BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,747
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- Age
- 55
This. I get the same thing, frankly. I was never given accolades for looks in my family of origin. In fact my mother saw beauty as a liability (because she was sexually abused) and she thought beauty must be downplayed and de-emphasized to protect against predation. So I never realized I was pretty until my 20s. And then you have the resultant shyness and insecurity to deal with and navigate. Thanks Mom. But she did what she thought would best protect her daughters from what she suffered...i dont recieve much positive input either. thing is people assume you already know your the sht, so why do they need to compliment you? they don't know that we didn't get much positive reinforcement when we were young, so they have no idea how good it'd feel to be complimented on things we worked hard to get.
its kind of hard to know if your doing the right thing without feedback. you just need to trust yourself, your doing the right thing.
But an upbringing like that scars a young person. And other people, being the judgy other people that they are, have no idea what you’ve been through, how your family of origin acted and treated you and all they see is who you are now. And they are jealous or envious and they seek to take you down a peg. It’s quite disappointing.
You can’t make people understand what you’ve been through. But you must learn to love yourself strongly, become your best advocate and choose what you want. It is your job to love you. I’ve been where you are. People are block headed & unkind at times. That’s their problem. You must hold onto yourself and your self esteem in the face of criticism often. I am now utterly impermeable to the opinions of strangers now. I’ll laugh in people’s faces if they have the nerve to put me down to my face...and at times I have said scathing things in return that shut them up...but a sword like that must be used with care. It can create more problems than it solves.
If someone I am close to says something that is a put down, I’ll tackle that in a more direct way. I’ll say “You may not know this but when you try and knock me down a peg you remind me of my mother, who said I’d never amount to anything. I cut people like that out of my life...” this usually begets an apology and some understanding. People are mean due to their own insecurities. I’m never mean back to people I care about. But I’ll stop them and ask them how they like it if I insult them on something they are insecure or scarred about. This creates healthy boundaries.
As far as women? You go for women who appeal to you, period. There is no group you “should” go for. That’s you absolving yourself of your own free will and power of choice. That’s low self esteem seeking external direction.
There is no external direction. No “should”. You love you and work on your inner psyche the way you are disciplined to work on your body. Develop a strong mind. Love yourself. As you develop along those lines much of what is eating at you will fall away. I have forced myself through that process and I speak from experience. It is the single best thing you can do for yourself and will alleviate these mental dialogues in the process.