My mom is very controlling.

[niceguytoalphamale]

Hey guys. Need some advice. Ok im a grown man and was thinking about putting some of my wealth into stocks etc: now instantly my mom says no your not doing that. Blah blah blah. Anyways lets cut to the chase. 1. Im a fully grown adult.
2. I saved all my money.
3. I got my own house. Pay my own bills etc:
It bothers me because it kinda turns me off visiting her. I know this isnt in the right location. But could some fellow djs give me some advice? I dont know what to do. I almost dont want to visit her now. Please? Any help?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys. Need some advice. Ok im a grown man and was thinking about putting some of my wealth into stocks etc: now instantly my mom says no your not doing that. Blah blah blah. Anyways lets cut to the chase. 1. Im a fully grown adult.
2. I saved all my money.
3. I got my own house. Pay my own bills etc:
It bothers me because it kinda turns me off visiting her. I know this isnt in the right location. But could some fellow djs give me some advice? I dont know what to do. I almost dont want to visit her now. Please? Any help?

Going forward keep all your motivations, things your working on, things you really care about to yourself. Most people in the world including your mom will attack it. That's perhaps what she's trying to teach you the hard way. Just let out a little nugget every once in a blue moon.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Going forward keep all your motivations, things your working on, things you really care about to yourself. Most people in the world including your mom will attack it. That's perhaps what she's trying to teach you the hard way. Just let out a little nugget every once in a blue moon.

@mrgoodstuff this sounds odd. But its almost like she doesnt want me doing better in life than her? Is that what your trying to say?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff this sounds odd. But its almost like she doesnt want me doing better in life than her? Is that what your trying to say?

It's possible. But it's also possible that like a mother bird forcing her babies out of the nest to fend for her own, she's showing you that the world WILL almost be guaranteed to attack your: ambitions, goals, desires, what you've accomplished, what your dreams and wishes are. Just keep it close to your chest from now on ( poker game ), and you will find that the energy will stay inside of you. When we speak it, we breath the energy out, we also gave them something to which attack, taking our energy or making us protect it and still losing energy. By speaking these thoughts we give them the keys to our kingdom by revealing these sensitive tidbits. Just don't share it. I wouldn't tell almost anyone.

I have a young ambitious daughter whose doing incredible, and i begged her to please only tell me her ambitions and desires. I explained that most people will attack it, and I as her dad want her to be better than me. But most people cannot do it, they don't want you better.

 

[wifehunter]

Anyone (including family) that tries to tell me how to run my business, gets fired. Especially, self proclaimed experts.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff this sounds odd. But its almost like she doesnt want me doing better in life than her? Is that what your trying to say?

Human nature brother... They cannnot even HELP themselves. Many times it's completely auto-pilot from their end. Some of the things you describe to them may sound preposterous from their perspective.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Anyone that tries to tell me how to run my business, gets fired. Especially, self proclaimed experts.

Lol @wifehunter i cant fire my mom so to speak but ill just do what I want to do.

 

[wifehunter]

Lol @wifehunter i cant fire my mom so to speak but ill just do what I want to do.

Tell her, her financial consulting days are over.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Ill explain a scenario. I was offered a 100k dollar a year job when i hit 23 years of age. My mom didnt want me to do it. And stupid me listened. Not anymore. I live in my own house. I pay my own bills. Cook my own food etc: i think its time to create a healthy distance between my goals and my mom.

 

[wifehunter]

BTW, only crazy people go 'all in' to stocks at all time highs.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Lol @wifehunter i cant fire my mom so to speak but ill just do what I want to do.

Hide your shyt from her bro. She showed you she will attack what she finds. My exes attack my stuff too. They'd explain "I heard you...",or "i heard". Lesson is to be silent and careful with your motions.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

BTW, only crazy people go 'all in' to stocks at all time highs.

@wifehunter wasnt going to go all in. Im a bit smarter than that lol. Studied stocks for years. But do you agree just keep my goals to myself?

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Hide your shyt from her bro. She showed you she will attack what she finds. My exes attack my stuff too. They'd explain "I heard you...",or "i heard". Lesson is to be silent and careful with your motions.

@mrgoodstuff So be a silent achiever?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ill explain a scenario. I was offered a 100k dollar a year job when i hit 23 years of age. My mom didnt want me to do it. And stupid me listened. Not anymore. I live in my own house. I pay my own bills. Cook my own food etc: i think its time to create a healthy distance between my goals and my mom.

Bro, don't tell hardly anyone. Some really meddling people will figure out who you are in here and get your info that way. The quieter you are about your business and your gains the better.

 

[Black Widow Void]

You've actually picked the *right* place to address your problem.

Overbearing, domineering and controlling mothers are a result of a lot of the problems that arise with men and their female relationships. A lot of men wouldn't be here if not for the behavior of their mother.

Chances are, when you assert yourself, you can expect to be guilted, put down or any other assortment of reactions. I chose the word "reactions" and not "tactics" because "reaction" is more of an emotional response, whereas "tactic" is more combative.

Every time that you are compliant, this sets a "tone." Subconsciously, this 'communicates' that her behavior is acceptable. If you do an immediate 180 degree on her, it's really going to upset the dynamic (and not in a good way).

I guess that it all depends on the relationship you have with your mother. I'd suggest that you talk to her. Do not put her on the defense by saying "you always do ____" . Instead, say "I'm going to do ____ and I know you may not agree, but that's how it's going to go." Finish it off with letting her know that you value her (and if you're this expressive) that you love her... but be firm that it's time for her to let go.

Here's some psychology to consider.
This is going to be a bit of a sting to your mother. The reason is because as long as she can feel like a mother to her child, she will feel youthful and with a purpose. I mention this so you will not have any resentment toward her or view her as intentionally manipulative.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff agreed!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff So be a silent achiever?

Yessir...

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

You've actually picked the *right* place to address your problem.

Overbearing, domineering and controlling mothers are a result of a lot of the problems that arise with men and their female relationships.

Chances are, when you assert yourself, you can expect to be guilted, put down or any other assortment of reactions. I chose the word "reactions" and not "tactics" because "reaction" is more of an emotional response, whereas "tactic" is more combative.

Every time that you are compliant, this sets a "tone." Subconsciously, this 'communicates' that her behavior is acceptable. If you do an immediate 180 degree on her, it's really going to upset the dynamic (and not in a good way).

I guess that it all depends on the relationship you have with your mother. I'd suggest that you talk to her. Do not put her on the defense by saying "you always do ____" . Instead, say "I'm going to do ____ and I know you may not agree, but that's how it's going to go." Finish it off with letting her know that you value her (and if you're this expressive) that you love her... but be firm that it's time for her to let go.

Here's some psychology to consider.
This is going to be a bit of a sting to your mother. The reason is because as long as she can feel like a mother to her child, she will feel youthful and with a purpose. I mention this so you will not have any resentment toward her or view her as intentionally manipulative.

@Black Widow Void great advice! I think im just going to silently pursue my goals. And not tell her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@Black Widow Void great advice! I think im just going to silently pursue my goals. And not tell her.

Dude if you can let goals and things your gaining traction on not be spoken on for 3-5 years it will keep you focused and you will get be successful.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Seriously this such good advice! Feel like ive got older brothers here saying "niceguytoalphamale your a grown man. Time to act like one" great solid advice.