Cold-approach of waitress/bartender

[2Rocky]

here is another episode at a restaurant I could be considered a regular. I know the owner and managers from outside the restaurant...



Set the Stage...I'd just finished a hot sweaty run that started and finished at a local pub. My endorphins were high and I think I had a T-spike from the exertion. I had a basketball game to get to so I changed quickly in the bathroom back into street clothes. No shower, wiping off sweat with a clean dry t-shirt. Slapped on some pit stick deodorant but still residually sweaty. Make it to the game after it had started and brought my basketball player home after. Called ahead to the Restaurant and order a couple of Burgers to go as we get on the road. So to be clear I was not particularly clean and showered....

Arrive at the restaurant (where I had done the same thing the week before). Hit the restroom then go sit at the bar portion. One of the 2 waitresses I recognized from the week prior. Her colleague Was WAAAAY hotter though.
They both greeted me as I sat down and I told them I had a To-Go order. They asked My name and I told them, and the Hot colleague brought over the order, apologizing that the to go containers might tip over in the bag. I joked that "I had very high expectations and I might need to...." ( I was going to say "get your number" but I halted myself)

She quickly said "but if there are any problems, just call and tell them it was Emily" ( I was pretty sure Emily was the girl from last week. So I smirked and raised an eyebrow)
I replied with :
"Hey, Emily is my A-Team. She always takes care of me....nothing against the B-Team, if you want to try out for the A-Team"
I was in full DILLIGAF ( Do I look Like I give a ****) mode. Hot Colleague laughed and went on about her work commenting that she had never heard the reference to "B-Team". I think she wasn't used to guys not kissing her ass. I wasn't discounting her so much as shining a light on Emily, her workmate. She had to prove herself.

I settled my tab with Emily as Hot Colleague worked her way around towards my path of exit. As I grabbed my bag to go she made eye contact as she walked my way and said " If you do need anything my name is Candice." I took a step or two her direction and threw out my left arm in the universal "Hug-it-out" gesture and she put an ample breast into my chest and hugged me. I thanked her by name and left while keeping eye contact. My only intent was to keep a flirty intrigue. I'm not going to go back there to ask her out. But I maintained a base line of physical greeting in a more or less platonic situation. I kept the mood light, and friendly. It was encouraging to have a woman at work return the banter and I think it helped her set a good mood that would result in better tips for her down the road. Total time of interaction? 5-10 minutes..

I've noticed at places where I flirt with the female help, without overtly trying to pick up, I get better service and Huge social proof. Women notice, when other women notice you...

 

[Rocnavy]

Dude imma give you my advice. Stop overthinking the situation and go approached the chick. Let your intentions be known early on. What you have to lose? The worst thing can happen is she just say no. A man goes for what he wants so treat this as this maybe your only opportunity.

 

[characternote]

Dude imma give you my advice. Stop overthinking the situation and go approached the chick.

Basically this.

I feel like we're in the year 2000, talking about 'mysterymethod' and sh1t lol

We all know by now how this stuff works! Lets not sugar coat it. She either thinks you're hot or she doesn't. (she's either attracted to you or she's not)

If she's not, nothing you say will 'work' (no tactics or negs or cold reads blablabla), and if she IS, anything (within reason) will 'work'.

So go and find out. Ask her name, chat for a few mins and then ask her out

 

[Rocnavy]

After all my experience, I really think the best way to approach a girl is with “Hey. What’s your name?”

If she’s into you, she’ll talk to you.

If she isn’t, she’ll tell you to fvck off.

Simple as that.

Yes its just that simple

 

[Rocnavy]

Basically this.

I feel like we're in the year 2000, talking about 'mysterymethod' and sh1t lol

We all know by now how this stuff works! Lets not sugar coat it. She either thinks you're hot or she doesn't. (she's either attracted to you or she's not)

If she's not, nothing you say will 'work' (no tactics or negs or cold reads blablabla), and if she IS, anything (within reason) will 'work'.

So go and find out. Ask her name, chat for a few mins and then ask her out

Yes its 2021 and most guys still talk about how to go about approaching a chick lol. Damn just go talk to her lol.

 

[Dash Riprock]

So near my new apartment complex that I just moved to there is a waitress working at a higher end restaurant tonight who was very good looking, probably HB 8.5. She wasn’t our waitress though as my buddy and I sat at the bar. The place was incredibly busy and she was on the move 24/7 — but physically was very much my type. I maintained some strong eye contact with her a couple of times and she smiled - but it was from across the room. When my buddy and I got up to leave I had planned on approaching her on our way out but she was then busy with a couple of tables taking orders and couldn’t do so.

This is a place that I will likely be at a lot due to proximity to my new home. Any tactics djs have used for this type of cold approach when the waitress is not specifically waiting on you? In future I can try to sit in her section.

Cold approach is a strategy I’m trying to improve in. If this is a place I’ll frequent is it better to be seen a few times and talk to her to build a rapport before asking for the # or should you immediately let her know you want to take her out and ask just right off the bat.

Probably overthinking this a bit I know.

This is one of the, if not THE, toughest nut to crack as a DJ--successfully dating or banging a service employee especially a young bar/restaurant worker that's hot.

But if you're up for big challenge, here's a winning method to give you the best chance:

1- You need to become a regular there. Look sharp; well-dressed, contemporary, nice watch really does the trick too. Look like you're successful. People know it when they see it.

2- Get to know people there. Talk to the bartenders, other waiters/waitresses. Don't go in for "the kill" too soon. If she's hot she gets macked on all the time. You need to be interesting and different.

3- Continue for a couple months, yes, a couple or a few months. You need to establish yourself.

4- Casually ask one of bartenders you've befriended what her status is. Be cool, abbreviated, and nonchalant. The fact that she's a waitress and not a bartender makes it 100x more difficult because you've not guaranteed interaction with her directly. Asking for her table if she doesn't know you would be creepy as hell. Don't do it.

5- Make casual eye contact with her on occasion and smile. Again, don't be a perve or creepy about it.

6- Once you're established there, plan an interaction. Watch her patterns from kitchen to tables, etc., and act like you're going to the restroom. Intercept her--you have one chance here--and tell her it finally dawned on you who her celebrity look-alike is. She’ll ask who (girls love this ****), and tell her you'll reveal when you buy her a drink after her shift. Odds are against you, OP, but you asked.

7- If she accepts, well-done. Now, you NEED to be charming and charismatic. Watch a few James Bond films for the MO if you're not a natural. Then, if she's into it...you swing for the fence with #8.

8- Later in the drink interaction, tell her you're having a get together at your place and you'd like to invite her. Tell her to bring a girlfriend if she'd like. This way, it's not a typical date. You're playing it cool, not like a dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Tell her you've been working on this new hors d'oeuvre appetizer you created and want her to try it. And beside, you're friends Slash and Axl from GNR will be there, for a laugh.

This is your best plan, my friend. It's a long shot but if you work this plan you CAN have success. I've done it and seen it done, but it takes a while to execute so it's only for those who have game, charisma, and especially patience.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[BadBoy89]

You need to be seen by her in social groups, and preferably, with other attractive women. She needs to notice you beyond a simple 2-3 second eye contact hold. She needs to see you as a dominant, if not THE dominant, male in that group. She needs to see you being confident and outgoing to other patrons and employees in the venue, and being received well by those people.

Show up in a group of other higher-status people that includes other women.

I don’t understand this type of thinking.

If he can be dominant, confident, outgoing, be seen with other attractive and higher status women, why would he need help with some waitress at a restaurant? I think the whole point of what hes asking is he can’t do that, so how do you get this girl regardless.

A lot of the questions I see on SS are: how do I get this hot girl?
The answers usually are: “Go be seen with other hot girls.”

Well, if I can go get other hot girls, why would I need SoSuave’s help with this hot girl?

Come on.

 

[rjc149]

A lot of the questions I see on SS are: how do I get this hot girl?
The answers usually are: “Go be seen with other hot girls.”

Yeah this is unfortunately usually the answer. Getting girls in elite echelons on SMV requires you to be preselected. You can either accept that, or hope someone on SS has magic beans to sell you.

If the hot girl in question is busy working at an establishment that hired her because she is hot, she is bombarded with male interest at all times from all directions. She is busy. She’s paying attention to 50 things at once. She has multiple men all running game on her at once. She has elite status in this situation.

I’m not saying he shouldn’t approach. He will simply need to set the stage for his approach. Cold openers, negging, compliance tests whatever just ain’t gonna cut it. In a crowd of thirsty men, he needs to be noticed by her as a higher-status man. Not another horny customer she can milk for tips.

Getting hired guns is tough, and it’s often low-probability if you’re just another customer. That’s just the reality. He’ll have easier pickings approaching hot girls who are also customers.

 

[ubercat]

Advice probably older than this site. Tip get friendly chat with her, remember anything personal she s said and mention it next time. Use her as social proof when you bring dates there. Then your building up to Dash's plan while getting some return on your investment.

 

[Barrister]

This is one of the, if not THE, toughest nut to crack as a DJ--successfully dating or banging a service employee especially a young bar/restaurant worker that's hot.

But if you're up for big challenge, here's a winning method to give you the best chance:

1- You need to become a regular there. Look sharp; well-dressed, contemporary, nice watch really does the trick too. Look like you're successful. People know it when they see it.

2- Get to know people there. Talk to the bartenders, other waiters/waitresses. Don't go in for "the kill" too soon. If she's hot she gets macked on all the time. You need to be interesting and different.

3- Continue for a couple months, yes, a couple or a few months. You need to establish yourself.

4- Casually ask one of bartenders you've befriended what her status is. Be cool, abbreviated, and nonchalant. The fact that she's a waitress and not a bartender makes it 100x more difficult because you've not guaranteed interaction with her directly. Asking for her table if she doesn't know you would be creepy as hell. Don't do it.

5- Make casual eye contact with her on occasion and smile. Again, don't be a perve or creepy about it.

6- Once you're established there, plan an interaction. Watch her patterns from kitchen to tables, etc., and act like you're going to the restroom. Intercept her--you have one chance here--and tell her it finally dawned on you who her celebrity look-alike is. She’ll ask who (girls love this ****), and tell her you'll reveal when you buy her a drink after her shift. Odds are against you, OP, but you asked.

7- If she accepts, well-done. Now, you NEED to be charming and charismatic. Watch a few James Bond films for the MO if you're not a natural. Then, if she's into it...you swing for the fence with #8.

8- Later in the drink interaction, tell her you're having a get together at your place and you'd like to invite her. Tell her to bring a girlfriend if she'd like. This way, it's not a typical date. You're playing it cool, not like a dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Tell her you've been working on this new hors d'oeuvre appetizer you created and want her to try it. And beside, you're friends Slash and Axl from GNR will be there, for a laugh.

This is your best plan, my friend. It's a long shot but if you work this plan you CAN have success. I've done it and seen it done, but it takes a while to execute so it's only for those who have game, charisma, and especially patience.

Good luck.

~Dash~

Great post, Dash. You really laid it out. And to all of the posters here acting like it’s just a “go up and talk to her” type deal - it isn’t that simple for a chick that is actively working her job and easily a HB 8+. I definitely don’t lack confidence with approaching women but know this takes some precision in this situation - and I will openly admit I’m not a cold approach master. Most of my success has been social circle or OLD in the past.

 

[Velasco]

to all of the posters here acting like it’s just a “go up and talk to her” type deal - it isn’t that simple for a chick that is actively working her job and easily a HB 8+.

That's pretty much the same advice he gave you: approach her. only if you were to follow this guy's advice instead of theirs, it'd take you months to do what you could've done today.

He even admits that even after doing all that, you're still gonna be rejected if she's not interested lol:

Odds are against you, OP, but you asked.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

As long as you are yourself, and your intentions are sincere, most women pick up on that. Going there a few times would be very flattering as opposed to some schmuck going there once and hitting on her like a caveman. And if it doesn't pan out, it has nothing to do with you or your approach...just means there is someone out there that you will meet. Overthinking it shouldn't be done because you don't know yet what lies underneath the outer shell. She could be nice, she could be empty. Enjoy the journey it's not meant to be a stressful one. As long as your intentions are sincere and you really would like to get to know her, like I said just be yourself. Either way, God willing you have another day, and maybe a woman will start pursuing you. Be natural, be funny, be kind and be natural. Thats how you stand out in a world full of men walking around trying to be someone they are not. Good luck!

This

 

[Çharismo]

This is one of the, if not THE, toughest nut to crack as a DJ--successfully dating or banging a service employee especially a young bar/restaurant worker that's hot.

But if you're up for big challenge, here's a winning method to give you the best chance:

1- You need to become a regular there. Look sharp; well-dressed, contemporary, nice watch really does the trick too. Look like you're successful. People know it when they see it.

2- Get to know people there. Talk to the bartenders, other waiters/waitresses. Don't go in for "the kill" too soon. If she's hot she gets macked on all the time. You need to be interesting and different.

3- Continue for a couple months, yes, a couple or a few months. You need to establish yourself.

4- Casually ask one of bartenders you've befriended what her status is. Be cool, abbreviated, and nonchalant. The fact that she's a waitress and not a bartender makes it 100x more difficult because you've not guaranteed interaction with her directly. Asking for her table if she doesn't know you would be creepy as hell. Don't do it.

5- Make casual eye contact with her on occasion and smile. Again, don't be a perve or creepy about it.

6- Once you're established there, plan an interaction. Watch her patterns from kitchen to tables, etc., and act like you're going to the restroom. Intercept her--you have one chance here--and tell her it finally dawned on you who her celebrity look-alike is. She’ll ask who (girls love this ****), and tell her you'll reveal when you buy her a drink after her shift. Odds are against you, OP, but you asked.

7- If she accepts, well-done. Now, you NEED to be charming and charismatic. Watch a few James Bond films for the MO if you're not a natural. Then, if she's into it...you swing for the fence with #8.

8- Later in the drink interaction, tell her you're having a get together at your place and you'd like to invite her. Tell her to bring a girlfriend if she'd like. This way, it's not a typical date. You're playing it cool, not like a dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Tell her you've been working on this new hors d'oeuvre appetizer you created and want her to try it. And beside, you're friends Slash and Axl from GNR will be there, for a laugh.

This is your best plan, my friend. It's a long shot but if you work this plan you CAN have success. I've done it and seen it done, but it takes a while to execute so it's only for those who have game, charisma, and especially patience.

Good luck.

~Dash~

This guy nailed it!!!

 

[Barrister]

That's pretty much the same advice he gave you: approach her. only if you were to follow this guy's advice instead of theirs, it'd take you months to do what you could've done today.

He even admits that even after doing all that, you're still gonna be rejected if she's not interested lol:

I don’t understand your point. You’re pretty much stating what happens with any interaction. This is a different set of circumstances due to the fact I’m trying to make a move on a chick actively working a job. That’s why this website is here. To discuss these things.

 

[cheyne]

That's pretty much the same advice he gave you: approach her. only if you were to follow this guy's advice instead of theirs, it'd take you months to do what you could've done today.

He even admits that even after doing all that, you're still gonna be rejected if she's not interested lol:

Correct. And that's always the caveat with all 'game'. No matter how expert you consider yourself, the overriding factor is 'IF she is into you/attracted'.
In other words, as much as people don't like hearing it, the most important element (her attraction) is basically out of your control.
Only people trying to tell you otherwise are people trying to sell coaching and books and courses etc (mysterymethods, girlschase etc)

 

[Dash Riprock]

Disagree with this advise. Too many hoops.

Ok, thanks, but offer something better then.

Outline your plan please if it's better and based on your experience.

 

[2Rocky]

Dash is correct that the Hired Gun is the toughest nut to crack. I think his method lends itself to relationship game better than ONS-Notch game. One of my friends married "the cute server" 15 years younger than him. It's his 4th marriage and I think he's got it figured out....

The most important thing is discerning her genuine interest as opposed to professional interest.

My GF spent a summer as a "Beer Cart Girl" on a golf course one of the first summers I met her. She figured out just the right amount of flirt to get big tips....And had plenty of older men coming on to her. She considered fending off the bumbling approaches to be a "cost of doing business"

 

[Barrister]

This has certainly been interesting to hear a lot of different angles to take on this from going slow to immediately trying to get the number. I do appreciate the distinction between just going for the lay vs. a LTR-esque approach.

I have been there a couple of times since I made this post and she has actually not been working either night - so I haven't been able to do anything one way or another.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's pretty much the same advice he gave you: approach her. only if you were to follow this guy's advice instead of theirs, it'd take you months to do what you could've done today.

He even admits that even after doing all that, you're still gonna be rejected if she's not interested lol:

Seems like a hell of a lot of work, energy and effort to put in for a longshot. I'd simply go for it the next time I was there and let the chips fall where they may.

2 or 3 months of having to spend time and money in some place if the agreed outcome is not in my favor is a hell no for me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dash is correct that the Hired Gun is the toughest nut to crack. I think his method lends itself to relationship game better than ONS-Notch game. One of my friends married "the cute server" 15 years younger than him. It's his 4th marriage and I think he's got it figured out....

The most important thing is discerning her genuine interest as opposed to professional interest.

My GF spent a summer as a "Beer Cart Girl" on a golf course one of the first summers I met her. She figured out just the right amount of flirt to get big tips....And had plenty of older men coming on to her. She considered fending off the bumbling approaches to be a "cost of doing business"

No offense but if I failed at marriage 3 times I damn sure wouldn't be trying for a 4th. There isn't that much to figure out. You either understand compromise and how to communicate properly in a long term relationship or you don't.

Some people just shouldn't get married because it just isn't for them. Your friend is one of these people. Nothing wrong with that but I would be damned if I got taken to the cleaners 3 times to sign up for a 4th.