Totally humiliated by family when gf was around

[HyenaPrince]

Atom you are bringing up a great point that I am avoiding. The real crux of the issue is that I cant roast people. I dont know how to do it lol. I am not that type of funny. When i try it comes off as forced. I would rather get some gloves or wrestle to establish dominance.

Being able to verbally spar is invaluable but either you have that talent or you dont.

This leads us to a few more questions:

1.) Which skill is more valuable? Verbal sparring or physical sparring?

I would argue that getting physical with someone cuts through all the bs even if you lose the fight. You guys gain a mutual respect for each other.

2.) Is verbal sparring even effective if you dont have the implicit threat of violence to back it up?

3.) Am I just trying to justify my lack of wit but saying fighting is a better solution?

4.) Is it ever correct to use violence to correct people stepping on your ego?

Bro, you're on the brink of beating your cousin up. Your ego has been rattled and now you're swinging back and forth like a pendulum. You're in dangerous territory. You're also beating yourself up for not being more aggressive. You say to yourself: "This isn't me. I would have said something."

The state you're in right now breeds chaos. If you lose this debate with yourself on the wrong side, your cousin lands in the hospital and you gain nothing. Pause for a moment and don't talk to them for a couple of weeks. If you really need to see them one day due to family gatherings, be cool as ice and diss him back slicker than Denzel Washington would.

 

[Pandora]

Good people dont do that. Good jokes dont humiliates...

Damn thats real.

 

[Pandora]

OP you came of lookng as Beta that's why she was laughing at you and not with you
In situations like this, the only way to win is to roast them back or better yet don't bring your girls around your cousins

I use to have a room mate like that, great at roasting, so I was always on guard.

Yeh was ur roomate a young black male lol....for some reason fat black dudes are good at roasting. Yeh man i gotta take that L i didnt cone off beta. But it wasnt even that I was afraid of my cousin. He is not tough at all. For some reason i just didnt want confrontation until it got too much. Im a chill dude.

With you roomate what would you have done if he started cracking " jokes" in front of a new girl?

 

[Pandora]

It's a hard position to be in. But I had a Michelle Obama protégé of a woman who was mines, who was solid, MATURE and righteous. If I ever got in that position, she would STAND WITH ME, and those attacks would make those guys look weaker and weaker, because she could see it a mile away! She would warn me about my family and friends who are working against me, and she didn't LIKE it, it made her angry.

Whereas with a "GIRL", a "GIRL" will stand with the greater in numbers group and leave you to stand "strong" all on your own!!!!! It is a stressful position to be in, it makes you wonder if she is with them or with you, and you feel like the longer they talk the worse she looks at you. How would I feel? Cause I have been in this position with a "GIRL". It ****ing sucks, I get mad as fvck. And either way your fvcked, if you don't say nothing your fvcked, and if you do say something your looking insecure.

Damn i just saw this post. You are so right. A mature woman secure woman would see right through my cousin. She would see it as over compensation. At one point the guy was doing slap stick humor at the age of 40. Just to get a laugh.

Older mature women (35+) would find that behavior disturbing not funny.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Atom you are bringing up a great point that I am avoiding. The real crux of the issue is that I cant roast people. I dont know how to do it lol. I am not that type of funny. When i try it comes off as forced. I would rather get some gloves or wrestle to establish dominance.

Being able to verbally spar is invaluable but either you have that talent or you dont.

This leads us to a few more questions:

1.) Which skill is more valuable? Verbal sparring or physical sparring?

I would argue that getting physical with someone cuts through all the bs even if you lose the fight. You guys gain a mutual respect for each other.

2.) Is verbal sparring even effective if you dont have the implicit threat of violence to back it up?

3.) Am I just trying to justify my lack of wit by saying fighting is a better solution?

4.) Is it ever correct to use violence to correct people stepping on your ego?

1.) Which skill is more valuable? Verbal sparring or physical sparring?

Verbal sparring is far more powerful than physical. Only people who feel powerless resort to violence. The only time violence is appropriate is in self-defense.

Physical violence usually land you in jail sooner or later.

2.) Is verbal sparring even effective if you dont have the implicit threat of violence to back it up?

Verbal sparring is about publicly exposing and embarrassing your opponent. It delivers far more pain and is far more effective in stopping bullying.

3.) Am I just trying to justify my lack of wit by saying fighting is a better solution?

Definitely. Playground fights are not the domain of men who have learned how to handle their business with opponents

4.) Is it ever correct to use violence to correct people stepping on your ego?

Never. As I mentioned, lashing out physically is the domain of the mentally weak.

Just because you aren’t good at verbal fighting today, doesn’t mean that you can’t be good at it in the near future. I myself used to be totally incapable of handling myself verbally.

Awareness is the first step, and you are just now. becoming aware. Next step is to make a conscious decision to learn to handle your opponents verbally. You might want to replay the scenario with your cousins in your mind, and see how you could have handled it differently by subtly exposing him.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Drop the family meetings and distance yourself from your toxic family members....also downgrade the girl from girlfriend to fvck buddy.

Also the attacks from your cousing came from a stronger position than yours for the simple fact that you had to protect yourself while also taking the girl into account while they had no second target than themselves to protect.

Thats like two armies fighting but one of them has civilians to evacuate.

PS, I disagree on violence being the wrong answer...you can "playfully" slap a man that is pissing you off and downgrade him to b1tch if he takes it and does nothing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Drop the family meetings and distance yourself from your toxic family members....also downgrade the girl from girlfriend to fvck buddy.

Also the attacks from your cousing came from a stronger position than yours for the simple fact that you had to protect yourself while also taking the girl into account while they had no second target than themselves to protect.

Thats like two armies fighting but one of them has civilians to evacuate.

PS, I disagree on violence being the wrong answer...you can "playfully" slap a man that is pissing you off and downgrade him to b1tch if he takes it and does nothing.

It be wise to be strong and skilled enough to handle these situations verbally while maintaining self control.

 

[Who Dares Win]

It be wise to be strong and skilled enough to handle these situations verbally while maintaining self control.

You can decide how to resolve problems when you make the first move but you cant opt for peace when someone is already attacking you.

Awfully in stupid peoples mind, being diplomatic and civilized are signs of weakness.

 

[Pandora]

You can decide how to resolve problems when you make the first move but you cant opt for peace when someone is already attacking you.

Awfully in stupid peoples mind, being diplomatic and civilized are signs of weakness.

Very true. There are many people who dont respect diplomacy. They only respect violence.

I learned this the hard way. I used to change schools alot and got bullied for being the African new kid. I learned real quick that violence was the only way to negotiate with some people. I often forget this lesson. Whenever i forget this lesson i pay for it.

Atom has a point though. The coolest kids in school were not neccesarily the toughest. They were the most quick witted ones. The ones that were good at cracking jokes on people ( we called it joning).

I think they both complement each other. A man should be adept at both.

 

[HyenaPrince]

got bullied for being the African new kid.

Man, bullies are the worst.

When I was in my teens I saw a group of boys harassing and slapping a light-skinned African girl. I recognized her from around the neighbourhood. At first I didn't know whether it was just fun and games because she didn't escape the situation and I couldn't grasp everything from afar. She just stood there and smiled. I guess she was terrified and didn't know how to react. She also had 1-2 female "friends" with her. They didn't do sh*t.

I shouted at the boys and she just shook her head and told me "it's okay". Now I'm angry at her. I asked her why she was taking that sh*t and didn't say anything. Then that guy slapped her again. I approached them and kicked him in the stomach. He collapsed and his friends backed off. I was lucky they got scared. Otherwise they could have ganged up on me and done pretty good damage.

Do you see how cowardly bullies are? Confident and capable people don't do sh*t like that. They know that everybody on this planet is equal and should be treated with a certain amount of respect, until the other party proves not to deserve respect (e.g. bullies and a*sholes).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can decide how to resolve problems when you make the first move but you cant opt for peace when someone is already attacking you.

Awfully in stupid peoples mind, being diplomatic and civilized are signs of weakness.

Not being diplomatic. Politics is a part of life. Being able to respond in just is a serious skill. And still they had bad intention so he had to get out of there.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Not being diplomatic. Politics is a part of life. Being able to respond in just is a serious skill. And still they had bad intention so he had to get out of there.

I completely agree with you, the problem is not everyone does awfully.

 

[Jack12345]

They only respect violence

was thinking about this lately
Someone who was violent in childhood will keep be violent in present, this is his core even if he looks like the most kind charismatic human and everybody just likes his charming persona.. SOME GIRLS LIKED WHEN HE WAS VIOLENT, AND SOME MEN RESPECTED HIM, this is a thing he learned in childhood and he would not throw such a valuable experience to trash.. the thing is that these guys are mostly cowards, they would fight only someone who feels weak.. they would manipulate guys who thinks that violence is a childhood phase because these guys would consider him bad ass while he's just a grown up child.. you know who's badass the moment you know whos not

 

[Who Dares Win]

was thinking about this lately
Someone who was violent in childhood will keep be violent in present, this is his core even if he looks like the most kind charismatic human and everybody just likes his charming persona.. SOME GIRLS LIKED WHEN HE WAS VIOLENT, AND SOME MEN RESPECTED HIM, this is a thing he learned in childhood and he would not throw such a valuable experience to trash.. the thing is that these guys are mostly cowards, they would fight only someone who feels weak.. they would manipulate guys who thinks that violence is a childhood phase because these guys would consider him bad ass while he's just a grown up child.. you know who's badass the moment you know whos not

True, people that by being violent, manipulative, arrogant or lacking honesty had good feedbacks and gains will never cease such behaviours.

This is why the whole "discuss with the bully and explain him why its wrong to beat weak kids" that female teachers love so much its as stupid as those suggesting it.

The bully got status, respect and possibly attention from the girls by being a bully...the only way to make him stop is to make sure the negative outcomes are more than the positve ones.

When bullies were beaten and humiliated in public they ceased those behaviours which is also why western ceos fvck the world while eastern ones dont, a small fine doesnt discourage you as much as a bullet...there are no fraudulent bankruptcies in china.

 

[2Rocky]

If you accept and escalate their jabs you take away their power. You show they can't get a reaction out of you.

"Yep i specifically asked my girl if she had taken a lifeguard course. I got my bases covered buddy..."

Then if they continue call them on their behavior" You think it is cool to make fun of me? What if I talked about you having erection issues? Is that funny? No it wouldn't be. so I'm gonna be respectful and I'd appreciate it if you were also."

Sometimes you will have a relative try to flex on you and make a power move. I was at my parent's house and my mother says in front of my gf "If your dog makes a mess you better clean it up." I had to set her straight that there was no need to tell me to deal with something that hadn't happened yet. I think she was trying to show my GF that she ruled the roost.

 

[Jack12345]

True, people that by being violent, manipulative, arrogant or lacking honesty had good feedbacks and gains will never cease such behaviours.

This is why the whole "discuss with the bully and explain him why its wrong to beat weak kids" that female teachers love so much its as stupid as those suggesting it.

The bully got status, respect and possibly attention from the girls by being a bully...the only way to make him stop is to make sure the negative outcomes are more than the positve ones.

When bullies were beaten and humiliated in public they ceased those behaviours which is also why western ceos fvck the world while eastern ones dont, a small fine doesnt discourage you as much as a bullet...there are no fraudulent bankruptcies in china.

Had a guy who was bullying me at 6 grade. He was the biggest and toughest guy in school. I was skinny af and looked miserable as well. Once he pushed me to the ground, leaned on me and choked me almost to death

I was so f angry that when I stood up I beat the f out of him punching him non stop in the face, I didnt know I able to do this, he was scared af and ran away

My heroic story has its place but the more interesting thing was that from a bully he became a total nice guy. That fckd up my mind for many years. This little bitz was bullying me the entire year for no reason, and then suddenly he is just that nice, doing well in school nerdish charming guy.. and I'm the fckd up one

 

[Alvafe]

1.) Which skill is more valuable? Verbal sparring or physical sparring?

Verbal sparring is far more powerful than physical. Only people who feel powerless resort to violence. The only time violence is appropriate is in self-defense.

Physical violence usually land you in jail sooner or later.

2.) Is verbal sparring even effective if you dont have the implicit threat of violence to back it up?

Verbal sparring is about publicly exposing and embarrassing your opponent. It delivers far more pain and is far more effective in stopping bullying.

3.) Am I just trying to justify my lack of wit by saying fighting is a better solution?

Definitely. Playground fights are not the domain of men who have learned how to handle their business with opponents

4.) Is it ever correct to use violence to correct people stepping on your ego?

Never. As I mentioned, lashing out physically is the domain of the mentally weak.

Just because you aren’t good at verbal fighting today, doesn’t mean that you can’t be good at it in the near future. I myself used to be totally incapable of handling myself verbally.

Awareness is the first step, and you are just now. becoming aware. Next step is to make a conscious decision to learn to handle your opponents verbally. You might want to replay the scenario with your cousins in your mind, and see how you could have handled it differently by subtly exposing him.

the use of violence is needed for self defense, i'm used to people who after being called on they bad behavior, and been put in place, they will scale for physical, knowing you can do it and he will not have a easy way will help in descaling said problems, being beaten up certainly will not help your case, don't matter how witty you can be if you get beaten, even if you can later give him problems your mind will also take the hit, and you will take step backs when people try to get bigger on you for fear.

understand you should never start, but also you shouldn't be a coward and let then walk over you when they do so. like I mention one thing you need to help disarming said situation is have the confidence in knowing if things go that way you will defend yourself, you don't need to hit him, but the presence you can project will help in making then cower

 

[Atom Smasher]

the use of violence is needed for self defense, i'm used to people who after being called on they bad behavior, and been put in place, they will scale for physical, knowing you can do it and he will not have a easy way will help in descaling said problems, being beaten up certainly will not help your case, don't matter how witty you can be if you get beaten, even if you can later give him problems your mind will also take the hit, and you will take step backs when people try to get bigger on you for fear.

understand you should never start, but also you shouldn't be a coward and let then walk over you when they do so. like I mention one thing you need to help disarming said situation is have the confidence in knowing if things go that way you will defend yourself, you don't need to hit him, but the presence you can project will help in making then cower

You didn't read what I wrote?

"1.) Which skill is more valuable? Verbal sparring or physical sparring?

Verbal sparring is far more powerful than physical. Only people who feel powerless resort to violence. The only time violence is appropriate is in self-defense.

Physical violence usually land you in jail sooner or later."

 

[Pandora]

the use of violence is needed for self defense, i'm used to people who after being called on they bad behavior, and been put in place, they will scale for physical, knowing you can do it and he will not have a easy way will help in descaling said problems, being beaten up certainly will not help your case, don't matter how witty you can be if you get beaten, even if you can later give him problems your mind will also take the hit, and you will take step backs when people try to get bigger on you for fear.

understand you should never start, but also you shouldn't be a coward and let then walk over you when they do so. like I mention one thing you need to help disarming said situation is have the confidence in knowing if things go that way you will defend yourself, you don't need to hit him, but the presence you can project will help in making then cower

This seems like a reasonable approach.

 

[Pandora]

Had a guy who was bullying me at 6 grade. He was the biggest and toughest guy in school. I was skinny af and looked miserable as well. Once he pushed me to the ground, leaned on me and choked me almost to death

I was so f angry that when I stood up I beat the f out of him punching him non stop in the face, I didnt know I able to do this, he was scared af and ran away

My heroic story has its place but the more interesting thing was that from a bully he became a total nice guy. That fckd up my mind for many years. This little bitz was bullying me the entire year for no reason, and then suddenly he is just that nice, doing well in school nerdish charming guy.. and I'm the fckd up one

Often times the bully needed a azz whoopin in order to self regulate their behavior. They often become your good friend. They have established respect for you.

Btw was the African girl in the last story hot? It was sad that she already exhibited " learned helplesnes" by letting them slap her.

And a front kick to the stomach always works wonders in a fight. That will be my go to weapon in a fight. Front teep to the abdomen.