Is attraction a decision or not?

[Reyaj]

I do not think it's a choice. I think there are predictors of attraction, like RT described, and things you can do to augment the attraction of a woman who is already interested; but as far as generating attraction in a woman who is not interested in you in the first place---no way. Why would you even do that?

I love Anti-Dump. His stuff---to me---has way more practical value than all of Pook's poetic dissertations. And it's so simple: filter out women with low interest, and cultivate the ones with high interest. Attraction is more or less instinctual and a man shouldnt waste time trying to conjure up these feelings in a woman. His efforts are far better spent choosing ones who choose him.

This is what I am finding to be the philosophy I want to follow as I have experienced many interactions with women.

However I think the enigmatic question of attraction still remains... Does a girl decide this right away upon meeting you (within the first few minutes as I had a female doctor explain to me) or can you create this in her if she doesn't find you to be her type physically?

If it's really some kind of chemical reaction then we are basically saying we have little control from the get go. However if we can in fact create attraction then at what point do we say we've done all we can and discard her?

 

[breadd80]

This is not really accurate, if you have a lot of female friends you might get lucky enough to hear them openly talk about this stuff in a very calculating way.

Remember, observe a woman's actions, not her words.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

My ex was BORN in the Philippines, and she stated numerous times that she wouldn't be taking me there if she ever went back (her mom went back from time to time and I told her I would love to go).

She said that if I were to go there the women would be on me like flies on ****, and she wasn't going to be having any of that, haha. Of course, that made me want to go even more....

Seriously though, if you have never been to a country where simply looking American gets you that minor rock star status, you have nooooo idea how ridiculous it is in the US and how much status plays a role in attraction. When you merely walk down the street and the shop girls and the waitresses in the cafe's STOP what they are doing to crane their necks and watch you pass, it is a SURREAL feeling. When I got back home I felt like a nameless, faceless mass of substance. It was one of the weirdest and most shocking revelations of my life.

sounds like this is what a North American woman would experience visiting in high male population China

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Very interesting. I think many times these motivators may also be self destructive depending on how dysfunctional the girl. For example women that gravitate towards guys that are harmful towards them. An extreme example is women who are attracted to serial killers.
The interesting thing is that these motivators that influence women may not always be expressions of being an "alpha" male. Some women believe it or not gravitate to men that are considerably less attractive physically and socially than themselves to maintain control. I guess this is a subconscious motivator that influences their behavior. I think many times we are under this assumption that every women wants an alpha male that is dominant perfect and is full of confidence. The truth is SOME women don't want that ( minority though). An A-type overachieving, very attractive chick once told me she doesn't date guys who are too attractive or have too much game because she needs to be in control and feel good about herself. Sure enough after meeting her bf, she was right. The guy was not attractive and was not assertive at all. What i am trying to say is that what ever subconscious motivators there are may have their origin in some sort of insecurity of the female. Because of this the female may not be attracted to something we would consider classically alpha. She may be attracted to guys that have some sort of deficit. The motivators that Rolla suggest may be deeply personal and idiosyncratic. She might dig a guy because he reminds her of her dad (non creepy way). But i don't think they have to always be some alpha trait, they could be something arbitrary that us most people wont get. Heck even the girls friends might say " i dont know wut u see in him". Great replies though

Attraction changes over time as she discovers what's highest priorities in her needs in life.
Example: newfound attraction for the muscular alpha warrior archetype as it meets her newfound 'bodyguard' needs. That's a literal "in-security" she feels(I feel) as the yearning for safety to be received from man as her provider/protector has overridden previously held attraction beliefs.(what she previously thought she wanted 'in a man')
Attraction is environment-dependent is what I'm saying.
She judges environment to be consistently unsafe and is cognitive she is the weaker, vulnerable gender she will have a chemical attraction change
I want to say its a subconscious decision but I just proved its not by writing down these words(writing is not a subconscious act)

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Wish I could still edit my previous post, lol, lol
It is calculated solipsism.
Not a decided attraction. Although that's how cunning it is.


True attraction is involuntary.

 

[Pandora]

Attraction changes over time as she discovers what's highest priorities in her needs in life.
Example: newfound attraction for the muscular alpha warrior archetype as it meets her newfound 'bodyguard' needs. That's a literal "in-security" she feels(I feel) as the yearning for safety to be received from man as her provider/protector has overridden previously held attraction beliefs.(what she previously thought she wanted 'in a man')
Attraction is environment-dependent is what I'm saying.
She judges environment to be consistently unsafe and is cognitive she is the weaker, vulnerable gender she will have a chemical attraction change
I want to say its a subconscious decision but I just proved its not by writing down these words(writing is not a subconscious act)

Yes i totally agree. It can change. I have seen it change based on enviroment. I studied abroad on an isolated island. The females dating behaviors changed when they were on the island. When they went back to the developed world with more security, their choices switched yet again.

This is why i say women are chaotic. We should not try to analyze their psyche too much. Eventually we just need to lead and dominate ( non violently). If you study chaos you turn into chaos.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes i totally agree. It can change. I have seen it change based on enviroment. I studied abroad on an isolated island. The females dating behaviors changed when they were on the island. When they went back to the developed world with more security, their choices switched yet again.

What was it that changed back and forth? I mean I can guess, but some detail would be interesting.

 

[Pandora]

What was it that changed back and forth?

When they first arrived on the island they made it clear that they would never sleep with their fellow classmates. We were not attractive enough.

That all changed by the 3rd month. The country was underdeveloped and they needed protection walking down the street.

When they got back to their western cities (much protection and more options) we were no longer worthy

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Yes i totally agree. It can change. I have seen it change based on enviroment. I studied abroad on an isolated island. The females dating behaviors changed when they were on the island. When they went back to the developed world with more security, their choices switched yet again.

This is why i say women are chaotic. We should not try to analyze their psyche too much. Eventually we just need to lead and dominate ( non violently). If you study chaos you turn into chaos.

excellent, you're right, I agree, thanks for sharing your anecdote

 

[Robert28]

Attraction IS a choice. How many times has a guy been friendzoned only to move on and find someone better, then the friendzone girl is all of a sudden interested or jealous.

 

[Pandora]

Attraction IS a choice. How many times has a guy been friendzoned only to move on and find someone better, then the friendzone girl is all of a sudden interested or jealous.

I wonder the same thing. They will friendzone you for years but let another girl come into the picture and then they are jealous. They are jealous that their source of attention is being stolen. I dont know if that jealously always turns into actual sexual arousal. Or maybe the arousal was ways there but they were fighting it. They were prob making a risk reward analysis. Have sex and lose the pedestal...or keep the pedestal but no sex.

This is why I say they are chaos. Men and chaotic thinking dont go togther. Many times they dont consciously know why they have you in the friendzone ‍ =/

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Attraction IS a choice. How many times has a guy been friendzoned only to move on and find someone better, then the friendzone girl is all of a sudden interested or jealous.

Part of attraction was the social proofing. See how powerful it is? What you describe is very normal. She didn't want him till someone else wanted him.

 

[AttackFormation]

Part of attraction was the social proofing. See how powerful it is? What you describe is very normal. She didn't want him till someone else wanted him.

The question then is what made that "someone else" want him.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

The question then is what made that "someone else" want him.

I think most females are inherently bisexual.

If a woman takes away that which she wants(takes her guy) and she(the loser with the crush)becomes dejected, once done with him and teaching her a lesson not to go for guys anymore, the butch can swoop down on the dejected in order to 'white knight' save her.

Its chaotic, but its not always to 'bed' the dejected.
Just to have dominance in her life.




I had my former best friend do this to me with a guy I had a crush on but wasn't ready/willing to sleep with him.
She took him. ****ed him. Then dumped him.
"oh Lynx, I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into me, I shouldn't have done that to you. 'we' let a guy come between 'us' and our 'best friends forever'(queer platonic relationship-qpr) vow. Lynx, it won't happen again, aww, don't cry, c'mere let me hug you, brushing away tears, you're going to sleepover tonight, we're going to go shopping tomorrow, I'm going to give you my makeup and clothes so you can get an even better guy than that loser"

(the one she ****ed....omg. He actually was a loser, it WAS weird I was crushing on him after all)

Proceed to not even date guys for months in a row in prime time high school because 'I'm being transformed' and 'I'm not done yet'.(she's not done with me yet)
She monopolized my time after school and weekends where I couldn't even get time for a date with a guy.
She followed me when I transferred from the allgirls' Catholic h.s to the coed public h.s. She campaigned so hard for me when I ran for student body president.
She insisted I share my date for graduation with her.
Buddy loved it because he took two women to the dinner/dance.
Lol.



Women are scheming to get each other.

Whether its just the undying devoted bestfriendship getting or the pseudo-lesbian getting.

Its the attention that motivates women.

And noone can give attention to women like another woman. You get hoovered in.

 

[Robert28]

Part of attraction was the social proofing. See how powerful it is? What you describe is very normal. She didn't want him till someone else wanted him.

And not just ANY someone else, but a BETTER someone else. This is where women screw themselves a lot. They had a high value guy and they didn’t realize it, had his full attention for a long time and they made the mistake of thinking they’d have that attention and his interest forever. That’s a hell of a gamble. When miss new woman comes along, his lust for you deteriorates fast. All of a sudden the script is flipped and he didn’t have to play any games, he just simply and quietly moved on.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think most females are inherently bisexual.

If a woman takes away that which she wants(takes her guy) and she(the loser with the crush)becomes dejected, once done with him and teaching her a lesson not to go for guys anymore, the butch can swoop down on the dejected in order to 'white knight' save her.

Its chaotic, but its not always to 'bed' the dejected.
Just to have dominance in her life.




I had my former best friend do this to me with a guy I had a crush on but wasn't ready/willing to sleep with him.
She took him. ****ed him. Then dumped him.
"oh Lynx, I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into me, I shouldn't have done that to you. 'we' let a guy come between 'us' and our 'best friends forever'(queer platonic relationship-qpr) vow. Lynx, it won't happen again, aww, don't cry, c'mere let me hug you, brushing away tears, you're going to sleepover tonight, we're going to go shopping tomorrow, I'm going to give you my makeup and clothes so you can get an even better guy than that loser"

(the one she ****ed....omg. He actually was a loser, it WAS weird I was crushing on him after all)

Proceed to not even date guys for months in a row in prime time high school because 'I'm being transformed' and 'I'm not done yet'.(she's not done with me yet)
She monopolized my time after school and weekends where I couldn't even get time for a date with a guy.
She followed me when I transferred from the allgirls' Catholic h.s to the coed public h.s. She campaigned so hard for me when I ran for student body president.
She insisted I share my date for graduation with her.
Buddy loved it because he took two women to the dinner/dance.
Lol.



Women are scheming to get each other.

Whether its just the undying devoted bestfriendship getting or the pseudo-lesbian getting.

Its the attention that motivates women.

And noone can give attention to women like another woman. You get hoovered in.

And not just ANY someone else, but a BETTER someone else. This is where women screw themselves a lot. They had a high value guy and they didn’t realize it, had his full attention for a long time and they made the mistake of thinking they’d have that attention and his interest forever. That’s a hell of a gamble. When miss new woman comes along, his lust for you deteriorates fast. All of a sudden the script is flipped and he didn’t have to play any games, he just simply and quietly moved on.

Dude, you don't know women. They don't look at 1-10 like a lot of guys do. If ANY woman wants him, then others will

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think most females are inherently bisexual.

If a woman takes away that which she wants(takes her guy) and she(the loser with the crush)becomes dejected, once done with him and teaching her a lesson not to go for guys anymore, the butch can swoop down on the dejected in order to 'white knight' save her.

Its chaotic, but its not always to 'bed' the dejected.
Just to have dominance in her life.




I had my former best friend do this to me with a guy I had a crush on but wasn't ready/willing to sleep with him.
She took him. ****ed him. Then dumped him.
"oh Lynx, I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into me, I shouldn't have done that to you. 'we' let a guy come between 'us' and our 'best friends forever'(queer platonic relationship-qpr) vow. Lynx, it won't happen again, aww, don't cry, c'mere let me hug you, brushing away tears, you're going to sleepover tonight, we're going to go shopping tomorrow, I'm going to give you my makeup and clothes so you can get an even better guy than that loser"

(the one she ****ed....omg. He actually was a loser, it WAS weird I was crushing on him after all)

Proceed to not even date guys for months in a row in prime time high school because 'I'm being transformed' and 'I'm not done yet'.(she's not done with me yet)
She monopolized my time after school and weekends where I couldn't even get time for a date with a guy.
She followed me when I transferred from the allgirls' Catholic h.s to the coed public h.s. She campaigned so hard for me when I ran for student body president.
She insisted I share my date for graduation with her.
Buddy loved it because he took two women to the dinner/dance.
Lol.



Women are scheming to get each other.

Whether its just the undying devoted bestfriendship getting or the pseudo-lesbian getting.

Its the attention that motivates women.

And noone can give attention to women like another woman. You get hoovered in.

IN another posting one of the members mentioned that most women don't care what men think at all. What's most important to them is what the other women think and their stature with other women. That's what makes the attention from the other women so valueable to them.

 

[Pandora]

Its chaotic, but its not always to 'bed' the dejected.
Just to have dominance in her life.




I had my former best friend do this to me with a guy I had a crush on but wasn't ready/willing to sleep with him.

(the one she ****ed....omg. He actually was a loser, it WAS weird I was crushing on him after all)

Hey thanks for posting this. Its healthy to have honest female posters.

This exemplifies what I have been saying. 1.) You were attracted to a guy that was a "loser". That proves girls dont always go for alphas.

2.) You didnt quite know why you were attracted to him. This is more evidence that women have a very fuzzy criteria for attraction. The criteria is always morphing and changing depending on her mood and hormones and stage in life. Dont take rejection too seriously guys.

3.) You say that you look back and wonder why you messed with him. Again evidence that the dating choices are very fluid and chaotic. They cant even figure themselves out so how can we ever figure them out?
Thats why i made that post saying we should ultimately be Indifferent to Seduction. There is nothing to figure out lol.

Not saying women are bad. They are not bad. They are very pleasing to the eye and I love their energy. But i also know that they are designed to be the chaos to our order. Dont take chaos too seriously. If you do it WILL destroy you.

 

[Robert28]

Dude, you don't know women. They don't look at 1-10 like a lot of guys do. If ANY woman wants him, then others will

It’s just funny how a woman can beat you over the head only so many times “we are just friends, I told you I don’t want a relationship, you are a great guy but I’m just not interested in dating you” and you finally go off and date someone else. Then here they come “who’s she? Why aren’t you texting me like you used to? Why don’t you hangout with me anymore”. It’s like they want to sell the friendship treatment but when you finally give up and treat THEM like the friend, they scream and cry foul.lol

 

[Lynx nkaf]

It’s just funny how a woman can beat you over the head only so many times “we are just friends, I told you I don’t want a relationship, you are a great guy but I’m just not interested in dating you” and you finally go off and date someone else. Then here they come “who’s she? Why aren’t you texting me like you used to? Why don’t you hangout with me anymore”. It’s like they want to sell the friendship treatment but when you finally give up and treat THEM like the friend, they scream and cry foul.lol

I see it. It's true.
What is it about friendzoning a guy? Maybe she thinks he'll make a good start to her social circle(social proof pantry stores to use for future luring of unsuspecting seductees?)