She wants a second public date before coming to my place.

[DEEZEDBRAH]

What's up guys.

Went on a date yesterday to a local spot with a new girl. Date went really well - we each got one drink and she even offered to split the bill (I thanked her but paid the bill, after all it was only one drink). We then went for a walk, I initiated kino for most of the date, conversation was good, and we ended up making out a few times during the remainder of the date.

I invited her to my place this Wednesday night for dinner (and she would bring us some wine). I have not had a girl yet that I have met in person want to meet up a second time prior coming to my place, but this girl asked if we could meet up again in a public setting prior to coming to my apartment. She said it's not that she "doesn't feel comfortable", but "it's just not something I usually do on date #2, I would like to get to know you a little bit better if that's ok."

IL seemed very high on the date and still does, I am just not sure if this is a characteristic of a more quality girl vs. what I have been used to from OLD (some have come to my place either on the first date, or most have come to my place for a second date after getting a drink or coffee first).

Definitely interested in seeing her again though. HB 7.5, really sweet, great conversation, similar interests, well put together, etc. My plan is to meet up with her again in person this Wednesday for another drink. This time, if/when she offers to split the bill I will accept.

What do you guys think?

I have no problem with it. Let it ride playboy.

IMHO I do coffee. Not dinner. Invite to my place is for a movie. I actually bought a WII years ago and dance dance Rev as a college kid. Used it not 1x myself. can't dance a5 gunpoint lulz but it was superb after party shtick.

My point is that dinner is more courtship. I go casual. I pull and let things play. Do your thing playboy. It sounds like it's going well. Enjoy.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I agree. I did not block or delete her number. That's just not me - I would never want to burn a bridge or anything like that. I have not reached out since then. I have noticed she has been watching my instagram stories though.

I block and delete. hell I troll too.

 

[FuzzX]

you guys like to play with fire huh?

 

[derby1]

@TheNewStyle123 text her Tuesday and invite her to the bar near your place that you've mentioned previously. Aim for Thursday after work.

she will rape charge him bro, the writings on the wall with how sensitive she is. This is why you playfully criticise women, to test if shes had any masculine energy play her up before. Brothers play her her up when she was younger etc

 

[manfrombelow]

Update:

Well, that went horribly guys. Not sure if I fuucked up. But here's how it went:

She came over, plenty of kino during the night, she was totally into it etc. After a few drinks, great convo, and dinner we are making out on the couch for a while and I try to progress things. Once again she stops me. We continue to sit and talk, occasional kino and escalation - but she again continues to stop things from progressing (sucking her tits at the most). At some point she asks me "so, how many girls do you have come over and cook for?" I responded "you're my first.." She rolled her eyes and laughed and said "come on, really?" I then said "you mean just this week? Or tonight?" She again laughed.

We cont. to make out then I call her a tease (not in an insulting way, I explain I meant I liked how she was teasing me, but I guess she took it like that) and she shuts down. Then she starts getting angry and saying the whole night has just been about sex and questioning my 'intentions', and all of this other BS.

She then says she should probably leave and at this point I'm so turned off and a little irritated that I agree. As she walks to the door and I go to walk her out she says "all you have been doing all night is groping me (which btw she was enjoying previously) and then you call me a tease. I am offended." She then storms out of my place.

Maybe I shouldn't of said those things or called her a 'tease'?

Idk guys.. to be honest I feel pretty shiity right now. Did I fuuck up or did I dodge a bullet and this chick is kind of crazy? IMO she was once again trying to power move me and when things finally escalated and it wasn't in her frame she decided to flip it on me and make me feel like a shallow creep only out to get one thing.. when the rest of the night was really fun.

What do you guys think? Just feeling crappy right now..

In the past, I had women coming over my place and totally ghosted me afterwards, because I was too chickened and beta to make a sexual move. So you did NOTHING wrong, except the part where you called her a tease.

In my opinion, only after you've succesfully fvcked her can you call her a tease. But before that? Maybe the word triggered her Anti-Slut Defense System at the highest level, combined with the crazy nature of females, so she flipped out. You should take note.

For now? Stop contacting her and especially don't try texting her to say you're sorry. There was nothing to be sorry about actually apart from you didn't penetrate her that night.

 

[derby1]

whats that quote we have on this site about "its better for her to see you push for secs, than nothing at all?"

we have a one liner for it I cant remember?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

whats that quote we have on this site about "its better for her to see you push for secs, than nothing at all?"

we have a one liner for it I cant remember?

Rejection is better than regret!

 

[TheNewStyle123]

In the past, I had women coming over my place and totally ghosted me afterwards, because I was too chickened and beta to make a sexual move. So you did NOTHING wrong, except the part where you called her a tease.

In my opinion, only after you've succesfully fvcked her can you call her a tease. But before that? Maybe the word triggered her Anti-Slut Defense System at the highest level, combined with the crazy nature of females, so she flipped out. You should take note.

For now? Stop contacting her and especially don't try texting her to say you're sorry. There was nothing to be sorry about actually apart from you didn't penetrate her that night.

Thanks man - I agree! I would have rather of tried and had her deny me than not make any move. Either way, the situation would of ended the same. No sex. In this situation rejection is better than regret, and yeah my plan is no contact or apologizing. I know I didn't do anything wrong.

 

[derby1]

Rejection is better than regret!

we have another one Im sure it has the word aggressive in it, and something about the woman,

I remembered that one but thanks

 

[FuzzX]

Video games are better than herpes.

 

[Glassguy]

OP I think you played this just fine. Had you not escalated she would have friend zoned you. She put you in an awkward situation for acting like a man.

I dont expect a woman to submit until we've had sex several times......at minimum. But a tease will never submit because its a game to them for attention.

Not saying she is a tease, but she certainly gives off that vibe. In 2021 what woman would agree to come to your place and drink and not want to have sex? She is putting off multiple signals and that is frustrating enough.

I wouldnt necessarily next her at this point but I would apply silence and distance. If you never hear from her again that is fine, but if she reaches out its going to be a tough play. I think honesty is the best policy:
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: Look, I've had a good time with you but I am not sure we are on the same page sexually. I dont sleep around but I had thought we were mutually sexual with each other and the "groping" comment really turned me off.

Call her out in a non threatening way and see how she responds. At the most I would give this one more shot if any and that is only if she reaches out and seems remorseful for her behavior of making those statements insinuating that you acted in a wrong way with her.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

OP I think you played this just fine. Had you not escalated she would have friend zoned you. She put you in an awkward situation for acting like a man.

I dont expect a woman to submit until we've had sex several times......at minimum. But a tease will never submit because its a game to them for attention.

Not saying she is a tease, but she certainly gives off that vibe. In 2021 what woman would agree to come to your place and drink and not want to have sex? She is putting off multiple signals and that is frustrating enough.

I wouldnt necessarily next her at this point but I would apply silence and distance. If you never hear from her again that is fine, but if she reaches out its going to be a tough play. I think honesty is the best policy:
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: Look, I've had a good time with you but I am not sure we are on the same page sexually. I dont sleep around but I had thought we were mutually sexual with each other and the "groping" comment really turned me off.

Call her out in a non threatening way and see how she responds. At the most I would give this one more shot if any and that is only if she reaches out and seems remorseful for her behavior of making those statements insinuating that you acted in a wrong way with her.

Dude. This is GOLD. Thanks for the tip buddy - I have been trying to plan what to say if she reaches out again to be assertive, truthful, and blunt and that's an excellent response. It shows I am not admitting "guilt" because I didn't do anything wrong, while simultaneously putting the ball in her court and calling her out on BS.

 

[Glassguy]

Dude. This is GOLD. Thanks for the tip buddy - I have been trying to plan what to say if she reaches out again to be assertive, truthful, and blunt and that's an excellent response. It shows I am not admitting "guilt" because I didn't do anything wrong, while simultaneously putting the ball in her court and calling her out on BS.

While you dont want to come out and call her a tease (being covert is better than overt when dealing with women most of the time), you can imply it in a way that she will understand what you're saying.

I date/spin higher quality women. Ones that are attractive, educated (bachelor's degree +) and financially independent. Non smokers and absolutely no drug use (not even weed). They cant have young kids (toddlers). Those are my deal breakers. Not that I wont smash a few here and there that meet my criteria but they arent "dating material". As such, these women of higher quality know what they bring to the table and I dont expect their legs to fly open and pull me on top of them after buying 2 rounds of drinks on the first meet up. However if they do, I will smash and they turn into lower quality in my eyes.
That being said, I have no problems with a woman who doesnt put out on the first date.....or second date.....sometimes even a third date. As long as things are progressing, I will eventually get the goods and have fun on the dates until then.

However this woman was sexual, seductive, brought sex into the conversations, etc. That is totally different. As such she is being a tease. On top of that, she played the victim card after you acted accordingly and escalated for what you thought she wanted, based off of her actions and words.
Normally the victim card is instant dismissal as it shows that she is entitled, crazy or both. She can go play in traffic if she wants to play the poor me game. Not interested.

So I would advise you to play this SLOW and put the issue on her if she reaches out. Expect her to play the victim card again if she reaches out and you dump the proverbial shyte on top of her head. Thats ok too, you simply say "You are not what I am looking for and we arent compatible" and move on without any more conversation with her.
If it were me I would be done with her but still let her know whats up with her attitude on my way out. Its great for your self worth and self respect. A lot of these chicks need a dose of reality sometimes but I only give it to them when I am torching the bridge on my way out and have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.

Good luck.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

While you dont want to come out and call her a tease (being covert is better than overt when dealing with women most of the time), you can imply it in a way that she will understand what you're saying.

I date/spin higher quality women. Ones that are attractive, educated (bachelor's degree +) and financially independent. Non smokers and absolutely no drug use (not even weed). They cant have young kids (toddlers). Those are my deal breakers. Not that I wont smash a few here and there that meet my criteria but they arent "dating material". As such, these women of higher quality know what they bring to the table and I dont expect their legs to fly open and pull me on top of them after buying 2 rounds of drinks on the first meet up. However if they do, I will smash and they turn into lower quality in my eyes.
That being said, I have no problems with a woman who doesnt put out on the first date.....or second date.....sometimes even a third date. As long as things are progressing, I will eventually get the goods and have fun on the dates until then.

However this woman was sexual, seductive, brought sex into the conversations, etc. That is totally different. As such she is being a tease. On top of that, she played the victim card after you acted accordingly and escalated for what you thought she wanted, based off of her actions and words.
Normally the victim card is instant dismissal as it shows that she is entitled, crazy or both. She can go play in traffic if she wants to play the poor me game. Not interested.

So I would advise you to play this SLOW and put the issue on her if she reaches out. Expect her to play the victim card again if she reaches out and you dump the proverbial shyte on top of her head. Thats ok too, you simply say "You are not what I am looking for and we arent compatible" and move on without any more conversation with her.
If it were me I would be done with her but still let her know whats up with her attitude on my way out. Its great for your self worth and self respect. A lot of these chicks need a dose of reality sometimes but I only give it to them when I am torching the bridge on my way out and have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.

Good luck.

Very well said man thank you. I totally agree about the part where she was initiating a lot of sexually charged things (through convo, kino, practically begging to come to my place for our third date before our 2nd date was even over, etc.) then suddenly she was the 'victim' because I made a move accordingly.

I like the idea of saying something about her attitude regardless of what happens. Do you suggest going out of my way to text her about her attitude, or only say anything if she reaches out to me?

 

[Glassguy]

Very well said man thank you. I totally agree about the part where she was initiating a lot of sexually charged things (through convo, kino, practically begging to come to my place for our third date before our 2nd date was even over, etc.) then suddenly she was the 'victim' because I made a move accordingly.

I like the idea of saying something about her attitude regardless of what happens. Do you suggest going out of my way to text her about her attitude, or only say anything if she reaches out to me?

I would only recommend saying something if SHE reaches out and SHE mentions getting together. I would NOT reach out nor would I offer any more dates.......that is only rewarding her good behavior.
Her: Hey blah blah
You (Several hours later): Oh hey whats up
Her: Blah blah blah.......so are we going to see each other again?
Me: Oh wow I dont know. You got pretty upset at me for no reason. I mean if we were to become romantically involved with each other is that what I would be expecting to happen again? I didnt think it was cool that you got mad and stormed out like that.

That in itself is smacking her upside the head on how she acted.

But no I wouldnt reach out. Only reply back after taking your old sweet time.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I would only recommend saying something if SHE reaches out and SHE mentions getting together. I would NOT reach out nor would I offer any more dates.......that is only rewarding her good behavior.
Her: Hey blah blah
You (Several hours later): Oh hey whats up
Her: Blah blah blah.......so are we going to see each other again?
Me: Oh wow I dont know. You got pretty upset at me for no reason. I mean if we were to become romantically involved with each other is that what I would be expecting to happen again? I didnt think it was cool that you got mad and stormed out like that.

That in itself is smacking her upside the head on how she acted.

But no I wouldnt reach out. Only reply back after taking your old sweet time.

I love this whole conversation hahaha - great stuff man. Now I really hope she reaches out just so I can put her in her place. She made me feel vile and a creep for literally escalating after an entire two nights of sexual tension from her. So yeah b!tch.... you WERE a tease.

 

[deBrito]

I love this whole conversation hahaha - great stuff man. Now I really hope she reaches out just so I can put her in her place. She made me feel vile and a creep for literally escalating after an entire two nights of sexual tension from her. So yeah b!tch.... you WERE a tease.

Interesting story, just goes to say that AWALT, bear in mind that the same happened to me not a long ago and i probably live in a different continent then you do, hahaha.

It makes you wonder why the heck she keeps following you in social media right? That shvt happens to me aswell.

 

[Glassguy]

I love this whole conversation hahaha - great stuff man. Now I really hope she reaches out just so I can put her in her place. She made me feel vile and a creep for literally escalating after an entire two nights of sexual tension from her. So yeah b!tch.... you WERE a tease.

Honestly if you feel that way (or that upset about how she acted) I would just block her or not respond if she does reach out.
I am very aloof and indifferent by nature so I can pull this stuff off when a lot of other guys can't because its not their personality and I totally get that.
After all she acted this way from the start and showed that's who she is.
Most people will show you who they are if you just pay attention. Next her so you don't have to deal with her anymore

 

[BeExcellent]

While you dont want to come out and call her a tease (being covert is better than overt when dealing with women most of the time), you can imply it in a way that she will understand what you're saying.

I date/spin higher quality women. Ones that are attractive, educated (bachelor's degree +) and financially independent. Non smokers and absolutely no drug use (not even weed). They cant have young kids (toddlers). Those are my deal breakers. Not that I wont smash a few here and there that meet my criteria but they arent "dating material". As such, these women of higher quality know what they bring to the table and I dont expect their legs to fly open and pull me on top of them after buying 2 rounds of drinks on the first meet up. However if they do, I will smash and they turn into lower quality in my eyes.
That being said, I have no problems with a woman who doesnt put out on the first date.....or second date.....sometimes even a third date. As long as things are progressing, I will eventually get the goods and have fun on the dates until then.

However this woman was sexual, seductive, brought sex into the conversations, etc. That is totally different. As such she is being a tease. On top of that, she played the victim card after you acted accordingly and escalated for what you thought she wanted, based off of her actions and words.
Normally the victim card is instant dismissal as it shows that she is entitled, crazy or both. She can go play in traffic if she wants to play the poor me game. Not interested.

So I would advise you to play this SLOW and put the issue on her if she reaches out. Expect her to play the victim card again if she reaches out and you dump the proverbial shyte on top of her head. Thats ok too, you simply say "You are not what I am looking for and we arent compatible" and move on without any more conversation with her.
If it were me I would be done with her but still let her know whats up with her attitude on my way out. Its great for your self worth and self respect. A lot of these chicks need a dose of reality sometimes but I only give it to them when I am torching the bridge on my way out and have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.

Good luck.

This is important. Better women and women who are sought after are going to be more discriminating as @Glassguy describes above.

And sometimes guys don’t always pull the trigger or aren’t quite sure how to escalate or when to escalate, especially men who are coming out of a marriage or LTR...they get rusty assuming they knew in the first place.

It was six dates before the man I’m seeing really escalated. I liked him quite a bit...so I was patient...but at the 5 date mark I was starting to wonder. He had just emerged from a 23 year marriage with a dead bedroom though, so it’s been an adjustment for him.

If a woman likes you and truly has high interest it’s going to be harder to mess up. I think this girl in the OPs story was more on the fence the whole time. Women will decide very early on if they can envision fvcking you. They may put it off a while and gauge your interest level (I do this)...but things will progress so you understand her desire level is there.

Sometimes it works to stir tension and let her mind wonder what you would be like in bed. Sometimes less is more. But this is a more nuanced approach...let her seduce you...but she has to desire you to want to seduce you...

Im not sure the desire was really there in the OP, and if it isn’t then escalation isn’t going to win you any favors.

The biggest thing men really need to learn is interest level. How to read interest level. You must get your ego out of the way & disregard how much YOU like HER...and watch her actions to see how much SHE likes YOU.

Actions always tell the story if you can objectively observe them...

 

[King Lion]

This is very simple.

Women don't want Men to see her as "easy" because men don't find promiscuous women attractive, so women have evolved to hide their nature from men.

Men don't find promiscuous women attractive because it's a threat to paternity assurance, in evolution-speak. The existential threat for men is raising another man's children and wasting his resources on another man's offspring. The existential threat for women is being left alone to fend for herself, while impregnated.

Women would prefer a man to think she is highly-selective and chastened because a man is more likely to invest his resources into her.

These are all primitive forces that lurk behind the forebrain.

TRUTH....This is why the institution of marriage exists!