I want to be a father one day...

[TheProspect]

... but my biggest concern in life is having a kid with the wrong woman. How do I handle this desire given my concern?

I'm 26 years old, and ever since my nephew was born ten years ago and spent the first 2 years of life in the same house as me, I've wanted to raise a kid of my own one day.


I'm not in a rush to have a kid, I'm only 26, but if I ended up dating a woman for long enough who had ideal motherly qualities and the compatibility to be a long-term partner, I wouldn't be against having one in a few years. I have 1 year of university left so I'd like to finish that and have a few years making money before I settle down with someone.

I know there's a few guys on this forum who've got married, or had a kid with a woman, and it didn't work out (perhaps it was an amicable split or the guy simply knocked up an idiot with a vag!na), but they still are proud to be a father nonetheless. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and there will always be uncertainty, but I'd like to have the mom in the picture to raise the kid alongside me.

I'm not really interested in marriage or finding a unicorn, but I feel two married individuals who are on the same page on parenting would provide the best environment for a kid to grow up in, and for that reason, I would consider marriage.

I've been with a decent amount of women already by age 26, and the novelty and conquest of new women is starting to wear off. Sex alone doesn't interest me anymore. Most women I've met are the furthest thing from intellectually stimulating, with the ones worth the companionship are few and far between...

I guess there's a worry within me that I won't come across a woman worth having a kid with, however, living in that mind-set seems unproductive and like it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But my fear to have a kid with the WRONG woman is so much stronger than my desire to have a kid to begin with, I'd probably just opt out if I don't find an ideal woman.


At the end of the day, having a kid isn't my purpose or sole ambition in life, so if it doesn't happen because I don't find a suitable mate, then so be it. I wouldn't settle for having a kid with sh!tty woman and let that be my life for 18 years.


TL;DR ... I want to be a father and raise my own kid one day. Wondering the smartest way to approach this desire given the current marketplace and female proclivities these days. In no rush, and I'm not willing to sacrifice on the quality of a woman just for the sake of having a kid, so I can accept it if it doesn't happen... although I really look forward to potential fatherhood. Thoughts?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I hear that young blood.

Get paper right. Setup international back accounts. Live where divorce rape doesn't occur. Be will unwilling to abandon everything like deniro in Heat.

Look up pua Gambler. Smoke show gf or wife. If she ****s off gets nothing.

In the words of Cobra Tate, I'll burn everything before divorce rape.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Man now I know how you feel. But something happened within me the last year or so: I no longer want to have kids anymore.

The thing is, women are too ****ed up to really be worth putting time into like that. And of the ones that aren’t, they will change once you do have kids. What I mean is, when a woman has a child, she changes. I don’t just mean physically, but personality-wise along with how she is towards you—you no longer exist.

I worked on/off at this fast-food restaurant when from 17 - 19, and there was this one guy, an old man, who was a regular. I still remember his name. We would talk sometimes and just shoot the **** when it wasn’t too busy lol but I remember we got to talking about women. He said something that I kinda already knew inside, but never really internalized. He said to me, “When you get married, things might be great. But once you have kids, you gotta realize, you don’t come first anymore. A lot of guys can’t handle that”. He was basically saying how when you find a ‘great’ woman, you might like her, even love her. But when you have kids, she won’t care about you anymore, she’ll only care about the kids, and you no longer matter.

Once you have kids, you’re basically single again. Except that now, you have to take care of your kids, along with a part-time nanny who lives with you, who also doesn’t really care about you anymore. Oh, but you’re also not allowed to have sex with other women anymore either.

This is the reality for a lot of guys. Not only that, but women are assholes when they’re pregnant, and oftentimes after birth as well. We always hear stories about how men will leave women when they find out that they’re pregnant, and we always think that those guys are the scum of the Earth. But the reality is, those pregnant women/single moms treated their partners so badly that they forced the men to leave. Many of them also had the mindset that because they are pregnant/have kids, they can do whatever they want without repercussion (women are a protected class, but especially child-baring women). Thing is, they’re just like that for no real reason, because we’ve even had some dudes on here who have ****ed pregnant women who were married (finished inside of them too). ****’s ****ed up. It’s kinda rare tbh, but it still does happen...

Oh yeah, and you know how they say that a woman will die for her children? Those are all just myths. A woman will not die for anyone but herself. Here is some proof:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/bfhkev
And those are women who are supposed to be the most conservative and motherly. Ha.

~~~

There’s also another thing too btw—society.

Society is FUBAR right now. People have been joking about WWIII & suicide for the past couple of years now, and it’s not because of Trump or anything like that. Pressure is building up around the world. We’re slowly becoming more and more enslaved, and life is getting harder and harder in ways that never should have been possible. This is not a good era to be growing up in, not by any stretch of imagination. Big things are happening soon, BIG things. I think if we all just kinda took the time and sat down to really think, we’d all kinda realize that we’re getting closer to the breaking point already. Mass shooting, homosexuality, depression & suicide, etc. it’s all just symptoms of a behavioral sink that’s gearing us up towards something big, maybe even extinction. I wouldn’t want being a child into this world. Imagine seeing something/someone that was so dear to you just fall and crumble in the hands of society at large. Even if I found The One, I wouldn’t want to have kids. I’d just want to spend time with her all by myself, isolated from the rest of the world and it’s decay.

I’m gonna keep watch of this thread to see if I can learn something new, something I didn’t know about before. I’m hoping I do, but man things aren’t looking good out there.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'm not a super religious person, but if I was younger and wanted to start a family... I think that I'd have better odds with a gal that was a regular church attendee (one that practiced a more conservative faith).

There's no absolute winning method, but a woman that has grown up with family stability and conservative values would likely be a better candidate.

 

[The Diver]

He said to me, “When you get married, things might be great. But once you have kids, you gotta realize, you don’t come first anymore.

After we had kids, my wife at the time, said to me once: "Now that we have kids, they always will come first, even before you"
Well, to be honest, your instinct as parents, is to put your kids first. And mother instinct to protect her offspring is an instinct embedded in her since the dawn of time.
So definitely expect to be number two after you have kids.

 

[FMCSMT]

A prenup is like using Kevlar as a condom before thrusting you manhood into a wood chipper.

why not just avoid the wood chipper?

 

[FMCSMT]

OP - look back at what you wrote. I hear it all the time. And I love my kids. She was a good woman once, too.

But, pay attention to where you wrote the word “want”.

You don’t “need” a kid or kids. And when you have one, they need you, even when you don’t really want to be a father (some days).

 

[Georgepithyou]

Early 20s and also want a kid. I know divorce laws are lopsided against men and most divorces are initiated by women but i Still want children of my own.

I've always wanted children atleast by the time I am 25, most women my age don't want kids until 30 which is way too old

 

[FMCSMT]

I have to chuckle a little when I hear having a kid but laws are against men.

Paint this likely picture:

You have 2 kids. They’re between 2-8 years old. You have a solid relationship with them. You take them fishing or Disney world or whatever the f.

Statistically, as you said, she begins the divorce process, with or without your input. Doesn’t matter. In fact, she has zero reason to be encouraged to maintain good behavior during the proceedings.

You are awarded 4 days per month to see them now.

What are doing those other 26 days?

Oh by the way, the mortgage payment you used to make, you now pay your ex that amount. And then you try to live off the rest. Where’s that money go? Her new boyfriend.

He’s also Dad now.

Your kids don’t even know you let alone want to come over to see you in grandmas basement.

Might want to rethink wanting to have a kid in this climate...

 

[zinc4]

It's a huge risk but one worth taking imo....I'm 38 no kids....was too picky in my mid 20s ...dated two women who I really believe we're proper mother and marriage material....broke up with both just because I didn't deem them hot enough....now am older with nothing to show but a huge notch record. I'd say find a nice 7 the girl next door type in her lower to mid 20s who has not been with anymore than 2 or 3 men in her life preferably 1 or a virgin...one with some kind of religious values as well if you really want to go down that path. Good luck. Lots of people advocate the player route but getting that stuff out of the way then building a family is very important imo. Feel like I'm too old to even seriously try now.

 

[Spaz]

I have to chuckle a little when I hear having a kid but laws are against men.

Paint this likely picture:

You have 2 kids. They’re between 2-8 years old. You have a solid relationship with them. You take them fishing or Disney world or whatever the f.

Statistically, as you said, she begins the divorce process, with or without your input. Doesn’t matter. In fact, she has zero reason to be encouraged to maintain good behavior during the proceedings.

You are awarded 4 days per month to see them now.

What are doing those other 26 days?

Oh by the way, the mortgage payment you used to make, you now pay your ex that amount. And then you try to live off the rest. Where’s that money go? Her new boyfriend.

He’s also Dad now.

Your kids don’t even know you let alone want to come over to see you in grandmas basement.

Might want to rethink wanting to have a kid in this climate...

We are living in and witnessing a strange phenomenon.

It used to be young girls/women that's thinking abt having babies.

Now it's young men in their early 20's thinking abt having babies.

No wonder women are pushing to have babies after their 30's....

They are subconsciously pushed into that position to provide a sort of balance towards these feminine males.

 

[Medina]

Most fathers I know are the result of one night stands and failed relationships with low quality women that bagged their sperm. Young beautiful bright women have absolutely no interest in having a child before 25 or 30. So essentially that leaves you with desperate post-wall hags

Good luck

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

After we had kids, my wife at the time, said to me once: "Now that we have kids, they always will come first, even before you"
Well, to be honest, your instinct as parents, is to put your kids first. And mother instinct to protect her offspring is an instinct embedded in her since the dawn of time.
So definitely expect to be number two after you have kids.

Why’d you guys divorce?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

OP - look back at what you wrote. I hear it all the time. And I love my kids. She was a good woman once, too

What’s you’re story? Why did you guys split?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

We are living in and witnessing a strange phenomenon.

It used to be young girls/women that's thinking abt having babies.

Now it's young men in their early 20's thinking abt having babies.

No wonder women are pushing to have babies after their 30's....

They are subconsciously pushed into that position to provide a sort of balance towards these feminine males.

Spaz no it’s not, men have always wanted a family. It helps drive purpose. It’s just that nowadays women have been ****ed up by society and mainstream media and culture in such a way that destroyed the family unit.

The men have not changed. The women have.

So while having kids is certainly a caveat emptor situation, I think a lot of the advice here is grounded in fear and loathing, because of personal perspectives.

I have been on here for 5 and a half years, and I still wanted to have kids up until last year. It’s not about “fear” or “loathing” as you put it. At some point, you’re gonna have to put it together that these are just not good times to be having kids in. Relationships are dead because women killed it.

 

[Igetit!]

After we had kids, my wife at the time, said to me once: "Now that we have kids, they always will come first, even before you"

That right there is THE WORST THING a WIFE could ever do for her children.

She may not have realized it,but she likely had just UNKNOWINGLY sowned a psychological seed of destruction in her kids.....AND in the marriage.

 

[Medina]

I find this interesting. Most fathers I know got married, had kids, and remain married with kids. I can't speak for whether or not they are happy but they appear to be.

There's a lot of smart advice on SS about marriage, kids, and divorce, but I do believe it's slanted in a major way. What I generally see are:

1. Young men who want to stay on the pu$$y carousel and not have kids
2. Older guys, often dads, who have been divorce-raped; they love their kids but wouldn't care to repeat the process
3. Guys mid 20s to late 40s who are open to the idea of kids in theory but are often terrified because of the lousy women they have dated
4. Guys of any age who generally aren't interested in kids - personal preference

I'm guessing this site doesn't attract many men who have the simple goal of marrying and raising kids rather than dating around...and it certainly doesn't attract men who are in solid marriages and busy raising kids. So while having kids is certainly a caveat emptor situation, I think a lot of the advice here is grounded in fear and loathing, because of personal perspectives.

I see what you're saying. But that's sort of what I mean, too. I guess we can frame it as simply being practical and avoiding disaster. But there have probably been worse times to have kids than 2020 in the west, and people got by and turned out fine. My opinion is that it's self-defeating to take this big picture vision that the west sucks (which is true on many levels) and use it as an excuse not to do what you want, when your life, decisions, and female options are on a much smaller scale and not typical.

That is to say - I think many of the men here on Sosuave have much better odds of a successful marriage and family than most men, because of all the knowledge they've attained, their ability to screen and next, and just generally knowing what they want. Plus a lot of guys on here are overall very intelligent. On the one hand that makes them pragmatic about not settling down and reproducing which is smart. On the other hand, if a guy truly wants to have kids he shouldn't let anything stop him. Kind of like "why get out of bed in the morning" if you're not being true to yourself. I get and respect that YOU no longer want kids, but I wonder how many red pill men who want them are afraid to now.

Single Mother Statistics (UPDATED 2023)

Single motherhood has grown so common in America that today 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers — a third live in poverty.

singlemotherguide.com

25% children have no father
40% born to unwed mothers
35% live below the poverty line
50% marriages that do happen end in divorce

So forgive the cynicism but we don't exactly live in Disneyland

 

[EyeBRollin]

Marry a good woman and keep her interest level sky high.

And don’t listen to all the negativity in this thread.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I see what you're saying. But that's sort of what I mean, too. I guess we can frame it as simply being practical and avoiding disaster. But there have probably been worse times to have kids than 2020 in the west, and people got by and turned out fine. My opinion is that it's self-defeating to take this big picture vision that the west sucks (which is true on many levels) and use it as an excuse not to do what you want, when your life, decisions, and female options are on a much smaller scale and not typical.

That is to say - I think many of the men here on Sosuave have much better odds of a successful marriage and family than most men, because of all the knowledge they've attained, their ability to screen and next, and just generally knowing what they want. Plus a lot of guys on here are overall very intelligent. On the one hand that makes them pragmatic about not settling down and reproducing which is smart. On the other hand, if a guy truly wants to have kids he shouldn't let anything stop him. Kind of like "why get out of bed in the morning" if you're not being true to yourself. I get and respect that YOU no longer want kids, but I wonder how many red pill men who want them are afraid to now.

I think the chances of divorce for men on here are still relatively the same. We’re just better at creating attraction, meaning we’d have a higher quality marriage. But that doesn’t mean it’d last longer. For one thing, we don’t tolerate disrespect here and are willing to walk out on women. That alone creates dread, but we have to follow through. That’s the difference between us and standard men.

Single Mother Statistics (UPDATED 2023)

Single motherhood has grown so common in America that today 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers — a third live in poverty.

singlemotherguide.com

25% children have no father
40% born to unwed mothers
35% live below the poverty line
50% marriages that do happen end in divorce

So forgive the cynicism but we don't exactly live in Disneyland

It’s worse than that bro, check out this post by an old member on here:

I agree with DEEZEDBRAH. except the divorce rate is actually worse. Its 50% a year but that’s per year of all the marriages existing from January to December. Only 6.5% of marriages make it to the ten year mark.
I checked the three surrounding counties to me and that includes Denver county. I looked of the records and used the calculator on my phone. It’s was 91.3% of the divorces were initiated by the woman. The VAST majority were in their 20s and 30s. They wanted back on the carousel.

He is also right and it is Marxism. Full blown.

6.5% of marriages actually last 10 years. That’s trash. Granted, that’s in Colorado, but that’s still complete utter ****ing trash.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I think the chances of divorce for men on here are still relatively the same. We’re just better at creating attraction, meaning we’d have a higher quality marriage. But that doesn’t mean it’d last longer. For one thing, we don’t tolerate disrespect here and are willing to walk out on women. That alone creates dread, but we have to follow through. That’s the difference between us and standard men.

Based on what I’ve seen on this forum, we’re no better. Most men just don’t know how to maintain interest level long term. How many can say after a year in LTR they have a woman that would walk over glass for them?