Made my move

[PRW63]

When I say I called her out it wasn’t in an aggressive way, we had just been for lunch and as I was getting out the car I asked her .. that was on Sunday and today she reached out to me again ..

There is also more history with this than what you’ve read in this thread.

Yeah, I've been catching up on thread details since that post. But my position hasn't changed. The "calling her out" didn't need to be agreesive for it to be "bad". The fact that you did it is all that matters. Again you are expecting her to think like a guy. It isn't about logic.

 

[Barrister]

Smh.. You dudes really base your own experiences as if they were the ultimate truth. MIllions of people have friends that are of the opposite sex. You socially unhealthy dudes just really live a self loathing, alternate reality and try to project it out on everyone.

I actually did a thread about this very thing back in December I believe. There are some very LIMITED circumstances where a man and a woman can be completely platonic friends. Most "friendships" between two people of the opposite sex, however, are not truly platonic. One of the parties wants the other sexually, even it is latent. Additionally, most men who think they are "friends" with a woman are in fact simply viewed as an orbiter by her.

I am guessing you are either recently out of college/grad school given your age and this is partly why you see us as being "socially unhealthy" when in fact it is just reality. You think because you run around in a pack full of men/women at a university that this means those women in the pack are your friends. A woman will abuse a "friendship" with a man for resources, attention/validation, etc. I am guessing if you are still here at SS in about 10 years your opinion on this will have changed and you will be one of us "unhealthy dudes." This becomes abundantly clear as you get older.

 

[Robert28]

I actually did a thread about this very thing back in December I believe. There are some very LIMITED circumstances where a man and a woman can be completely platonic friends. Most "friendships" between two people of the opposite sex, however, are not truly platonic. One of the parties wants the other sexually, even it is latent. Additionally, most men who think they are "friends" with a woman are in fact simply viewed as an orbiter by her.

I am guessing you are either recently out of college/grad school given your age and this is partly why you see us as being "socially unhealthy" when in fact it is just reality. You think because you run around in a pack full of men/women at a university that this means those women in the pack are your friends. A woman will abuse a "friendship" with a man for resources, attention/validation, etc. I am guessing if you are still here at SS in about 10 years your opinion on this will have changed and you will be one of us "unhealthy dudes." This becomes abundantly clear as you get older.

He will learn the hard way. We’ve all had to. Women make TERRIBLE friends.

 

[Barrister]

He will learn the hard way. We’ve all had to. Women make TERRIBLE friends.

I wish I could disagree - but it's true. As C.S. Lewis said, experience is the most brutal teacher - but you will learn.

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

+1
friends is a myth. Robert you are spot on. The most laid guy in all history wasnt Don Juan it was. "He is just a friend"

Don Juan is a fictional character.

Kinda like Chad

 

[PRW63]

The most laid guy in all history wasnt Don Juan it was. "He is just a friend"

Yea, but they aren't quite the same as the "everyday" Orbiter. I think there is more than one kind of Orbiter. There is the "Never going to get in my pants" Orbiter,....then there is the "You're the backup in case my BF/Husband stops keeping me happy" type of Orbiter. I think it is very hard to tell the difference between the two, but I think there is a distinction.

 

[Barrister]

Rejected
Rejector
Family
Professional.

My 4 catergories
Professional will be the closest it gets. But that still carries sexual undertones.
One or the other will OR wants to fck.

Interesting -- I actually would not consider Rejected/Rejector here because I think there is still interest in the simp orbiter thinking he could get lucky eventually. Nor would I have professional up there. I mean let's be honest, people sh1t where they eat all the time. Even here on SS there will be probably 5-10 posts per month about "how do I ask out my sexy co-worker/client."

I think "family" as in "she has been a family friend and we have known each other since we were 5 years old" is probably the only one that truly qualifies. I would also put in there your buddy's gf/wife. But even THEN these are not always bullet proof from someone catching an itch.

 

[Barrister]

I am the rejected or the rejector in my closest female friendships but I don't view it as a bad thing. I am used to rejection and so are they. It works fine as long as you have common interests too serve as the basis for the friendship apart from just wishful thinking by the rejected party.

Based on my own experiences, if I am the rejector I typically see the women fall off from contact with me because they are butthurt over the rejection. If I am the rejected, I generally cease all contact because I refuse to become an orbiter where I continue to give a woman attention and be her little buddy.

And I guess to circle back to the original post -- I am not sure a rejector/rejected relationship is ever going to qualify for a completely normal friendship. Too much underlying sexual tension.

 

[PRW63]

Not enough for me to worry over what kind. My 02

Well I wouldn't want to be an orbiter myself at all. But if my GF/Wife has Obiters I'm more concerned with diagnosing what type they are. But for the most part I'm wouldn't be worried about them

 

[Bingo-Player]

So when she messaged before I just replied saying that I’m in work which I was ... and she replied saying that she just wanted to see I fancied going for a walk.

Now this could be like you say purely for validation or maybe to give me a shot after speaking to her friends, I really don’t know but I’m definitely not dropping what I’m doing to go meet her .... read the message but haven’t replied yet.

Be careful here the balance of power / interest could slightly be tilting in your favour

If the intial conversation was emotionally charged there's nothing wrong with that women love that sh1t

you smashed the ball into her court and left it there. fine if she wasn't interested / offended why bother re engaging

IMO your past the point of her being able to use you for attention .......because you've already told her your not playing

So what does she want ?

i would reply with

" after our conversation on xyz I'm not sure that's a good idea "

If she still wants your time / attention she's going to need to prove she's worth it ......

 

[Aesthetix29]

Be careful here the balance of power / interest could slightly be tilting in your favour

Really ... I like that feeling

If the intial conversation was emotionally charged there's nothing wrong with that women love that sh1t

Deffo was emotionally charged - I needed to spell it out for her

you smashed the ball into her court and left it there. fine if she wasn't interested / offended why bother re engaging

This is my point ... when I made my move on her ... the 2nd/3rd time I took that as a no and yet she still kept REACHING OUT TO ME. Which of course made me chip away at it abit harder.

But this is always the case she reaches out to me always initiates contact, if you wasn’t interested you would not engage and let it fizzle out wouldn’t you. Bipolar

IMO your past the point of her being able to use you for attention .......because you've already told her your not playing

Exactly this

So what does she want ?

Been trying to crack this nut for while as you know ‍

i would reply with

" after our conversation on xyz I'm not sure that's a good idea "

If she still wants your time / attention she's going to need to prove she's worth it ......

Great idea ... I like the fact that I have tipped the scales in my favour and the boots on the other foot now. Feels good