Fiance is getting fat and ugly

[Lookatu]

There was about a month before the pandemic where we were going to the gym together and planned on running a 5k and she actually started to look better. We also we're having fun supporting each other. But when everything got shut down it went to sht.

I want to find something we can do at home that we both enjoy. When I brought up going in a low carb diet for myself to cut my body fat, she said "you can do it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it."

So it seems like she's at least open to working out but maybe just needs a nudge and coach/motivator.

One thing you can try and it is fun and burns off calories is "Just Dance" It's a game for Playstation where you have to try to follow and mimic dance moves. I don't know of any girls that don't like this.

As for diet, I found just cutting out soda, processed foods and eating more natural items(less takeout, more home cooked meals) to help quite a bit. Your diet maybe too extreme for her to start with. Maybe suggest less extreme things like I mentioned.

If both of you are WFH or working at desks all day, get in the habit of walking 1-2 miles a day with her. Try walking in new and undiscovered areas to keep it exciting. Trails, different neighborhoods, different business districts, etc.

Women are always great at subtlety and giving hints that we men often aren't able to process with our thick skulls sometimes. It would then make sense to introduce subtle hints back at women:

Push/Pull, Dropping subliminal hints, Easing into things, Starting off slow and slowly conditioning her behaviour without her really knowing what's going on, subtle training/discipline, etc.

 

[Voice]

Another thing is she's technically not "overweight" according to BMI. I'm a healthcare professional and I know BMI is misleading. Myself I'm 5'10 175lbs which is considered overweight, which is absurd. I'm also 15% body fat (working on it) and if you saw me in person you'd say I was average to thin. She's 5'5 140lbs which is considered in the "healthy" weight range. But as you can see, her body does not handle the excess weight well at all.

I would say that she does think she does more in the relationship. Although I cook about half of the time, and do the dishes (she won't), she does handle most of the social engagements and does more of the "planning", especially wedding planning. It's possible I've failed to be more of the leader in the relationship and she thinks maybe I'm not holding up my end and therefore doesn't care to get in shape.

 

[lost_blackbird]

This is a classic bait and switch.

I was best man at a wedding in Thailand in March 2019. My friends now wife lost 2 stone for the ceremony and looked
better than I've ever seen her. He is a keen footballer and has a fast metabolism so has always been very lean. He's
fortunate to be one of those people that can eat anything and never gain weight. She certainly isn't.

By March 2020 she had put it all back on plus another stone on top and looks worse than I've ever seen her. At present
I'm living with them both while my divorce etc is sorted out and our assets sold and split. It's such a shame to see how
quickly she's let herself go and my friend acts like he's not bothered but I can tell he's not as attracted to her. She has zero
self control and eats nothing but garbage and at the wrong time of day. She even keeps a few bags of sweets on her bedside
table so she can stuff her face in bed. She also drinks a lot of 7.5% cider which has a crazy amount of sugar. Food wise she
eats carbs, carbs and more carbs and seems to know nothing about nutrition. I share the refrigerator with them and rarely
see anything on their shelves that I'd eat in there. She also smokes like a chimney and coughs like a lung cancer patient.

Everything and everyone is to blame for this apart from her when my friend brings up the issue in conversation, she
is unable to accept any responsibility for the state she's gotten herself into and she's even cast some blame in my direction
which just goes to demonstrate her delusion. I've actually lost weight since I've lived here by fixing my diet and hitting the
gym but even with a positive example right under her nose she still continues to balloon.

Why do I get the feeling my friend is going to be staying at my house one day while his divorce is going through?

 

[Black Widow Void]

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.

As the saying goes... "familiarity breeds contempt." Based on your posting and also my personal experiences with relationships, I think the phrase is quite valid.

 

[bcude]

I see some similarities to Jordan Henderson's wife. She's had atleast 2 children though and she's british, which makes her about an 8 or a 9 by british standards.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

She's not dumb, she'll notice any 'subtle' prod at trying to motivate her like a movement based video game heh. Maybe if @Voice was actually into it.

I wouldn't put too much effort in motivating her because that can quickly cause you to harbor resentment. It has to be effortless.

For example I would flex on her and constantly show off my physique in goofy ways. Not put her down, but constantly be shirtless, maybe some oil on my shoulders and chest, reaching for things around her and doing silly flexes and grunts.

Maybe ask her to itch my back in a certain spot because I can't reach it due to my massive deltoids(obv a joke). Ask her for a spot for my squats and push my butt into her while grunting on the down motions. Randomly pick her up and start doing squats or curls with her and grunting obnoxiously. These are the kinds of ways I would get my message across initially. Just messing around with subtle flexes until she decided to try and one up me. And besides, doing this is extremely fun.

 

[Voice]

She's not dumb, she'll notice any 'subtle' prod at trying to motivate her like a movement based video game heh. Maybe if @Voice was actually into it.

I wouldn't put too much effort in motivating her because that can quickly cause you to harbor resentment. It has to be effortless.

For example I would flex on her and constantly show off my physique in goofy ways. Not put her down, but constantly be shirtless, maybe some oil on my shoulders and chest, reaching for things around her and doing silly flexes and grunts.

Maybe ask her to itch my back in a certain spot because I can't reach it due to my massive deltoids(obv a joke). Ask her for a spot for my squats and push my butt into her while grunting on the down motions. Randomly pick her up and start doing squats or curls with her and grunting obnoxiously. These are the kinds of ways I would get my message across initially. Just messing around with subtle flexes until she decided to try and one up me. And besides, doing this is extremely fun.

I do that stuff all the time lol. After the gym I'll flex in front of her playfully. She tells me she gets discouraged by how easy it is for me to get in shape compared to her.

 

[Jcooper]

I think you can make her understand that eating anyhow and not exercising can cause health problems. You don’t only want her to be in good shape, you also want her in good health. Maybe she’ll listen.

 

[Stoic]

Dude... Since you are looking for a wifey (for some insane reason), what is more important to you? A good possibly faithful female to raise your offspring and hopefully stay with you take a comfy dirt nap. Or, a female that is insanely hot, but cannot be trusted as a LTR or mom to be?

There's more than two choices though Rick. How about a decent looking girl that takes care of herself and is also faithful?

If you're taking care of yourself and have your life together, those girls become available to you.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Oof

 

[Kotaix]

I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.

She's not likely to change her ways, because it's obvious that she doesn't care. If her family and friends are all land whales then she doesn't have the conformity of being skinny to affect her.

My current gf was starting to get on the thicker side, but she has a limit where she can't take it anymore and she's taken action in the form of metabolic pills and some exercise. She looks at herself in the mirror and asks me how it's possible I still find her attractive. I don't answer of course, I just let her take action. She used to play team sports in college and can't bear being a fatty, which I really appreciate.

You'll never get over looking at college girls. I was in the exact same situation in a college town a few months ago and our waitress had a certain something about her that made me want to bang her like crazy.

Talking to her about it is going to end in tears, but if you set the example and she doesn't follow then you should find someone who is on the same wavelength as you.

 

[flowtheory]

15% BF is fairly high. I mean at 5’10 and 175 you would be pretty doughy yourself.
It’s possible that OP could be her relative aesthetic and He’s just unhappy with her appearance. You working out and going to a gym doesn’t tell us anything about how you look.

Maybe the approach of changing yourself before changing the world is in order.

Oftentimes couples are the same weight/look in LTR’s. Rarely do I see a fit and out of shape person, if they weren’t already like that from the start.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I do that stuff all the time lol. After the gym I'll flex in front of her playfully. She tells me she gets discouraged by how easy it is for me to get in shape compared to her.

I would double down on the goofiness.
"You think this adonis body was easy? *Bodybuilder stare* I pumped long and hard with few gains and worked relentlessly on diet, planning, and discipline to craft the chiseled specimen you see before you. Did you know that I'm trying to get a six pack on my as$? Most people don't even know that's possible. Join me my queen!"

She can't be discouraged if she's cracking up.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Does she snore yet? It's coming, if not. You'll be on the couch if you want any sleep.

 

[Voice]

15% BF is fairly high. I mean at 5’10 and 175 you would be pretty doughy yourself.
It’s possible that OP could be her relative aesthetic and He’s just unhappy with her appearance. You working out and going to a gym doesn’t tell us anything about how you look.

Maybe the approach of changing yourself before changing the world is in order.

Oftentimes couples are the same weight/look in LTR’s. Rarely do I see a fit and out of shape person, if they weren’t already like that from the start.

Yeah I'm not shredded but 15% body fat isn't doughy. It IS the highest it's ever been though and it's something I'm working on. So am I being a hypocrite? I would say her changes have been way more drastic then mine.

Here's a pic of my bod lol just took it. Used to be more shredded when I was younger and around 155-165 lbs.

 

[flowtheory]

Yeah I'm not shredded but 15% body fat isn't doughy. It IS the highest it's ever been though and it's something I'm working on. So am I being a hypocrite? I would say her changes have been way more drastic then mine.

Here's a pic of my bod lol just took it. Used to be more shredded when I was younger and around 155-165 lbs.

View attachment 5176

Yea you gotta start packing the muscle and leaning up. That will get her more inspired and feeling the competition anxiety.

Right now you two look like the average couple.

 

[Lookatu]

So am I being a hypocrite? I would say her changes have been way more drastic then mine.

I would say no and would have to agree with you.
Nohomo btw... lol

 

[Voice]

Yea you gotta start packing the muscle and leaning up. That will get her more inspired and feeling the competition anxiety.

Right now you two look like the average couple.

Hey I might be completely delusional but you actually think my body is the male equivalent of my gfs body? Just curious.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168

She might feel like sh1t about it. So I wouldn't nag her. Let her know your gym habit makes you feel great. Invite her in there with you. It'll improve her quality of life.

 

[Billtx49]

Hey I might be completely delusional but you actually think my body is the male equivalent of my gfs body? Just curious.

You are in decent shape and not looking as overweight as she does…