Lost soul, tired of all this sht

[Visionist]

In the animal kingdom it's the males who gladly kill cubs if they aren't their own. This manifests itself to a significantly lesser degree in human males who feel cucked taking care of another man's children.

Human males with a spine anyway.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Doesn't matter what we think, girls will still be doing it and as time passes, the vast majority will dismiss it from their minds as if it never happened.

The same can't be said of men, should they participate, it sticks to their souls, not all but most.

huh.
I don't know how strong your stomach is/gag reflex but what if I told you I heard of a girl that had multiples but waited until the last possible day before getting them so her breasts would grow bigger and bigger each time?
'breast implants' by abortions.
Morbid. Disrespectful.
So some handle it differently.
I don't remember if there's any other girl-maybe one.
That I heard of getting one. Hers would have been a different, more plausible deniability reason though.

Fortunate I didn't get exposed to too many stories of this in my life so far.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

That's personality, one's social fingerprint. It can be faked, but you're born with it, and whatever you become should harmonize with it, unless you always want to feel like a fraud.

Exactly. This contradicts your first post saying being yourself is bullsh!t. Embrace your personality, be yourself.

 

[Spaz]

huh.
I don't know how strong your stomach is/gag reflex but what if I told you I heard of a girl that had multiples but waited until the last possible day before getting them so her breasts would grow bigger and bigger each time?
'breast implants' by abortions.
Morbid. Disrespectful.
So some handle it differently.
I don't remember if there's any other girl-maybe one.
That I heard of getting one. Hers would have been a different, more plausible deniability reason though.

Fortunate I didn't get exposed to too many stories of this in my life so far.

Everything a girl, women and even you that has done or will do in the future is tied to the feminine imperative.

There's no escaping it for a female, you can only ever slow it down but ultimately you will adhere to it.

This is ur biological blueprint to ensure the survival of the species. In other words, you're stuck with a programming that was determined for you and for all females since conception.

It sounds horrible but it's the truth.

That girl you mentioned in ur post, she too is adhering to the feminine imperative.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I believe it.

 

[Spaz]

Exactly. This contradicts your first post saying being yourself is bullsh!t. Embrace your personality, be yourself.

What happened to ur egolessness lovey dovey philosophy, did it make women suddenly deliriously in lub with you ?

 

[LuksSkywalker]

This is one important point. As weird as it sounds, most of women value that... They said that they want a loyal guy, but if they got that they cheat on that guy. Basically she like that "bad boy" personality.

Correct me if I'm wrong, you seem to be a guy that is good to her and try to make things work. This goes against what she unconsiously wants. This is kind of sad, but most "good guys" I know are cheated by their wifes. There is a girl Im going out, she told me about her married friend and all the ways that woman cheated her husband... It seems disgusting. I just asked: "Is he a good guy, pay the bills, provide the resources, have a friendly face..." She said: yes.

Good (nice) guys get cheated. That is as common as poorly washed glass in a bar.
But I know and have been a part of cheating a "bad boy". 2 of my female friends cheated ond their BFs with me. They were not giving them enough attention or being d***s towards them. Btw I am a nice guy.
Personaly, I've never been cheated on, at least not officialy.
How do we explain then this story I told you right now? I say from my own experience that bad boys also get cheated.
Who do we then have to be, not to cheat and not to get cheated on?
Things are never simply black & white. You can't be too good towards someone or they will take advantage of you and become bored with you, but you also can't be too bad because they sure as hell will run away from you.
I think for a quality relationship you have to give some love and kindness but also be strict and firm (not being an Ahole).
I've read somewhere on this forum that you should treat women like children and so far it does make sence.
If you give too much love and attention you will spoil them, also if you are too strict and not giving them any love they will be afraid of you.
Someone once said that respect can be earned either out of fear or out of love.
You have to find the right ratio.

 

[Robert28]

Another late 30s woman still trying to act 20. A story old as time. They just get worse with age my friend.

 

[Blacksheep]

Good (nice) guys get cheated. That is as common as poorly washed glass in a bar.
But I know and have been a part of cheating a "bad boy". 2 of my female friends cheated ond their BFs with me. They were not giving them enough attention or being d***s towards them. Btw I am a nice guy.
Personaly, I've never been cheated on, at least not officialy.
How do we explain then this story I told you right now? I say from my own experience that bad boys also get cheated.
Who do we then have to be, not to cheat and not to get cheated on?
Things are never simply black & white. You can't be too good towards someone or they will take advantage of you and become bored with you, but you also can't be too bad because they sure as hell will run away from you.
I think for a quality relationship you have to give some love and kindness but also be strict and firm (not being an Ahole).
I've read somewhere on this forum that you should treat women like children and so far it does make sence.
If you give too much love and attention you will spoil them, also if you are too strict and not giving them any love they will be afraid of you.
Someone once said that respect can be earned either out of fear or out of love.
You have to find the right ratio.

Said everything man! Agree with that... I didn't stop to think that way when I answered. But that makes total sense.

Also, your life experiences can help finding a good partner, as you've experienced some situations in the past. And you can even learn more skills to relate better with women for example.

Great answer!!

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

What happened to ur egolessness lovey dovey philosophy, did it make women suddenly deliriously in lub with you ?

i have never had the goal of making women 'suddenly deliriously in lub with me', not sure where you're getting that idea.

To elaborate further on this, if you hate women, but you want to have sex with them, and are pretending to like them, is that being yourself? Is it even indicative of a healthy mindset? Would you advise such a guy to go off, and become a hermit or a homosexual, or to get his mind right...so that his outer and inner life can be in harmony? I don't know about you, but the last thing I'm gonna tell that guy is to just be himself.

there's definitely some irony in making a thread on SS asking for advice. we may advise him to create harmony but it's up to him to decide whether that makes sense. he may believe PUA is the answer or he may otherwise ask for more and more details until we say something along the lines of "it'll come naturally once you come from within", in other words, get in touch with yourself, be yourself.

my point is what you advise him will still break down to the same thing, for him to find his own vibe and manifest his own reality. you may have to spell it out if he's not in touch with himself but at the core it's the same message.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

Said everything man! Agree with that... I didn't stop to think that way when I answered. But that makes total sense.

Also, your life experiences can help finding a good partner, as you've experienced some situations in the past. And you can even learn more skills to relate better with women for example.

Great answer!!

It all comes down to recognising on time when things start to get shakey. Trust your guts. If it seems like your wife/ GF is acting different than usual, she probably is. Don't jump to conclusions after just one day, but observe for couple of days. Cheating usualy doesn't happen right away.
All in all you have to be very exeperienced to recognise this s***t from the start.
Trust your guts!

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Doesn't matter what we think, girls will still be doing it and as time passes, the vast majority will dismiss it from their minds as if it never happened.

The same can't be said of men, should they participate, it sticks to their souls, not all but most.

Donovan breaks down love is blind. The premise is lame but it shows Chad marrying epiphany phase baby murderer broke ass drop out. Its clown world on steriods.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Man i'm in the same boat as you, just let me ex go because she wanted me to give her a monthly allowance to pay her bills when she could afford her bills on her own. Not even considering everything else I do for her. Stop dating loser american women.

 

[Spaz]

Being 40 now, I have a good life, 6 figures income and growing, barely have to work anymore to make that money, trying to retire at 45-46, good security, my own apartment, plenty of hot chicks to s3x... but can't have a stable relationship whatsoever.

Relationships are games and when you don't game you lose. I am tired of this. Maybe I am delusional of women and dating in general.

I dumped my ex because she lost interest probably because I didn't do all the sht that is recommended here. I asked her what happened and she gave me the usual "You're a nice person but I am not ready for a relationship" bullsht. She's 38. I smelled something fishy since the beginning also because she stayed with her ex for years while he was on Tinder and cheating, seems pretty nuts, also she doesn't want kids/marriage/family, never married, her sister is in a crappy relationship with no future, divorced parents, most of her friends she told me about are in toxic relationships.

But I didn't stop myself (kinda mocking myself right now), I tried to make it work, I tried to enjoy my time with her and we had some good weekends, also some boring ones, enjoyed texting and chatting, someday it was good, some others it was OK, I initiated a lot but she replied joyfuly, at least at the beginning. S3x was good, but not always. She is hot but not so sensual or sexual or playful.

To me, when you are just "being yourself" and it doesn't work it's a problem of compatibility or chemistry if these are words you guys use? Or maybe I just tried too hard. I am still affected by this because I am 40 and it seems that this sht is not going to end anytime soon. I just would like to sit down in front of the fireplace with a nice woman beside me, maybe some kids running around. But I've heard that most men want that but will never have, and women want that but they always fck everything up with their over-extensive expectations, get divorced, start to hate men and become neo-feminists.

Seems to me that the world of relationship is completely fcked up. Do you know any working relationship with 2 partners that are "just being themselves"? I know one, when I discuss with them they just don't understand what I am talking about.

Or is that total bollocks and I am a lost soul? Or should I just date 300 more women? Or start being an *******? But that last option I don't like it.

1st look within, ur leadership skills, ur passions (is there any?), ur ambition (is there any? ), are you effective with both ur passions and ambition (are you getting great results?) = > this is where or how you generate admiration and thus gain respect.

For women, it is how their love for a man endures.

2nd find a woman that can amuse you, if any women you're with doesn't amuse you then learn to kick her to the curb.

Now you're good to go.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Be the best version of yourself, when dating a girl always look at her friends and family
Her friends were in toxic relationships
Her parents were divorced

Yet it seems like you were surprised she was a trainwreck? It seems like you deluded yourself early on in the relationship.

 

[Reyaj]

I am with someone I am very comfortable being myself around. Its very possible.

 

[Lumix]

2nd find a woman that can amuse you, if any women you're with doesn't amuse you then learn to kick her to the curb.

Yet it seems like you were surprised she was a trainwreck? It seems like you deluded yourself early on in the relationship.

You are absolutely right. 3 months in the relationship I started spinning plates again because some red flags were becoming too obvious. But I should have dumped her at that point or moved her to the FWB category and let her chase me.

And yeah, looking back at it, she wasn't that fun. I am an expat, so she opened some doors to her country for me. That was interesting. But then in a 1-on-1 situation, she was pretty uninteresting, at 38 (another red flag), she had no plan in life, no future and she wasn't even amusing.

1st look within, ur leadership skills, ur passions (is there any?), ur ambition (is there any? ), are you effective with both ur passions and ambition (are you getting great results?) = > this is where or how you generate admiration and thus gain respect.

I am. But as I explained it in another thread, I am currently collecting the rewards of my achievements and I am stuck trying to find the next move. So there is that empty space in my life that women can infiltrate. Maybe I should just enjoy life and work on my game as suggested here.

Currently watching the James Tusk videos for some inspiration. It's quite good. I will force me to re-read some of the basics here every time I meet a girl just to make sure I don't fall in that trap again.

 

[Kotaix]

But I didn't stop myself (kinda mocking myself right now), I tried to make it work, I tried to enjoy my time with her and we had some good weekends, also some boring ones, enjoyed texting and chatting, someday it was good, some others it was OK, I initiated a lot but she replied joyfuly, at least at the beginning. S3x was good, but not always. She is hot but not so sensual or sexual or playful.

To me, when you are just "being yourself" and it doesn't work it's a problem of compatibility or chemistry if these are words you guys use? Or maybe I just tried too hard. I am still affected by this because I am 40 and it seems that this sht is not going to end anytime soon. I just would like to sit down in front of the fireplace with a nice woman beside me, maybe some kids running around. But I've heard that most men want that but will never have, and women want that but they always fck everything up with their over-extensive expectations, get divorced, start to hate men and become neo-feminists.

In my opinion, trying to make it work is just like trying to force a bunch of farts, you're just going to get ****.

You're at the age where you actually will make a good father, and if you're looking for kids then you should be looking for women who are 30. I find women under 30 to be difficult to relate to at this point, they have a false feeling that they know how the world works, when in reality they don't know sh!t.

Look for women who don't have social media, they're very refreshing to be around.

Seems to me that the world of relationship is completely fcked up. Do you know any working relationship with 2 partners that are "just being themselves"? I know one, when I discuss with them they just don't understand what I am talking about.

I do know a functioning couple that are just themselves, my parents. My dad is a perv for hot young women, my mom just smacks him and scoffs because she knows he does it just to bug her. I also know a few other couples that seem to work out ok.

It's very difficult to find people to discuss concepts like "just being yourself" with. It touches at very fundamental aspects of how human interactions work, and a lot of people are uncomfortable approaching those concepts because doing so exposes their insecurities. People who haven't considered these thoughts before seem to shut them out automatically.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

In my opinion, trying to make it work is just like trying to force a bunch of farts, you're just going to get ****.

You're at the age where you actually will make a good father, and if you're looking for kids then you should be looking for women who are 30. I find women under 30 to be difficult to relate to at this point, they have a false feeling that they know how the world works, when in reality they don't know sh!t.

Look for women who don't have social media, they're very refreshing to be around.

Hahaha that first paragraph...
It's true, you shouldn't work (too much) on things that need fixing often. It's in our nature to try and fix it if you invested time,nerves and love into someone.
Also, there will always be that feeling of "have I done enough".
In my own experience, this is a Sisyphean task.
You are the one trying to make it work, yet you are not the one that needs to be worked on. Both partners need to be satisfied with their own life first and then function together as a unit.
Like a clock mechanism. If one wheel is broken, the other one won't work properly.

I've had 3 meaningful relationships in my life (28y). In each were periods of waiting for something to happen to start functioning properly. This never happened because something takes plenty of time and effort. "Something" is not a magical creature that makes everything better. "Something" is real. "Something" is within every person. "Something" is "where am I at this point of time in my life", "am I happy or whould I rather be somewhere else"... "Something" comes from you. If you aren't happy with your life, only you can change it. Same is for your GF/wife.
So instead of trying to change or help other person change, leave it to them. Change your own life by finding someone who already knows where they want to be and how to get there or if they are already there, which is hardest (but not impossible) to find.

 

[Spaz]

You are absolutely right. 3 months in the relationship I started spinning plates again because some red flags were becoming too obvious. But I should have dumped her at that point or moved her to the FWB category and let her chase me.

And yeah, looking back at it, she wasn't that fun. I am an expat, so she opened some doors to her country for me. That was interesting. But then in a 1-on-1 situation, she was pretty uninteresting, at 38 (another red flag), she had no plan in life, no future and she wasn't even amusing.



I am. But as I explained it in another thread, I am currently collecting the rewards of my achievements and I am stuck trying to find the next move. So there is that empty space in my life that women can infiltrate. Maybe I should just enjoy life and work on my game as suggested here.

Currently watching the James Tusk videos for some inspiration. It's quite good. I will force me to re-read some of the basics here every time I meet a girl just to make sure I don't fall in that trap again.

It's either one of the 2 below;

Despite what you think of urself and what you projected here, the results = she doesn't admire you and that resulted in her disrespecting you.

Or...

You have all the skill sets but you might have subconsciously dismissed her slowly as the relationship progressed until she no longer felt any leadership from you = her leaving.

I'm guessing she admired you in the beginning and it waned off, but it's not a big deal since it's also an opportunity.

Take this opportunity to take a helicopter view of urself and do try to get a trusted friend to point out ur flaws with ur leadership skills etc, no harm in polishing up.

You'll bounce back better then before.