Fiance is getting fat and ugly

[Voice]

We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:


Now:

 

[derby1]

take her to places where there is hot women, and get some side V aswell.

shes ripped up the terms and conditions of your relationship, you didnt sign up for that.

she also knows your human resources department isnt capable of employing another secretary. hence her attitude.

never confirm you can get other women, she will know you can get other women

 

[Stoic]

Yes this will never work.

The kindest thing you can do for her is to leave her.

She has no inclination to get in shape and it will only get worse. You'll resent her for being overweight. She'll resent you for not loving her as she is. Ask me how I know.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

If you really are working out and staying in shape then you're doing the right thing by attempting to inspire her with your actions. The next step would be to sit her down and ask what stress she's dealing with that make her want to eat crap, what insecurities. Listen and see if there's some way you can help.

See if you can negotiate working out together or something else active and enjoyable you can do together. It's important to make this fun and pump her up about it. Also make it very clear that this is important to you and that you feel she needs to do this for the relationship to remain healthy.

If she pushes back on this or otherwise doesn't care you can make one final attempt to get her in line by calmly saying that her depressive attitude is a deal breaker. Initially she may flip out in a panic but if she continues to push back that would only mean she's in too deep for your help.

If things still don't change set a deadline in your mind, then start mentally disengaging/preparing to rip the band-aid off. It might devastate her and she may even be banking on a massive guilt trip when you do this, so be prepared.

You can only show her the door, she has to walk through it.

Why are you willing to give this woman half your shiit again?

 

[RickTheToad]

We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168

Why is she wearing the tag on her bikini?

 

[jimwho]

I zoomed in and it says "happy the way I am", the death knell for attraction. JK

Bbwwwahaha

To the OP do yourself right. Do NOT sign any papers.. My wife after 10 years went from insane-hot to High-Desert-Hag.
Don't learn the hard way sleeping in separate bedrooms. Sorry bro but you must move on. Sad..

 

[Black Widow Void]

From observation, single women look best because they are still attempting to qualify themselves. I've noticed that women in relationships do not typically lose weight until they are single again or divorced (or married and looking for an affair) .

In fairness though, women do typically gain about 3-4 lbs per year. If you multiply this by your relationship years, this is 21 to 28 additional pounds.

 

[flowtheory]

This is probably the funniest post on SS, with the pics to boot. The choice of after photos is great.. a sunburnt @ss in a messy room. But that is a fairly big transition. In the after photo she looks about 38.

This actually sucks OP. I imagine it is quite difficult as 7 years is a long time to be with someone in hopes of building a life together with that individual down the line.
It is a shallow and surface level concern, perceivably, but it’s certainly a vital part of relationship. Physical and sexual attraction is massive. But I would imagine it’s something deeper of how she sees herself or what’s going on in her life.

Aside from the physical aspect of her being overly gluttonous and not staying in shape, have you just had enough of her?
Does she have weak or poor character?
Low standards of life?
If she turned back to her former physical self tomorrow, would you be totally content?
Or is this just the thing you’re choosing to use as the thing to end it? Often times when people leave relationships they will latch on to one idea or wrong-doing and make it the hill they die on, but it’s not the thing. It’s about 10 things. that have already happened but they need something for the finality.

You only have one life to live my friend

Maybe she has some stress/psychological **** going on......but I think if this is really bothering you, you need to sit down and discuss it with her. You need to tell her how it is affecting you, and that by her dismissing your concerns regarding her health and your attraction to her, it makes you question the engagement.

It will be tough to do....................but 10 years from now it will be tougher yet and hella expensive

I think this is the only true option if it’s just about her physicality.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This requires the Amityville Horror response:

 

[flowtheory]

This requires the Amityville Horror response:

There’s been so many movies made on that damn story it’s unbelievable.

 

[Jor-El]

Well.Shes in shape,but,clearly for your needs,the wrong shape

 

[flowtheory]

Well.Shes in shape

What?

 

[Voice]

This is probably the funniest post on SS, with the pics to boot. The choice of after photos is great.. a sunburnt @ss in a messy room. But that is a fairly big transition. In the after photo she looks about 38.

This actually sucks OP. I imagine it is quite difficult as 7 years is a long time to be with someone in hopes of building a life together with that individual down the line.
It is a shallow and surface level concern, perceivably, but it’s certainly a vital part of relationship. Physical and sexual attraction is massive. But I would imagine it’s something deeper of how she sees herself or what’s going on in her life.

Aside from the physical aspect of her being overly gluttonous and not staying in shape, have you just had enough of her?
Does she have weak or poor character?
Low standards of life?
If she turned back to her former physical self tomorrow, would you be totally content?
Or is this just the thing you’re choosing to use as the thing to end it? Often times when people leave relationships they will latch on to one idea or wrong-doing and make it the hill they die on, but it’s not the thing. It’s about 10 things. that have already happened but they need something for the finality.


I think this is the only true option if it’s just about her physicality.

I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.

 

[flowtheory]

Genetics. Always look at the parents.

Not always

I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.

Well it does look like that. And those two pictures are very different, it was honestly shocking when I looked at the after photo.

You need to have a conversation with her about everything you said above. That she no longer sexually entices you like she used to because of her garbage attitude towards healthy eating and living. And if you don’t want to have the conversation you either a) accept it, or b) end it. Because it will get worse.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.

These cases are great to read on SS because they're kind of success stories. Not in the sense that you'll be together forever, but that you as the man were the one to keep your body tight and mind right. You didn't become obsessed with her or neglect yourself. Meanwhile she was the one to let go, get lazy, and feed her insecurities with Ben and jerry's.

It's a good problem to have and an easy one to fix with your current mindset. Go fuuck those fit girls.

 

[Desdinova]

My question would be how does she treat you? If she treats you like a goddam king, then I'd be quite reluctant to leave. If she doesn't treat you like a king, then your appreciation for her is just going to slide even further downhill.

She's also losing her hair. Wtf.

That can be a sign of diabetes

 

[bcude]

Wow, just wow.

But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

Genetics. Always look at the parents.

Exactly my thoughts but not necessary because of the genetics, more the mindset. Not always the case but it's usually a good guideline and reliable indicator what her greatest female influence is doing/behaving/conducting herself when it comes to appearance.
The urge to stay somewhat thin is much stronger when younger and single, now she's evolving into her 'true self'.

 

[RickTheToad]

We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168

Dude... Since you are looking for a wifey (for some insane reason), what is more important to you? A good possibly faithful female to raise your offspring and hopefully stay with you take a comfy dirt nap. Or, a female that is insanely hot, but cannot be trusted as a LTR or mom to be?

 

[Lookatu]

My question would be how does she treat you? If she treats you like a goddam king, then I'd be quite reluctant to leave. If she doesn't treat you like a king, then your appreciation for her is just going to slide even further downhill.

I tend to agree with this after having been married for 13 years and together for 18 years. I would like to add additional points to think about too.

1. Is it 50/50 in everything you do or maybe even her pulling more weight(making money, cooking, housework, chores, etc)?

2. Do you know for sure if the shoe was on the other foot(in terms of weight gain), would she withdraw sex, start looking for others, treating you badly, etc?

3. Have you tried taking more of a leadership and encouragement role and try to have her workout with you and suggest healthier meal options?

4. Are all or most of your friends in LTR or married also obese(or their gf/wives)?

5. Besides her weight gain, how is your sex life? Does she give it up anytime you want it?

6. Have you communicated her weight issues to her and did you guys have a discussion? If so, how did she respond?

7. Does she complain or acknowledge that she is overweight? Or does she just not care but also don't worry about if you care either or how you think of her?

8. Lastly, EVERYONE ages and either lose their shape or gain weight at some point. What keeps people together is how they get along and what kind of soul they have and whether it stays compatible or not. You have to outweigh these options on what works for YOU. Everyone is different in this regard. I have some married friend where both the guy and girl gained a little weight as they got older but both are still happy with each other, accepts each other, doesn't try to change one another, does things together like taking walks, and still has a good sex life. She demonstrates other values like making him delicious meals, doing dishes, etc. While he maintains their cars, mows the lawn, takes out garbage, etc. It's truly a team effort and there is no selfishness on either side.

My personal take: if you find that there is no selfishness on her part and you think she'll have your back going forward and everything else is good, I would see if you can provide positive reinforcement and leadership to get her back in shape if she is willing to try. You guys didn't last 7 years for nothing.

my $.02

 

[Voice]

My question would be how does she treat you? If she treats you like a goddam king, then I'd be quite reluctant to leave. If she doesn't treat you like a king, then your appreciation for her is just going to slide even further downhill.



That can be a sign of diabetes

She treats me well. I mean she doesn't cater to my every need but she goes out of her way for me all the time and always thinks of me first. She's really a good person. When she was hotter and did these nice things for me, it made me want to bang her but now I just give her hugs lol.

We both have higher degrees and she does have a high stress job. It definitely could be a byproduct.

There was about a month before the pandemic where we were going to the gym together and planned on running a 5k and she actually started to look better. We also we're having fun supporting each other. But when everything got shut down it went to sht.

I want to find something we can do at home that we both enjoy. When I brought up going in a low carb diet for myself to cut my body fat, she said "you can do it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it."

I mean I've told her in the past that her weight has put a damper on my attraction to her. So anytime I talk about getting in shape or eating better I bet it creates some resentment and some defiance.