Man I feel low.
So some backstory first relationship was 5 years ended in her cheating and leaving with a guy from work. Second was a 16 year marriage ended in her having a affair and leaving me for a cop, third was a girl who spun plates (I was one, though the "priority") even though should wouldn't admit it, I ended that one thankfully. So between these girls I kinda spun plates (before I even knew what that was) but got a bit sick of the groundhog day feel of it so after I while I was ready to try another LTR.
So now this one, sweet kinda girl, introverted and hot as balls easily the hottest girl I've been with. It wasn't just one thing it was all things, huge natural tits, thin body, pretty face and had a sex drive out of this world. Her performance in the bedroom was masterful, you name it, it was the best. Something was off pretty quickly though, within the first month I went to my mates 40th and came home to her on the phone with her ex. She apologised and we continued on however this would become a theme. Every time I did something she didn't like I would get a whiff of some other guy entering the frame, either via text, phone calls etc etc.
Sometimes I could play it cool, re-instate the boundaries, reframe and life would continue on, though never without some kind of breakup/makeup situation. She would have extreme mood swings and violent temper tantrums, most of the time over really nothing at all. Later I discover what BPD is and I have no doubt that is what I was dealing with. I got sick of the lack of boundaries in the relationship and in my search for answers came across "redpill".
About a month ago she started to detach, I asked what was going on, she denied it, I lost my temper (yes I know) and it spiralled downhill from there. As this was happened I was reading "the rational male" and consuming as much red pill content as possible. It was just so explanatory not only to all of my previous relationships but also to what was happening to me at that time. I was able to use some of this on the fly but was always on the back foot. I realise I should have walked on that first desecration as "past events predict future trends" but in some ways the sex justified it.
She broke up with me, I went no contact, she got back with me for a week, she broke up with me again, I went no contact, she attempted to force me into her frame on the weekend (asking me to apologise etc) I held strong, she started saying "I love you" and then I broke today, sent her a picture of a sick rainbow *we had one on the day we met* and her reply? "I have a boyfriend please don't message again".
So in some ways I feel kinda vindicated that I was on point with the latest round of hypergamy and the presents of a male orbiter but in another disappointed that I couldn't do anything about the outcome. I still Beta'd my way though most of it but had some shining moments. Anyway time to spin some plates I guess, just finding it hard seeing the <10's attractive and keep finding myself comparing whats out there with what I had.
So some backstory first relationship was 5 years ended in her cheating and leaving with a guy from work. Second was a 16 year marriage ended in her having a affair and leaving me for a cop, third was a girl who spun plates (I was one, though the "priority") even though should wouldn't admit it, I ended that one thankfully. So between these girls I kinda spun plates (before I even knew what that was) but got a bit sick of the groundhog day feel of it so after I while I was ready to try another LTR.
So now this one, sweet kinda girl, introverted and hot as balls easily the hottest girl I've been with. It wasn't just one thing it was all things, huge natural tits, thin body, pretty face and had a sex drive out of this world. Her performance in the bedroom was masterful, you name it, it was the best. Something was off pretty quickly though, within the first month I went to my mates 40th and came home to her on the phone with her ex. She apologised and we continued on however this would become a theme. Every time I did something she didn't like I would get a whiff of some other guy entering the frame, either via text, phone calls etc etc.
Sometimes I could play it cool, re-instate the boundaries, reframe and life would continue on, though never without some kind of breakup/makeup situation. She would have extreme mood swings and violent temper tantrums, most of the time over really nothing at all. Later I discover what BPD is and I have no doubt that is what I was dealing with. I got sick of the lack of boundaries in the relationship and in my search for answers came across "redpill".
About a month ago she started to detach, I asked what was going on, she denied it, I lost my temper (yes I know) and it spiralled downhill from there. As this was happened I was reading "the rational male" and consuming as much red pill content as possible. It was just so explanatory not only to all of my previous relationships but also to what was happening to me at that time. I was able to use some of this on the fly but was always on the back foot. I realise I should have walked on that first desecration as "past events predict future trends" but in some ways the sex justified it.
She broke up with me, I went no contact, she got back with me for a week, she broke up with me again, I went no contact, she attempted to force me into her frame on the weekend (asking me to apologise etc) I held strong, she started saying "I love you" and then I broke today, sent her a picture of a sick rainbow *we had one on the day we met* and her reply? "I have a boyfriend please don't message again".
So in some ways I feel kinda vindicated that I was on point with the latest round of hypergamy and the presents of a male orbiter but in another disappointed that I couldn't do anything about the outcome. I still Beta'd my way though most of it but had some shining moments. Anyway time to spin some plates I guess, just finding it hard seeing the <10's attractive and keep finding myself comparing whats out there with what I had.
