My mom is very controlling.

[Kotaix]

Going forward keep all your motivations, things your working on, things you really care about to yourself. Most people in the world including your mom will attack it. That's perhaps what she's trying to teach you the hard way. Just let out a little nugget every once in a blue moon.

Yeah pretty much this. I've found keeping my mouth shut to be amazingly helpful.

My sister tried something like this on me when she had kids. She told me I had to move back home and be an uncle to her kids (which she demanded from her how husband). And my only response was "No. The world does not revolve around you". She was a very entitled person at this time so she got PISSED and wrote me a huge email, and my brother in law demanded that I apologize to her. But I never did, and I never read her email. Funny thing is, we didn't get along all that well growing up, but ever since then we've actually developed a really good relationship.

 

[RickTheToad]

Hey guys. Need some advice. Ok im a grown man and was thinking about putting some of my wealth into stocks etc: now instantly my mom says no your not doing that. Blah blah blah. Anyways lets cut to the chase. 1. Im a fully grown adult.
2. I saved all my money.
3. I got my own house. Pay my own bills etc:
It bothers me because it kinda turns me off visiting her. I know this isnt in the right location. But could some fellow djs give me some advice? I dont know what to do. I almost dont want to visit her now. Please? Any help?

Why does your mom have any vote in what you do with your money? You are not under her roof, and she's not paying any of your bills. She has zero say. You need to put her in her place and tell her to stay in her lane unless you ask for her advice or guidance (never a good idea BTW).

Tim to put on the big boy pants dude. However, going long into stocks now would an unwise idea. Perhaps tax free bonds or preferred stocks would be a safer bet until after the election. I am long stocks in my 403b and Roth, my investment account I am in muni bonds and preferred stocks*.

* This is not financial advice, just what I am doing for my own portfolio.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Yeah pretty much this. I've found keeping my mouth shut to be amazingly helpful.

My sister tried something like this on me when she had kids. She told me I had to move back home and be an uncle to her kids (which she demanded from her how husband). And my only response was "No. The world does not revolve around you". She was a very entitled person at this time so she got PISSED and wrote me a huge email, and my brother in law demanded that I apologize to her. But I never did, and I never read her email. Funny thing is, we didn't get along all that well growing up, but ever since then we've actually developed a really good relationship.

Lol what a scenario. Im just gonna shut my mouth. Execute my goals and create bit of distance.

 

[wifehunter]

If more people minded their own business, the world would be a better and more peaceful place.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Why does your mom have any vote in what you do with your money? You are not under her roof, and she's not paying any of your bills. She has zero say. You need to put her in her place and tell her to stay in her lane unless you ask for her advice or guidance (never a good idea BTW).

Tim to put on the big boy pants dude. However, going long into stocks now would an unwise idea. Perhaps tax free bonds or preferred stocks would be a safer bet until after the election. I am long stocks in my 403b and Roth, my investment account I am in muni bonds and preferred stocks*.

* This is not financial advice, just what I am doing for my own portfolio.

@RickTheToad exactly my point! I pay my own bills. Cook my own meals etc: my money i can do whatever i want with. Would this make you slighted too?

 

[RickTheToad]

@RickTheToad exactly my point! I pay my own bills. Cook my own meals etc: my money i can do whatever i want with. Would this make you slighted too?

No, but my family was never good with money. They were a good example of what not to do. My father was more overbearing than my mom. When I was a teen, I was told his house, his rules or I leave. So, I left, at 17. No one tells me how to live my life. Then again, I am 38. You need to lay down the law. Unless she's a financial guru or works in the Street (Wall St), she has no business telling you what to do with your money.

You can do it in a nice way by saying I appreciate your input, but I am going to try it out and see how it goes. Thank you though for your thoughts and concerns. It will be fine.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You've actually picked the *right* place to address your problem.

Overbearing, domineering and controlling mothers are a result of a lot of the problems that arise with men and their female relationships. A lot of men wouldn't be here if not for the behavior of their mother.

Chances are, when you assert yourself, you can expect to be guilted, put down or any other assortment of reactions. I chose the word "reactions" and not "tactics" because "reaction" is more of an emotional response, whereas "tactic" is more combative.

Every time that you are compliant, this sets a "tone." Subconsciously, this 'communicates' that her behavior is acceptable. If you do an immediate 180 degree on her, it's really going to upset the dynamic (and not in a good way).

I guess that it all depends on the relationship you have with your mother. I'd suggest that you talk to her. Do not put her on the defense by saying "you always do ____" . Instead, say "I'm going to do ____ and I know you may not agree, but that's how it's going to go." Finish it off with letting her know that you value her (and if you're this expressive) that you love her... but be firm that it's time for her to let go.

Here's some psychology to consider.
This is going to be a bit of a sting to your mother. The reason is because as long as she can feel like a mother to her child, she will feel youthful and with a purpose. I mention this so you will not have any resentment toward her or view her as intentionally manipulative.

Maybe you can find some activities to do with her to let her feel that purpose. But don't share anything she can hurt you with.

 

[RickTheToad]

You've actually picked the *right* place to address your problem.

Overbearing, domineering and controlling mothers are a result of a lot of the problems that arise with men and their female relationships. A lot of men wouldn't be here if not for the behavior of their mother.

Chances are, when you assert yourself, you can expect to be guilted, put down or any other assortment of reactions. I chose the word "reactions" and not "tactics" because "reaction" is more of an emotional response, whereas "tactic" is more combative.

Every time that you are compliant, this sets a "tone." Subconsciously, this 'communicates' that her behavior is acceptable. If you do an immediate 180 degree on her, it's really going to upset the dynamic (and not in a good way).

I guess that it all depends on the relationship you have with your mother. I'd suggest that you talk to her. Do not put her on the defense by saying "you always do ____" . Instead, say "I'm going to do ____ and I know you may not agree, but that's how it's going to go." Finish it off with letting her know that you value her (and if you're this expressive) that you love her... but be firm that it's time for her to let go.

Here's some psychology to consider.
This is going to be a bit of a sting to your mother. The reason is because as long as she can feel like a mother to her child, she will feel youthful and with a purpose. I mention this so you will not have any resentment toward her or view her as intentionally manipulative.

A dude should never let a lady tell him what to do. He can ask for her advice, but not control him. Ladies look down on this on a dude. Just ask our resident lady, @BeExcellent. She'd agree she wants a strong dude, not a doormat or someone she can control.

All the other ladies left SS because BigGoal scared them away by offering to drive to their town and buy them dinner.

 

[Kotaix]

Lol what a scenario. Im just gonna shut my mouth. Execute my goals and create bit of distance.

I really think you need to say something. Keeping your mouth shut is you being beta. You know that you're right, so act like it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I really think you need to say something. Keeping your mouth shut is you being beta. You know that you're right, so act like it.

Talk about something else. Tbey dont need to know about your gold and diamonds.

 

[Black Widow Void]

A dude should never let a lady tell him what to do. He can ask for her advice, but not control him. Ladies look down on this on a dude. Just ask our resident lady, @BeExcellent. She'd agree she wants a strong dude, not a doormat or someone she can control.

All the other ladies left SS because BigGoal scared them away by offering to drive to their town and buy them dinner.

Rick, I'm totally cool with someone holding my opinion under scrutiny, but do so, when it's applicable. It looks like we're in agreement here. My initial posting would also suggest that deferring to a woman isn't a good move.

Point is.. when it's a mother/son dynamic and it's been a pattern for over twenty years, the 'unweaving' process can not be an immediate 180 degree turn. It's not like we can "next" our mother. Instead, there needs to be a blend of firmness and holding one's position, but also some gentleness as well.

 

[RickTheToad]

Rick, I'm totally cool with someone holding my opinion under scrutiny, but do so, when it's applicable. It looks like we're in agreement here. My initial posting would also suggest that deferring to a woman isn't a good move.

Point is.. when it's a mother/son dynamic and it's been a pattern for over twenty years, the 'unweaving' process can not be an immediate 180 degree turn. It's not like we can "next" our mother. Instead, there needs to be a blend of firmness and holding one's position, but also some gentleness as well.

Yes, we are in agreement. However, yes, a person can do a 180 when enough is enough. I DNK how old the OP is, but if he's on his own and 100% self-sufficient, then his mom has zero right or influence on how he spends his money; unless he asks for her input. He needs to cut that sh it out. If he ever gets into a serious relationship, marriage and/or kids, his partner would lose a tremendous amount of respect if she sees his mom interfering with his life.

OP, watch and listen:

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

A dude should never let a lady tell him what to do. He can ask for her advice, but not control him. Ladies look down on this on a dude. Just ask our resident lady, @BeExcellent. She'd agree she wants a strong dude, not a doormat or someone she can control.

All the other ladies left SS because BigGoal scared them away by offering to drive to their town and buy them dinner.

@RickTheToad? Lol! Are you being serious he offered to drive to their town and buy them dinner?

 

[Template]

Just let out a little nugget every once in a blue moon.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So now that you know this build some other socially acceptable conversation. Some talk about sports, family events. Politics, etc. Stay away from ambition, personal development, business matters.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The principles of game apply to all women (all people too, really), including your mother and sister. The only difference is mom and sis love you unconditionally, where as romantic love is conditional.

Women respect men who act like men. That means displaying the leadership qualities - confidence, self-control, intelligence, graciousness, and resolve. Your mommy will respect you more when you display the ability to make your own decisions, especially when that means telling her no. If mommy gets out of line, you must respectfully let her know that a boundary was crossed.

OP, you must stand up to your mother now. This problem will surface again when you have a wife. An entitled mother will exert power over her son at the expense of his own wife and children. Lest you establish this boundary, it will creep into your serious romantic relationships.

 

[Xenom0rph]

Hey guys. Need some advice. Ok im a grown man and was thinking about putting some of my wealth into stocks etc:

Dont put your money in stocks right now. It's hyper inflated and is in a bubble. Wait a while.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The principles of game apply to all women (all people too, really), including your mother and sister. The only difference is mom and sis love you unconditionally, where as romantic love is conditional.

Women respect men who act like men. That means displaying the leadership qualities - confidence, self-control, intelligence, graciousness, and resolve. Your mommy will respect you more when you display the ability to make your own decisions, especially when that means telling her no. If mommy gets out of line, you must respectfully let her know that a boundary was crossed.

OP, you must stand up to your mother now. This problem will surface again when you have a wife. An entitled mother will exert power over her son at the expense of his own wife and children. Lest you establish this boundary, it will creep into your serious romantic relationships.

I agree with this. Stand up for yourself and going forward stop putting people in your business.

 

[RickTheToad]

@RickTheToad? Lol! Are you being serious he offered to drive to their town and buy them dinner?

He did with Seeker.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Anyone (including family) that tries to tell me how to run my business, gets fired. Especially, self proclaimed experts.

Now lemme tell you something about business. I would know because I’m an expert...