Cola's pic thread got me thinking

[Glassguy]

I guess I'm not good at letting go women I shouldn't be with.
Atracting women wasn't really a problem for me, but that resulted in also attracting women that are not LTR-material.
But they are still very attractive women. Which can be a bit...blinding sometimes. So I sometimes do stay too much with a woman despite some obvious red flags.
I like to think that this is becoming less of a problem in recent years but only time will tell.

Also, I seem to attract quite a lot of skinny women. And I still give them a chance, even tho I know I like boobs. Man, boobs are great!

Boobs are great lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I always wanted that goodlooking emotionally stable boring women, wtf, i hardly encounter one. My last ex wife were pure BPD witch. Wtf again pffffffff...

A boring woman that fvcks you how you like it?

 

[Roober]

For me...

When things don't go according to plan, it throws a wrench into my psyche. With work, I adjust no problem. I am actually extremely adaptable with work and other such trivial matters. However, when people disappoint, abandon, or don't act in a way that is consistent with their character, it bugs me far more than it should. For example, if I invite people out to do things and they just blatantly say no; or if someone cancels on me, or some event I looked forward to doesn't work out the way I planned. It could put my mental state in a funk for hours or even days.

I suppose it occurs when I think the care or feelings of endearment are mutual, then the persons actions suggest that they really don't give a flying fvck, or maybe that they really don't feel the same way. This seems to be most common with longtime friends, family, or colleagues.

I imagine it has ties to some sort of childhood trauma, but that certainly doesn't help address it...

 

[lamath]

I can often be seen as very cold, in that it is always noticed by women that I can cut the cord on the turn of a dime and move on. I don’t put up with sh*t, and it works well.

Problem is that it works so well that they mold to it and don’t leave. This creates a breeding ground for arguments about how I don’t care, have no feelings, etc. But it’s never so bad that they leave.

Ive experience this too
Always be the one willing to walk as a big effect on them, when they see that coldness when they are acting in a unreasonable way.
Last women i was seeing try to shame me about it, telling me every-time we have an argument its like i stop caring.
Its not that i stop caring its that her emotional distress, tears wont sway me if it does fit into my way of thinking.


From what ive seen it makes them very insecure and often make them act out to try a have a reaction from me.
And indeed it never get t a point where they leave, i actually think that the insecurities created make them crave my attention even more.

Not sure however that its always the best way to handle thing, however i have a hard time doing it any other way

 

[lamath]

Yup. It’s a problem but I’m not sure I really want to fix it.

Im actually not sure if its good or bad.

From my limited experience it does create more issues and conflict most are childish af too and i also think that in a way it might actually increase attraction to me. However i wonder if there is not a softer way to handle this.

I've always been like that, i just cant be bothered dealing with mostly insignificant touchy feely issues.

My friends tell me i should be more patient with this and indulge them in their non sense
they also tell me that there is no going around it if i want less crap i should date men.
The thing is i dont want to reward them for creating issues out of thin air by giving them concession.


I want more.....rather be single and have peace of mind than stay with a energy drain.

 

[Glassguy]

@lamath @Amante Silvestre

The ability to eject once the dullness sets in/red flags show up/quickness to stop caring is a good trait in today's dating game. In a weird way that ability to walk away is what separates us from a lot of the other guys. We live in a world where the expiration date on a relationship gets smaller and smaller because people do in fact have so many options out there with social media, OLD, etc.

On the flip side, women are women. Certain things are ALWAYS going to come up albeit to different degrees, with every woman. Part of being able to move forward with the same woman is to be able to understand that women are going to act like women, looking past it and moving forward in the relationship. That is where most of my hang ups happen as well. Normally at the 3-4 month point. They want more and I (selfishly) dont want to give them more because I know what is waiting behind door #2. I've seen it too many times with my own eyes.

Now that I have said that, I will say this: The freedom of rotations, spinning plates, FWB, etc is that we can eject rather easily because we are focusing on several women and not just one. But it is a matter of time before all current plates get us to the place that we have to eject rather than deal with the hassles of a relationship (exclusive).

There are certainly pros and cons. I have 3 women right now that I would be CRAZY not to date exclusively. Great careers, phenominal sex, easy to get along with......but I also know that the paradigm begins to change once things get to that place of a LTR. So I dont date them. I am glad that I can selfishly make whichever choice I want with each of them.

For one I have had too much psychology and two, I have too much experience with women lol.

It could be worse and we could not be attracting any women to begin with. Its like the comparison of the problems of being broke compared to the problems that come with having some money. I choose the problems that come with the latter every time, and I like that philosophy with women also.

 

[Kotaix]

Its not that I am interested in a numbers count because I would love to find someone that has potential for a LTR and actually get there. Its that most (not all) women are so shallow or their drive/determination in life is low and they bore me after a few months. I have high expectations and most women I date cannot reach them......even though I string them along as plates if they are good enough to keep me semi interested.

This is a problem I share. I've really improved my frame of mind over the past year and I've found close to zero women who might be interested in sharing the mental/spiritual journey. In general, they're not interested in seeing reality for what it is. They just want to live in a fantasy.

Things I need to improve:

balancing the a$$hole against the nice guy. I can be both, but it's a knife edge you need to walk to get it right. I need to keep the a$$hole on tap to prevent myself from developing one-itis, but be nice enough to her that she feels appreciated. And stay present enough to read the situation as it develops.

I'm succeeding so far in not saying Sorry anymore to women. I have to stifle the urge to apologize all the time, but I can tell that maintaining my frame is greatly benefiting me.

 

[lamath]

@lamath @Amante Silvestre

The ability to eject once the dullness sets in/red flags show up/quickness to stop caring is a good trait in today's dating game. In a weird way that ability to walk away is what separates us from a lot of the other guys. We live in a world where the expiration date on a relationship gets smaller and smaller because people do in fact have so many options out there with social media, OLD, etc.

On the flip side, women are women. Certain things are ALWAYS going to come up albeit to different degrees, with every woman. Part of being able to move forward with the same woman is to be able to understand that women are going to act like women, looking past it and moving forward in the relationship. That is where most of my hang ups happen as well. Normally at the 3-4 month point. They want more and I (selfishly) dont want to give them more because I know what is waiting behind door #2. I've seen it too many times with my own eyes.

Now that I have said that, I will say this: The freedom of rotations, spinning plates, FWB, etc is that we can eject rather easily because we are focusing on several women and not just one. But it is a matter of time before all current plates get us to the place that we have to eject rather than deal with the hassles of a relationship (exclusive).

There are certainly pros and cons. I have 3 women right now that I would be CRAZY not to date exclusively. Great careers, phenominal sex, easy to get along with......but I also know that the paradigm begins to change once things get to that place of a LTR. So I dont date them. I am glad that I can selfishly make whichever choice I want with each of them.

For one I have had too much psychology and two, I have too much experience with women lol.

It could be worse and we could not be attracting any women to begin with. Its like the comparison of the problems of being broke compared to the problems that come with having some money. I choose the problems that come with the latter every time, and I like that philosophy with women also.

Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?

 

[Glassguy]

Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?

Once you realize they will dump you and not care about your feelings AT all as they monkey branch to their "next better option" you will lose the nice guy mentality in terms of not wanting to hurt them.

@Amante Silvestre might be able to shed more light on this. But I just do as the average woman would do. Dump and disregard.

On top of this, most of them will stay in your orbit and turn into FWB instead of it being dragged out and turning into animosity.

 

[Kotaix]

Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?

You need to say what's on your mind, even if it hurts her. And you need to say it when it comes to your mind. If you hold it in, you're not being true to yourself and it might be part of why you behave you do.

I know it sucks to hurt people, but you're probably doing more damage than good by not bringing it up in the moment. A woman will always respect you if you stick to your guns, even if she doesn't like what you say.

 

[lamath]

Once you realize they will dump you and not care about your feelings AT all as they monkey branch to their "next better option" you will lose the nice guy mentality in terms of not wanting to hurt them.

@Amante Silvestre might be able to shed more light on this. But I just do as the average woman would do. Dump and disregard.

On top of this, most of them will stay in your orbit and turn into FWB instead of it being dragged out and turning into animosity.

Never experienced this probably why its harder for me.

You need to say what's on your mind, even if it hurts her. And you need to say it when it comes to your mind. If you hold it in, you're not being true to yourself and it might be part of why you behave you do.

I know it sucks to hurt people, but you're probably doing more damage than good by not bringing it up in the moment. A woman will always respect you if you stick to your guns, even if she doesn't like what you say.

Only thing im not telling her is how close i am to dumping her.
Im actually often too honest and direct without tact. Im pretty sure it does not help with the drama, but on the other side being that frank can also be a demonstration on higher value. Seems to be anyway because i can tell some pretty hard truth to swallow and it never made them leave me.

She knows what i dont like and that if she insist too mich im going to walk, but i cant tell her to not express herself eithet if she worried about something.
So it gets a bit tricky for her, she knows she cant push to far but she still need to express herself.


Anyway im just not into her, i was very much a few month back but its like a few episode of drama killed my attraction.
No disrespect or anything major and its why
Its a bit harder.

 

[biggoal]

My weak link is talking to a girl online and when I go for the number the communication just drops. Also (and I'll speak on many members' behalf) keeping interest past the first date or meet.

We all know the fact that we füçked up with the girl. Yeah, that's just knowing. But to fix it, you need to know the what, where, when, why, and how you füçked up.

With me, when I go for a number online I'd say 70 percent of the time I get the number! My problem is I get a first date but no second date.

 

[Focal core]

A boring woman that fvcks you how you like it?

Ahaahaha... Boring does make a lots less drama, yeah i do submissive boring women anyday. Like burger king always said.. Having it your way, whip that ass..

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ahaahaha... Boring does make a lots less drama, yeah i do submissive boring women anyday. Like burger king always said.. Having it your way, whip that ass..

Yessir. Boring in terms of drama but please her man. Fvck the shyt outta her.

 

[Rictor1]

So right now I’m in this purgatorial state of having sex appeal, charisma, attraction, etc., but also in a constant battle against the stigma of the Tin Man: heavily armored with no heart. Lol.

Truth is though, I do develop connections and I do have feelings. I’m not robotic. I also don’t hold back for fear of being hurt.

I’m almost starting to wonder if I lack empathy sometimes.

You do not lack empathy. Based on some of the posts I've read from you (even before I decided to join SS), you are thoughtful, rational, and fair. In my opinion, one cannot be thoughtful or fair if there is a complete absence of empathy. And that's starting to be sociopath territory. I think you just got really good at the game and you have a self-awareness that a lot of other guys lack. Sometimes in order to have a crazy deep connection with someone (beyond what you have now), it requires a tiny bit of One-nitis; which I dread having to ever face again. I think you're healthy based on what you've been posting. But I'm going entirely by the little I gathered about you through the internet here, so I guess take that with a grain of salt.

 

[behimo]

you are the author of your life. what is the story you want to tell? that's all that matters.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I expected more of the guy living in his mom's basement that gets his hair cut every 3 months

ummm are we supposed to get our hair cut more often or less often?? asking for a friend

 

[Glassguy]

ummm are we supposed to get our hair cut more often or less often?? asking for a friend

I get mine cut weekly.

 

[Toddz]

At what part of the attraction/interest process through the first couple of dates with a woman do you think you really need to improve? It can be any intent: Relationship, Plates, FWB, etc.

In short, what is the weak link that you would like to improve on your direct interactions with women to help you eliminate as much turnover as possible?

My weak link has become this sort of laziness/entitlement complex that has developed over the past few years when it comes to dating. I'm fully aware of it and it's not healthy. It most likely surfaced as a result of dating multiple women at once and having great success in seducing women and sleeping with them on the first or second date (sometimes in the first hour or two). My strategy was simple. Meet at a bar less than a mile from my house for a few drinks, then head back to my place where I had a bottle of wine or vodka always on hand. Often I would date and sleep with women for a few months, and move then on to the next ones. Most were relationship material and seeking that before I ended it. All of these women were from OLD.

Now, I've become lazy and the idea of the whole courting process is completely nonexistent. It's all about how fast I can sleep with a prospect and how little effort do I have to put in. Sex first and get to know her later.

I would like to settle down in a relationship, and I realize that's simply not going to happen with this current approach. So I would like to improve on the courting process and chill out on the seduction part. Actually get to know a woman and go on a few dates before even considering sex. To stop thinking with my dik basically. I feel like I need to hit the reset button when it comes to women and dating. But it's difficult when you've come up with a system that produces easy results.

 

[Glassguy]

I normally lose interest when:

1.) I get bored with a chick. Once the shine wears off I normally replace that plate.

2.) I become her source of entertainment. Lets face it, there are a lot of people out there relying on someone else to provide their happiness. I stay so busy and have hobbies so I know how to make myself happy. Once a chick expects me to do that for her, I am out.

3.) She starts bytching about my hobbies/busy life. Its my life. I choose what I do. The last thing I want to hear is "Your playing golf AGAIN this weekend?" Yep. And next weekend. And the weekend after that. Pretty much any weekend the weather permits. No I dont sit at home if I can be out doing something. If she doesnt like it, she is replaced.