Marriage and being faithful...

[mrgoodstuff]

in 53 yrs I have learned one important fact and that's the dangers of letting your little head do the thinking, even for a minute. It can lead to a lifetime of problem and regret. You view it as just occasional sex with someone else but its never that easy. The other woman gets attached or you get caught and end up getting divorced and paying alimony or child support for 20 yrs. I know your frustration, I had it too when I was 30 but don't ruin the rest of your life like I did over something stupid like sex.

To some of us sex IS important. Going your last 10,20 or 30 yrs because you think it is not important is not good.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

To some of us sex IS important. Going your last 10,20 or 30 yrs because you think it is not important is not good.

I get that you think its important and feel its important but as you get older you realize its not as important as you thought it was. Im not saying don't have sex or want it, just don't screw up a good life cause you think the sex you're getting isn't good enough. Work on improving it with your wife, talk to her.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Unfortunately she’s not willing to do anything fun like that.

But hey this does beg the question tho, why exactly is it that she’s not willing to do any of this stuff?

Wait. High-achieving type. Forgot lol.

You’d have to tell her straightup that you think your sex life with her sucks because she isn’t exciting and that it’s really made you consider cheating. And yes, you do have to say it like that, because otherwise she won’t truly understand the fault she has at this. You simply saying “I’m getting bored” isn’t a valid excuse to a woman because they consider that as “shitty man syndrome”, whereby all men are trash; it makes them go back to the old societal sayings of how “all men cheat” and will thus consider all men as trash because of it (even tho women cheat more than men nowadays unfortunately lol).

But by you saying it in the abrasive way of “I think our sexual life sucks because you aren’t willing to be exciting and it’s making me consider cheating” automatically shifts it onto something she CAN control, thus she will be able to take the blame for it. Now, because she is a woman, her knee-jerk response will be to attack you back, “Why do you say I’m not exciting? How am I not? Have you ever told me any of this before? No, you haven’t” to which you simply respond with “I’ve hinted at doing some things and tried to maneuver into doing some fun and exciting things with you, but your reactions let me know that you aren’t interested in doing those types of things. Part of me thinks that it’s because it’s just who you are as a person, but another part of me knows that you’re still capable of doing these things but for whatever reason just don’t because everything is about work work work with you. The whole reason why we work and become successful is so that we can enjoy our lives, not to stay working forever. It’s not even that you aren’t a fun and exciting person, it’s just that you’re unwilling to be a fun and exciting person”.

This type of crap angers me tbh because it’s not that she isn’t willing to do fun and exciting and risky things, it’s just that she’s unwilling to do then with you (at the current moment anyway). And I think it’s because you built the foundation of your relationship off of not being the type of person to do those things. But the thing is, it’s not even your fault because if you were that type of guy, she wouldn’t have married you to begin with because she’d have seen you as lesser for being ‘unmannered’ and ‘uncivilised’, all the while not realizing that men need more in relationships when they go on for this fkn long lol esp if you don’t have kids, which if I’m not mistaken, you and her don’t have (or else you‘d have mentioned them at this point, since cheating would also be hard on the kids as well and breaking up the family would be bad for them).

Honestly, women like this are defective. I don’t understand why they‘re even alive, it’s like they exist solely for the sake of existing. If all they’re gonna do is work their whole lives and that’s it, then why do something that’s pathetic and meaningless and has no impact in the world? Not to mention, no kids. Like, women like this are just a waste of space and make life harder for men who would have done more with the same opportunity or done their job better. I don’t mean to insult your woman bro, it’s mostly a rant against women who are like this in general, but it’s just annoying.

/endrant

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I get that you think its important and feel its important but as you get older you realize its not as important as you thought it was. Im not saying don't have sex or want it, just don't screw up a good life cause you think the sex you're getting isn't good enough. Work on improving it with your wife, talk to her.

If it was atrocious sex for many years to the point it was killing your desire you would have a case for leaving or cheating. To some of us sex and intimacy is part of the human interaction quality of life.

 

[scarface701]

But hey this does beg the question tho, why exactly is it that she’s not willing to do any of this stuff?

Wait. High-achieving type. Forgot lol.

You’d have to tell her straightup that you think your sex life with her sucks because she isn’t exciting and that it’s really made you consider cheating. And yes, you do have to say it like that, because otherwise she won’t truly understand the fault she has at this. You simply saying “I’m getting bored” isn’t a valid excuse to a woman because they consider that as “shitty man syndrome”, whereby all men are trash; it makes them go back to the old societal sayings of how “all men cheat” and will thus consider all men as trash because of it (even tho women cheat more than men nowadays unfortunately lol).

But by you saying it in the abrasive way of “I think our sexual life sucks because you aren’t willing to be exciting and it’s making me consider cheating” automatically shifts it onto something she CAN control, thus she will be able to take the blame for it. Now, because she is a woman, her knee-jerk response will be to attack you back, “Why do you say I’m not exciting? How am I not? Have you ever told me any of this before? No, you haven’t” to which you simply respond with “I’ve hinted at doing some things and tried to maneuver into doing some fun and exciting things with you, but your reactions let me know that you aren’t interested in doing those types of things. Part of me thinks that it’s because it’s just who you are as a person, but another part of me knows that you’re still capable of doing these things but for whatever reason just don’t because everything is about work work work with you. The whole reason why we work and become successful is so that we can enjoy our lives, not to stay working forever. It’s not even that you aren’t a fun and exciting person, it’s just that you’re unwilling to be a fun and exciting person”.

This type of crap angers me tbh because it’s not that she isn’t willing to do fun and exciting and risky things, it’s just that she’s unwilling to do then with you (at the current moment anyway). And I think it’s because you built the foundation of your relationship off of not being the type of person to do those things. But the thing is, it’s not even your fault because if you were that type of guy, she wouldn’t have married you to begin with because she’d have seen you as lesser for being ‘unmannered’ and ‘uncivilised’, all the while not realizing that men need more in relationships when they go on for this fkn long lol esp if you don’t have kids, which if I’m not mistaken, you and her don’t have (or else you‘d have mentioned them at this point, since cheating would also be hard on the kids as well and breaking up the family would be bad for them).

Honestly, women like this are defective. I don’t understand why they‘re even alive, it’s like they exist solely for the sake of existing. If all they’re gonna do is work their whole lives and that’s it, then why do something that’s pathetic and meaningless and has no impact in the world? Not to mention, no kids. Like, women like this are just a waste of space and make life harder for men who would have done more with the same opportunity or done their job better. I don’t mean to insult your woman bro, it’s mostly a rant against women who are like this in general, but it’s just annoying.

/endrant

Yeah. We’ve had the talk... lol... after I did move out and date someone else... but she’s this way with everything... “hey honey I know we are both physicians and super high achieving... but we’ve had a tough week. I know you’ve never smoked pot... why don’t we buy some and get high together”? Her reply... “I don’t need to do drugs to have fun”. It’s this way with everything. She’s keeps things good enough that it’s hard to say it’s defective or that there’s necessarily a problem... but at the same time there’s a problem. Not sure if that makes sense.

It makes it difficult. From the outside people/friends say... “you’ve got it pretty good. She still puts out. Maybe she’s not into oral sex or being spontaneous but she’s a good mother, she’s smart, she’s attractive, she’s got her **** together, and so 9/10 things are good”. In the end it makes me wonder if it’s just me getting bored and being in a mid life crisis perhaps... not sure.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah. We’ve had the talk... lol... after I did move out and date someone else... but she’s this way with everything... “hey honey I know we are both physicians and super high achieving... but we’ve had a tough week. I know you’ve never smoked pot... why don’t we buy some and get high together”? Her reply... “I don’t need to do drugs to have fun”. It’s this way with everything. She’s keeps things good enough that it’s hard to say it’s defective or that there’s necessarily a problem... but at the same time there’s a problem. Not sure if that makes sense.

It makes it difficult. From the outside people/friends say... “you’ve got it pretty good. She still puts out. Maybe she’s not into oral sex or being spontaneous but she’s a good mother, she’s smart, she’s attractive, she’s got her **** together, and so 9/10 things are good”. In the end it makes me wonder if it’s just me getting bored and being in a mid life crisis perhaps... not sure.

Dude fvck someone labelling it as a midlife crisis. Your life and quality of it should be important to you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Do you love your wife?
Respect her?
Is the rest of your relationship good, mostly happy?

If so, you owe it to her and yourself to rule this option out. You should try addressing it with her first. If she refuses to change, then come back and update us.

It sounds like he's been stonewalled for many years. So it's been discussed.

 

[scarface701]

Dude fvck someone labelling it as a midlife crisis. Your life and quality of it should be important to you.

Ha ha I’m clearly thinking about it.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’m a high achiever healthcare professional myself. Just because she’s a high achiever isn’t it. I love sex. Love it. If it’s not fresh & exciting and varied? I’m out. Bored. Done. Over it.

Some people paint with wayyyy to broad a brush.

She is in “professional” mode at all times. She refuses (or doesn’t know how) to let her hair down. You want to play OP. She isn’t comfortable playing....Yet.

She is not in her feminine energy. It’s turning you off.

Look at the situation differently. See it with new eyes. She has built walls around herself and is controlling her sphere to the point that she functions from a place that is perfunctory rather than sensory. This will kill desire in a relationship over time.

Does this resonate with you? She’s too much in her mind all the time & not in her body & emotions. Not the way she could be.

Herein lie clues to solving the riddle.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ha ha I’m clearly thinking about it.

If you like an exciting life with some risk and adventure , great, own it! Some of those who say your having a midlife like to sit down and complain about others.

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP, when you sign up for marriage, this is what you get.

Your situation sounds exactly like mine from a number of years ago, with one major exception: I met this Croatian woman at my gym. 11 years younger, hot, great body, smart (Master's degree), good job, responsible, definitely not an AW, no dating apps, etc., etc. So we dated for 3 years, then moved in and lived together for another 6, so a total of 9. The first there years were fantastic, the second three were ok, and by the last three we were roommates and the relationship was apathetic. I totally lost sexual attraction for her, no fault of her own. She stayed good looking with a hot body and she was/is, to this day, one of the most responsible women I have ever met. I just frankly got sick of having the same sex with the same woman. Plus, there were drawbacks like her superior complex, very strong independence to the point of where we did almost everything separately, and lack of verbal communication skills which was really odd for a woman, which all dampened my attraction for her. So after about 9 years, the relationship really fizzled and we ended it. No hard feelings. BUT, I never got married. So when she moved out, I lost $6.00. Yes, she took the salad tongs that weren't hers, lol.

I've been single ever since, many ONS and STRs, but zero LTRs. I'm loving it and will likely never go back to living with a woman or tying myself down. I am and have always been MUCH happier flying solo, but that's just me.

So for you, good job on choosing a responsible, practical woman who's good at managing a household. That should be #1 in any man's mind and #1 on his list of criteria if he wants to get married. That said, NO ONE ever gets the winning lottery ticket. NO ONE gets the highly responsible woman, good job, dependable, good attitude all that stuff AND one who's a porn star in the sack and has Vogue model looks. You mind as well search for Bigfoot and then teach him to tango and mix a martini when you find him because your odds would be better. Life is all about trade-offs, this for that, and what you’re describing is yours.

I'm afraid there's not much you really can do, unless you want to be unfaithful in your marriage. Your woman isn't going to turn into Jenna Jameson overnight and start looking like Bella Thorne. If you do choose to bite the forbidden fruit, keep in mind the ramifications if you (and it's likely) get caught.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Yeah. We’ve had the talk... lol... after I did move out and date someone else... but she’s this way with everything... “hey honey I know we are both physicians and super high achieving... but we’ve had a tough week. I know you’ve never smoked pot... why don’t we buy some and get high together”? Her reply... “I don’t need to do drugs to have fun”. It’s this way with everything. She’s keeps things good enough that it’s hard to say it’s defective or that there’s necessarily a problem... but at the same time there’s a problem. Not sure if that makes sense.

It makes it difficult. From the outside people/friends say... “you’ve got it pretty good. She still puts out. Maybe she’s not into oral sex or being spontaneous but she’s a good mother, she’s smart, she’s attractive, she’s got her **** together, and so 9/10 things are good”. In the end it makes me wonder if it’s just me getting bored and being in a mid life crisis perhaps... not sure.

Nah you’re good bro, this one is coming from her end. I think you’re only feeling “tired of the same flavor” because she keeps things monotonous, which leaves you left to only enjoy her rather than all the extravagant and risky social situations you could have been in instead. If she keeps things monotonous and she isn’t ‘the one’, so to speak, that is when relationships get boring. Does she let you flirt with her in public? Even if you two are just talking only amongst each other but are in a public setting like say a park or smth, does she let you flirt at all or even be playful or does she shoot down all attempts at it? I feel like I already know the answer but I’m asking just to be sure.

It’s funny you make mention the whole ‘outside looking in’ thing too because most of those “happy relationships” the one woman posted about likely fall into this category as well lol

~~~~

Some people paint with wayyyy to broad a brush.

You might as well @ me

She is in “professional” mode at all times.

She is not in her feminine energy

This is what I meant when I said “high-achieving”, hence why I tended to put it in quotations and say high-achieving type rather than high-achieving by itself.

Just an FYI.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Start quietly planning your divorce.

Because if she refuses to change, or you cheat, that is the likely outcome.

Once plans are in place, you need to have a frank open discussion of your needs. If she won't try and change, pull the trigger.

I'd do that before cheating.

@scarface701 I second this above statement. I doubt she’ll change, so I’d recommend cheating. Yeah it’s ****ty, but if you really can’t handle it, start preparing your escape plan for if/when things head south. Obviously you should try pushing for a little more beforehand and bring it up again; you have to let her know/hint that it’s really an issue. But if she refuses to give you what you want—well then hey, you’ll just get it from somewhere else. Her refusal to do something is just acknowledgement of her own neglect anyway, and if anything is probably acquiescence of your right to therefore cheat.

I’m talking like Satan right now lol but I’ve already had to come to terms with the fact that I myself refuse to be in a subpar relationship, especially considering that I can bring a woman happiness/joy that she would never have known to exist before me. It’s just not fair to us men nowadays, but boohoo, it is what it is. She either shapes up or you ship out lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@scarface701 I second this above statement. I doubt she’ll change, so I’d recommend cheating. Yeah it’s ****ty, but if you really can’t handle it, start preparing your escape plan for if/when things head south. Obviously you should try pushing for a little more beforehand and bring it up again; you have to let her know/hint that it’s really an issue. But if she refuses to give you what you want—well then hey, you’ll just get it from somewhere else. Her refusal to do something is just acknowledgement of her own neglect anyway, and if anything is probably acquiescence of your right to therefore cheat.

I’m talking like Satan right now lol but I’ve already had to come to terms with the fact that I myself refuse to be in a subpar relationship, especially considering that I can bring a woman happiness/joy that she would never have known to exist before me. It’s just not fair to us men nowadays, but boohoo, it is what it is. She either shapes up or you ship out lol

She's solidified onto doing it how she wants to and not deviating from it. Thats kinda fvcked up.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

She's solidified onto doing it how she wants to and not deviating from it. Thats kinda fvcked up.

Like I said, he’s only got one option really: cheat.

The only other thing that I can think of is to develop a huge, fun, and exciting social circle full of cool friends that he can hang out with whenever he wants so that he can rely on them for fun rather than his wife. That way he can ‘scratch that itch’ with them and no longer be bored in his life anymore without having to resort to cheating on his wife. But those days are long gone, no one has real friends anymore. Especially not with how things are in the world currently.

We really should go back to collectivism.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Like I said, he’s only got one option really: cheat.

The only other thing that I can think of is to develop a huge, fun, and exciting social circle full of cool friends that he can hang out with whenever he wants so that he can rely on them for fun rather than his wife. That way he can ‘scratch that itch’ with them and no longer be bored in his life anymore without having to resort to cheating on his wife. But those days are long gone, no one has real friends anymore. Especially not with how things are in the world currently.

We really should go back to collectivism.

So why have to cheat to get good sex and in essence crutch a female who doesn't want to make you happy?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She's solidified onto doing it how she wants to and not deviating from it. Thats kinda fvcked up.

This is a control issue buddy. Control is a serious issue in a relationship. Does control issues exist outside the bedroom?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Frankly OP, the onus is on you to lead the relationship. Marriage is a relationship. Get back to dating your wife. It might get the juices flowing again. She fell in love with you for a reason.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Frankly OP, the onus is on you to lead the relationship. Marriage is a relationship. Get back to dating your wife. It might get the juices flowing again. She fell in love with you for a reason.

Reread the thread bro, he tried to but she rejected all of his attempts lol so it’s not even his fault RIP

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Frankly OP, the onus is on you to lead the relationship. Marriage is a relationship. Get back to dating your wife. It might get the juices flowing again. She fell in love with you for a reason.

Did he ever even have it good with her?