How does one trust again?

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Been through a variety of short and long term relationships. You'd be amazed how many times, I've heard I think I am falling for you. Or, I think you are the one. Or, I've finally found you. Ohh, my favorite is I'll always be with you/behind you 100%. Then, they do something really bad or cut thinks off out of no where. How does one trust a person in a relationship again? I find myself unable to trust fully at all, and I keep them at arms length.

See female nature for how it is. Now how you wish it was. There's hypergamy and the bigger better prize.

 

[diogenes84]

I think at some point of age (+30) and after some amount of experience with women, there's no trust to be given anymore. It may sound pessimistic, but you can limit your lack of trust to minimum only if she is mother of your children (children, not child) and much lower on SMV scale than you are.

The thing with DJ skills is that you can pick up women that are on par or slightly above your own SMV level but it doesn't mean that you have the staying power to keep them. Moreover this forum is full of guys that need to study female and male behaviour because they have some deficiency in these aspects (I'm definitely man that had to study than man that undestood it intuitively).

This often means that your experience with women will be somewhat lacking or you will see the short end of the stick/bad behaviour from them more often than not. Sometimes you will add your own piece of s.hitty behaviour to their poor behaviour that creates nowadays social dynamics. When I think about my experience, it mostly confirms what we all know already:

- my first woman cheated on her bf with me and wanted to monkey branch to me (he made a mistake of admitting to cheating on her to her) so I got three lessons in one
- one of the 'good-girls' that wanted to date me when I was in college tried to ruin my reputation behind my back when I told her I slept with another woman (funny thing is I found about it just recently)
- several girls threw their pussies to me quickly in order to capture me for their own purpose (I quickly evaded them after having sex with them)
- my borderline ex pretty much stalked me when I was in narcisstic mode and I fell for her easily, in spite of all ups and downs, she is the only woman I truly loved in romantic sense
- I've dated fashion journalist that was pretty much broken by hitting the wall and parting with alcohol and drugs, she was leftist as phuck
- I've dated 'good girl' from good family that was at peak of her game, really sexy, told me she loved me and I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, still left me in very cold manner (she knew she wanted to leave me before holidays we spent together but didn't want to make fuss out of planned holidays so pretended interest until we went back from the trip)
- I've slept with 30+ year old bombshell that pretty much used me as a bargain tool to force her alpha to beta-mode to marry her and give her offspring

So in spite of trying to understand woman and play them to phuck them, there's always some price to pay for the sex and interest - sometimes its money and your time, sometimes its a piece of your soul (I'd say it's the most valuable thing that's on the stake when you enter the relationship) and more often than not, they want to get back at you if they feel your disrespect or lack of attention so I'd say it's better to leave them alone/no contact as soon as you start to notice drop in interest level (just leave them alone, no other emergency solution to pull them in will help you).

Now I tend to think that love is reserved only for the person that will be with you for good and for bad - so it's more than less possible that man at my age that is single may never find a woman worthy of this feeling. I think mature man (30+) needs to accept this possibility and carry on with apex of his strenght used elsewhere, gaming woman but not really caring about them until they DESERVE to be cared about (which is after several months of dating, she needs to WORK to GAIN your interest and trust, otherwise it will not work).

Most of us like to forget that females reach PEAK of their GAME LEVEL when they are 26 or 27 - at this age they have seen it all, they have dating experience that may be well above dating experience of 40 year old average guy (seriously) so you may be still more romantic in terms of feelings than them - they are playing game with their as.s, boobs and smile since they are 14 or so. That's why if you want LOVE from them, you need to pick the fresh fruit from the tree, not try to bite an apple that was already bitten many times by other guys. So either eat it all at once or just bite it and pass it further with no remorse.

What is funny, women around my age (+/-35) may have less experience than young chicks (instagram/Tinder/facebook really speed up the process of co.ck-carouselling for women). Add dancing lessons and holidays flings. Once you are drinking coffee with 27 year old female, look deep into her eyes and tell me if you see any emotions. Most often than not, if she is attractive, you won't see the spark or the thrill. You are just another guy in the line. You are another plate.

When I think about my mistakes, there were many and I repeated them because I felt I'm inadequate more often than not - leading with money, bragging, lacking self-assurance, faking confidence, whining, losing frame too often etc. alpha women are for alpha men. I was just good at luring some of them to bed but did I really got what I wanted from life? I don't think so.

I can't say I was responsible for all misfortunes in my life, but I was responsible for some of them for sure.

I've managed to deal with most of my deficiencies at this point but I still need to work on myself.

Females are nature indicator of your own level of game - if you want top shelf prize in life, you need to work hard for it if you are not lucky (good looks, intellect and money), most guys have only some of those assets and their importance also tend to change in life (I see now that money/status start to be more important factor when I date than it was 5 or 6 ago, ex. women expect me to be more succesful when I am +30 than when I was +20).

For sure it's the best time for me to date (I was beta as phuck when I was 16-27) and I plan to capitalise on it, but I'm not looking for NAWALT anymore.

My father was ridiculously lucky guy (he was picked up by my 9/10 mother when he was 16) and he didn't taught me a thing about women because he didn't know a lot himself. He never knew how it is to be left by a woman that you love, what pickup really means, how it is to struggle to find valuable woman when you are 30+ guy. He was just lucky.

Some guys are lucky this way or another, some guys are not. That's all. Fairness has nothing to do with it. Concentrate your life and do what you need to do to make it better then take the best woman that will show her sumbissive side to you - nothing else you can do really if you are not a natural alpha.

Sure you can steal other guy's woman (I could do it several times in my life) but if you can do it, you are mostly not interested in it really unless she is really valuable gem (most of them are not).

"Go after your own purpose. Always" - single, or not.

this is a great post. thx for sharing your personal experience in an honest way!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you for this, but I think some may had misunderstood my post. I do not care what a women thinks of me. I am trying to figure out how to trust more and build something. After awhile, I usually just bail because either they do something majorly I do not approve of or I feel they are getting too close. A couple wanted to keep me around just for sex while they had other guys take them out on dates, but I declined and went no contact. Both still reach out from time to time. I find that crazily strange in it's own regard.

You better TAKE THAT PUZZY. They offered you a JOB! They like you! They want to cvck other guys on dates and give you the puzzy. This is how its going down in 2020.

 

[guru1000]

I come from a different frame. I never had a woman screw me or violate a trust that I myself did not provoke.

I notice some of you guys share stories where you played a large part in prompting the breakup by things you withheld (e.g. generosity, understanding, compassion) or by silly expectations that the relation could not end.

In other words, YOU are the source of the problem, not the girl. No one can violate your trust if you had reasonable expectations to begin with.

If the Universe has taught me one thing it is that all relationships are temporary. They may last a day, week, month, year, or a lifetime—but they will all end eventually. And when they do end (assuming you are still alive)—there is a valuable lesson inherent in their dissolution.

The main problem as I see it, is you are too focused on the event (the break up), and not the beautiful learning experience that was selected specifically for you. Instead, you should be appreciative and grateful to have been chosen to be the recipient of such profound wisdom.

Simply ... you learned the wrong lesson.

 

[Focal core]

Admiration + respect = trust

Try to become the type of person you want to spend time with or attract. It'll be much more fun hanging out with Yourself.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It makes you a more attractive and masculine man to be more guarded.

This is false.

Trust is inherently masculine. Trust shows a man can relinquish control and dependency of outcome, especially as it pertains to others. Trust is not to be taken lightly. Trust is healthy.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Been through a variety of short and long term relationships. You'd be amazed how many times, I've heard I think I am falling for you. Or, I think you are the one. Or, I've finally found you. Ohh, my favorite is I'll always be with you/behind you 100%. Then, they do something really bad or cut thinks off out of no where. How does one trust a person in a relationship again? I find myself unable to trust fully at all, and I keep them at arms length.

That’s a product of your own insecurity. There’s a few things wrong with your post, OP.

First, when a woman says those things she truly can believe it in that moment. Problem is, it only means it that time. Relationships with women are fluid. She can and will fall out of love with you the moment you stop acting like the man she fell for.

Second, you should base your trust in others as a reflection of yourself as a judge of good character. Would you entrust a crackhead or a billionaire with $100?

If you only invest in relationships with good women, they won’t betray your trust unless you give them a reason to. Interest level is your insurance policy. A good woman with sky high interest level doesn’t stray.

 

[Craig Dates]

That’s a product of your own insecurity. There’s a few things wrong with your post, OP.

First, when a woman says those things she truly can believe it in that moment. Problem is, it only means it that time. Relationships with women are fluid. She can and will fall out of love with you the moment you stop acting like the man she fell for.

Second, you should base your trust in others as a reflection of yourself as a judge of good character. Would you entrust a crackhead or a billionaire with $100?

If you only invest in relationships with good women, they won’t betray your trust unless you give them a reason to. Interest level is your insurance policy. A good woman with sky high interest level doesn’t stray.

But what do you do when they start talking about LTR and marriage? I do eventually want kids, but I do not want to go through the marriage kangaroo court. A friend of mine was married doe 18 years. Kids are just about legal age, she filed for divorce, she got the cars, the home, the vacation home and two investment properties. He got his office building and personal stuff.

It just too scary these days to go down that rabbit hole. I have my own business, and I have six franchises I run as well. I will be damned if any person would take ownership in them when they do no work or anything else. What about my house? If I'd get married, I lose that too; even if it's premarital. It seems a man cannot win these days. I've walked away from three girls already who were pushing for marriage.

 

[AttackFormation]

That sounds good but the truth is the less you trust the slower you are to attach, which is attractive to women because it shows you aren't childlike.

They may respect the fact that you aren't naive enough to just blindly trust them. That's basically a form of strength, which is why they can respect it. Well, I guess that's a reformulation of what you just said.

 

[guru1000]

This is false.

Trust is inherently masculine. Trust shows a man can relinquish control and dependency of outcome, especially as it pertains to others. Trust is not to be taken lightly. Trust is healthy.

Yes. Trust is inherently masculine because it shows emotional courage to trust someone knowing they may turn against you. But also knowing that Irrespective of the outcome, you’ll be just fine.

Fear is the emotion inherent one’s inclination not to trust because if there was no fear of being hurt, then why not freely trust?

This is not to confuse fear with practicality. When you enter into a contract, you do so out of practicality, not fear.

Antidump erred when he said, “Protect your heart.” That’s a defensive strategy. Don’t protect your heart. Instead open it and Know that you will be great regardless of how the relation works out.

 

[zekko]

I think the answer is that it's okay to trust, but you have to invest sensibly. You don't want to go all in on a girl to the extent that you are giving her all your power. That is just foolish. You need to set up your life and expectations so that if someone lets you down, it doesn't end up severely damaging you emotionally, socially, or financially. Just realizing that things can go wrong, and not believing in a fantasy, can go a long way in accomplishing this.

Enjoy your relationships, just realize that in most cases they are going to have a shelf life. So don't transfer all your bank accounts into her name, and don't make your self esteem dependent on things working out with her.

 

[Epic Days]

Those two viewpoints are still coming from the Personally internalized viewpoint of trying to obtain something from a woman. What exactly would that be?

 

[Epic Days]

But what do you do when they start talking about LTR and marriage? I do eventually want kids, but I do not want to go through the marriage kangaroo court. A friend of mine was married doe 18 years. Kids are just about legal age, she filed for divorce, she got the cars, the home, the vacation home and two investment properties. He got his office building and personal stuff.

It just too scary these days to go down that rabbit hole. I have my own business, and I have six franchises I run as well. I will be damned if any person would take ownership in them when they do no work or anything else. What about my house? If I'd get married, I lose that too; even if it's premarital. It seems a man cannot win these days. I've walked away from three girls already who were pushing for marriage.

Prime candidate for the use of surrogate mothers. Statistically proven that single parent fathers produce more highly optimized children. More able to survive well.
Much less likely to be social sheep.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Trust is between you and god. Are you elevating women to god status? They are mere mortals. Self serving egos.

I've been struggling with this. I'll go a day, like around 4 days ago when EVERYONE that day were Cold to me and I have hardly any family left alive, so, but one of my co-workers flipped me off later on that day (Wednesday?) and THAT made me finally feel good again. This particular dude never got married but has children out of wedlock and basically works for half his pay, but it's still the way to go.

My struggle is communing with God and trusting in someone (something) I can't see. Yeah, you can't trust in Any human really, no matter how 'nice' or 'good' they are too you, my own flesh n' blood brothers as well, even my Mother, sad to say, although she's never failed me except when I was dropped off at daycare at 10 weeks old and raise by my best friends mom basically. I could trust my dad (dead now) to a certain extent, but I Do think he, a Marine, would have died for me - ah, that's pretty trustworthy. Can't really think of anyone else who would/would've died for me. I really don't think my brothers or cousins would. I'm on my own. Future wife/girlfriend? nope. I guess that's MY job (to Die for loved ones), so in essence, I should grow and develop a much stronger bond with my God (Lord, however you say it, "the Sun," "Our Creator," "Master of the Universe") so that I can lead and be a Man.

 

[zekko]

To be completely honest, I don't even completely trust myself. I don't always do the right thing, or do the thing that's best for me. Even if I do know what it is (which I don't always). I recall decisions I made when I younger that seemed to be right at the time, but looking back now, turned out to be incorrect, or had repercussions I hadn't planned on.

 

[FMCSMT]

Trust in God.

that’s it

 

[Poonani Maker]

To be completely honest, I don't even completely trust myself. I don't always do the right thing, or do the thing that's best for me. Even if I do know what it is (which I don't always). I recall decisions I made when I younger that seemed to be right at the time, but looking back now, turned out to be incorrect, or had repercussions I hadn't planned on.

Yeah you can't even trust yourself to do you no harm. In the realm of stocks and "planning" for your future, a Myriad of unseen things can go wrong that can wipe out millions. So, the main lesson in life is to Live your life as Moral as possible (or like Christ, not the DESCRIPTION of Christ by 'others,' especially Saint "Paul" or any other onlooker or claim-to-knower - I only 'trust' the Gospels, nothing that came afterwards do I believe Jesus said what they Say he said or did especially when it comes to marriage or sex etc - this Trappist Monk beat-yourself-with-a-whip SELF-HATRED has got to GO!!! we're talking about getting back to Basics or SUB-Basics of our undermining as humans ---> What 'God' would masturbate or get off on you Beating yourself? or Hating yourself? I'm Tired of this 2X-millennium-old Delusion - Christ's words ONLY should we cling to, not other men's who of course we've already determined that we cannot trust).

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I've been struggling with this. I'll go a day, like around 4 days ago when EVERYONE that day were Cold to me and I have hardly any family left alive, so, but one of my co-workers flipped me off later on that day (Wednesday?) and THAT made me finally feel good again. This particular dude never got married but has children out of wedlock and basically works for half his pay, but it's still the way to go.

My struggle is communing with God and trusting in someone (something) I can't see. Yeah, you can't trust in Any human really, no matter how 'nice' or 'good' they are too you, my own flesh n' blood brothers as well, even my Mother, sad to say, although she's never failed me except when I was dropped off at daycare at 10 weeks old and raise by my best friends mom basically. I could trust my dad (dead now) to a certain extent, but I Do think he, a Marine, would have died for me - ah, that's pretty trustworthy. Can't really think of anyone else who would/would've died for me. I really don't think my brothers or cousins would. I'm on my own. Future wife/girlfriend? nope. I guess that's MY job (to Die for loved ones), so in essence, I should grow and develop a much stronger bond with my God (Lord, however you say it, "the Sun," "Our Creator," "Master of the Universe") so that I can lead and be a Man.

You sounds like youre stuck in bardo like a psychedelic trip gone bad.

There's a reason why rsd Tyler suggest meditation. You must disconnect. Society is degenerate. Most men are cucks who don't approach and will **** off the sec a woman comes. There's no allegiance. Many will **** your girl given the chance.

Stop taking things too seriously. Its not your girl. Just your turn. People are invested solely self serving and self interest. Such is life. Your discontent is from beingbeing duped. #nextset

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Yeah you can't even trust yourself to do you no harm. In the realm of stocks and "planning" for your future, a Myriad of unseen things can go wrong that can wipe out millions. So, the main lesson in life is to Live your life as Moral as possible (or like Christ, not the DESCRIPTION of Christ by 'others,' especially Saint "Paul" or any other onlooker or claim-to-knower - I only 'trust' the Gospels, nothing that came afterwards do I believe Jesus said what they Say he said or did especially when it comes to marriage or sex etc - this Trappist Monk beat-yourself-with-a-whip SELF-HATRED has got to GO!!! we're talking about getting back to Basics or SUB-Basics of our undermining as humans ---> What 'God' would masturbate or get off on you Beating yourself? or Hating yourself? I'm Tired of this 2X-millennium-old Delusion - Christ's words ONLY should we cling to, not other men's who of course we've already determined that we cannot trust).

Did you have a near death experience? Rooshv lost his sister then he did a psychedelic trip. It clearly amplified everything.

A psychedelic trip is ideal. I love tripping.

 

[zekko]

There's a reason why rsd Tyler suggest meditation.

LSD Timothy Leary suggested meditation also.