SILENCE and DISTANCE

[Georgepithyou]

Silence and distance allow you to gauge her emotional investment because if she doesn’t reach out to you, she merits no further engagement.

100% on the money here

 

[Spaz]

Haha. It would take a lot to get me to react. A woman is even less likely.

Then what is the benefits of being unreactive to provocations ?

And what does it say about you or another person?

 

[RangerMIke]

Absolutely, silence and distance should be an unconscious process.

First let me say that everything @guru1000 posted it correct.

I agree. It really shouldn't be a 'tactic', it should be just the way you are. This comes naturally to boys... and when our hormones kick in, well we turn into pvssy worshiping jack@sses.

When you were a kid on the playground, and if you found yourself with other kids that weren't any fun... well... you just wandered off and found new friends. You should be like this when you reach adulthood. When you were a kid... and you wanted to play basketball... and you were with kids that wanted to sit around in a circle and bvllsh!t... well... you went over to the kids playing basketball.

Dating should be FUN... if you are not having FUN... then go find women that are. It's not a tactic or a strategy... it's who you are. The most valuable thing you have is TIME, no amount of money ever bought a second of time. The next most valuable thing you have is money. And there are WAY too many men in this world that are willing to spent time and money on chicks that are not any fun... why? To get laid? Really?

This is why women think men are the stupidest fvcking creatures in the world. when you start bending over backwards with chicks all you are doing is signaling to them that you can be used. I've told the story about my hot redhead model FWB that we are on and off again for going on 5 years now. She finds some dude who she will 'date' for a few months, they buy her stuff, take her on trips... then bend over backwards... she uses them... gets bored... dumps them... then they will continue to chase and chase her for months after... they leave presents for her and blow up her phone... it's pathetic. When she is between suckers, we hook up. I have only paid for two dates with her and I have been sleeping with her for years now. Every now and then, she'll hint at me buying her stuff or going on trips... I ALWAYS say no... I'm the only man in her life that tells her NO.

When she is 'fun' and available, we hook up... when she is using another dude... well... that's no fun so I'm off to others that are. Believe it or not, WOMEN prefer this. It's less pressure on them, and she doesn't have to worry about you becoming a scary @ss stalker.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

The strongest weapon in your artillery is knowing when and how to apply silence and distance (and in some cases disappearance).

Girl flakes on a date. Silence and disappearance.

Girl declines with no counteroffer or changes the subject in response to your date offer. Silence and disappearance.

Girl accuses you of using her as a FB or pushes for exclusivity. Silence and distance.

Girl gives you an inappropriate attitude, a snide or disrespectful remark. Silence and distance.

I cannot tell you how the number of instances I have experienced of women backpedaling in the above contexts following my employing silence and distance/disappearance.

In any social situation you find yourself in, when a girl oversteps her bounds, silence and distance/disappearance, if employed correctly, will tip the frame into your favor assuming there is just enough interest on her end.

You will not lose frame by employing silence and distance/disappearance, but you can lose frame by reacting or by responding incorrectly.

Silence and distance create room for her imagination to ignite, engage her fight or flight response, and incite her second-guessing and backpedaling.

Silence and distance forge “the” frame in your favor and set the precedence that you WILL walk away if you are not content with her behavior.

Silence and distance send the message that you are accepting of only her best behavior and if she has a grievance to raise the issue overtly for discussion as opposed to undermining you.

Silence and distance amplify attraction, as attraction is built not in the time spent together, but in time spent apart.

Silence and distance allow you to gauge her emotional investment because if she doesn’t reach out to you, she merits no further engagement.

Silence and distance set boundaries covertly, so that she doesn’t feel ordered and resentful that you are controlling/commanding her as she might by overt boundaries.

Silence and distance are not game playing. You are responding covertly to behavior you deem unfitting which sends the message louder and clearer than any possible overt response.

Silence and distance are not to be confused with avoiding clear communication but rather to be used only when a girl commits an act that is unmistakably tasteless or disrespectful to any observer.

Silence and distance, in the right context, are the single most powerful act you can commit in your relations with women.

Solid post. It's called Boundaries. Boundaries are not only powerful but healthy.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Glassguy]

I ALWAYS say no... I'm the only man in her life that tells her NO.

Thus why she keeps coming back. Its a shame that 99% of men dont understand how this works, but its great for the 1% of us that do and actually do it.

It also helps that you use her to YOUR benefit and not vise versa.....a by product of telling her "no". It reminds her that you not only dont NEED her, but are fine only wanting/seeing her when it benefits you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The point of all this, is why be interested in someone who is not interested in you? Why bother talking to someone who doesn't want to talk to you? Why do things for people who won't do them for you? Pretty simple.

Pretty simple. And you know the 'takers' or 'users' excuses. "You did all that for me, because you expected xyz out of me". "I don't have to do anything for you just because you did xyz for me". "you want me to owe you".

Pretty simple, don't invest into less than super high interest people, UNLESS you are feeling CHARITABLE ( which is perfectly fine ). And even then if most of your giving of time and energy is CHARITABLE you will eventually get fully expended even if it's what you thought you want to do. Giving and time HAS to be balanced.

In this man realm they are setup to use one mans time, while begging for another guy who doesn't have the time for her, or even high enough interest.

 

[Spaz]

You ask a wise question.

I do not, though I used to be moreso and it was something I worked on. It's not the self that is triggered, but the ego, because the ego feeds on conflict and disparity.

The benefit is simple. Inner peace. Once you have gained 100% self acceptance, you cannot be drawn into a mindless argument (or worse) with someone who seeks to "trigger" you. There can be no trigger. They simply are, and so are you. The world is a mess because men have allowed their egos to be triggered, because they believe they owed someone a verbal reaction.

Yes you used to be, I remembered it well and I also remembered that you're changed, maybe its little, maybe just abit, or maybe even a tiny wee bit BUT what most people don't realise is that a mindshift has taken place and it can only cascade.

This is something that I can admire in a man.

Let me ask u another question, aside to the answers u hv given, if you know exactly who u r, know exactly what you're capable off and without any hidden pretensions (that means the frame that i project is not fake), will you be easily insulted or triggered?

 

[Spaz]

Having an adverse reaction will trigger physiological responses. It cascades. Being non reactive actually keeps the analytical mind in place as well as one’s masculinity.

People push buttons in an effort to create an effect. Creation of an effect. It’s a manipulation. A woman gauges your responses to adversity and self worth.
At least this is what is believed.

I have a different take in this. If she is trying to prompt a negative response, it means she’s in the second position. Behind me. Since when does the master give credence to the deficiencies of the subordinate? By reacting to her silliness a man kneels to her supposed superiority.
It’s a game. Men are manipulated or cowed into second position by the simplest of manipulations.

Let’s put it into perspective. A man with all his amazing faculties and potentials, gets manipulated into the second position by a woman with the simplest of purposely directed statements and questions.

In effect, by reacting, the hunter, killer, protector, creator, infinite capacity man is reduced to a shell. The oddity is that all those things protect and benefit her, she tries circumvent it.

Men can get better at this. They impulsively answer or make statements to her impulses by answering to her actions, angrily comments or even attacks. These are impulsive and quite feminine. Who says a man has to say anything? Even some forms of banter are designed to manipulate a man into the second position.

My go to response is to say nothing. There’s are a thousand words in that. More importantly, it is looking down your nose at her silly positioning attempts. It’s a form of dismissal. Some questions you can answer and some you do not.

The reason a woman will default to communication and even complain that you don’t communicate enough is that communication is her most valuable tool of manipulation in the pursuit of support and resource extraction. It is also the make/break point for a man.

Ask any woman why she would rather work for a man than a woman for a boss. Another woman is aware of the tactics. Very hard to manage the situation.
If the male boss is masculine she will feel safer under him. If he isn’t, she knows that she can manipulate him to her advantage. Both are a win. She can make a comment about Betty and the weak boss man will be off and running to admonish Betty or at least be less open to Betty and more open to her in the future. It’s a game.

When in doubt. Shut your mouth. Some men think they’ve had the most amazing conversation with a woman and wonders why she ghosts him despite the fact that he was red-pilled and supposedly did everything right. The reason she ghosted him is because the entire conversation was a manipulation from the start. There is NO cure for this except masculinity. You can drill it and talk about it till the cows come home but it won’t make any difference. You have too many feminine traits and your thinking is still feminine. Seizing command is a matter of always being in command from the start by default. You don’t have to seize anything if you already are.

Very good.

When a man knows himself well, is capable and has cultivated his mental fortitude, spirituality and body, there's not much a woman can do to manipulate him unless it amuses him, and he allows it for entertainment.

 

[Spaz]

I'd like to think not. Nobody's perfect of course. When I feel a gut reaction (like I'm being insulted etc.) I try to pause and see if it's my ego talking. Then - I listen, dismiss it, and react in the way that's from my true self. It's a glorious skill to have. What I've learned is the ego is built for survival, which is why it's often perceiving "threats." It's up to me to accept or dismiss them as legitimate.

This is why I tell people on these boards that I haven't endured a "shyt test" in many, many moons. They're not real.

If it's not true then of course its not real and easily dismissed.

If it's true and yet wished to be kept hidden then it becomes an insult, since the frame projected to society will crumble, am I wrong ?

You're stated 1 way to avoid these so-called provocations but then this might suit you as an intellectual.

How abt those who are in the other quadrants of personality?

The silence and distance is a technique that's more suited to those who are doers, they hv formula's for everything to make life more efficient to them, much like an engineer does in his work, however this is a stop gap measure a best since it doesn't flow from the mindset but a mere technique.

 

[Spaz]

I said that shyt tests aren't real. Nothing needs to be kept hidden. Something can be as true as the day is long and that is fine - it's irrelevant. If you are seeking to hide the truth then you are cheating yourself. Why should the truth insult you? Why would you avoid it?

I am not talking about personality-driven techniques - those may be useful but that's not what I mean here. Your personality type is irrelevant as well. What I refer to is simply being - and observing. Free your mind of the concepts of techniques and mindsets. There's no need for parlor tricks when you are in the present and the present is in you.

Shiet test r real and very much needed by both men and women alike.

It is used every single day, in every second, minute and hour by everyone in the world, even animals does it.

And the purpose is to qualify, to meet a specific standard or even to judge a frame thats being projected.

As to why would the truth insult a man or woman, its simply because they try to keep it hidden and don't want the truth to be known, as an example; if ur future wife was a porn actress who enjoys getting banged up her ass on screen but refuses to do so with you to project her new found purity, she'd be mightily insulted if someone mentions her doing porn, going so far as to deny it was ever her to begin with. Of course with you not being any wiser to her past.

As for personality driven techniques, it is not only useful but of great importance.

Do you really expect those who are the expressives and are highly emotional (in some instances even more then women themselves) to be able to flawlessly execute silence and distance?

They can't. They'd could try but they'll crumble, which is why you see many here having the same issues over and over even when techniques to counter it already exists.

Do u deny this ?

 

[Spaz]

I don't deny you anything, Spaz. Your truth is yours to do with what you like. If we disagree on some things, so be it, but you've got to use what works best for you, not simply what I tell you.

I can only speak from my experience. Personally I haven't endured a shyt test in ages, probably because I don't care. And there's no reason for the truth to insult me. It simply is...or it isn't. These things aren't real - unless you make it so. Feel free to provide an example of a shyt test someone gave you and I'll tell you why it's stupid and irrelevant.

(Your example of the porn actress is simply an example of someone not being true to herself and predicating her identity on lies. This is why she is insulted by the truth. It is her choice.)

As for silence and distance, I forgot that was the title of this thread... Yeah, anyone can do it, it's not hard. It's not even a "technique." It's a power provided free to every person. It's funny that people believe it's harder to be quiet than to speak, or to walk away than to associate. Now, perhaps people need methods to break habits, that's commendable, but not my area of expertise.

If u r not at the same level (or higher) then ur opponent (or even love ones), then you won't be able to see through them.

I wonder if u r able to comprehend this.

I doubt 99.99% of the readers here would.

 

[Brassneck]

A great thread guys, definitely see the usefulness of Silence & Distance as a tool.

I had a thought... this is passive aggressive behaviour right? How would this pan out on a passive aggressive woman? Stalemate?

 

[2Rocky]

A great thread guys, definitely see the usefulness of Silence & Distance as a tool.

I had a thought... this is passive aggressive behaviour right? How would this pan out on a passive aggressive woman? Stalemate?

Comes down to who is gonna cave first. You can't take something away they don't care about...

but thinking about it PA is more of expressing displeasure in an indirect way. S&D is just an absence of communication

Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There's a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does.

For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than complying with the request, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by failing to follow through or missing deadlines.


Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include:

• Resentment and opposition to the demands of others
• Procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands
• Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude
• Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated

 

[Brassneck]

but thinking about it PA is more of expressing displeasure in an indirect way. S&D is just an absence of communication

But S&D is expressing displeasure in an indirect way. Not against it though, clearly works, but I think it’s a form of PA.

 

[2Rocky]

But S&D is expressing displeasure in an indirect way. Not against it though, clearly works, but I think it’s a form of PA.

S&D is taking the toy away from the bratty child and putting it where they can't see it. They learn when they pout the toy dissappears.

PA is holding the toy over your head and telling the kid they are a brat and nobody likes them,..

 

[oldmanofthesea]

But S&D is expressing displeasure in an indirect way. Not against it though, clearly works, but I think it’s a form of PA.

It is absolutely not a form of passive aggressiveness, but I do understand why you might think that. Let me explain why it isn't passive aggressive: A mandatory component to employing S&D is to first explain to her what you are displeased with, directly. If she disagrees with you, pitches a fit, refuses to start/stop doing whatever it is you talked to her about, or wants to argue with you after you have already said everything there is to say and listened to her feelings as well, then there is nothing left for you to do. You were direct in communicating to her what you want. She doesn't do it, you have three options:
1. Cave to her
2. Dump her
3. Employ S&D so she understands you mean business and will enforce your boundaries

#2 is obviously too heavy for every argument. So #3 is the best option. As you know, one of the most important things for women is for them to get your attention. When you remove it, it has a VERY powerful effect, assuming they like you. If S&D has no effect, you fade away because it means she wasn't into you. If S&D doesn't cause her to take the time to get over her issue and then make-up with you, then you are simply incompatible with each other so again you fade away. Ultimately, they want your time and attention and if it is their want for this that serves as the motivation for them to realize they need to get over their little fit and come back to a loving place.

Passive aggressiveness would be not telling her what she's done that you aren't happy with and then employing S&D or making snippy comments at her etc.

 

[Brassneck]

I was thinking the power of S&D is that it is done covertly. I’m thinking in the instance of you noticing her interest level dropping, so employing it to raise her interest, the gift of missing you etc. Being covert gives her the sense that your interest for her is dropping genuinely hence the turnaround. I should have been clearer in that initial displeasure is in seeing her interest level drop.

@oldmanofthesea from what you describe, it’s overtly done as it’s following a disagreement. Surely that just looks like your throwing your toys out of the pram, and you could be accused of sulking.

So S&D is used to raise interest level that’s dropped, but also punishing bad behaviour.
The latter could look a bit sulky.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Awesome post. Practical and useful. A+

 

[Glassguy]

A great thread guys, definitely see the usefulness of Silence & Distance as a tool.

I had a thought... this is passive aggressive behaviour right? How would this pan out on a passive aggressive woman? Stalemate?

Not necessarily. Is going no contact passive aggressive? It depends on why you are doing it. Are you doing it for attention because you're acting like a baby? Then its passive aggressive behavior.

But if I go S&D, its because a woman's actions were disrespectful to me or my time. So guess what? She can either figure it out and straighten up....or if not......I don't want her around anymore.
Its not a "trick". Its me sticking to my standards, which are high.

Passive aggressive people get to the point that people don't respect them because they are manipulative.
Its totally different when a woman understands that you are ok with her and ok with out her, and no fvcks will be given if you have to move on and walk away if she acts like a fool.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I was thinking the power of S&D is that it is done covertly. I’m thinking in the instance of you noticing her interest level dropping, so employing it to raise her interest, the gift of missing you etc. Being covert gives her the sense that your interest for her is dropping genuinely hence the turnaround. I should have been clearer in that initial displeasure is in seeing her interest level drop.

If you read Guru's post, S&D is a response to blatant disrespect (such as flaking on a date or saying no to a date without a counter-offer) - which doesn't necessitate explaining to her overtly that she is being disrespectful (because it's blatant and obvious), and S&D is also a response to bad behavior that does first requires you to explain your boundaries to her.

But the situation you are referring to is more like classic push-pull. If you sense her interest dropping, then you drop your interest level as well. I wouldn't think of things as trying to "raise her interest level".... that kind of thinking is more along the Mystery Method type gaming scheme. Instead, you operate in YOUR frame. You don't try to raise her interest level. If her interest level drops, it shouldn't make you want her more and make you want to find out how to control her into wanting you, instead it should be seen as unattractive to you, and so you respond by removing your time and attention and focusing on women who actually appreciate you.

@oldmanofthesea from what you describe, it’s overtly done as it’s following a disagreement. Surely that just looks like your throwing your toys out of the pram, and you could be accused of sulking.

Other's have wondered the same but it isn't. You are actually doing what a proper father figure would do when his daughter misbehaved. He first tried talking it out with her and if that wasn't getting anywhere or she kept crossing his boundaries, he removed his time and attention and ignored her for a while. Do you think she will see her father as being pouty and butt-hurt and sulking? Nope. At times when I'm employing S&D (which doesn't always mean complete and utter silence - it means slowing down the responses, limiting the responses, and not initiating contact), even if I'm slow to respond and my responses are short, I always ensure she knows I'm happy, busy, and fulfilled. Because I am. She needs to understand I have an awesome, busy, and fulfilled life and when she doesn't behave, I'm going to get back to that awesome life and leave her at the bus station to fend for herself.

Example,

Her: "Hey"
Me: 3 hours later "Hey what's up?"
Her: "Not much, took my cat to the vet today blah blah blah blah"
Me and hour later: "Right on well listen I'm just sitting down to dinner with some friends... chat with you later"
and then I don't initiate contact again. If she texts again that night, I'll reply the next day


It's a shame Guru isn't around here any more. He was a wealth of knowledge and helped many.