go away , i find peace late at night studying few books of mine , music and relaxation , but the next day its pretty much the same story.
Last question - is it even worth it to keep it in my life? I maybe think you will all again tell me to leave her, but can i use something good out of this like advices on stuff and going to companies with her , while meeting other people in the future. Again , i think if i leave instantly , i wont get this treatment , but i will surely get a piece , maybe. I will still feel regret for not giving her the money , but at least i will have my freedom. IDK with who im gonna spend my days mostly , it seems like im going to be alone again , while she has few friends like 3 or 4 girls she sees rarely , 1 of them more and more , 1 boy friend , and others are just using her as i suppose. Im the one who shes toying with 100% , they all hate their exes after they dump us. I am not so bad and cruel towards her , but im soft and such a stupid boy.
She knows she will get away with any behavior , so i dont see the point of keeping her in my life , she respects guys who barely even care about her beyond sexual things , she herself told me she was with 30 year old with very fit good body before , done sex so much hours in the past , but thats it pretty much she respects the top guys , while people like me who are somehow fat and not accomplished as alphas are lower on her list and sexual marketplace value. She isnt a hot looking girl either , but she demands always the best. Treats me with disrespect several times , admiting im acting in wways to anger her , but i know shes feeling im not top tier guy and she relegates me into beta males , so what are my ideas for getting back in life? Introvert yes , but i must find my masculine power again , but also make friends and not getting into low position at all costs , because im not backing down from life challenges. Im here , posting this because i want a direction,purpose and very good plan to succeed forward. Hopefully i can get new girls , but for the moment i dont have big choice or pool of women , more and more of them are looking to the top guys , while im still working **** out. She herself said i have things to work on , yet im not the top guy in her priority list , if i was a better high value guy , life would been very different. I'm gonna read Mark manson's books for now. starting with models.
Sorry guys , shoulda listened to you , again my instincts to contact her , because i still want to be with her on subconcious level , but maybe thats my need for attention from women and feeling good about myself..... Stupid me , shoulda not go to her , shoulda go to the job and pay what i had to already. Now job start is again in front of me , because my obsession to be going with her that night and make crazy **** was too strong , i imagined last time we did it and was ready to do so ..... But i felt so needy and desperate in the end that i didnt wanted to say something nasty and leave her in the worst way ever...... Only thing i feel now is regret for myself and for delaying my job start this year and meeting new people and girls because of this ****. I met some , they help me on some ideas , but i still need to socialize in real life and have this feeling of female validation like before , to feel "alpha and player again" , or start my road again , but everytime im in several places - job browsing , reading stuff and expecting to make stuff going for me and see the papers for the place im going to study now. I feel so insecure and with anxiety , that if i left her idk when and who of my friends im gonna see again.
this is the last time i write about this case , need to put an end to it now and stop overthink. I will wait for your opinions and we can be done then
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