Just Played My Top Card With The GF

[logicallefty]

GF and I have been together for 18 x months now. Lately she has been going through some stuff in her personal life unrelated to me which I get. But she also thinks it gives her the rights to push the envelope with me. I've caught her in a couple lies lately and this morning I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have limits and am willing to walk.

This morning I caught her chatting with a guy on FB who she told me a while back she didn't talk to anymore. The guy isn't so much the issue, it was the lie that frosted me. So the convo went like this:

(I saw his name on her phone, and she knew I saw it)
LL: Oh what you doing over there?
GF: Just talking to Bob Smith, he just went through a really bad breakup and his GF really kicked him hard
LL: Oh yeah, women will do that.. Hmm. I think I remember you talking about him, you met him at a bar before you were with me, correct?
GF: yeah, we are just friends
LL: I may be mistaken and I apologize if I am, but didn't you tell me at one time you didn't talk to him anymore??
GF: I am not doing anything with him, you always get so jealous!!
LL: But you did tell me you no longer talked to him though right?
GF: Yeah but we are not doing anything
LL: Oh I didn't say you were. And i'm not jealous at all. In fact, if you would like to go out with him tonight I would be willing to do an open relationship with you so you can.
GF: WTF is that supposed to mean!!!!!
LL: I means I caught you in a lie and am giving you the opportunity to not get caught in another one. Want to go out with him, go ahead. Just let me know. We can do the open thing if that works better for you.
GF: WTF so you can go out with other women??!!!!!
LL: Well yeah, duhh, that's what an open relationship is.

She went in the other room, started crying, slaming doors. Not happy..

Any questions on if I am willing to walk and not put up with her collective female BS behavior?????? No, not from her.

 

[Clamslammer]

She is an attention *****, she is only good for a fwb. Go find a quality girl for a relationship . A girl that cares about you will not be talking to other dudes. If this guy did contact her to ask for advice she would have asked you for advice or talked to you about before responding to him. I have been really good friends with girls but the minute they got into a relationship with a guy we did not talk casually like we use to since they respected their significant other.

 

[lamath]

GF and I have been together for 18 x months now. Lately she has been going through some stuff in her personal life unrelated to me which I get. But she also thinks it gives her the rights to push the envelope with me. I've caught her in a couple lies lately and this morning I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have limits and am willing to walk.

This morning I caught her chatting with a guy on FB who she told me a while back she didn't talk to anymore. The guy isn't so much the issue, it was the lie that frosted me. So the convo went like this:

(I saw his name on her phone, and she knew I saw it)
LL: Oh what you doing over there?
GF: Just talking to Bob Smith, he just went through a really bad breakup and his GF really kicked him hard
LL: Oh yeah, women will do that.. Hmm. I think I remember you talking about him, you met him at a bar before you were with me, correct?
GF: yeah, we are just friends
LL: I may be mistaken and I apologize if I am, but didn't you tell me at one time you didn't talk to him anymore??
GF: I am not doing anything with him, you always get so jealous!!
LL: But you did tell me you no longer talked to him though right?
GF: Yeah but we are not doing anything
LL: Oh I didn't say you were. And i'm not jealous at all. In fact, if you would like to go out with him tonight I would be willing to do an open relationship with you so you can.
GF: WTF is that supposed to mean!!!!!
LL: I means I caught you in a lie and am giving you the opportunity to not get caught in another one. Want to go out with him, go ahead. Just let me know. We can do the open thing if that works better for you.
GF: WTF so you can go out with other women??!!!!!
LL: Well yeah, duhh, that's what an open relationship is.

She went in the other room, started crying, slaming doors. Not happy..

Any questions on if I am willing to walk and not put up with her collective female BS behavior?????? No, not from her.

Sadly dealing with women is often similar to dealing with small chidren.......

 

[cola]

Bro, you’ve been here for years. You know that is grounds for termination. I liked the way you handled it, but actions speak louder than words.

if she lie about talking to a guy, she will lie about kissing a guy, if she lie about kissing a guy she will lie about banging a guy.

If i were you I’d leave her, but at the very least start stacking plates and talking to other women.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I don’t like some of the dialogue here, as you are explaining yourself a bit and you sound accusatory of her cheating (that’s why she brought up you being jealous... possibly you have a history of acting that way?). Keep the focus on the lie she told.

I don’t think this is grounds for immediate dismissal because y’all have 18 months in. I think the best course of action in this situation gents is to state what you want (stop talking to Bob), then ask for compliance. If she agrees then you catch her in the future you can drop her right there. If she’s less agreeable, bring up an ex fling or girlfriend in your phone and call her right in front of your girlfriend. If she gets the hint how shady her actions are, she will stop talking to Bob because she realized in your stunt it’s disrespectful. If she’s ok with you call ex fling, she’s really fvcking up and you dump her right there because her interest level is likely below the point of no return.

 

[logicallefty]

Bro, you’ve been here for years. You know that is grounds for termination. I liked the way you handled it, but actions speak louder than words.

if she lie about talking to a guy, she will lie about kissing a guy, if she lie about kissing a guy she will lie about banging a guy.

If i were you I’d leave her, but at the very least start stacking plates and talking to other women.

Yeah, I'm moving from threat level yellow to threat level orange with her for sure. My bullpen is dormant right now but you are right, I think it's time to start talking warming it up a little bit.

 

[RealHawkeye]

Good that you've drawn boundaries. Bad that she doesn't like them. If you really want to see where she's at, tell her that you're in an opening relationship now and you'll be reprioritizing your time (away from her) now. I suspect she'll come running back to you and never have any contact with Bob again. But if not, you'll know you've made a good move.

 

[backseatjuan]

You doing it wrong. Stuff you doing is useless, it will not retain. You should be smelling like you fcking other puss, and you should be fcking other puss.

I never thought I’d be telling you this.

 

[lamath]

I think you got to take history into consideration.

About the lie , it depends did she told you shebis not talking to that guy anymore or that she is not gonna talk to that guy anymore.
There is a difference imo.

Now idk what is her relation and history with that guy, if it was somethin that looks like dating etc i would not accept it at all.
If its was more friendship i would not make a big deal out of it, you dont get out of the friend zone.

I dont 100% agree with the talk, but not sure how i would have handle it myself... i think a little comment about her chatting that guy up and sttention withdrawl S&D

 

[logicallefty]

You doing it wrong. Stuff you doing is useless, it will not retain. You should be smelling like you fcking other puss, and you should be fcking other puss.

I never thought I’d be telling you this.

In order to fvck other puss I have to warm the bullpen up as I mentioned above. This just happened this morning just a few hours ago. I can get other puss quick but not that quick.

 

[backseatjuan]

You still not getting it. Male hypergamy, always looking for finer and younger asses. Day in day out. You looks like have gotten lazy.

If you had other plates, there would not be this talk.

 

[logicallefty]

I think you got to take history into consideration.

About the lie , it depends did she told you shebis not talking to that guy anymore or that she is not gonna talk to that guy anymore.
There is a difference imo.

Now idk what is her relation and history with that guy, if it was somethin that looks like dating etc i would not accept it at all.
If its was more friendship i would not make a big deal out of it, you dont get out of the friend zone.

I dont 100% agree with the talk, but not sure how i would have handle it myself... i think a little comment about her chatting that guy up and sttention withdrawl S&D

I don't recall if she said she dated this specific guy or if he was just a friend. I just don't remember and am not going to ask her because that would imply that I actually care. At the end of the day I know that all relationships are temporary, I have posted this before, as recently as yesterday. If this one has finally ran it's course then so be it. The ball is in her court and if she wants to go out with him, I have cracked the door open for her to go and she is quite aware that I will not be chasing her.

 

[Glassguy]

Bro, you’ve been here for years. You know that is grounds for termination. I liked the way you handled it, but actions speak louder than words.

if she lie about talking to a guy, she will lie about kissing a guy, if she lie about kissing a guy she will lie about banging a guy.

If i were you I’d leave her, but at the very least start stacking plates and talking to other women.

I agree. Come on Lefty. You're better than this.

She LIED. Poor Bob Smith needed to talk to her about his breakup? Btw....that's the spark for ALL affairs/cheating.

Bob should talk to his friends, not your gf. But SHE allowed the conversation to happen.

I dont really like the way you handled this. You tried to negotiate. That never works. So it's ok for her to bang other dudes if you can bang other chicks? How healthy is that in a relationship? You just told her it's ok for her to talk to other guys as long as.....

She just committed the cardinal sin in a relationship. She should have shut his attempts to chit chat down. Yet she accepted it.

And you have no idea what they were talking about.

You now dont trust her, as you shouldn't. That isnt going to go away with your little speech. And you let her get away with it which means she knows she can and also go even further because you'll take it.

Nah. Time to eject. Tell her to go kick rocks. Do not sacrifice your standards due to her lack of good judgement.

 

[Dash Riprock]

LL,

You shot a few big rounds over the bow, which is ok in this instance. I would do (and have done) the same thing. We don't know you're whole story with her or all the details. But if you've been with her for 18 months, I can deduce there's more check-positives than negatives.

There are a lot of moving parts here, and many we're not privy to, but here are my high-level thoughts:

It's just not realistic to dump a woman every time she chats with another guy on social media, as they all do it, and expect her to color between the lines and heed all your demands 24x7. To ask a woman to cut ties 100% with everyone she dated or her guy friends or whatever, actually comes from a place of insecurity, scarcity, and fear which certainly isn't the way of the DJ. Fine, let her chat up Johnny on FB while I watch the Packers tomorrow. IDGAF. You want to f*uck Johnny? Go ahead. Have 10 kids with him. I can replace you in a millisecond--should all be your mode of thinking. You're dating and f*ucking her, not Johnny (unless you can prove she is). The tighter you make the leash, the more they will pull and try to get off, just like you would. A lot of you guys are telling LL to give her the electric chair for shoplifting. After 18 months, really?

You have 18 months in with this woman which 6 lifetimes these days. Yes, she said she didn't talk with him anymore. He hit her up on FB and cried about his gf like a b*itch (so right there you know he's a p*ussy) and she replied. So technically she did lie. BUT, you did call her out on it, you didn't get emotional (I assume) and kind of made a quasi-joke about the open relationship, which she freaked out about so you can see what she thinks about that. So she knows you don't like it and moved the needle to orange, which now she is aware of. If she would have said, "Yeah, good idea. I'll go out with FB boy and you call whoever, let's do it." Then, I would have started moving her s*hit out myself asap.

If it were me, I'd incorporate S&D "lite" and pull back a bit. If she has another egregious violation in the next week or two, it's time to take a "break." Women often do think the grass is greener with some other dude, which usually it isn't. Many try to come crawling back.

The one piece of advice I do agree with is you starting to chat up women to get your bullpen warmed up. Tacitly, let know you're doing it.

You've been here for 13 years and you're posts are good overall, so you know what to do. Bottom line, don't take any s*hit or let her walk on you. See if she tries to make it up to you. Always remember IDGAF and the Abundance Mentality.

Good luck.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

Gf said she doesn't talk to a guy anymore then you see her having a convo with him on fb? That ain't no reason to break up with her unless the guy is a ex or something, you called her out on it, now it's done, stand your ground and dont soften up when she crys and makes excuses, she either gets it or she doesnt.

Mind you, except the fact that theres nothing you can do to stop any woman from talking to other guys.

 

[EyeBRollin]

LL,

Just another post of support. Some of the advice here is cringeworthy. I commend you for at least trying to work through this with your lady. This girl I’m sure is of good character since you’ve decided to be exclusive with her for some time. There are still benefits to LTR and marriage that don’t always come down to “just spin plates!”

Bottom line for the other lads in here:
You don’t talk to a girlfriend of 18 months the same as a chick you’ve been talking to for 18 days. If you do, you’re doing this all wrong.

Good luck, mate.

 

[logicallefty]

I appreciate all of the feedback, no matter what it says. She calmed down and we talked a little bit. She said she was sorry she upset me and I said “Not upset just what to make sure I understand the terms of our relationship. If you want to talk to other men that’s fine it just means I’m gonna talk to other women “ She said no she doesn’t want that she only wants me and won’t talk to him anymore. I said great problem solved and that was that .

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

I appreciate all of the feedback, no matter what it says. She calmed down and we talked a little bit. She said she was sorry she upset me and I said “Not upset just what to make sure I understand the terms of our relationship. If you want to talk to other men that’s fine it just means I’m gonna talk to other women “ She said no she doesn’t want that she only wants me and won’t talk to him anymore. I said great problem solved and that was that .

See? No harm no foul, easy fix.

Just imagine if you were trying to be "alpha" or whatever else some of these guys were suggesting you would of lost a gf of 18months over some stupid sh!t.

Good Job, now go give her a couple orgasms......

 

[ubercat]

She is an attention *****, she is only good for a fwb. Go find a quality girl for a relationship . A girl that cares about you will not be talking to other dudes. If this guy did contact her to ask for advice she would have asked you for advice or talked to you about before responding to him. I have been really good friends with girls but the minute they got into a relationship with a guy we did not talk casually like we use to since they respected their significant other.

And that s y I don't waste time on women friends. If they are good enough people for me to bother having a friendship with an 80% chance that are going to ghost me as soon as a steady boyfriend is on the scene.

Sorry LL forgot to say well handled. you basically took her through it like a child so there was no wiggle room anywhere.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It’s not fixed. She showed her true colors.