Why would a girl accept her ex’s friend request after he’s told her he still has feelings?

[Sgthaytham]

Smart man.

It’s what’s best for me.

It’s when I saw his message to her telling her how sorry he was and that he still loves her that really got me. Then the fact she accepted his friend request.
It just screamed out “She still likes him” and isn’t 100% invested in me.

 

[Sgthaytham]

That's what I'm saying.

Getting into an LTR in itself is a losing proposition cuz you're already the kept guy.

You are being swept into her frame.

Her action of the little friend request fb drama isn't the issue.

The issue is that it affects you.

This will seep through your actions if you don't correct your frame.

In my opinion you've lost the frame and should start talking to other girls, doing stuff for self improvement, goals mission whatever to get your game back on.

Not necessarily physically cheat, but just to get back that mindset of abundance.

Or maybe I should just break up with her now, rather than later, and focus on myself from now?

 

[darksprezzatura]

It’s what’s best for me.

It’s when I saw his message to her telling her how sorry he was and that he still loves her that really got me. Then the fact she accepted his friend request.
It just screamed out “She still likes him” and isn’t 100% invested in me.

What she "feels" or doesn't for other men SHOULD not matter to you as long as her actions towards you and respect is coherent.

Her talking to an ex created dread within you which is causing you to panic and look into these issues.

She could totally be being civil with her ex and be 100% invested in you.

The fact of the matter is that YOUR FOCUS is on her, when you should be analysing your own behaviour and feelings.

The fact that dread (unknowingly or knowingly) is making you panic is a sign that your frame is weaker and your level of investment is way higher for any woman than it should be


Folks this is why I say LTR is game on hard mode.

I'm guilty of slipping into my "comfortable" state with a "kept" girl too.

The stuff that you used to do when you were single and looking for a woman, which attracted a woman to you in the first place slowly fades (cuz you got her, right? ).

This is why continuous self improvement, approaching and plate spinning is advocated because it keeps a sort of competition anxiety alive.

"I'm dumping you. Blah blah" is all fuel to the fire. Useless and unneeded.

Downgrade her to booty call IN YOUR MIND.

And assume that you need to get your game back up.

Make her chase. Initiate less. Be busy. Talk to other women. Make plans for stuff you wanna do. Pick up numbers.

I literally saved the numbers of my women as bootycall#1 bootycall#2.

How seriously would I take them?

 

[In2theGame]

Part of me thinks that she could have just ignored it but instead chose to accept it, therefore opening a channel of communication. Why do this?

It's Over.

 

[bcude]

All true! But be prepared to be called controlling and jealous and insecure when you bring up these truths. You’ll be right, but she’s still going to turn it all on you and blame it all on you. “He was too jealous of every guy that talked to me, I couldn’t have friends, he’s so insecure. I need a mature man that lets me be me” Be prepared.

Who cares what she says and does after it's over? Women never take any accountability anyway. However they respect a man with standards for himself, and that is all that matters. You create your own happiness in life.
You only come off as controlling if you try to control another human being. You can't control another human, let alone a woman. You can however set standards for how you want to live your life and expect people around you to live up to them.
They are free to do whatever they want, but if they cross your boundaries, you withdraw and/or walk, and they should know it.

That's the heart of the problem here. Her action shows that she's not fully commited to OP and it shows disrespect to their exclusivity.
Some women have no clue and just keep on with their bad behaviors pre-meeting you, like having millions of orbiters and hanging out with their guy friends 1on1. Women are like children that need to be molded and led by strong guidance, that's true and what they all crave and why i always say to communicate your standards when you agree to exclusivity, not after the terms have been set. You can't set a deal after the fact, but can always choose how you react to her behaviors and the way you want to live your life. In this case she knows exactly what she's doing, but she's doing it anyway. That says it all. An interested commited woman will never risk giving you any feelings of jealousy, she will go out of her way to make sure you're the one.

OP's instincts are working in a healthy way. He's not insecure or weak, he agreed to be exclusive to one women who's doing stuff she shouldn't be doing when you love someone. In fact i'd argue that he has anything but oneitis because he's willing to just dismiss her and walk away and not beg and cling on like most non-rp guys would in this case. That's the correct response. Main focus should always be on you, but when you're in a relationship you have to care about the other person too, just as a good leader cares about his pack to thrive, or you might find yourself single and alone very soon.

 

[Robert28]

Who cares what she says and does after it's over? Women never take any accountability anyway. However they respect a man with standards for himself, and that is all that matters. You create your own happiness in life.
You only come off as controlling if you try to control another human being. You can't control another human, let alone a woman. You can however set standards for how you want to live your life and expect people around you to live up to them.
They are free to do whatever they want, but if they cross your boundaries, you withdraw and/or walk, and they should know it.

That's the heart of the problem here. Her action shows that she's not fully commited to OP and it shows disrespect to their exclusivity.
Some women have no clue and just keep on with their bad behaviors pre-meeting you, like having millions of orbiters and hanging out with their guy friends 1on1. Women are like children that need to be molded and led by strong guidance, that's true and what they all crave and why i always say to communicate your standards when you agree to exclusivity, not after the terms have been set. You can't set a deal after the fact, but can always choose how you react to her behaviors and the way you want to live your life. In this case she knows exactly what she's doing, but she's doing it anyway. That says it all. An interested commited woman will never risk giving you any feelings of jealousy, she will go out of her way to make sure you're the one.

OP's instincts are working in a healthy way. He's not insecure or weak, he agreed to be exclusive to one women who's doing stuff she shouldn't be doing when you love someone. In fact i'd argue that he has anything but oneitis because he's willing to just dismiss her and walk away and not beg and cling on like most non-rp guys would in this case. That's the correct response. Main focus should always be on you, but when you're in a relationship you have to care about the other person too, just as a good leader cares about his pack to thrive, or you might find yourself single and alone very soon.

I’ve always wondered why so many want women’s respect when they say “who cares what they think about you??”. If you don’t care then why do you want their respect? I honestly don’t want their respect, it’s the last thing I want from them. Could care less if they respect me or not.

 

[Robert28]

The problem with this mindset Robert is that a healthy dynamic requires respect by both sides.
Respect is viewed by both sexes differently.
For me personally obedience is a reflection of respect. Controlling? No not at all. But if I tell her to do or not to do something and she does it anyway then there is consequences.
And likewise if she is a good respectful woman and listens to her man then I'm more then happy to do the things she physically cannot do. Rewards

A man should require respect of boundries at the start. Clearly laid out from the beginning. If she's not willing to go a long then its the wrong girl. Im talking normal type boundries not psycho ones.

I understand that but in this day and age that’s going to be near impossible to find. Feminism won’t allow you to “control” your woman. If you tell her to do or not to do something she’s going to buck at the idea. Unless you can condition her from the start “hey can you bring me that screwdriver?”. But when she wants to go out with the girls, she’s going out with the girls, what you say be dammed. I can get respect from a man within 2 seconds, I can spend a lifetime chasing it from a woman. Now, I’m not advocating being a doormat to any woman, but chasing their respect is almost impossible. The only types they respect are the sociopaths and guys that have seriously weird wiring, the types that other guys don’t even want to hangout with. You can be a hard worker, build a business from the ground up and a woman won’t respect you for it, but a man will.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If a woman really loved an ex there is ALWAYS a chance she will go back to him. Always. And there is almost nothing you can do about it.

 

[Sgthaytham]

If a woman really loved an ex there is ALWAYS a chance she will go back to him. Always. And there is almost nothing you can do about it.

I realise I can’t do anything now other than to jump ship.

What do you think in my situation, does she still have feelings or love for her ex?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I realise I can’t do anything now other than to jump ship.

What do you think in my situation, does she still have feelings or love for her ex?

We don't have enough information about your relationship. How does she treat you? Like a god or do you sense she's taking you for granted? If it's the latter than simply start preparing for the end and watch what happens. Does she get sweeter with you or nastier?

Like @darksprezzatura mentioned FB friendships are meaningless. The fact that it's got you so worried shows you've been neglecting yourself. Start working out hard, doing new things, meeting new girls(platonically), be positive and aloof and watch her behavior. Prepare yourself for the sexual market place and dare her to walk.

 

[bcude]

I’ve always wondered why so many want women’s respect when they say “who cares what they think about you??”. If you don’t care then why do you want their respect? I honestly don’t want their respect, it’s the last thing I want from them. Could care less if they respect me or not.

I agree that we shouldn't really care what she thinks of us, but respect ultimately comes back to you. If she doesn't respect you that means that you have shown that you don't respect yourself and that my friend is the problem and is not a happy existence walking around with the feeling of being a doormat. So it's about you, not her.

Respect is important in the sense that it's the baseline for anything regarding love to happen. For a man respect, honour and your word means alot.

 

[Robert28]

OP dont seek closure on this. For some reason when guys get in this situation their needy behavior(not saying you) becomes need for needy closure.

Focus on her actions causing your disgust for her. Disappointment and desire to not even want to see her face.
Quite frankly you as a man should walk away with the focus on you and not how she feels.

This x1000. It’s a trap of all traps. She’s triangulating you, don’t let her. You’ll sound needy by bringing it up and it’s a no win situation for you. If you want to get your message across loud and clear what you do is ghost her the next time she mentions her ex. She isn’t stupid, she will know why you dropped off the face of the earth forever.

 

[Robert28]

I agree that we shouldn't really care what she thinks of us, but respect ultimately comes back to you. If she doesn't respect you that means that you have shown that you don't respect yourself and that my friend is the problem and is not a happy existence walking around with the feeling of being a doormat. So it's about you, not her.

Respect is important in the sense that it's the baseline for anything regarding love to happen. For a man respect, honour and your word means alot.

I don’t think one woman not respecting me means I don’t respect myself. I mean other women will respect me so I wouldn’t get too worried over one woman not respecting me. Most women are so broken they don’t even know what actual respect is, they respect the wrong types of guys that don’t even deserve respect. Like I said earlier, a lot of women will respect the type of guy that other guys won’t respect and won’t let in their circle. Now, if you’re constantly finding yourself being in a no respect position with women then you definitely have something you need to work on. I wouldn’t go turning my whole life upside down over one woman though.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don’t think one woman not respecting me means I don’t respect myself. I mean other women will respect me so I wouldn’t get too worried over one woman not respecting me. Most women are so broken they don’t even know what actual respect is, they respect the wrong types of guys that don’t even deserve respect. Like I said earlier, a lot of women will respect the type of guy that other guys won’t respect and won’t let in their circle. Now, if you’re constantly finding yourself being in a no respect position with women then you definitely have something you need to work on. I wouldn’t go turning my whole life upside down over one woman though.

What's "wrong" respect? Women will respect what they value. So if the guys she respects are criminal and shady, she is enamoured by those actions.

If she respects folks whose word is bond and work hard, that is what she respects.

She could "respect" someone who is integrated into the fashion world and representing well.

OR she could "respect" a gold digger following the rules of the game and not needing to work.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

If a woman really loved an ex there is ALWAYS a chance she will go back to him. Always. And there is almost nothing you can do about it.

this is true. I have done it and would again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

this is true. I have done it and would again.

I hope you won't go back to an abusive ex tho

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I hope you won't go back to an abusive ex tho

ok

offtopic, you have the highest reaction score and fourth highest messages.....are you competitive mrgoodstuff? congrats

 

[Georgepithyou]

2 reasons
No respect for u
And she will sleep with him

 

[dude99]

Part of me thinks that she could have just ignored it but instead chose to accept it, therefore opening a channel of communication. Why do this?

She is getting validation from it. It feeds her ego to know he ex is still carrying a torch.

The dumper has come crawling back. She is getting all kinds of endorphins from this.

 

[dude99]

Because she's a chick. They always like to keep their options open... Women will always wonder about the guy they let 'get away' especially if she thinks she could get him back. I've seen this WAY too often. I know one women, just turned 30... kept this one dude strung along for 6 years while she chased her emotions with a guy she was seeing didn't turn into anything tangible. Sooooo when sh1t went sideways with her first choice, she ran to 'Strung Along Dude', who was more than happy to step in.

They got married after one of the shortest engagements I've ever seen, and now she's pregnant.... The poor bastard thinks he's lucky... really he's a consolation prize. I don't have the heart to tell him he should get a paternity test.

Is the kid even his?