Hi everyone. Thanks for having me. Was hoping you could give me perspective on my situation. I’m 45 yr old divorced dad, the divorce going down almost 4 years ago. I was single for almost two years before meeting a younger (32yr old at the time) woman. We struck up a FWB relationship (her idea) and this developed into something “more”. The problem that I’ve broken with her twice in the past few years we’ve been seeing each other.
After the first breakup I spun plates for a few months. But I got attracted back to her as she lost a bit of weight and looked so much more attractive to me (vain of me I know)
My primary issue though was that to me, even though we were in a relationship, it never seemed or felt that it was any more than FWB still (she was hesitant to meet my friends, family and son). There wasn’t much sleeping over at each other’s places etc.
The second time I broke up she said she couldn’t revisit a “relationship” ever again. Fair enough. We still maintained a friendship and soon enough we were having sex again.
Maybe it was not having the pressure of being in a relationship, but this time she managed to meet my friends, family and even my son a few times (this was over the shower space of a month). It was actually really great.
Then all of a sudden things seemed like they’d changed. I’d gone away for a week and when I got back she sat me down for “the talk”. She told me that she’s been talking to friends who had pointed out that the things she was doing was very “relationshippy” and that it was misleading me because In essence even though she wanted to she couldn’t do the relationship thing again because she couldn’t face the pain of me potentially dumping her again.
She just wanted to be friends - maybe FWB but we’d have to tone down the relationship type activities.
I’m really confused. Although I completely understand how she feels I’m confused by her actions. She says she’s not seeing anyone else and can’t imaging she wants to date again yet. My hamster is running over time thinking she just wants to be with other guys and if she really wanted me she’d just be with me. We’ve always maintained that we would disclose if we ever slept with anyone else
I know what you’re going to say but I think I just need to hear it. I have one-itis dont I? I have a scarcity mentality and am trapped in the lonely old man mythology? Am I confused between genuinely wanting her or just the idea of an imagined perfect relationship? Or that maybe I just want the sex and closeness
I’m just trying to understand the psychology behind it all. I’m interested in hearing your Perspectives on this. She got quite upset when I said I didn’t know if I could be just friends. We had two or three of these discussions where I finally said I definitely couldn’t be friends and see you later. Then stupidly I did the schmuck thing the next morning and texted her that I valued her a lot and could potentially consider a friendship but would have to think about it. Now I’ve gone no contact....i don’t know why I feel this way. I haven’t slept for days and can’t function very well. what the hell is happening? If only I could sleep maybe this anxiety would stop digging away at me. Which is stupid because effectively she’s turned the tables on me and I’m getting a dose of my own medicine
After the first breakup I spun plates for a few months. But I got attracted back to her as she lost a bit of weight and looked so much more attractive to me (vain of me I know)
My primary issue though was that to me, even though we were in a relationship, it never seemed or felt that it was any more than FWB still (she was hesitant to meet my friends, family and son). There wasn’t much sleeping over at each other’s places etc.
The second time I broke up she said she couldn’t revisit a “relationship” ever again. Fair enough. We still maintained a friendship and soon enough we were having sex again.
Maybe it was not having the pressure of being in a relationship, but this time she managed to meet my friends, family and even my son a few times (this was over the shower space of a month). It was actually really great.
Then all of a sudden things seemed like they’d changed. I’d gone away for a week and when I got back she sat me down for “the talk”. She told me that she’s been talking to friends who had pointed out that the things she was doing was very “relationshippy” and that it was misleading me because In essence even though she wanted to she couldn’t do the relationship thing again because she couldn’t face the pain of me potentially dumping her again.
She just wanted to be friends - maybe FWB but we’d have to tone down the relationship type activities.
I’m really confused. Although I completely understand how she feels I’m confused by her actions. She says she’s not seeing anyone else and can’t imaging she wants to date again yet. My hamster is running over time thinking she just wants to be with other guys and if she really wanted me she’d just be with me. We’ve always maintained that we would disclose if we ever slept with anyone else
I know what you’re going to say but I think I just need to hear it. I have one-itis dont I? I have a scarcity mentality and am trapped in the lonely old man mythology? Am I confused between genuinely wanting her or just the idea of an imagined perfect relationship? Or that maybe I just want the sex and closeness
I’m just trying to understand the psychology behind it all. I’m interested in hearing your Perspectives on this. She got quite upset when I said I didn’t know if I could be just friends. We had two or three of these discussions where I finally said I definitely couldn’t be friends and see you later. Then stupidly I did the schmuck thing the next morning and texted her that I valued her a lot and could potentially consider a friendship but would have to think about it. Now I’ve gone no contact....i don’t know why I feel this way. I haven’t slept for days and can’t function very well. what the hell is happening? If only I could sleep maybe this anxiety would stop digging away at me. Which is stupid because effectively she’s turned the tables on me and I’m getting a dose of my own medicine
