Absolutely ridiculous situation with dating ex again

[derby1]

I was her best bet/better than the other dudes she had access to, and that's why she came back. If she had found something better she'd have no reason to hit me up.

unfortunately not the case, the NEW guy could have hit and quit her, way too good looking for her, so she returns to you, better the devil you know, she knows where she can get that ego rubbed.

 

[KokonutKrew]

The more I think about it, this really didn't backfire at all. It was a (admittedly very immature) test to see if she actually gave a crap about me and she didn't--she failed. If she gave a crap about me she wouldn't have just assumed I was on a date and immaturely removed me immediately without even trying to talk to me or ask me about it. She's a coward and a child. We were also not exclusive, either of us could do whatever the hell we wanted. Before exclusivity both parties should assume the other is seeing other people (and I assumed she was at least talking to other people). And I saw her hinge profile the other day. She's a God damn hypocrite. You can't get mad at someone you're seeing non-exclusively for seeing other people when you're talking to other people yourself. That's insane and ridiculous.

If she cared she would have asked if I was on a date, let me explain, then talked to me about exclusivity if that's what she wanted/expected.

My mistake was telling her it wasn't a date. I should've told her "yeah I'm on a date. So what? Why are you mad?" Even if she ghosted me after this, at least her ego would've been severely damaged, which she deserves. She didn't even let me know her COVID test was negative and instead just went out with friends without hitting me up at all. She's garbage and I suspect she'll keep using dudes and never be happy. Her ex boyfriend was also going to cheat on her before she caught him? It's no surprise why he did that now.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The more I think about it, this really didn't backfire at all. It was a (admittedly very immature) test to see if she actually gave a crap about me and she didn't--she failed. If she gave a crap about me she wouldn't have just assumed I was on a date and immaturely removed me immediately without even trying to talk to me or ask me about it. She's a coward and a child. We were also not exclusive, either of us could do whatever the hell we wanted. Before exclusivity both parties should assume the other is seeing other people (and I assumed she was at least talking to other people). And I saw her hinge profile the other day. She's a God damn hypocrite. You can't get mad at someone you're seeing non-exclusively for seeing other people when you're talking to other people yourself. That's insane and ridiculous.

If she cared she would have asked if I was on a date, let me explain, then talked to me about exclusivity if that's what she wanted/expected.

My mistake was telling her it wasn't a date. I should've told her "yeah I'm on a date. So what? Why are you mad?" Even if she ghosted me after this, at least her ego would've been severely damaged, which she deserves. She didn't even let me know her COVID test was negative and instead just went out with friends without hitting me up at all. She's garbage and I suspect she'll keep using dudes and never be happy. Her ex boyfriend was also going to cheat on her before she caught him? It's no surprise why he did that now.

This is just not healthy anymore bro. You are way way too invested in this woman.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She never explained that to me but she sure was hung up on Him even though he was the most awful person ever to hear her tell it.

That is all that matters. I'm curious about his awfulness. Like what kinda bs was he running on her.

 

[Robert28]

That is all that matters. I'm curious about his awfulness. Like what kinda bs was he running on her.

All she ever said was he was a narcissist (what woman’s ex isn’t?lol), he kept her locked in a room (doubtful but I’d have loved to heard more details about that), he would send her pics of him and girls after they broke up (those manly looking women I mentioned), when they broke up apparently he bought her a one way ticket home and never sent her her stuff. Yet despite all that she was all kinds of hung up on him. Told me she was hoping to fly out to see him sometime.lol She even brought up this baseball player she dated in highschool that was “abusive” to her. I always found it odd she’d constantly mention her first boyfriend and her most recent boyfriend, never mentioned much about any boyfriends in between.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That is all that matters. I'm curious about his awfulness. Like what kinda bs was he running on her.

A woman is going to be what she is attracted to. Just because she isn't attracted to what HE does and is attracted to what a guy who he believes is below him does, doesn't mean there is something wrong with her. How can a guy decide what a woman should be attracted to?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A woman is going to be what she is attracted to. Just because she isn't attracted to what HE does and is attracted to what a guy who he believes is below him does, doesn't mean there is something wrong with her. How can a guy decide what a woman should be attracted to?

We got that memo.

 

[Robert28]

You're right: She cares a lot less than you do about this.

That’s the side you don’t want to be on in any relationship. I’ve been on the side that cared more many times and you play from a position of zero power. It messes with your mind.

 

[sph21]

@KokonutKrew,

I haven't read the whole thread, but I believe I understand some of the things that you did to her.

You let your emotions guided you and your decisions.

What you did was childish by pretending to be dating with other girl while you're not.

Posted a provocative picture on social media just to get her to react is just immature. You're a man. If you want to end a relationship with any girl, just talk to her face to face. Calmly and without any drama.

You can't control how she'll react, but you can always control your reaction.

DJ Bible has good posts that will help you be a better man. I suggest you to start there.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Oh man I saw this coming. I think it was me and @BackInTheGame78 that tried to guide you through this earlier and you brushed our advice off like we had no clue what we were talking about. We told you to not get emotional and the first thing you do is go crazy. You can NOT force things with a woman, you can NOT negotiate attraction. Silence and distance are a mans greatest tools, you did the opposite of silence and distance. Hopefully you have learned a lesson here. For what it's worth in a few months you'll have forgotten all about her and be in a much better place. Keep your head up.

 

[Lookatu]

I'm a f*cking idiot

You said it but learn not to be one in the future with the wealth of info given to you from various members on this thread.

How many strangers are going to take their time and bother posting long essays to help you out? This speaks volumes to the SS brothers on here wanting to help each other out.

 

[Bandolero]

Well it's over. Extremely over. And in the worst way possible. I posted a snap of two glasses of wine on my coffee table and a fire going in the background with the caption "perfect night" and when she saw it she immediately removed me as a friend on snap. So I guess she "cared" enough and got jealous enough to remove me immediately upon seeing that snap without even contacting me first.

I sent her a message asking if she removed me and why, and she said yes and because of my snap. I knew it was over at this point so I just said f*ck it and let loose. Told her I didn't have a date and that it was just a friend visiting and she didn't believe me. Tried to call her a bunch of times and sent her all this sh!t about how I didn't think she gave a f*ck about me and how I thought the "taking it slow" thing was an excuse because she had no desire for me, to which she said we started fast last time and our relationship was sex based, but she needs to take it slow to build an emotional connection before sex, and etc. Kept trying to call her and told her to talk to me on the phone like a mature adult--she wouldn't. I said f*ck it and went to her place because she's only 10 minutes away. Told her I was there and she said she was with friends at someone else's place. I was like wait... Didn't you think you had covid? She said she got the results back today (of course didn't let me know right? If it were even true, that is). It then blows up even more. She tells me how I crossed a line going to her place (kinda true, but also for the "right" reasons) and how she's uncomfortable. Giving me these robotic, weird answers. I just tell her she obviously never gave a f*ck about me, only wanted to use me before, and only wanted to use me again this time. She says she won't try to convince me of anything and that we definitely don't have a future now. I told her we never did, and that I wished I never met her and all she brought me was pain. I also called her out for being mad/jealous thinking I had a date when she's most likely talking to/seeing other dudes, and that I saw her hinge profile the other day. She never responded to that, of course.

I'm a f*cking idiot and on top of that the snap turned out to be a bad move, but she's a straight up terrible person, incredibly immature, a hypocrite, and has no feelings or empathy, so it's probably for the best. She obviously didn't give a sh!t about our relationship or ever seeing me again considering how she removed me from snap without even asking me about it first and how she wouldn't even talk to me on the phone. Plus I had started to resent her so damn much I don't think a relationship would have worked at this point even in a perfect world.

I blocked her on all social media and deleted her number after all this.

Do I regret posting that snap? At this point I have to say yes because this isn't how I wanted it to go down, and it actually seems like she WOULD have contacted me had I not done anything. But hopefully I'll look back on this in 1-3 months and be thankful it's totally over.

I can't lie though, I'm sitting here typing this and feel like complete garbage. I'm not bawling my eyes out or anything, but the weight of how I'll never see or even talk to her--someone I was at some point in love with--again is hitting me.

Sounds like she waited for a good reason to let you of the hook. And you gave it to her with the snap, so she would not feel guilty or bad for using you.
Maybe she wanted you at first, but after your breakdown you killed most of the attraction.

 

[KokonutKrew]

You said it but learn not to be one in the future with the wealth of info given to you from various members on this thread.

How many strangers are going to take their time and bother posting long essays to help you out? This speaks volumes to the SS brothers on here wanting to help each other out.

I'm more upset about the fact that she was one of the two women (in my over a decade of dating) who I've actually fallen in love with, and it turned out like this. Man that feeling is so good yet so bad at the same time. I can't even imagine the unbelievable happiness and comfort that must come with being in love with someone and them actually loving you back. A few months ago when we were dating and exclusive I wanted to give her the world and she totally ruined it. Then comes back a mere 2.5 months later. Like anything really changed in 2.5 months ha. If she had come back after 6+ months it would have made sense, but 2.5? Seems really sketchy that she would tell me she doesn't have feelings for me and dump me, then do a full 180 only 2.5 months later.

 

[Lookatu]

I'm more upset about the fact that she was one of the two women (in my over a decade of dating) who I've actually fallen in love with, and it turned out like this. Man that feeling is so good yet so bad at the same time.

Bro, I know the feeling. It's happened to me exactly only twice in my life. At some point, you gotta learn to guard against emotions like that and keep it in check until you know for sure the other girl deserves it. This goes back to the "Don't invest too much, too soon" strategy...

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I can't even imagine the unbelievable happiness and comfort that must come with being in love with someone and them actually loving you back.

Trust me, from someone in an LTR it's not THAT special, it feels good and adds to my happiness but happiness that depends on someone else is never true happiness. You know what is special though? Walking out that door KNOWING you are THE ****, knowing you bring VALUE, knowing you LOOK GOOD, ... Work on that and you will soon encounter someone that loves you the way you described. However, that is a byproduct of your individual success and never the main goal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm more upset about the fact that she was one of the two women (in my over a decade of dating) who I've actually fallen in love with, and it turned out like this. Man that feeling is so good yet so bad at the same time. I can't even imagine the unbelievable happiness and comfort that must come with being in love with someone and them actually loving you back. A few months ago when we were dating and exclusive I wanted to give her the world and she totally ruined it. Then comes back a mere 2.5 months later. Like anything really changed in 2.5 months ha. If she had come back after 6+ months it would have made sense, but 2.5? Seems really sketchy that she would tell me she doesn't have feelings for me and dump me, then do a full 180 only 2.5 months later.

Not really sketchy at all. Your neediness and validation seeking likely pushed her away the first time and she probably hoped you changed a little and wanted to see how things would be. But this same behavior was still there and she basically saw nothing changed and decided things were not going to work out.

 

[NSX-R]

Some other dude was fcking her and she was looking for a chance to eject. I’ve heard the “let’s take it slow “ excuse far too many times from friends and also from personal experience. As soon as you gave the slightest chance, she grabbed it and left with no explanation. To make things worse you made yourself look the bad person in this situation. Nevertheless it’s over with her and that’s what really matters. Feelings will go away with time just be patient.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Trust me, from someone in an LTR it's not THAT special, it feels good and adds to my happiness but happiness that depends on someone else is never true happiness. You know what is special though? Walking out that door KNOWING you are THE ****, knowing you bring VALUE, knowing you LOOK GOOD, ... Work on that and you will soon encounter someone that loves you the way you described. However, that is a byproduct of your individual success and never the main goal.

OP re-read the above several times.

Love is good but if it provides you with “unimaginable happiness and comfort” then it isn’t love you are feeling at all - it’s an underlying psychological problem that is being temporarily suppressed by what you think is love.

You’ve said how depressed and lonely you can get. These are underlying issues that you MUST resolve for yourself so that you are truly happy and content with your life even when you are single, and until you do, you will continue seeking the emotional bandaid that a woman’s affection can provide to mute those negative feelings of yours. The problem with that approach is that it’s only temporary, and when you rely on a woman to relieve your depression and loneliness, the woman will feel the tremendous pressure of your neediness which will dry her out and make her run away, and when she does, you’ll again be devastated and feel even worse than before.

Love is when two happy, complete, and fulfilled people come together to share in their completeness. It is mutual giving. It is not taking.... you cannot take from her to ease your depression and loneliness.

Achieve happiness through self development and work to get your social needs met through a good social circle and close friends and any other kinds of community that resonates with you. Once you achieve that, you are ready for a healthy relationship that will not be codependent and will not result in your being devastated when it ends.