Why do people behave this way towards me and how to address it?

[BeExcellent]

i dont recieve much positive input either. thing is people assume you already know your the sht, so why do they need to compliment you? they don't know that we didn't get much positive reinforcement when we were young, so they have no idea how good it'd feel to be complimented on things we worked hard to get.

its kind of hard to know if your doing the right thing without feedback. you just need to trust yourself, your doing the right thing.

This. I get the same thing, frankly. I was never given accolades for looks in my family of origin. In fact my mother saw beauty as a liability (because she was sexually abused) and she thought beauty must be downplayed and de-emphasized to protect against predation. So I never realized I was pretty until my 20s. And then you have the resultant shyness and insecurity to deal with and navigate. Thanks Mom. But she did what she thought would best protect her daughters from what she suffered...

But an upbringing like that scars a young person. And other people, being the judgy other people that they are, have no idea what you’ve been through, how your family of origin acted and treated you and all they see is who you are now. And they are jealous or envious and they seek to take you down a peg. It’s quite disappointing.

You can’t make people understand what you’ve been through. But you must learn to love yourself strongly, become your best advocate and choose what you want. It is your job to love you. I’ve been where you are. People are block headed & unkind at times. That’s their problem. You must hold onto yourself and your self esteem in the face of criticism often. I am now utterly impermeable to the opinions of strangers now. I’ll laugh in people’s faces if they have the nerve to put me down to my face...and at times I have said scathing things in return that shut them up...but a sword like that must be used with care. It can create more problems than it solves.

If someone I am close to says something that is a put down, I’ll tackle that in a more direct way. I’ll say “You may not know this but when you try and knock me down a peg you remind me of my mother, who said I’d never amount to anything. I cut people like that out of my life...” this usually begets an apology and some understanding. People are mean due to their own insecurities. I’m never mean back to people I care about. But I’ll stop them and ask them how they like it if I insult them on something they are insecure or scarred about. This creates healthy boundaries.

As far as women? You go for women who appeal to you, period. There is no group you “should” go for. That’s you absolving yourself of your own free will and power of choice. That’s low self esteem seeking external direction.

There is no external direction. No “should”. You love you and work on your inner psyche the way you are disciplined to work on your body. Develop a strong mind. Love yourself. As you develop along those lines much of what is eating at you will fall away. I have forced myself through that process and I speak from experience. It is the single best thing you can do for yourself and will alleviate these mental dialogues in the process.

 

[sangheilios]

I am familiar with the metro area where you reside. It has upsides and downsides. There are worse places in the United States to attempt to have a healthy sex life but there are also better ones. While I think you have a legitimate claim that geography is playing a factor in your dating woes, I think the problems that you have are less related to geography and more related to issues specific to you.

Relocation is not often the solution to fixing one's dating/relationship problems. If a metro area has a population of fewer than 150,000 people, a man is 25 to 45, and the man in question didn't spend his entire childhood in that area (indicative of a weak social circle), then that's a justifiable case to move to another area. In the situation I just described, that man will suffer from too little choice. Smaller areas are often wastelands for dating/relationships. Some also have employment issues.

I find that roughly the sweet spot for a metro area size is around 250,000-700,000.

Moving from one larger area to another rarely solves the problem.

In recent years, I have soured on bigger cities. Once a metropolitan area gets over ~750,000 in population, women start to get far more demanding because they have an absurd number of choices. The higher the area's population, the worse attitudes that you'll encounter from women though it's not a perfect direct correlation. There are other factors at play, such as the influence of careerism/feminism/SJW-ism, single male-single female ratios, and % of residents who transplanted to the area as adults. Areas with more transplants have weaker social circles. When social circles are weaker, people resort to swipe app dating because they aren't meeting people in social circles. There used to be more cold approaching, though that has steadily been changing in the last 10-20 years. You will be treated the worst by women as a swipe app applicant for her vagina as compared to someone from her social circle. Cold approach is in between those two points, but closer to swipe app.

I didn't think gold diggers and social climbers were as prominent in your area as many other areas. While I have no doubt those things exist where you are, I can name multiple other metro areas where those things are much worse.

If I found myself living in your area and had a good job, I would look internally. Women want to have sex with you as a 6'4" and muscular guy, despite your mediocre metro area. You don't even need that much charisma. They have an image of you as a confident stud who can plow their vaginas well. Play to that image. You need confidence and just ask them questions.

I don't feel it is a case of it's them or it's me, or it's this or it's that, I believe it is a combination of various things that are contributing to this.

I don't want to get too repetitive on here with this, but it's a very key point. Having all of these negative results from these various women is concerning but I think they point to something. Why is a 4 criticizing a man that is 6'4" and fit, etc., etc. but yet ends up in a relationship with a totally out of shape man that is pushing 300 pounds that is also broke and is unemployed? Why is a man like me getting rejected by women but yet there are several instances where I see them settle into relationships with men that are totally average? Why is an average woman pointing out a fat/dumpy looking woman and telling me that is my league? I could go on and on repeating this but it's a very key point, which I'm going to address below.

I feel that there are a couple things at play here that relate to both these other people and myself. I feel that it is very likely in many of these instances these women are well aware of where I actually am in relation to them and other men and for some reason they feel the need to bring me down a couple pegs. They may or may not be doing this intentionally but it's clearly a trend and I feel there is some truth to this. However, I also believe it is possible that there is something that I am doing that is causing this and it's still hard for me to figure this out. Perhaps it lies entirely with these other people, but it's possible that I may be giving off a vibe of confidence, which is perceived by the insecure as arrogance or narcissism. It's also possible, though I feel this is harder to prove, that they can pickup on me lacking social confidence, in particular with women, and due to it being in-congruent with what I have going for them they seek to bring me down. This is something that @oldmanofthesea has alluded to in the past and I feel that this may be playing a role, though not being the single primary factor in this.

I see attractive women all the time with men nowhere near like me, some are average looking and even some I see as honestly fairly dumpy/loser looking. If these men can land these women there is no reason why I can't and trying to figure this out over the years has lead to a lot of frustration. It's possible I'm going for the wrong women but I think it lies deeper than that. Very few men are my height and anywhere near as in shape as I am, especially for a man in his early 30s I'm in the real world a strong outlier. When you combine this with the other things I have going for me a woman is going to have a difficult time finding better, which shows me that this is not the issue.

 

[HaleyBaron]

An issue I've had my entire life is that other people seem to go out of their way to try to demean my accomplishments, qualities, etc. When I was younger this was primarily family oriented, but now as an adult I notice that other people behave in a similar manner towards me, albeit in more of a subtle and passive aggressive manner. This is something that I have experienced from both men and women and I'm not really sure what to make of it but the deeper intuitive feeling that I get is they are doing this out of insecurity they experience around me.

I've posted this a million times on here, but I'm a white man that is 6'4" and fit/muscular at 240 lbs. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s, I can do reps on chin ups with another 50 lbs. added, push sleds that weigh almost 1000 lbs....I could go on and on with the physical feats I am capable of, which is well beyond the scope of the vast majority of men and I've never taken steroids. I have a handsome face and despite being 31 I generally get guesses in the mid to late 20s range. More normal people will compliment me, both men and women, but it's not very often this happens.

Anyway, I've had other men make some weird comments about my physique or physical capabilities and it's always just your average dude you see in the gym. I've had very average and even out of shape women criticize my appearance. For instance, a few years back I had this one who was in her early 20s, she wasn't at all attractive and her bf was this super goofy looking dude and yet she was criticizing the way I look. I've had a couple women tell me I have a "dad bod". I had an average woman point out a woman around my age who was sporting a stomach and she told me that was my league. What adds to this is I've had horrendous experiences with approaching and interacting with average and even unattractive women, which feeds into what these people are telling me and it creates this repetitive negative loop over and over again. For every 1 good comment I get I probably receive 20 of these more negative put downs.

I also do really well for myself financially. I've never had a glamorous or high paying/high status job but I have a good work ethic and I'm very very intelligent with money, investments, etc. I have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and with some of it I earn enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area..

Anyway, I've had people criticize things like that and they'll say how I was only able to get that because of xyz.

This has been a trend my entire life and I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's been a huge issue for me because it lowers my confidence and in direct relation with dating I feel like I can't figure out what types of women I should be going for. It's created an issue where I have this endless and repetitive negative loop that I find difficult to get out of and I'm not sure what I can be doing in order to change that. I'm not sure if it is a simple fix of just cutting out certain people or possibly something more.

You may be strong in body, but you are not strong where it matters: your self esteem. Everything you just said was a **** test. People are mean, but they instantly are defeated when they run into a wall of a guy who doesn't care what people say or when he is too high valued to care. Your mentality atm puts you as someone who cares what others thing, which is yourself saying that you place yourself below the average person. This is wrong. If you're above the norm, act like you are.

 

[B80]

You may be strong in body, but you are not strong where it matters: your self esteem. Everything you just said was a **** test. People are mean, but they instantly are defeated when they run into a wall of a guy who doesn't care what people say or when he is too high valued to care. Your mentality atm puts you as someone who cares what others thing, which is yourself saying that you place yourself below the average person. This is wrong. If you're above the norm, act like you are.

Seem like sh1t tests to me too. I've seen it suggested on here that good looking/phyiscally attractive men won't get sh1t tested as much, whereas others say the opposite - you'll get sh1t tested more.

 

[SW15]

Why is a 4 criticizing a man that is 6'4" and fit, etc., etc. but yet ends up in a relationship with a totally out of shape man that is pushing 300 pounds that is also broke and is unemployed? Why is a man like me getting rejected by women but yet there are several instances where I see them settle into relationships with men that are totally average?

That would be insulting. As a 6'4" guy, you're entitled to a lot better than a 4. You shouldn't ever talk to anyone below the cute range, which is 6-7.9. Hot to me is 8+. I prefer using cute or hot to describe women because my 6 isn't the same as your 6.

Why is an average woman pointing out a fat/dumpy looking woman and telling me that is my league? I could go on and on repeating this but it's a very key point, which I'm going to address below.

That is horseshiit man.

I see attractive women all the time with men nowhere near like me, some are average looking and even some I see as honestly fairly dumpy/loser looking. If these men can land these women there is no reason why I can't and trying to figure this out over the years has lead to a lot of frustration. It's possible I'm going for the wrong women but I think it lies deeper than that. Very few men are my height and anywhere near as in shape as I am, especially for a man in his early 30s I'm in the real world a strong outlier. When you combine this with the other things I have going for me a woman is going to have a difficult time finding better, which shows me that this is not the issue.

If you are a strong outlier, harness that confidence. Realize that women want to be with a 6'4", muscular guy. Every day, when you wake up, repeat to yourself 5 times...."I am 6'4", muscular, and the man every women wants to fucck." That should help the confidence.

 

[Lordeterra]

An issue I've had my entire life is that other people seem to go out of their way to try to demean my accomplishments, qualities, etc. When I was younger this was primarily family oriented, but now as an adult I notice that other people behave in a similar manner towards me, albeit in more of a subtle and passive aggressive manner. This is something that I have experienced from both men and women and I'm not really sure what to make of it but the deeper intuitive feeling that I get is they are doing this out of insecurity they experience around me.

I've posted this a million times on here, but I'm a white man that is 6'4" and fit/muscular at 240 lbs. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s, I can do reps on chin ups with another 50 lbs. added, push sleds that weigh almost 1000 lbs....I could go on and on with the physical feats I am capable of, which is well beyond the scope of the vast majority of men and I've never taken steroids. I have a handsome face and despite being 31 I generally get guesses in the mid to late 20s range. More normal people will compliment me, both men and women, but it's not very often this happens.

Anyway, I've had other men make some weird comments about my physique or physical capabilities and it's always just your average dude you see in the gym. I've had very average and even out of shape women criticize my appearance. For instance, a few years back I had this one who was in her early 20s, she wasn't at all attractive and her bf was this super goofy looking dude and yet she was criticizing the way I look. I've had a couple women tell me I have a "dad bod". I had an average woman point out a woman around my age who was sporting a stomach and she told me that was my league. What adds to this is I've had horrendous experiences with approaching and interacting with average and even unattractive women, which feeds into what these people are telling me and it creates this repetitive negative loop over and over again. For every 1 good comment I get I probably receive 20 of these more negative put downs.

I also do really well for myself financially. I've never had a glamorous or high paying/high status job but I have a good work ethic and I'm very very intelligent with money, investments, etc. I have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and with some of it I earn enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area..

Anyway, I've had people criticize things like that and they'll say how I was only able to get that because of xyz.

This has been a trend my entire life and I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's been a huge issue for me because it lowers my confidence and in direct relation with dating I feel like I can't figure out what types of women I should be going for. It's created an issue where I have this endless and repetitive negative loop that I find difficult to get out of and I'm not sure what I can be doing in order to change that. I'm not sure if it is a simple fix of just cutting out certain people or possibly something more.

the more above average you go the more they hate you. People hate change humans are used to routine. Just do you and youll meet an exceptional woman. Trust me extremely gorgeous intelligent classy woman get the same hate and jealousy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

the more above average you go the more they hate you. People hate change humans are used to routine. Just do you and youll meet an exceptional woman. Trust me extremely gorgeous intelligent classy woman get the same hate and jealousy.

True... If he had his romance life and social life going well, he would be "rolling strong" and all this very normal hate wouldn't register. That's why is say that pvssy lubricates your life. Get in some asap....

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

That would be insulting. As a 6'4" guy, you're entitled to a lot better than a 4. You shouldn't ever talk to anyone below the cute range, which is 6-7.9. Hot to me is 8+. I prefer using cute or hot to describe women because my 6 isn't the same as your 6.



That is horseshiit man.




If you are a strong outlier, harness that confidence. Realize that women want to be with a 6'4", muscular guy. Every day, when you wake up, repeat to yourself 5 times...."I am 6'4", muscular, and the man every women wants to fucck." That should help the confidence.

Why? Being born tall isn't an accomplishment.

 

[sangheilios]

That would be insulting. As a 6'4" guy, you're entitled to a lot better than a 4. You shouldn't ever talk to anyone below the cute range, which is 6-7.9. Hot to me is 8+. I prefer using cute or hot to describe women because my 6 isn't the same as your 6.



That is horseshiit man.




If you are a strong outlier, harness that confidence. Realize that women want to be with a 6'4", muscular guy. Every day, when you wake up, repeat to yourself 5 times...."I am 6'4", muscular, and the man every women wants to fucck." That should help the confidence.

I know it's nonsense but the reality is I received feedback like this all the time.

the more above average you go the more they hate you. People hate change humans are used to routine. Just do you and youll meet an exceptional woman. Trust me extremely gorgeous intelligent classy woman get the same hate and jealousy.

This is again partially the reason why I suspect it may be the people I'm around and that I need to make some changes. I'm not fully convinced it is my current metro, though I still harbor some suspicions this is partially at play here.

True... If he had his romance life and social life going well, he would be "rolling strong" and all this very normal hate wouldn't register. That's why is say that pvssy lubricates your life. Get in some asap....

There are other things I'm currently working towards, which I can accomplish sometime within the next 3-5 years of my life. However, I agree that this is and has been a major source of frustration for me that I feel has eroded my confidence.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I know it's nonsense but the reality is I received feedback like this all the time.



This is again partially the reason why I suspect it may be the people I'm around and that I need to make some changes. I'm not fully convinced it is my current metro, though I still harbor some suspicions this is partially at play here.



There are other things I'm currently working towards, which I can accomplish sometime within the next 3-5 years of my life. However, I agree that this is and has been a major source of frustration for me that I feel has eroded my confidence.

Yeah bro it's true. Those things you are working on, goals, financial, etc cause alot of heat. While it does bring you a little pleasure when you are hitting your deliverables and checkpoints, your life still needs proper lubrication.

With a very good romantic life those things that people that annoy the hell out of you or add stress will not, it almost won't register. But as long as your romantic side is not filled, they will be able to hit bullseye after bullseye on you and your heat and stress will rise.

Literally with enough pvssy and love in your life, you wouldn't give two sh1ts about what these people think. Without it, they will be able to raise some doubt and concern, and your confidence will be eaten into like a bag of potatoe chips. BTW, those folks alot of times know that's what they are doing too!

I pray it all works out for you.

 

[Lordeterra]

Why? Being born tall isn't an accomplishment.

it isn't but its more respected. Genetics is underrated in red pill IMO. Being tall helps a lot

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

it isn't but its more respected. Genetics is underrated in red pill IMO. Being tall helps a lot

How can you be so sure that all females think this?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How can you be so sure that all females think this?

Exactly. Alot of the women "empowerment" types will go to "cutting a man down to size", if he is tall, if he has alot of confidence or accomplishments. She will do what she can to try to "lower" him.

 

[Lordeterra]

How can you be so sure that all females think this?

all women want someone taller than them. This is a fact.

 

[SW15]

Why? Being born tall isn't an accomplishment.

all women want someone taller than them. This is a fact.

Being tall helps. Not all women, but a very large %.

 

[SW15]

it isn't but its more respected. Genetics is underrated in red pill IMO. Being tall helps a lot

At 5'10" and fit but not overly muscular, I need a lot more charisma than a 6'4", muscular guy needs.

True... If he had his romance life and social life going well, he would be "rolling strong" and all this very normal hate wouldn't register. That's why is say that pvssy lubricates your life. Get in some asap....

I agree that getting good puussy makes a lot of other stuff irrelevant. It's less likely that other hate registers when getting laid by an attractive woman,

all women want someone taller than them. This is a fact.

It's generally better for both sides when the man is taller than the woman. Most of the globe is culturally conditioned to accept that.

I had a 5'11" girlfriend for a time. Even though I am confident, a slight bit of me felt a little awkward when having sex with her and also being with her when she was wearing heels. I've had girlfriends in the 5'7"-5'9" range too, which is tall-ish and those felt a little bit better, even if the woman would be taller in heels.

 

[Lordeterra]

At 5'10" and fit but not overly muscular, I need a lot more charisma than a 6'4", muscular guy needs.



I agree that getting good puussy makes a lot of other stuff irrelevant. It's less likely that other hate registers when getting laid by an attractive woman,



It's generally better for both sides when the man is taller than the woman. Most of the globe is culturally conditioned to accept that.

I had a 5'11" girlfriend for a time. Even though I am confident, a slight bit of me felt a little awkward when having sex with her and also being with her when she was wearing heels. I've had girlfriends in the 5'7"-5'9" range too, which is tall-ish and those felt a little bit better, even if the woman would be taller in heels.

My favorite is girls that are like 5’2 lol. I’m 5’10 and I love overpowering them. I’ll if I’d have kids eith them though cause I don’t want to donmy son dirty with short genes

 

[Who Dares Win]

Get rid of toxic people wheter they are family members or random people, mind your own business and associate only with those who vibes the way you do.

It's not mandatory to connect to people despite what we've been told since we were kids, better alone than in a bad company....let women be the ones who live or die according to social feedbacks.

 

[SW15]

My favorite is girls that are like 5’2 lol. I’m 5’10 and I love overpowering them. I’ll if I’d have kids eith them though cause I don’t want to donmy son dirty with short genes

I had short genes and was lucky to get to 5'10". I see your point of view on that. For many years, I was on the shorter end of my school classes in the K-12 years. I only got to a good height in 11th and 12th grades. There was trauma and abuse due to being shorter and relocating.

I tend to prefer tall-ish women because I'm athletic and taller women tend to be more into playing some sport. There are plenty of fit 5'0"-5'4" women but they might be more into general fitness than a specific sport.

Fit women in some fashion are an absolute must for me.,

The best sport to meet women through is sand volleyball. You'll meet a lot of 5'9"-6'2" women in that. For serious volleyball players, 5'9"-5'11" women are short.

At 6'4" and muscular, @sangheilios is well positioned to pick up 5'9"-6'2" women. Those tall-ish to taller women dream of a 6'4" guy To an average 5'4"-5'5" average woman, a 6'4" guy is awesome.

 

[Lordeterra]

I had short genes and was lucky to get to 5'10". I see your point of view on that. For many years, I was on the shorter end of my school classes in the K-12 years. I only got to a good height in 11th and 12th grades. There was trauma and abuse due to being shorter and relocating.

I tend to prefer tall-ish women because I'm athletic and taller women tend to be more into playing some sport. There are plenty of fit 5'0"-5'4" women but they might be more into general fitness than a specific sport.

Fit women in some fashion are an absolute must for me.,

The best sport to meet women through is sand volleyball. You'll meet a lot of 5'9"-6'2" women in that. For serious volleyball players, 5'9"-5'11" women are short.

At 6'4" and muscular, @sangheilios is well positioned to pick up 5'9"-6'2" women. Those tall-ish to taller women dream of a 6'4" guy To an average 5'4"-5'5" average woman, a 6'4" guy is awesome.

6’4 is the best height.
Literal automatic status