Spill it or just listen?

[gettinit]

A friend of mine (45) just got dumped for the second time by the same girl (around the same age). They were dating for about 9 months. Traveled to quite a few places. Girl is cute, built, fun, outgoing and honestly one of the most intelligent women that I have ever encountered. Sharp witted, multilingual, great job and plays pretty much any musical instrument that you could put in front of her. Unfortunately, I could also tell that she was not a keeper. With all of the positives, I could also tell that she was a party girl.

He got jealous of her at one point and the argument ended in a break up. I run into them together a week or so later out partying, having gotten back together. She had taken a strong liking to me and I kept myself in bros before hoes mode to avoid any issue with my friend. So, later that night she confirmed what I thought. I was sitting back to the bar and she comes up to talk to me. As we talked and joked, she was literally humping and grinding on my knee. I re positioned and brought someone else close by into the conversation to defuse things.

I saw him again and they had broken up and gotten back together yet again. He was telling me that she said that there is no way that he loves her, she is the biggest slut of a woman that he would ever meet and she can't believe the nice things that he does for her are genuine. He had replied that he could do her *ss if that's what she wanted and he is just a nice guy. He actually is one of the nicest people that I know. He won't go out of his way to please people, but is generous, considerate and would help anyone in need in an instant. I consider him a solid friend.

Fast forward to last week. I run into him and he tells me that they just broke up with tears in his eyes, saying that he loved her. Later he tells me that he needs a friend to talk with and suggests that we get together for a few beers. I know what I'm going to hear. The question is: Do I tell him the REAL situation (she is a party girl, not good for him and she was humping my leg) or do I just keep my mouth shut and let him vent? I have seen situations where friendships ended over this kind of stuff.

 

[xplt]

Well, I don‘t see you at fault here. If I was your buddy I would want to know when my girlfriend rubbed herself at you.

 

[Alvafe]

like uncle phil said once, to be a real friend you need to risk losing it,

no way out of this, you know she is a slut, she herself told him that, if he is too bad is better let this time go and let him get a little better before, but you sure should tell him, he could fall with her again

 

[gettinit]

I would want to know as well, but he was head over heels for her and I'm pretty sure that he would have just explained it away at the time. "She was drunk and was just using you for balance" or some other form of denial. Love can be blind. Honestly, I think that he is just in love with the fun. This girl is a walking carnival with all the best rides, games and snacks. If he wasn't with her, I would buy a few tickets, all the while understanding that eventually, she will be off to the next town. He just didn't (and doesn't) see that.

I think that I'm just going to have to roll with this and make an on the spot decision. I don't see them getting together again and telling him that she was coming on to me certainly won't help his ego, especially after getting dumped.

 

[Visionist]

Do you want to smash her?

 

[gettinit]

Want to is different from doing so. She is hot, fun and I don't think that I would meet with much resistance. I'm just not going to exchange years of friendship for a lay. He is a good man who is blinded for the moment. I also have other options without the attached costs and don't need to invite that kind of drama into my life.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would want to know as well, but he was head over heels for her and I'm pretty sure that he would have just explained it away at the time. "She was drunk and was just using you for balance" or some other form of denial. Love can be blind. Honestly, I think that he is just in love with the fun. This girl is a walking carnival with all the best rides, games and snacks. If he wasn't with her, I would buy a few tickets, all the while understanding that eventually, she will be off to the next town. He just didn't (and doesn't) see that.

I think that I'm just going to have to roll with this and make an on the spot decision. I don't see them getting together again and telling him that she was coming on to me certainly won't help his ego, especially after getting dumped.

What do you mean by "This girl is a walking carnival with all the best rides, games and snacks"?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Be a good wingman and get your buddy a child-less girl who isn´t post wall.

 

[gettinit]

What do you mean by "This girl is a walking carnival with all the best rides, games and snacks"?

Carnival: Noun
: a traveling enterprise offering amusements

"all the best rides"
He shared a bit about her sexual skills.
"games"
She is a whole lot of fun and it never seems to stop.
"snacks"
She has a body that won't quit and a face to match.

Hmmm... maybe I should give up on the euphemisms...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Carnival: Noun
: a traveling enterprise offering amusements

"all the best rides"
He shared a bit about her sexual skills.
"games"
She is a whole lot of fun and it never seems to stop.
"snacks"
She has a body that won't quit and a face to match.

Hmmm... maybe I should give up on the euphemisms...

I wanted u to say it. Yea alot are setup that way.

 

[isasda66]

like uncle phil said once, to be a real friend you need to risk losing it,

no way out of this, you know she is a slut, she herself told him that, if he is too bad is better let this time go and let him get a little better before, but you sure should tell him, he could fall with her again

He has rose tinted glasses. He probably wont appreciate what OP says. But OP should say something, eventually when he finds ou he'll realize OP was correct and reconcile.

Be a good wingman and get your buddy a child-less girl who isn´t post wall.

 

[RangerMIke]

A friend of mine (45) just got dumped for the second time by the same girl (around the same age). They were dating for about 9 months. Traveled to quite a few places. Girl is cute, built, fun, outgoing and honestly one of the most intelligent women that I have ever encountered. Sharp witted, multilingual, great job and plays pretty much any musical instrument that you could put in front of her. Unfortunately, I could also tell that she was not a keeper. With all of the positives, I could also tell that she was a party girl.

Party girls are fine... they just aren't relationship material. Sounds like she has her sh!t together and her 'party' life doesn't get in the way with her life. These kids of women are perfect for me. A party girl that let's the rest of her life go to sh!t in the interest of fun, is actually not much fun to be around.

He got jealous of her at one point and the argument ended in a break up.

He wanted to take the 'relationship' in a serious direction as evidenced by his behavior. She dumped him... totally normal.

I run into them together a week or so later out partying, having gotten back together. She had taken a strong liking to me and I kept myself in bros before hoes mode to avoid any issue with my friend. So, later that night she confirmed what I thought. I was sitting back to the bar and she comes up to talk to me. As we talked and joked, she was literally humping and grinding on my knee. I re positioned and brought someone else close by into the conversation to defuse things.

He backed off and is going with her agenda in the hope he can 'change' her. She is a party girl with few boundaries.. no problem, this is who she is.

I saw him again and they had broken up and gotten back together yet again. He was telling me that she said that there is no way that he loves her,

Ignore what chick say: pay attention to what they do. Chicks seldom take responsibility for their actions, so 'naturally' the reason things aren't going well is because HE doesn't really love her. Totally normal chick bvllsh!t.

she is the biggest slut of a woman that he would ever meet and she can't believe the nice things that he does for her are genuine.

Scorpion and the toad.... if you don't know the parable look it up. Her nature is she's a slvt... she would be fine for me, but this guy wants more... and thinks being nice will change her... it won't

He had replied that he could do her *ss if that's what she wanted and he is just a nice guy. He actually is one of the nicest people that I know. He won't go out of his way to please people, but is generous, considerate and would help anyone in need in an instant. I consider him a solid friend.

He needs to go find a chick that wants what he wants.

Fast forward to last week. I run into him and he tells me that they just broke up with tears in his eyes, saying that he loved her. Later he tells me that he needs a friend to talk with and suggests that we get together for a few beers. I know what I'm going to hear. The question is: Do I tell him the REAL situation (she is a party girl, not good for him and she was humping my leg) or do I just keep my mouth shut and let him vent? I have seen situations where friendships ended over this kind of stuff.

Go out with your friend, but don't let it turn into a depressing drunk fest with crying and whining. Go ahead and listen to him and let him vent, that does help people, but no advice in the world you give him will make a fvcking bit of difference because he has lost emotional self-control... everyone has to work through their own stages of grief at their own pace. I wouldn't offer any advice at all unless he asks, and then only say he needs to find a chick that matches his values. DO NOT bad mouth this chick, because then he'll only defend her, this will slow his recovery process. Give him a copy of "The Rational Male", then it's on him to read it, absorb it, and implement what he has learned. A copy of "No More Mister Nice Guy", would also help.

More advice... I wouldn't go out drinking. Instead go bowling, play pool, golf, rock climbing, go to a baseball game do an activity that is more than just sitting at a bar drinking... alcohol is a depressant... not a good thing to do when you are depressed.

One more thing... YOU need to stay the fvck away from this chick, unless you are ready to walk away from your buddy. I'm not judging whatever you do, you want to bang this chick, then bang her... but this guy can't be your friend if you do this. It isn't a question of "bro' code" or any rules... it's being consistent and honest with what you want.

 

[AttackFormation]

I doubt anything you could tell him would make a difference.

He already knows who she is, you won't be telling him anything fundamentally new. It's just his own refusal to acknowledge it which is the case, and most likely he already knows that. That's why I predict all you can do is just be there when the crash comes, if you take pity on him. Sex, looks, excitement and his own weakness has hooked him beyond rescue to a woman who is incompatible with him aside from those things, just like her bad boy Chad counterpart does to women.

 

[Glassguy]

Well, I don‘t see you at fault here. If I was your buddy I would want to know when my girlfriend rubbed herself at you.

The problem is that if he tells his buddy this, and then this guy and chick get back together, the guy is going to alienate himself from OP.

So I dont recommend having that conversation with the buddy. Just listen to him and ease him into reality. Be agreeable with him but be honest in his evaluation of her if he sees her as a wh0re.

 

[Visionist]

This type of girl needs a name.

A Stacy?

 

[gettinit]

After some thought, if her statement "I'm the biggest slut of a woman you will ever meet" didn't wake him up, my words certainly won't. Yes, she is simply a female "Chad", has chosen to live her life that way and I don't think that he can grasp that. I'll just have to try to help keep him busy for a while.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This type of girl needs a name.

A Stacy?

Its a "ho". In her ho phase. They do the same things. Let's not confuse it or glamorize it. Smart guys pump and dump her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Party girls are fine... they just aren't relationship material. Sounds like she has her sh!t together and her 'party' life doesn't get in the way with her life. These kids of women are perfect for me. A party girl that let's the rest of her life go to sh!t in the interest of fun, is actually not much fun to be around.


He wanted to take the 'relationship' in a serious direction as evidenced by his behavior. She dumped him... totally normal.


He backed off and is going with her agenda in the hope he can 'change' her. She is a party girl with few boundaries.. no problem, this is who she is.

Ignore what chick say: pay attention to what they do. Chicks seldom take responsibility for their actions, so 'naturally' the reason things aren't going well is because HE doesn't really love her. Totally normal chick bvllsh!t.


Scorpion and the toad.... if you don't know the parable look it up. Her nature is she's a slvt... she would be fine for me, but this guy wants more... and thinks being nice will change her... it won't


He needs to go find a chick that wants what he wants.

Go out with your friend, but don't let it turn into a depressing drunk fest with crying and whining. Go ahead and listen to him and let him vent, that does help people, but no advice in the world you give him will make a fvcking bit of difference because he has lost emotional self-control... everyone has to work through their own stages of grief at their own pace. I wouldn't offer any advice at all unless he asks, and then only say he needs to find a chick that matches his values. DO NOT bad mouth this chick, because then he'll only defend her, this will slow his recovery process. Give him a copy of "The Rational Male", then it's on him to read it, absorb it, and implement what he has learned. A copy of "No More Mister Nice Guy", would also help.

More advice... I wouldn't go out drinking. Instead go bowling, play pool, golf, rock climbing, go to a baseball game do an activity that is more than just sitting at a bar drinking... alcohol is a depressant... not a good thing to do when you are depressed.

One more thing... YOU need to stay the fvck away from this chick, unless you are ready to walk away from your buddy. I'm not judging whatever you do, you want to bang this chick, then bang her... but this guy can't be your friend if you do this. It isn't a question of "bro' code" or any rules... it's being consistent and honest with what you want.

The chick is just a ho. Nobody will stop her from doing what she does.

 

[MrWood]

if your bro is so hurt over this carousel rider as you say... dont ever ever tell him about the bump-n-grind