Why do I not find my wife attractive?

ThisIsSparta

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
911
Reaction score
1,543
Age
46
This is her
She looks like an innocent highschool girl.

That wouldnt be my type either. Leaving the still obvious question aside (WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY HER?!), the good news are, she is not ugly..... so a type change/change of style might fix a lot on her looks.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
She looks like an innocent highschool girl.

That wouldnt be my type either. Leaving the still obvious question aside (WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY HER?!), the good news are, she is not ugly..... so a type change/change of style might fix a lot on her looks.
Yes, objectively her looks is not the problem.
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3,390
Reaction score
3,875
Location
uk
had similar issues with my EX gf

She had next to no confidence in herself physically or mentally

attraction just died partly because i had to constantly reassure her she was attractive

She wouldn't go to the gym , i think in 4 years of relationship she initiated sex about 3 times

by year 4 i realised i wasn't in a relationship i was in a friendship

End it
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.
 

dark god

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 13, 2009
Messages
232
Reaction score
72
Location
Jersey
"Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do"
That statement alone has me baffled
 
  • Like
Reactions: BMX

BMX

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 12, 2004
Messages
1,491
Reaction score
418
Location
Everett
You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...
When it comes to sex, it really depends on the person and compatibility. I've been in two LTR's with virgins. The current one is not working out well at all, but I had another one before that, that in a sexual way worked out very well; I could actually train her... and I did very well haha.

I think the problem is, and with every community, is that they all have limited approaches and thinking. They all need to think outside the box.
 

Lookatu

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
3,127
Reaction score
3,935
Age
52
I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.
Bingo.

You've discovered that you need both mental AND sexual chemistry for things to succeed.

It sounds like you made some efforts but nothing has changed. As other's said, maybe it's time to realize the mistake you've made and not live with it for the rest of your life and throw in the towel on this one. If there's no kids involved, you should be thankful for that as it allows an easier break up.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,885
Reaction score
12,121
Location
DFW, TX
I asked him to go on ahead and "be nice to her", still have sex with her even though she's not his preference. It will cause to sexualize her and to cause her confidence in herself to rise. Give it about 3 months. Let her learn how to please you. I'm sure she also thinks it's a wierd position. Unless he's giving disparaging looks and a mean tone of voice all the time cutting her to shreds.

The situation does bring to the light that the physical and sexual part is a important part of attraction and relationships in sexual people. It's the same thing for a woman. If you flip it, no man should stand being in a relationship with a woman who does not hugely sexually desire him, because she is using him for non-sexual by default, sex is doing him a favor and she doesn't really want you. It'll tear a man down into shreds.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
Well I don't want to give up just yet. I'm taking a two month break from her (she's going to see her family) and see how I feel without her.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
An aside, your wife looks fine but she is not going to trigger the pornbrained mind of a porn watcher. Your exes will because they are more voluptuous. You need to cut porn out so that she becomes more sexualized in your mind.
hmmm interesting observation. I have not seen any porn in many years so I don't know what effect that still has.
 

metalwater

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
1,641
Reaction score
1,349
Location
random
OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.
It's not her it's me, 100%
 

BMX

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 12, 2004
Messages
1,491
Reaction score
418
Location
Everett
Hard pass. Dump her.
 

MatureDJ

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
11,295
Reaction score
4,664
Is she fat? That will reduce your libido like nothing else.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
1,376
I just realized something. The added pressure and stress of her demands and wanting a family that I am not ready to have is what makes me not want to have sex with her. Whenever I get angry or stressed out I don't feel sexual.
 

BMX

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 12, 2004
Messages
1,491
Reaction score
418
Location
Everett
"And it was in that moment I realized, no one is going to fvcking come save me." ---David Goggins moments before setting off on his hardcore life-altering path to freedom and real living.
 
Top