Cold-approach of waitress/bartender

[illstep]

.In other words, as much as people don't like hearing it, the most important element (her attraction) is basically out of your control.
Only people trying to tell you otherwise are people trying to sell coaching and books and courses etc (mysterymethods, girlschase etc)

Always thought mysterymethod was some of the cringiest stuff i'd seen/read (she thinks you're ugly? Just neg her, bro! Now she'll want you!) adn his infields were painful to watch, tbh. Playing circus clown and boring girls to death meticulously using all his theory only to get a number from a girl who he was better looking and younger than who he could have banged in an hourr by instead saying 'you're cute. What's your name?'! and escalating

But then I found girlschase forum. The guys he hires took cringe too a whole new level. Either they're fantasists writing fake field reports (no infields), or they're simply using something else (looks, money?) The verbal style would do way way more harm than good in real life. I honestly think the girls i've known would think it was a joke or that there was something wrong with them!

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So near my new apartment complex that I just moved to there is a waitress working at a higher end restaurant tonight who was very good looking, probably HB 8.5. She wasn’t our waitress though as my buddy and I sat at the bar. The place was incredibly busy and she was on the move 24/7 — but physically was very much my type. I maintained some strong eye contact with her a couple of times and she smiled - but it was from across the room. When my buddy and I got up to leave I had planned on approaching her on our way out but she was then busy with a couple of tables taking orders and couldn’t do so.

This is a place that I will likely be at a lot due to proximity to my new home. Any tactics djs have used for this type of cold approach when the waitress is not specifically waiting on you? In future I can try to sit in her section.

Cold approach is a strategy I’m trying to improve in. If this is a place I’ll frequent is it better to be seen a few times and talk to her to build a rapport before asking for the # or should you immediately let her know you want to take her out and ask just right off the bat.

Probably overthinking this a bit I know.

It's the worst target of the bunch. She works there. Is hit on by a ton of men who are usually drunk. You get boxed off as a chode fast if you fumble or got no game.

A better idea is approaching other women. It's then second nature of viewing this not as individual sets but one big set.

Every set is practice. Pull or next. Work volume. Avoid stupidity at your work, mosque, and anywhere the fallout exceeds the ROI. Most men don't approach. The very few that do got whack game. Approach anxiety.

If you are good at game, you don't care about the fallout, go buck wild. Be warned. Fallout at work has detrimental Consequence. Any social circle fallout likely will lower your value and even ruin your circle. the fact that you frequency the place often, alternative baeeee is a better idea. Yolo. take your shot but I would suggest that you pickup other randoms. The fact that she was working makes it easier and more of a warm approach than a random in Starbucks Coffee or in a shopping mall.

 

[Knight of Roses]

I've been exclusively dating bartenders for the last 1.5 years. The approach usually has to be done overtime. You can't expect to sit there just once and get her number. Be a regular and get to know her, make sure there aren't many obstacles. When it vibes, make the grab for the number.

DONT ask for her number or ask her out within the first 1-2x you meet her. This is what every SIMP dude does. Patience will win this game.

 

[Barrister]

I've been exclusively dating bartenders for the last 1.5 years. The approach usually has to be done overtime. You can't expect to sit there just once and get her number. Be a regular and get to know her, make sure there aren't many obstacles. When it vibes, make the grab for the number.

DONT ask for her number or ask her out within the first 1-2x you meet her. This is what every SIMP dude does. Patience will win this game.

This is in line with @Dash Riprock advice above and I think I tend to agree. Again, she was actually working as a waitress when I was there which makes it more difficult since you aren't guaranteed a conversation with her every time you walk in the door there. My thread title was a little misleading for my specific fact scenario here but I was moreso asking in general on the approach for women who are working the job and you want to approach them.

 

[ubercat]

Like I said do both. Get friendly and bring hotties there. Social proof feedback loop

Not sure my liver would hold up to all those bartenders

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I've been exclusively dating bartenders for the last 1.5 years. The approach usually has to be done overtime. You can't expect to sit there just once and get her number. Be a regular and get to know her, make sure there aren't many obstacles. When it vibes, make the grab for the number.

DONT ask for her number or ask her out within the first 1-2x you meet her. This is what every SIMP dude does. Patience will win this game.

Add in they are low hanging fruit and not worth much beyond busting a nut. cute and young but nothing else going. bar stars and party girls. the wall comes swift and hard. real hard. I will hit it but lulz @ dating. no dice!

 

[apotheosis]

But then I found girlschase forum. The guys he hires took cringe too a whole new level. Either they're fantasists writing fake field reports (no infields), or they're simply using something else (looks, money?) The verbal style would do way way more harm than good in real life. I honestly think the girls i've known would think it was a joke or that there was something wrong with them!

lol. I read that forum for a few weeks. Was super funny. These nerds pretending to be slayers with their fake field reports where they talk like some 18th century poet to young party girls (who would think it was a joke) whilst using Ross Jefferies 'NLP' and embedded commands!! (''just insert 'you are attracted to me' into a sentence, bro!'') Couldn't make that **** up. Cringed hard.

 

[BadWatermelon]

@Barrister sorry to bring this thread back from the dead, but I was wondering how this turned out? Funny to see you asking for help now that you're one of the better advice-givers on this site now.

 

[Barrister]

@Barrister sorry to bring this thread back from the dead, but I was wondering how this turned out? Funny to see you asking for help now that you're one of the better advice-givers on this site now.

Thank you - I simply try to give back to the forum since it has been a major help to me in the past.

This woman is one I ran into shortly after my last LTR terminated and I was very rusty at cold approaching. I approached her for a date after I had gone to the bar probably about 10+ times with various groups of friends so she saw high social proof. I asked with a specific date and I got the "I can't that night because of exams" (she was going to a local college in the city). But no counter. A few weeks later I made another pass while flirting with her at the bar and asked with another specific time. I honestly can't remember what she said but it wasn't a yes. I never asked her out again.

Funny thing is this became my go-to place for almost all of my dates for a solid 6-7 months last year and this waitress was almost always working. I got to know all of the bartenders there and it was a great place that I had high social proof with for that reason since I would be greeted by name by almost everyone there -- including this waitress. She saw me with I would say a good 10-12 different women over that timeframe - some of them multiple times; some were ONSs. I would always catch her looking at me with whatever date I had with me and I took great satisfaction in it. And I never attempted to ask her out again - her loss.

I actually laughed out loud when I saw this thread come back up. Thanks, brother.

 

[BadWatermelon]

Thanks man. Yeah I looked this one up because I've been thinking about asking a bartender out. I always go there by myself and talk to people and can never get my friends or anyone to go with me, as most of them are married.

People here seemed pretty evenly divided on whether it was a good idea or not. I've done it before and the girl was really flattered, I could see it on her face. It didn't end up working out though, but I'm glad I did it.

 

[RickTheToad]

Dash is correct that the Hired Gun is the toughest nut to crack. I think his method lends itself to relationship game better than ONS-Notch game. One of my friends married "the cute server" 15 years younger than him. It's his 4th marriage and I think he's got it figured out....

The most important thing is discerning her genuine interest as opposed to professional interest.

My GF spent a summer as a "Beer Cart Girl" on a golf course one of the first summers I met her. She figured out just the right amount of flirt to get big tips....And had plenty of older men coming on to her. She considered fending off the bumbling approaches to be a "cost of doing business"

Weird. The better looking the female, the lesser I've tipped. I pay for service, not attractiveness. If I'm not fvcking you, why would I care how attractive you are?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Weird. The better looking the female, the lesser I've tipped. I pay for service, not attractiveness. If I'm not fvcking you, why would I care how attractive you are?

All things being equal. I do tend to tip prettier girls more.

 

[Zimbabwe]

People here seemed pretty evenly divided on whether it was a good idea or not. I've done it before and the girl was really flattered, I could see it on her face. It didn't end up working out though, but I'm glad I did it

It's good strategy simply because of propinquity and the mere exposure effect. I have no idea why this isn’t talked about more.

 

[RickTheToad]

All things being equal. I do tend to tip prettier girls more.

Why? Surely you have a logical reason behind this.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Why? Surely you have a logical reason behind this.

I enjoy pretty girls. Their existence pleases me. So. I reward it.

 

[IKO69]

Part of the job is knowing how to handle guys / sucker them. Waitresses, but bartenders especially, are some of the most adept at the game, they understand it intuitively from all the men they have to handle and frankly exploit to get larger tips. You have to watch out for these types as they are honestly probably some of the worst (I don't care how hot some of them might be - think about what type of female would gravitate to such an environment ** note I am not talking about teenage girls working at some family restaurant I am talking about c0cktail waitresses).

I have dated 2 bartenders before and for what it is worth they took a liking to me as we talked; I did not make any moves whatsoever or tried to attract them. You want to convey that you are much better and have more going on than the cornballs who are harassing her on a daily basis. My opinion of them was kind of poor but I know some guys want to take that shot and this is what I would tell you to do if you must.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So near my new apartment complex that I just moved to there is a waitress working at a higher end restaurant tonight who was very good looking, probably HB 8.5. She wasn’t our waitress though as my buddy and I sat at the bar. The place was incredibly busy and she was on the move 24/7 — but physically was very much my type. I maintained some strong eye contact with her a couple of times and she smiled - but it was from across the room. When my buddy and I got up to leave I had planned on approaching her on our way out but she was then busy with a couple of tables taking orders and couldn’t do so.

This is a place that I will likely be at a lot due to proximity to my new home. Any tactics djs have used for this type of cold approach when the waitress is not specifically waiting on you? In future I can try to sit in her section.

Cold approach is a strategy I’m trying to improve in. If this is a place I’ll frequent is it better to be seen a few times and talk to her to build a rapport before asking for the # or should you immediately let her know you want to take her out and ask just right off the bat.

Probably overthinking this a bit I know.

You dun goofed.

There is no perfect moment. If lucky a situation will present itself and you can execute but if your game is wackkkkk, it won't matter.

Spoiler

Every set = practice

Cannon ball in. Skip the open. Start talking. Work volume.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I enjoy pretty girls. Their existence pleases me. So. I reward it.

Like every other simp lulz!

Part of the job is knowing how to handle guys / sucker them. Waitresses, but bartenders especially, are some of the most adept at the game, they understand it intuitively from all the men they have to handle and frankly exploit to get larger tips. You have to watch out for these types as they are honestly probably some of the worst (I don't care how hot some of them might be - think about what type of female would gravitate to such an environment ** note I am not talking about teenage girls working at some family restaurant I am talking about c0cktail waitresses).

I have dated 2 bartenders before and for what it is worth they took a liking to me as we talked; I did not make any moves whatsoever or tried to attract them. You want to convey that you are much better and have more going on than the cornballs who are harassing her on a daily basis. My opinion of them was kind of poor but I know some guys want to take that shot and this is what I would tell you to do if you must.

Combine that with women being innately more social adapt then men. Far higher social equity. Compliance is the game as is baiting and challenging her. A significant portion of the game is not ****ing it up. 99% of men **** it up off the jump.

 

[RickTheToad]

I enjoy pretty girls. Their existence pleases me. So. I reward it.

"A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted"

 

[Hamurabimbi]

"A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted"

Maybe give her a slightly higher tip? I don’t think I’m any poorer over it.

i’ve gotten my share of free stuff over the years. Mostly free food or drinks. Likely ‘cause the waitress/barrista… found me attractive. So. Why not pay it back?