She got offended by questions on first date

[gravityeyelids]

These were not offensive questions. In situations like this there are usually only two explainations and solutions:

1) You actually ARE being overly offensive and over the line in a big way and it's your responsibility as a man and a human to backpedal and give some sincerity and acknowledge that you're calibrated and socially intelligent aware enough to recognize when you're been offensive and over the line. A lot of people will probably say "what? NO. never show weakness and step into her frame. Push through and make her apologize to you". No, this is a bad idea and offers asymmetrical risk but in the wrong direction - you can go full steam ahead with a$$hole game and try to just blow through like a wrecking ball, and MAYBE she'll respect you for not backing down, but if you were 100% in the wrong it will blow you out 95% of the time and the small times it doesn't work it doesnt give you enough "points" to be worth the effort. There is also a small chance that she is simply a little toxic or oversensitive about this particular thing. Everyone has something that hits a nerve in them or that they have trauma and baggage from. Again, make an effort to be empathetic to how she feels, but if she pushes it, breathe a sigh of relief that she indicated to you VERY early on that she's not worth wasting your time on. She needs to be an adult and a high quality girl and not blow up in everyone's face when they bring up something they're not aware of.

2) You are messing up, running bad/sloppy game and this is just her way of getting the interaction to end with the blame on you. It's like when you're in a relationship and your GF starts to lose attraction and makes a big deal out of every little thing that she would never have before, causing fights, etc. The relationship is basically over at that point, shes finding an "easy" way out that she can rationalize to herself on why she ended it, tell her friends, and sleep easy. When she's getting offended on your date like this, it signals that you are not running good game - no offense. There is a possibility that she just isn't attracted to you regardless of what you're doing, but you should basically never see it that way. There are always ways you can improve and tighten your game and build attraction. You should always take responsibility for 90% of interactions and just chalk up those other small amount to bad luck or her personal preference or things out of your control. But in general, you have (or at least SHOULD have) control over the situation.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I see that you are new here. Welcome aboard,

Although I can't speak on behalf of her native culture, I can say this. If she's been out of her country for four years, then she's had plenty of time to become acclimated to your culture. No questions that you raised would be considered invasive.... unless, she became defensive because she actually does have something to hide.

Consider her behavior and take nothing of her reactions personally.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Stay off race, religion, and politics when you first meet someone. That is common sense etiquette.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I see that you are new here. Welcome aboard,

Although I can't speak on behalf of her native culture, I can say this. If she's been out of her country for four years, then she's had plenty of time to become acclimated to your culture. No questions that you raised would be considered invasive.... unless, she became defensive because she actually does have something to hide.

Consider her behavior and take nothing of her reactions personally.

So now you are the judge of what someone else should and shouldn't be offended by. Got it.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Black Widow Void said:

I see that you are new here. Welcome aboard,

Although I can't speak on behalf of her native culture, I can say this. If she's been out of her country for four years, then she's had plenty of time to become acclimated to your culture. No questions that you raised would be considered invasive.... unless, she became defensive because she actually does have something to hide.

Consider her behavior and take nothing of her reactions personally.

So now you are the judge of what someone else should and shouldn't be offended by. Got it.

OP, you are new on this forum and therefore, I'd like to point something out. Unfortunately, we have older members here that aren't the image that they claim to project. For instance, BackInTheGame78 is a moderator. With that title comes responsibility. He is supposed to uphold a higher standard and image. Did he notice that you are new and offer you a warm welcome? No. Instead, he appears more focused on antagonizing. This adds noting positive or helpful in assisting new members like yourself. Always consider the source when you encounter forum members like this.

I'm convinced that this forum loses a lot of new members because of behavior demonstrated by members like BackInTheGame78. You're a new member and so here's the back story. I've called this person out several times for his behavior. And now... he appears to be chasing me around like a scorned female. Again, consider the source when you encounter people like this.

I hope that you'll stick around. There are others on this forum that genuinely hope to help others and especially hope to prevent others from making our past mistakes with women.

 

[Velasco]

@EyeBRollin

Its not the topics. It's how you discuss them.

Race can be used to make her qualify herself: "well I usually go for Latinas cuz they're like super feminine and always down to do some crazy s**t. you know what I'm saying? but I don't discriminate. I like to give everyone a chance to prove themselves, because sometimes you'll end up getting surprised. and end up liking someone who you'd think you'd never go for. you know what I mean?" => opportunity to prove she's the right girl for me. will prob follow up by asking me, "what do you mean by crazy s**t?"

Religion can be used to make her feel for free to do crazy s**t: "I actually grew up catholic. And I'm still a believer in christ. I got some crazy miraculous stories, you'll want to hear that will blow your mind. but what I didn't like was following all these rules. you know what I mean? like I am a firm believer that all of us should make and follow our own rules. because that is the only way for us to be true to who we really are. Instead of following rules made up by somebody who doesn't even know you lol" => gets her thinking about rules she blindly follows and also itching to hear my crazy stories.

Politics can be used to....well I don't know much about politics except for Donald Trump memes lol.

 

[EyeBRollin]

@EyeBRollin

Its not the topics. It's how you discuss them.

No. It’s 100% the topics. Don’t discuss those with strangers.

 

[rjc149]

One possible theory is that Asian women in western societies tend to internalize racist self-loathing and usually go to some measures trying to delete their Asian-ness and conform to European culture and beauty standards (dying their hair blonde or wearing colored contacts, exclusively dating white men etc).

So it’s possible that she didn’t appreciate you emphasizing her Asian identity.

Which she may not have minded if her attraction for you was initially high.

But conducting an immigration interview displayed low social IQ, which caused her interest in you to plummet rapidly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Black Widow Void said:

I see that you are new here. Welcome aboard,

Although I can't speak on behalf of her native culture, I can say this. If she's been out of her country for four years, then she's had plenty of time to become acclimated to your culture. No questions that you raised would be considered invasive.... unless, she became defensive because she actually does have something to hide.

Consider her behavior and take nothing of her reactions personally.


OP, you are new on this forum and therefore, I'd like to point something out. Unfortunately, we have older members here that aren't the image that they claim to project. For instance, BackInTheGame78 is a moderator. With that title comes responsibility. He is supposed to uphold a higher standard and image. Did he notice that you are new and offer you a warm welcome? No. Instead, he appears more focused on antagonizing. This adds noting positive or helpful in assisting new members like yourself. Always consider the source when you encounter forum members like this.

I'm convinced that this forum loses a lot of new members because of behavior demonstrated by members like BackInTheGame78. You're a new member and so here's the back story. I've called this person out several times for his behavior. And now... he appears to be chasing me around like a scorned female. Again, consider the source when you encounter people like this.

I hope that you'll stick around. There are others on this forum that genuinely hope to help others and especially hope to prevent others from making our past mistakes with women.

Your ax to grind is so obvious it's comical.

In the nicest possible way...go outside, find the biggest boulder you can and go kick rocks.

 

[bat soup]

I don't know if I am being too offensive. I met her off tinder and we texted before the date and everything seemed to be going well and she seemed cool. Turned out she wasn't.

She is from the Philippines, came here 4 years ago, and when I asked her why she came to Canada, she got a little defensive. She came to study English. When I asked her if she spoke any English before she came here, she said: Yes, of course. And why would I ask her such a question? (Because she came here to study English?) Later, I asked her about if it was tough to adjust to the cultural differences, as it was for me; That was basically the end of the date. She didn't really look at me after this and was very cold like I offended her personally.

How is it that some people are so easily offended that they feel like they have to go on the defense. I wasn't born here, but I would never act this way if someone asks questions trying to get to know me. I had challenges in life, but it is what led to me being successful in life and to be who I am today. If anything, I appreciate talking about this. It is a topic I like talking and sharing about because it moves me.

Do I have to be more careful when asking about the past, even if it is an important part of who we are? I don't think my questions were in any way inappropriate. She is definitely the kind of sensitive social justice type. Maybe not my type of girl in a sense, but hot nonetheless. Now I feel kind of guilty, like it was my fault for asking these kinds of questions and make her feel this way.

When women have a bitchy attitude and are difficult, it's a sign of low interest.

They know how to keep their mouths shut when they want to bang.

 

[Bigpapa]

When women have a bitchy attitude and are difficult, it's a sign of low interest.

They know how to keep their mouths shut when they want to bang.

It is more a sign that she has emotional problems , mainly with herself , than her interest level in you

 

[sangheilios]

@Mr Force Kin

Some of the responses on here are hilarious. All of the questions he asked are totally normal things one would do when trying to get to know someone. If she gets insulted by what you mentioned and behaves in such a manner I'd be annoyed af that I bothered to invest any of my time or energy into a moron like that, seriously. You should consider yourself fortunate to have picked up on something like this so quickly and that you more or less moved on. If there were going to be future interactions with this woman you'd literally have to be hyper cognizant of what you'd discuss whenever you'd be around her, akin to you avoiding walking on eggshells. Speaking for myself, if I had to behave in particular manner in order to be on an individual's good side I would say that is a person that I do not need in my life.

 

[Jor-El]

Growing up my Mom always used to tell me "It's not what you said, it's how you said it" when I used to get mad at her and say something she didn't like.

I'd be willing to bet this might be the case here as well...

About 15 years ago I managed a retail store where we used to have customers that we would see on a weekly basis and developed pretty good relationships with. My one assistant manager used to say the craziest things to people that sometimes I was almost shocked to hear...the kind of thing that most people would have gotten punched in the face for... but when he did it, the customers LOVED it...he would say it in a way that was funny and laugh while he did it with a huge smile on his face and he would talk to them like he was their best friend and they would think it was hilarious.

The point is that you can say almost anything to anyone if you get them to like you first and you do it in the right way with a smile on your face.

The issue wasn't with what you said but rather how you said it or approached it. Most likely she felt as if she was being interviewed or interrogated.

Great points! This is true,because I have done exactly this