Should you ever compliment a girl on her looks?

[2Rocky]

You gotta realize...a woman WILL signal if she wants a compliment, or to be noticed. Usually with eye contact and a smile. Otherwise it comes off creepy.

 

[Reyaj]

I do it all the time in a sexualized way and it is a big part of my flirting. my impression was that it was just sort of part of the package the older I got when dating younger women. It has worked well for me and if anything has produced a lot of accusations of me being a player because I am pretty good at it.

I think that either the market has changed or my value is decreasing because I noticed that while women are definitely becoming very very addicted to my words of affirmation and validation, I'm getting placed in the friendzone more often than even when I was a clueless beta who accidentally didn't compliment at all due to shyness and hesitancy. It is a friendzone where they are constantly blowing me up to get more verbal validation from me because I'm so good at it lol. @Pandora said similar. Remember, this is very high skilled technical sexualized flirting and flattery, not some beta male buying flowers.

I think being a skilled flirt and flatterer is still overall a good skill but as @stormrider says, improving your skills only serves to serve women better in this growing Matriarchy. I think it might be time to seriously cut back on the flattery.

One of the early lessons I read was that"warm & sincere" compliments work. I think the big NO NO is just to not come on too strong. I'd like to hear some examples of things you'd say though to women though.

There is a difference between "not fawning over a woman" and "relationship maintenance"
If she gets her hair done you better notice and say something.
Nothing wrong with telling her she looks good when she dresses up for a date.
If she spends time in the gym doing squats, tell her the skirt or dress really shows off her booty/legs
basically you compliment the action of her dressing up,working out, doing her hair....it is a positive reinforcement. The same is true for thanking her for doing nice things for you...

I think this is true of a girl you are consistently dating... but a girl you meet for the first time online or trying to pick up out somewhere I'm not sure about. I usually just chat them up normally and make my intentions known either by going for a number or kiss.

It depends entirely on the cirumstances. In text/social media/dating apps, i'd say no. If it's nightgame, I'd also generally say no for the same reasons: most guys hitting on them are probably saying the same **** as you. If it's daygame, however, I'd say yes, because it takes balls to do that **** in the middle of the day and they're not expecting it.

There is no rule of thumb, though. I'd strongly avoid using top shelf compliments such as beautiful, gorgeous, etc (unless they truly are, a 9/10 dressed super feminine and elegant in a grocery store for instance, would warrant such strong adjectives).

Generally though, I think it's best to make specific compliments over something generic. Maybe say their winged eyeliner looks good, or say the color of their dress looks good on them, or whatever. Or maybe spin it into a half compliment and say that dress looks good on them but the color seems off. If you are ballsy you could take the late Patrice O'Neal approach and open with something like "look at you in those shorts!" with an objectifying tone, but that probably takes a very precise mix of tenderness and aggressiveness.

I actually think online is the one place you could actually do this. Heck I've done it a lot there and been successful. This is because online all they really give a F about is if they find your photos attractive. Your opener doesn't need to be profound.

I agree complimenting the girl on a choice they've made is better than commenting them on something natural they have... again I mean this in real life not online and when first trying to pick them up.

You gotta realize...a woman WILL signal if she wants a compliment, or to be noticed. Usually with eye contact and a smile. Otherwise it comes off creepy.

Yeah but she could just be an attention wvhore.

 

[2Rocky]

Yeah but she could just be an attention wvhore.

Heh, I think most guys who want the title of "PUA" are more likely AW's. In case you haven't figured it out women crave attention regardless. Men are more likely to cal a woman an AW when she doesn't reciprocate with the attention to him. When it is mutual admiration you seldom hear them bitching...

Besides no woman is going to respect a guy who showers them with insincere compliments.

 

[Reyaj]

Heh, I think most guys who want the title of "PUA" are more likely AW's. In case you haven't figured it out women crave attention regardless. Men are more likely to cal a woman an AW when she doesn't reciprocate with the attention to him. When it is mutual admiration you seldom hear them bitching...

Besides no woman is going to respect a guy who showers them with insincere compliments.

I do agree somewhat. Just like the classic difference between a slvt and a bvitch.... A slvt is a girl that will sleep with anyone. A bvitch is a girl that will sleep with anyone but you lol

Still when you go out and see girls dresses proactively you know they are strictly after attention for validation. I don't really see a need to be another mark.

 

[Scars]

I compliment looks and body all the time.. If I think a girl is sexy, I usually let them know. However I usually do it in a funny and comedic way. Just saying "you're hot" is super lame.

I don't really care if it breaks DJ rules or you think I'm a simp for it.. I am unapologetically sexual. I'd rather be a hyper masculine male who isn't afraid to show his sexuality than a simp who is too pvssy to say anything. What's the worst that can happen? I compliment a girl and she calls me a weirdo? Rejects me? Oh noooooo, big deal. Who cares. Giving a compliment is such an easy way to gauge a girls interest right away and cut out half of the bull****.

 

[Reyaj]

I compliment looks and body all the time.. If I think a girl is sexy, I usually let them know. However I usually do it in a funny and comedic way. Just saying "you're hot" is super lame.

I don't really care if it breaks DJ rules or you think I'm a simp for it.. I am unapologetically sexual. I'd rather be a hyper masculine male who isn't afraid to show his sexuality than a simp who is too pvssy to say anything. What's the worst that can happen? I compliment a girl and she calls me a weirdo? Rejects me? Oh noooooo, big deal. Who cares. Giving a compliment is such an easy way to gauge a girls interest right away and cut out half of the bull****.

Yeah I couldn't care less what others think as well. I'm more concerned with the tactfulness of it though.. like it may lower your value in her eyes. Basically her seeing you as just another guy enamored with her looks who isn't special. I suspect it may be able to work though which is I wrote this thead. Delivery has got to be key..

You said you won't say something like you're hot.. what would you say instead?

 

[Scars]

Yeah I couldn't care less what others think as well. I'm more concerned with the tactfulness of it though.. like it may lower your value in her eyes. Basically her seeing you as just another guy enamored with her looks who isn't special. I suspect it may be able to work though which is I wrote this thead. Delivery has got to be key..

You said you won't say something like you're hot.. what would you say instead?

It honestly depends how far along we are into the "relationship" I guess. I am using the word relationship loosely, more like how many verbal or calls/text exchanges we've had up until that point. I'm pretty good at reading people and very receptive to body language, so I know when I'm being "too much" and I need to back off, but I am definitely one to test the limits and see how far I can take things before I start to feel resistance from her though. I maintain the frame and always try to keep it in a playful and sexual nature, if you do that.. then it becomes easy. I've been doing this long enough to know that when a woman mentions a shower, she almost always wants you to compliment her body. If she says she got a new outfit, tell her to model it for you.. and then say "Looks great, but I bet you'd look even better with it off" etc.. sh!t like that. It doesn't have to be super clever or witty, it's just gotta better than "you're hot" or the millions of other things these simps are saying to her. You've really gotta master the art of saying you want to do sexual things to her, without actually saying it.. think of metaphors and innuendos.. if that makes sense. Another example I have with one of my current plates is when she says she is working out, I tell her "I want to exercise with her" and she knows this means I want to fvck her, because we had a whole conversation about how many calories you lose during sex, and I took control of the frame and turned it completely sexual.. so when I say the word "exercise" in quotes like that, she knows its code word for fvck lol.

 

[Reyaj]

It honestly depends how far along we are into the "relationship" I guess. I am using the word relationship loosely, more like how many verbal or calls/text exchanges we've had up until that point. I'm pretty good at reading people and very receptive to body language, so I know when I'm being "too much" and I need to back off, but I am definitely one to test the limits and see how far I can take things before I start to feel resistance from her though. I maintain the frame and always try to keep it in a playful and sexual nature, if you do that.. then it becomes easy. I've been doing this long enough to know that when a woman mentions a shower, she almost always wants you to compliment her body. If she says she got a new outfit, tell her to model it for you.. and then say "Looks great, but I bet you'd look even better with it off" etc.. sh!t like that. It doesn't have to be super clever or witty, it's just gotta better than "you're hot" or the millions of other things these simps are saying to her. You've really gotta master the art of saying you want to do sexual things to her, without actually saying it.. think of metaphors and innuendos.. if that makes sense. Another example I have with one of my current plates is when she says she is working out, I tell her "I want to exercise with her" and she knows this means I want to fvck her, because we had a whole conversation about how many calories you lose during sex, and I took control of the frame and turned it completely sexual.. so when I say the word "exercise" in quotes like that, she knows its code word for fvck lol.

Innuendos and playful... I could go with that

 

[zekko]

Recently saw this video from Alexander Grace, who I've been watching lately for some reason (not an endorsement).

According to this video, when girls receive compliments they are repulsed, disgusted by it. Grace says it would be like a guy being complimented that he can walk really well. So it's just such a given that girls are so beautiful and attractive that showing any appreciation for it is vomit inducing? Maybe these girls should get their egos reined in.

I'm not really the type to compliment random girls, I will compliment a girl if I am dating her, that's just my personality. But the thing is I have SEEN friends compliment girls and the girls just gush with appreciation. So I still don't know what to think.

Listening to guys like Grace, it's like don't look at girls, don't compliment girls, if you have a conversation with a girl don't talk, guys are attracted to girls all the time but girls aren't attracted to guys. Seriously, I've been here over 10 years listening to this PUA stuff and I swear, if I was just starting out right now I wouldn't even bother trying to get with a girl, because all the fun would be taken out of it.

Here's the video if you want to see it:

 

[Reyaj]

Recently saw this video from Alexander Grace, who I've been watching lately for some reason (not an endorsement).

According to this video, when girls receive compliments they are repulsed, disgusted by it. Grace says it would be like a guy being complimented that he can walk really well. So it's just such a given that girls are so beautiful and attractive that showing any appreciation for it is vomit inducing? Maybe these girls should get their egos reined in.

I'm not really the type to compliment random girls, I will compliment a girl if I am dating her, that's just my personality. But the thing is I have SEEN friends compliment girls and the girls just gush with appreciation. So I still don't know what to think.

Listening to guys like Grace, it's like don't look at girls, don't compliment girls, if you have a conversation with a girl don't talk, guys are attracted to girls all the time but girls aren't attracted to guys. Seriously, I've been here over 10 years listening to this PUA stuff and I swear, if I was just starting out right now I wouldn't even bother trying to get with a girl, because all the fun would be taken out of it.

Here's the video if you want to see it:

That video pretty much sums up my view.

 

[zekko]

Here's another Alexander Grace video, which is about frame, but there's a bit about compliments at the beginning.

The girl says she doesn't like being complimented, because it puts her on the spot and she has to think of a response, it makes her uncomfortable.

Then he talks about frame, and says that if a girl mentions she has been to New Zealand, you shouldn't talk about your experiences in New Zealand. Instead you should ask her what interesting experiences she had in New Zealand. Because this puts her on the spot, puts pressure on her to validate herself to you.

So here's my question: If both of those examples have a similar result in that it puts them on the spot and makes them uncomfortable, why is the compliment bad?

 

[HyenaPrince]

Here's another Alexander Grace video, which is about frame, but there's a bit about compliments at the beginning.

The girl says she doesn't like being complimented, because it puts her on the spot and she has to think of a response, it makes her uncomfortable.

Then he talks about frame, and says that if a girl mentions she has been to New Zealand, you shouldn't talk about your experiences in New Zealand. Instead you should ask her what interesting experiences she had in New Zealand. Because this puts her on the spot, puts pressure on her to validate herself to you.

So here's my question: If both of those examples have a similar result in that it puts them on the spot and makes them uncomfortable, why is the compliment bad?

Those typa questions have to be asked. Very observant.

The compliment is empty, or at least seems way too sugar-coated. Everybody can compliment you on your looks. You don't have to be witty, smart or observant to make a compliment. On the other hand, if you pay attention during a conversation, you show her that you are someone - a real person that can indeed go deeper than this small talk bullsh*t. So you ask her about the trip or anything else and suddenly she has to truly prove herself to you. It's a deeper exchange is what I'm saying. A different kind of pressure. A good kind of pressure.

 

[zekko]

The compliment is empty, or at least seems way too sugar-coated. Everybody can compliment you on your looks. You don't have to be witty, smart or observant to make a compliment.

The way I see it the idea behind a compliment is not to show how witty, smart, or observant you are, it's to make the other person feel good. Everyone here seems to want to see everything as a dating strategy, which is okay I guess, but at some point everything seems to appear manipulative. Who wants to go through life totally focused on how they can manipulate everyone around them? Apparently a lot of people.

Anyway, if a woman feels disgusted at a compliment, that's certainly not a goal. Who wants to make someone feel disgusted? All this stuff just makes me not want to go anywhere near it, because it's just too much BS to deal with. But it still doesn't explain the positive reactions I've seen from girls when my friends have complimented them. And it's BS to think women don't want to be attractive. Why else would they dye their hair vibrant colors, use makeup, and dress in a flattering way? A compliment, from my perspective, would seem to be an acknowledgement of that effort, and an affirmation that it's working for them. But instead they're repulsed, at least sometimes apparently. I still think a lot of it has to do with who is doing the complimenting.

 

[HyenaPrince]

I still think a lot of it has to do with who is doing the complimenting.

That contributes to it. It also depends on how often that particular woman has heard that particular compliment in the past - hell, or even that same day.

I'm still convinced that it's better not to compliment a woman when in doubt. When I compliment a woman it's usually something ridiculous and absurd. It's so absurd they have to laugh. And that absurdity becomes a conversational topic in the end. It's not about manipulating, but rather about having a normal conversation - that means building rapport and reciprocating.

 

[zekko]

I'm still convinced that it's better not to compliment a woman when in doubt. When I compliment a woman it's usually something ridiculous and absurd. It's so absurd they have to laugh. And that absurdity becomes a conversational topic in the end. It's not about manipulating, but rather about having a normal conversation - that means building rapport and reciprocating.

I treat complimenting the same way as I do confidence. I've always heard I'm supposed to be confident, so I act confident. I hear I'm not suppose to compliment women, so I don't compliment them. The problem that I see is that there is no way to have a normal conversation with all these PUA rules. That's why they say get an understanding of the basics, absorb the mindset, and then forget the rules and go do what you want.

 

[HyenaPrince]

I treat complimenting the same way as I do confidence. I've always heard I'm supposed to be confident, so I act confident. I hear I'm not suppose to compliment women, so I don't compliment them. The problem that I see is that there is no way to have a normal conversation with all these PUA rules. That's why they say get an understanding of the basics, absorb the mindset, and then forget the rules and go do what you want.

Confidence is a different animal than merely giving compliments. I get what you're saying. Reading all those guidelines can be crippling. But in the end you have to enjoy what's happening with a woman. Tap into your animalistic side. No, I don't mean hump her right then and there or sniff her a*s. But just feel the serotonine when you interact and smell her perfume when you hug each other etc.

If you focus on yourself having fun you won't even think about making compliments. It will pop up when the time is right. Timing is acquired through repetitions. And repetitions also make habits. Make it a habit being yourself and you'll be fine.

 

[zekko]

STATUS-carrier men just use compliments as a shortcut to main objective (p.ussy of STATUS-chaser) because there's no obvious sign of interest than compliment - still this game was won before it even started.

I'm sure that's true, but there is such a thing as a polite compliment. "Hey, I like that sweater" as a simple statement rather than trying to send a message telegraphing interest. But hey, in PUA world being polite is out too, right?

paying compliment now to women you are not sleeping with is one big MEH unless you are after some other purpose (e.g. soft skills at work or smthng like that)

Everyone here seems to view compliments as some sort of technique or as a way to get something. It's just like the "nice guy". I never in my life thought that along the lines that you should be nice to someone because it was a way to manipulate them into liking you. I always thought you should treat people well just out of basic respect - unless of course they were an @ss, and it would be better to wash your hands of them.

I remember once I told a girl I liked her hair ribbon or whatever it was. And she responded by telling me something about her husband, as if to say "I'm married". And I was thinking "I just said I liked your ribbon, I wasn't asking you on a date or trying to have sex with you". Like I said before, it's hard to have a normal conversation with people these days.

 

[zekko]

I told a girl working in caffeteria in my office that she 'looks nice today' - just out of courtesy because I like her - she acted like I was picking her up in front of everyone, blushed and was annoyed - I generally tend to pay a lot of compliments to ppl in my workplace, both males and females (I'm smoothtalker type and I do it on purpose) and some ppl really don't know how to take a compliment these days which is rather weird tbh

Good example. See, we keep getting told don't give compliments but here you are saying you do it all the time.
Also, if girls are told they look good 1,000 times a day or whatever, why was she blushing and thrown off by it? Wouldn't you think they would be so used to it, they'd be able to handle it better? A lot of things don't add up here. I don't mean your story doesn't add up, I'm saying it doesn't mesh with conventional PUA dogma.
Also, wouldn't her blushing be a good thing (if you actually had been trying to pick her up?).

 

[zekko]

I am not playing ppl at work to pick them up. I compliment them to make them feel good about themselves around me/I don't put amy sexual innuendos/I'm nice - there's no place for PUA dogma in work imo. Either you are professional or you are not. Either you flirt with everyone or with noone.

Girl blushed because she likes me/thinks I'm hot (probably) she would DGAF/just take compliment and smile if she was indifferent - she was too young/inexperienced to react properly.

All true. Given that, where's the problem with giving compliments?

 

[Bwedr]

I think ur missing the point.We want any strategy tht will give us good results with women if it means having ego why not!