Here’s some advice from someone who was in your shoes...mine ended in divorce. I did the complete opposite of this advice:
1. Do not, under any circumstances, agree to marriage or “couples” counselling. There is no training to becoming a “couples” counsellor. Talk to any therapist worth their salt, the whole idea of therapy is based on a one to one relationship. i.e. you and the therapist. One therapist trying to work with two people is a recipe for divorce, and going to couples counselling will only accelerate you towards the big D. I know there is advice on this thread telling you to try it, but I’m telling you that couples counselling is one of the biggest myths out there. The couples counsellor has the lawyer, parenting coordinator, mediator, and child psychologist on their (to use an old term) rolodex. Don’t do it. Men and women think differently, and getting you to express yourself like a woman is not going to make you sexier to your wife.
2. If she asks for space longer than a day, then she is giving you the mother of all shyt tests. “Trial separations” or “give me time” are code for “leave me alone while I either enjoy my affair, or allow myself to indulge in my emotional affair, or give me time to fantasize about having an affair...”. Space longer than a few days is BS. If she won’t snap out of it after a day or two, start going out on your own and don’t tell her what you’re doing. Not telling you to step out, just don’t tell her. Go to a gym and pump iron. Meditate. Rinse and repeat. Buy a new wardrobe. But remain the cool, calm, stoic centre that you are. Don’t play by her rules. Work on your body. Work on your mind. Work on not reacting. Nothing is less sexy than losing your cool, so if anger is an issue, go see a qualified social worker who is accredited teaching court ordered “anger management” courses. Avoid “therapists” who are not qualified. Dealing with anger is not about crying to someone about how Mommy didin’t give you enough hugs. Maybe it is on a deeper level, but if you’re losing your shyt, you need real techniques that work in the moment.
Good luck!