She is 100% extra busy right now. That isn't in question. Her work just dumped a bunch of extra stuff on her plate where she is pretty high up and her job was already demanding and now her son is back to playing hockey and he has games 2 times a week and usually on weekends. Those are both new things that just popped up over the last month.
I mean I get why she has been feeling overwhelmed totally. But at the end of the day if this is her normal life moving forward, clearly she is telling me there is no place for me in it. At the end of the day, if a person has value in your life I just can't really accept that they aren't interested in seeing you for going on 3 weeks now.
Do I just back away and chill or do I end things and tell her to get back to me when things change?
I understood she was a plate. To me that means you simply met up occasionally to have sex. Was that the nature of your dynamics? How often did you meet up for sex? Did both of you initiate or primarily one of you?
You also texted multiple times a day. That can lead to a false sense of intimacy/connection and importance in someone else’s life. It sounds like you caught the feels. It happens.
It sounds like because of those feels you now are getting expectations and are wanting more than simply occasionally having sex with her. Is that true? You want to feel valued by her? You want to feel treated more like a bf than a man she meets for sex. Is that true?
What are you looking for at this point? Are you willing to see her as just a plate, sex only, nothing else? Or because of your feelings, has that changed and there is no going back for you? That’s ok. You just have to be honest with yourself about it.
You seem to have expectations that she prioritize YOU personally. It seems that you are not dissatisfied simply because your plate is unavailable for sex at the usual frequency?
It seems you are saying you are dissatisfied because you want her to demonstrate her caring like a gf would? You wish she would make a big deal or do something for your birthday. You wish it would already be in her mind and plans. You wish you were important enough to her that she would think to skip her gym workout and instead use that time to squeeze in a visit to see YOU, not simply for sex, but to connect with you, because she cares about you. Am I understanding you correctly?
My understanding is you have 2 other plates for sex besides her. So her availability for sex is likely not the true issue because you have other options.
You mentioned that you have tried to connect with her more deeply, as I understood it, on multiple occasions and she has pulled back. I imagine that felt hard or like a bit of rejection on some level. Again, that may fall into more of what you would expect from a gf.
Along with that is the daily texting. As I said, it can lead to a misunderstanding of how important you are in someone else’s life. To one person they may think about it lots and to another it may be one of 1000 communications in their day. Maybe fun and light in their day, but necessarily as meaningful as it was to the other person. Primarily texting can lead to a false sense of connectedness. One can mistakenly assume what they feel on their end of the texting, is matched by the other, when there may be a lot of projection happening without someone even realizing it.
Again, I think texting everyday is more in line with GF/BF behavior than people simply hooking up to have sex. I think people avoid it as not to blur those lines and create misunderstandings. I get that. It’s easy to do.
Need help to understand what you actually have had with her and specifically what you want moving forward. It sounds like you want her to care for and treat you like a gf would. Is that what you want now? Is that the true reason for your upset/disappointment?
And has this woman ever brought up exclusivity with you? Have the two or you discussed it directly or indirectly or were those other plates you were speaking of previously?
What has become of your two other plates in the last few weeks? Are you still seeing/sleeping with them?