Recovering after being dumped

[Rawksteddy]

My girlfriend dumped me a couple weeks ago. It seems that during our relationship I lost contact with all the girls that I used to speak with. Ive gone to the bars and got a couple numbers but It doesn’t seem super promising. I don’t know how to meet new girls that I can date. Help please

 

[backseatjuan]

 

[bcude]

It sounds like you're trying to force something that isn't there right now. You've to give yourself the time it takes and not pressure yourself. I guess everyone's different but for me, meeting new women that soon after, i just can't be myself and have all my thoughts on the ex.
Time will heal, keep yourself occupied with passions and hobbies instead, why rush after new ones when you're in a vulnerable state? You will know when you're ready.

 

[Rawksteddy]

I acted jealous but didn’t accuse her before we broke up. But I felt like she was hiding things. So used the dread game. Than she flew off the handle accusing me. When she dumped me same day went into another relationship. She tried to hide it but I was able to figure it out. She pushed hard for me not to talk to other women I don’t know why someone would do this. I always thought if you want to date someone else you break up with the person you’re seeing then pursue that avenue. But She was obviously with this guy before we broke up. I think I’m dealing with it pretty well. Have been eating decent, working out in the gym. But I need to figure out how to re-activate my social life after this happened.

 

[soulforge]

Yeah it's mostly always like this at the end.

The typical Monkey Branch.. Woman are experts at it.

 

[Rawksteddy]

She told me let’s be friend lol. I didn’t agreeAnd got suspicious browsing her Facebook page of another guy that she’d been posting on his a lot and he hers. Because I noticed him a couple days before and his status was single. Then right after she broke up with me I checked it and it was in a relationship but didn’t say who to. Its like I could just feel it so I deleted her off my Facebook and quit talking to her. I checked yesterday just out of curiosity and he was in a relationship with her. So that was it for me. I’m super glad I made the decision I did rather than engaging in some “im your friend” beta cuckery. If I had of agreed it would have felt much worse. Instead I’ve already been healing from it because I didn’t agree. But I don’t think I’ll trust another girl again after this

 

[Rawksteddy]

She just messaged me “hey how are you”. She must think I’m real stupid or something. Too bad she’s such a pos given her hotness level

 

[AttackFormation]

She just messaged me “hey how are you”. She must think I’m real stupid or something. Too bad she’s such a pos given her hotness level

She might have messaged you, but she is really asking herself the questions - not you. You are just the lifeless object matter she uses to answer her own selfcentered questions, like a piece of experimental material.

She is asking herself this: "Will this guy give me the validation I crave by putting effort into talking to or trying to see me, and taking me seriously? Can I keep him as an orbiter feeding me validation, entertainment and comfort?"

I would suggest doing what LA85 said, unless you want to and have the emotional control to keep her as a booty call.

 

[Fireballs]

Hobbies mate, if you don’t have any get a few

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She just messaged me “hey how are you”. She must think I’m real stupid or something. Too bad she’s such a pos given her hotness level

Very normal

 

[Dash Riprock]

She just messaged me “hey how are you”. She must think I’m real stupid or something. Too bad she’s such a pos given her hotness level

DO NOT REPLY. She is trying to give you false hope and recruit you as an orbiter.

We've all been there and failed at this at one time. This is the only site for men where you'll get dating advice that actually WORKS.

 

[Rawksteddy]

She might have messaged you, but she is really asking herself the questions - not you. You are just the lifeless object matter she uses to answer her own selfcentered questions, like a piece of experimental material.

She is asking herself this: "Will this guy give me the validation I crave by putting effort into talking to or trying to see me, and taking me seriously? Can I keep him as an orbiter feeding me validation, entertainment and comfort?"

I would suggest doing what LA85 said, unless you want to and have the emotional control to keep her as a booty call.

She’s only good for phucking. So I message her back five hours later and say. “Meh. Just hanging out with friends”. She responds instantly “cool” “what’s new”. Then I haven’t responded again. Lol. She already tried to make me an orbiter with the whole friendzoning. I didn’t take the bait which seemed to surprise her. But I was also too much of a nice guy. I’ve successfully detached emotionally. So now I’m just going to **** her up. She can be my female orbiter.

 

[MrWood]

When a woman acuses you of cheating/etc, and clearly you are not... she is.

 

[dude99]

She just messaged me “hey how are you”. She must think I’m real stupid or something. Too bad she’s such a pos given her hotness level

Ignore. Delete.

 

[dude99]

She’s only good for phucking. So I message her back five hours later and say. “Meh. Just hanging out with friends”. She responds instantly “cool” “what’s new”. Then I haven’t responded again. Lol. She already tried to make me an orbiter with the whole friendzoning. I didn’t take the bait which seemed to surprise her. But I was also too much of a nice guy. I’ve successfully detached emotionally. So now I’m just going to **** her up. She can be my female orbiter.

Answering her will only prolong healing. 5 hours later 24 hours later 5 days later it is all the same. You boost her ego and prolong your healing.

Just block her number.

 

[dude99]

When a woman acuses you of cheating/etc, and clearly you are not... she is.

I find this to be 100% accurate. Women deflect by projecting.

 

[Rawksteddy]

I will respond in bold
She’s only good for phucking. But you aren't. And won't be unless the new guy doesn't work out. Have some self-respect. So I message her back five hours later and say. “Meh. Just hanging out with friends”. Mistake She responds instantly “cool” “what’s new”. She is doing two things - trying to assuage her guilt and trying to keep you on the hook in case the new guy doesn't work out. You are accommodating both these things Then I haven’t responded again. Lol. She already tried to make me an orbiter with the whole friendzoning. I didn’t take the bait which seemed to surprise her. But I was also too much of a nice guy. I’ve successfully detached emotionally. So now I’m just going to **** her up. She can be my female orbiter.

You are making her your female orbiter?? She just broke up with you, but you are still responding to her. You are rewarding her bad behavior with your attention.

If you REALLY want to hurt her (and I know you do)...…………DISAPPEAR…...get in the gym and build a better body. Ignore all texts from her. Start dating other women with your new found gym confidence.

If it were me, next time she texted I would politely say "Listen, I think it's best if we don't communicate. You made your choice, go enjoy it"

Some her will say that sounds "butthurt". My take is, why would you care how it sounds to someone who dumped you? She made her choice, you "weren't good enough" Fine, if I am not "good enough" don't contact me. I have more important things to do than communicate with you...…….that would be my mindset.

Here’s the thing. I’m done with her. She just gets **** buddy status now. Nothing more. No wasting time texting her. I responded to her this morning and said. “ Great to hear from you. Keep in touch”. She responded and is trying to ask me to hang out. She’s so stupid, she thinks I don’t know about the other guy (I think he’s her ex). But now they broke up and she’s trying to reverse monkey branch. Lmao. No. She’s now just a smash piece, nothing more.

 

[Rawksteddy]

She's using you the same way you think you are. She isn't monkey branching back, she knows she doesn't want you. She's using you as a backup while she plays the field. The only difference between you and her is she dumped you and you are reactively signing onto her disrespect to salvage your ego.

I had invested a bit emotionally in her originally. It’s true. But I didn’t go overboard with catching feelings. And I feel over her already. I got laid last night with my new fwb (so I’m not completely without options). My take on it is that I get exactly what I want from the arrangement, I don’t care if she gets what she wants anymore, and if it doesn’t work for her, I’m sure that she can find the door. As long as I don’t waste my time *orbitting* and I’m just meeting up and smashing without developing any feelings, is this not a good way to do it??

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why sleep with the ex when you have a new fwb?

We have all been in your shoes, keep that in mind. My advice comes from doing exactly what you've planned several times.

Could you ever "flip" it?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes but it delays the healing process because the girl will create new drama and new push pull behavior that is going to reopen the old scar. The way men heal is by cutting contact completely and moving on with our purpose. the way women heel is by push-pull hoovering and slowly weaning them self off of you while getting validation elsewhere.

I think probably five women told me that the worst thing that they hate is when guys ghost them and don't allow them to do the slow fade breakup thing.

So you "flip" it and get a reliable sex partner?