Should I drop my main plate?(UPDATE: Dropped)

[Lookatu]

Dude, you're rationalizing.

Bottom line her actions. Bottom line is this chick is unfortunately not that interested in you. At one point she may have been, but likely not high enough if she wasn't begging for exclusivity. They make it clear when they don't want you in the arms of another woman.

It is time to move on my friend.

Yup, we always preach action over words yet this get's put to the side sometime when we're not thinking straight. Her inaction of 3 weeks says it all.

Also in these cases, we always see the guys trying to rationalize and defend the girl they care about. Groundhog day everyday on SS for these cases. We've all done and been there but it's good to be reminded.

Bottom line is you still want/desire more caring and attention from her than ever. She is either not aware of your unexpressed needs/desires, not able to meet them, and/or not interested in meeting them.

This is where growing a pair and communicating will let you know right away where you stand. Or you can put up the continuing charade like everything is fine in la la land...
Or ASSume things and either be right or very wrong but you will never know for sure.

 

[Atom Smasher]

We men are by nature "fixers" and we tend to persevere until every option is exhausted, and that's why it's often hard for us to wake up and smell the coffee when a situation unrecoverable.

I'm afraid he's going to have to learn the hard way, meaning prolonging the suffering because he doesn't want to mess it up or throw it away. That's how we all have to learn. It's a fight against our wiring.

OP, please read my post above again (interestingly, one of the few posts you never responded to), and consider what I said. The real torture comes from not knowing, from being in limbo about a girl. Freedom comes from taking the bull by the horns and forcing the resolution. If she is into you, you will know it. If not, you will know it. Isn't it better to know it tomorrow than to spend another week or more in this state of uncertainty?

 

[LiveYourDream]

I encourage the OP to move beyond feeling powerless, to this woman’s lack of time and attention for him. Imho, it’s time for OP to claim and feel his own power again.

 

[TheProspect]

OP, please read my post above again (interestingly, one of the few posts you never responded to)

He hasn’t really acknowledged any post that suggests doing anything that involves potentially losing her. Which honestly surprises me because knowing him he’d be offering very similar advice if he wasn’t the one caught up in the situation.

Interesting how when we are the ones with emotions invested in a chick it changes how receptive we are to any input that suggests something we don’t want to hear/do, and then we rationalize why our situation is so different and why a lot of what is taught or what we learned here doesn’t apply.

I'm afraid he's going to have to learn the hard way

I’m afraid so.

 

[Atom Smasher]

He hasn’t really acknowledged any post that suggests doing anything that involves potentially losing her. Which honestly surprises me because knowing him he’d be offering very similar advice if he wasn’t the one caught up in the situation.

Interesting how when we are the ones with emotions invested in a chick it changes how receptive we are to any input that suggests something we don’t want to hear/do, and then we rationalize why our situation is so different and why a lot of what is taught or what we learned here doesn’t apply.



I’m afraid so.

You're 100% correct. If it were anyone else, he would give them similar advice, and I believe he's done just that before.

Yup, it just goes to show how easily any of us can lose perspective when we find ourselves in the trenches.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You're 100% correct. If it were anyone else, he would give them similar advice, and I believe he's done just that before.

Yup, it just goes to show how easily any of us can lose perspective when we find ourselves in the trenches.

Yeah I mean you are right. It's tough to see the forest from the trees while you are in it.

 

[Max Baker]

Yeah I mean you are right. It's tough to see the forest from the trees while you are in it.

Yes but eventually you do. You will get there hopefully sooner rather than later.

Talking from experience.

 

[17 shots]

lol at "main" plate... you can't have favorites in this game. That's where you messed up at

 

[Igetit!]

There's also a 100% chance she is seeing other men

I disagree. In fact,if everything BackInTheGame said is correct,I'd say there a Zero percent chance she's seeing someone else. I don't see how she could,given everything he said......

" We never really talked about it but on the first date she did say she only dates one man at a time."

She is 100% extra busy right now. That isn't in question. Her work just dumped a bunch of extra stuff on her plate where she is pretty high up and her job was already demanding and now her son is back to playing hockey and he has games 2 times a week and usually on weekends. Those are both new things that just popped up over the last month.

So,if she only dates one guy at a time....
she's 100% extra busy,on a job that was already demanding
she works out....
and has a son who recently started playing hockey games,twice a week.....

If that's all true,how would there be time to see other men? OP said she only dates one guy at a time anyway. Unless.......

 

[BadBoy89]

So,if she only dates one guy at a time....
she's 100% extra busy,on a job that was already demanding
she works out....
and has a son who recently started playing hockey games,twice a week.....

If that's all true,how would there be time to see other men? OP said she only dates one guy at a time anyway. Unless.......

Thats what she TELLS the OP. She is not going to say “I date other men to see which one fits my needs”. She is not going to say anything to incriminate herself.

Last year I went out with a woman who was working, going to school, and seeing me. After several months I found out she had a boyfriend the whole time. The second she told me to go to hell, she posted a picture a fairly intimate picture of her and her boyfriend on Instagram. Granted I never took her seriously because I knew something was off, but having a boyfriend while dating me? These girls are crafty...

As for the OPs case, any women with KIDS is only good for sex, f*ck and chuck. Cant believe after everything this site stands for, men still want to *connect* with women who have KIDS.

Brutal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thats what she TELLS the OP. She is not going to say “I date other men to see which one fits my needs”. She is not going to say anything to incriminate herself.

Last year I went out with a woman who was working, going to school, and seeing me. After several months I found out she had a boyfriend the whole time. The second she told me to go to hell, she posted a picture a fairly intimate picture of her and her boyfriend on Instagram. Granted I never took her seriously because I knew something was off, but having a boyfriend while dating me? These girls are crafty...

As for the OPs case, any women with KIDS is only good for sex, f*ck and chuck. Cant believe after everything this site stands for, men still want to *connect* with women who have KIDS.

Brutal.

I have kids too, I prefer it honestly.

 

[Toddz]

Every plate has a shelf life. It can range from a few weeks, a few months, a year or two, even longer...

I recently had a plate fall off that was going on for over 2 years. Arrangement was simple in that every other month she would come down to mine for the weekend. No texting or calling in between. I simply reached out to set it up and that was it. I recently reached out and she was courteous but did not accept and made no counter offer. It was done. No figuring things out or telling her to get in touch when she's free. If she wants to see me again she has my number.

In the OP's case it sounds like he caught feelings and may have communicated too much. It's okay and it can happen to all of us. His situation sounds like it was drifting towards a relationship versus just being a plate. There's a whole grey area in these situations when it comes to this.

If I were the OP, I would just pull back and let things be. Get busy with your life and let her reinitiate and reengage you, if she chooses to. She will probably ping you with small talk to check in on you for some validation, but you have to see it for what it is. If she makes no real effort to see you again, then there's your answer.

 

[MoMoses]

Why is there an angle for every situation on this forum, withdraw, spin plates, drop plates, get professional pics for OLD.. i mean what about just expressing your feelings, that's the whole reason we have them. Honesty. This is not chess.

Somebody is a bit blue pilled.. No offense, but this mindset will not get you anywhere. You seem like a nice guy and that's good for you. Most people on this forum are nice people. However, we have learned - some more than others - to see the matrix for what it really is. When you start seeing patterns you start seeing how things will roll out

 

[Black Widow Void]

Just a reminder to some of you guy's.

It's a rare day when I defend Backinthegame78 (previous postings serve as an example where he and I have duked it out - several times.) However, when a man's been bitten (and we've all experienced this with women) you offer a hand to help a fellow-man up - rather than a hand to dunk.

 

[derby1]

She seems like she has her act together and is mostly low maintenance and drama free. I definitely consider her to have long term potential.

This is what i felt with the recent thread about the high interest chic who vanished on me,(she apologised later)

Theres another man, its always another man

 

[Atom Smasher]

Just a reminder to some of you guy's.

It's a rare day when I defend Backinthegame78 (previous postings serve as an example where he and I have duked it out - several times.) However, when a man's been bitten (and we've all experienced this with women) you offer a hand to help a fellow-man up - rather than a hand to dunk.

We’re trying to help him by getting him out of this uncertainty and force all the cards of both parties on the table. Right now it’s the uncertainty and speculation and fear of finality that he is suffering from. I believe he needs to take control of this situation, which currently has control of him.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@BackInTheGame78
Here is what you wrote to someone a couple of weeks ago:
“Bingo. It seems OP's self worth is determined by who he is banging, how hot they are, what they think of him, etc etc.
Gotta break this cycle or OP is really screwing himself over in the long run.“

It seems you are in a similar situation yourself. This woman’s display of low IL should not be acceptable to you. If you tell her that the way things are doesn’t work for you, the feeling of loss will be vastly offset by the fact that you took control and got out of emotional limbo. That pain of the unknown is far worse than the pain of knowing it’s over.

If she responds negatively, you are only finalizing what is certain to be a long, excruciating process of her drifting away over time. If she responds positively, then it’s all good.

Either way you are trading that ambient, excruciating pain of not knowing, for much less pain or even a complete loss of pain.

No man should accept living in Limbo when it comes to women. You both need to sh!t or get off the pot.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Atom Smasher

Just texted her what you wrote verbatim. Will update when I hear back from her.

 

[MatureDJ]

Don't drop this plate, but spin a few more.

 

[Juanto]

OP, here’s the real deal: She’s out. She’s gone. She’s just prolonging the inevitable breakup to make it as soft and buffered by time as she can.

There is one thing only you need to do, and that’s a preemptive strike. This is the ONLY way to get control of this situation that is obviously eroding your peace of mind. Your ego is bruised, and you need to get control of this. I always preach here that a man should never, EVER remain in limbo regarding a woman’s interest level. It is eating at you because you are laying yourself prostrate on the floor, hoping she will re-accept you.

You can end this pitiful situation right now.

“Hey babe, I can see you’re very distracted and can’t maintain a relationship right now. No worries, I totally get it. This scenario doesn’t work for me, so I’m going to wish you the very best in life and move on.”

In so doing you will force the situation and within a day you will know where you stand with her. You will also regain most of the respect she has already lost for you.

In the unlikely event she is still interested in you, she will blow up your phone and cry and beg (which you should prolong as a means of correction and punishment and a demonstration of your own self-respect).

In the more likely scenario, she will get furious (because you beat her at her own game), or will actually be relieved that you ended it.

Either way, you win. Most importantly, you will no longer be writing this diary of uncertainty here but will instead be writing that you handled your business with your head held high.

Good piece of advice here.