My wife and her wandering eyes

[mrgoodstuff]

I know i am an observant individual. O pick up on body language very well. Ive always been told this and many times when Im walking im just really watching people and their reactions and I tend to always like to make a judgment on what they are feeling etc. I tend to be right. If im sitting with friends and I notice the slightest hand reactions (like someone slapping their thighs with both hands when theyve said a joke in a group) and i see that as someone being nervous straight away. I always see little tell tell signs that tell me certain things about someone.

Now with her I never noticed it until a year before i married her. We sat in a chicken place and a dude walked in looking quite slick. now she looked towards him a few times but i never thought too much of it. Its only when he walked out that i saw her touching her hair and then sneaking a look towards him as soon as he walks right past her. Thats when I got the red flag. Thereafter I noticed it again a few times with other dudes. This is where my suspicion first started.

After that I noticed it on my frikking wedding day. I just see my brothers body language. Like he keeps looking back at her. Too many times. I notice when we get home after the wedding hes walking past her looking her way, stopping looking around and then quickly looking her way again. I noticed that its not him thats initiating it, its her. i know my bro very well he would never do that until he thought she was doing it. All i can do on that day now is notice her body language. It wasnt good.

The next time was when we went to watch a movie. Shes sitting opposite me. Im just chilling until realise shes looking behind me. I dont think too much of it until i see her doing it again, and again. Not just quicjly looking but holding gaze. I look back and i see a dude there where his mate, also looking her way but quickly looking away when he realised i was watching. I called her out on it.

The next big time it happened was when i was at a wedding. Shes with me. Dude wearing hood clothes (at a frikking wedding) walks past and i see her quickly look his way. Ping, i get in to observant mode. I look around and i see the **** looking her way. I look at him and he panics. Nontheless, it didnt stop there. the **** walks up and down two three times. I notice my wifes body language. Too obvious.

These are the main times ive noticed it. There are other times too but they are passing by type.

In her looks she submitted to him, basically giving puzzy... Signalling it's "okay"...

 

[Ceaserofnone]

In her looks she submitted to him, basically giving puzzy... Signalling it's "okay"...

The thing is she has 0 guy friends and 0 numbers of guys on her phone.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The thing is she has 0 guy friends and 0 numbers of guys on her phone.

Lucky you... If you say something you might start something...

 

[Spaz]

I know i am an observant individual. O pick up on body language very well. Ive always been told this and many times when Im walking im just really watching people and their reactions and I tend to always like to make a judgment on what they are feeling etc. I tend to be right. If im sitting with friends and I notice the slightest hand reactions (like someone slapping their thighs with both hands when theyve said a joke in a group) and i see that as someone being nervous straight away. I always see little tell tell signs that tell me certain things about someone.

Now with her I never noticed it until a year before i married her. We sat in a chicken place and a dude walked in looking quite slick. now she looked towards him a few times but i never thought too much of it. Its only when he walked out that i saw her touching her hair and then sneaking a look towards him as soon as he walks right past her. Thats when I got the red flag. Thereafter I noticed it again a few times with other dudes. This is where my suspicion first started.

After that I noticed it on my frikking wedding day. I just see my brothers body language. Like he keeps looking back at her. Too many times. I notice when we get home after the wedding hes walking past her looking her way, stopping looking around and then quickly looking her way again. I noticed that its not him thats initiating it, its her. i know my bro very well he would never do that until he thought she was doing it. All i can do on that day now is notice her body language. It wasnt good.

The next time was when we went to watch a movie. Shes sitting opposite me. Im just chilling until realise shes looking behind me. I dont think too much of it until i see her doing it again, and again. Not just quicjly looking but holding gaze. I look back and i see a dude there where his mate, also looking her way but quickly looking away when he realised i was watching. I called her out on it.

The next big time it happened was when i was at a wedding. Shes with me. Dude wearing hood clothes (at a frikking wedding) walks past and i see her quickly look his way. Ping, i get in to observant mode. I look around and i see the **** looking her way. I look at him and he panics. Nontheless, it didnt stop there. the **** walks up and down two three times. I notice my wifes body language. Too obvious.

These are the main times ive noticed it. There are other times too but they are passing by type.

Just tell her that if she does it again, you will consider it as a silent request that she wants to a divorce, and you being an understanding and respectful man will grant her wish.

No big deal.

Say it once and be done with it.

You need to follow through on it, if and when she does it again.

 

[Spaz]

Spaz if your married and drop the D word and dont follow through. Well hes going to open up whole nother view of weekness. I said annulment earlier as a last resort but if OP calls up that card he must follow through... this is easy to understand. Never fear the loss.

Im married and i just got my teeth cleaned by a young very cute girl i wouldn't hesitate to bend over that chair. And believe me the mental movies were there.

Have options OP.

The choice is in her hands.

If she does it after he has said those words then she might as well have said she wants a divorce, correct?

She has an option now, chance to save her marriage and so do OP whilst keeping frame.

 

[Clamslammer]

I have been on a LDR with this girl for almost 4 years. We are married for almost 2 months now which means she has been living with me for 2 months.

Now I married this woman on the basis that 1) she is a virgin and 2) she was, to my understanding, somewhat innocent.

Having been up close with her for 2 months now I have come across an issue that does not sit right with me. Now I knew about this red flag to an extent before I married her but I ignored it as a minor thing. However, now i look back and think that maybe it isnt so minor.

What's the issue?

Well she has wondering eyes. Everytime I've been out with her she seems to need validation from a guy that is somewhat decent looking.

The 1st time she did this I was very confrontational about it. Why? Because its downright disrespectful. Doing it in my presence and doing it so blatantly. Almost as though she is inviting the dude. A glance is one thing, but to constantly seek out the same guys attention is another.

Having confronted her quite harshly, i realised very quickly how that was the biggest mistake. The constant denial from her end only made me look highly insecure.

Now every time I go out I notice it. I try ignore it but it doesnt sit correct with me. Only recently we were at an event and I noticed the same thing. She realised I noticed but in the end I never brought it up to her.

I've been keeping my distance with her and she KNOWS exactly why I am keeping the distance but seems to be baffled by my cold approach. I haven't brought it up to her as the 1st time I did it made no difference and I know if I do shell just deny it.

I'm in a pickle.

Although many may think its something to just ignore, for me its not. You may think it's a beta position to take but it doesnt sit right with me. I am contemplating leaving this girl but given I'm married now it's only embarrassing for me in front of my friends and peers as I've only just married the lady.

Your input would be appreciated.

Guys need to stop being desperate and learn to screen girls better. If you have been in a LDR for 4 years with her these red flags would have popped up easily when you were with her and from the sounds of it you saw it and noticed it but ignored it. At the end of the day she sounds like a typical attention ***** and she is not going to change.

Remember if a girl does not respect you she does not care about you. When I am in a relationship with a girl I will respect her and will not make prolonged eye contact or flirt with another girl if I am with her or without her and I would expect the same out of her or she gets the boot.

If a girl is totally enamored with her husband no other guy will matter. She may look at other men and find them attractive which is normal but she will not eye f**k them and invite their attention.

Clearly this bothers you and you have to make the best decision for yourself and not worry about what others think.

 

[Spaz]

Guys need to stop being desperate and learn to screen girls better. If you have been in a LDR for 4 years with her these red flags would have popped up easily when you were with her and from the sounds of it you saw it and noticed it but ignored it. At the end of the day she sounds like a typical attention ***** and she is not going to change.

If a girl is totally enamored with her husband no other guy will matter. She may look at other men and find them attractive which is normal but she will not eye f**k them and invite their attention.

Right but yet the wrong mindset.

It's all abt the man, never the woman, sure some women are easier and some harder but it is still dependent on the man.

An analogy;

A known slut can enter a church/temple/mosque and she will behave herself there because she is within the frame of God.

She will act in accordance to that frame EVEN when God is NOT seen NOR heard.

For a being that is NOT seen NOR heard NOR proven to even exist, how is it that women will behave themselves in his house?

The answer is frame or if you like the sum total of God.

She knows that if she acts as a slut within his house she will be punished.

Now if a man, who is THERE, can be SEEN, HEARD and EXIST right in front of her eyes BUT yet his woman still decides to act slutty, it's because his FRAME empowers her to do so.

If a woman has a strong frame then her man must have an ever bigger frame to engulf hers.

If he doesn't then this type of issues will always crop up.

 

[Clamslammer]

Right but yet the wrong mindset.

It's all abt the man, never the woman, sure some women are easier and some harder but it is still dependent on the man.

An analogy;

A known slut can enter a church/temple/mosque and she will behave herself there because she is within the frame of God.

She will act in accordance to that frame EVEN when God is NOT seen NOR heard.

For a being that is NOT seen NOR heard NOR proven to even exist, how is it that women will behave themselves in his house?

The answer is frame or if you like the sum total of God.

She knows that if she acts as a slut within his house she will be punished.

Now if a man, who is THERE, can be SEEN, HEARD and EXIST right in front of her eyes BUT yet his woman still decides to act slutty, it's because his FRAME empowers her to do so.

If a woman has a strong frame then her man must have an ever bigger frame to engulf hers.

If he doesn't then this type of issues will always crop up.

Frame only matters when a girl has self control. If this girl has no self control all the frame in the world will do no good.

OP it is up to you what you want to do and only you can tell what she is all about. None of us can tell if she is an actual attention wh**e or just a normal girl checking out other guys only you can since you are experiencing it first hand. I could tell the difference from experience so I know what my decision would be.

Questions you need to ask yourself:
1. Is she inviting this attention by reciprocating the flirting with her eye contact? If this is the case move on without her
2. Is she just checking out another guy like any normal human being would and then continuing what she was doing originally? If this is the case then work on your insecurities.

Trust your gut, it is there for a reason.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Right but yet the wrong mindset.

It's all abt the man, never the woman, sure some women are easier and some harder but it is still dependent on the man.

An analogy;

A known slut can enter a church/temple/mosque and she will behave herself there because she is within the frame of God.

She will act in accordance to that frame EVEN when God is NOT seen NOR heard.

For a being that is NOT seen NOR heard NOR proven to even exist, how is it that women will behave themselves in his house?

The answer is frame or if you like the sum total of God.

She knows that if she acts as a slut within his house she will be punished.

Now if a man, who is THERE, can be SEEN, HEARD and EXIST right in front of her eyes BUT yet his woman still decides to act slutty, it's because his FRAME empowers her to do so.

If a woman has a strong frame then her man must have an ever bigger frame to engulf hers.

If he doesn't then this type of issues will always crop up.

And if she knows in her heart that over her dead body she will ever submit to any man then what?

 

[Spaz]

Frame only matters when a girl has self control. If this girl has no self control all the frame in the world will do no good.

OP it is up to you what you want to do and only you can tell what she is all about. None of us can tell if she is an actual attention wh**e or just a normal girl checking out other guys only you can since you are experiencing it first hand. I could tell the difference from experience so I know what my decision would be.

Questions you need to ask yourself:
1. Is she inviting this attention by reciprocating the flirting with her eye contact? If this is the case move on without her
2. Is she just checking out another guy like any normal human being would and then continuing what she was doing originally? If this is the case then work on your insecurities.

Trust your gut, it is there for a reason.

Refer below.

And if she knows in her heart that over her dead body she will ever submit to any man then what?

Frame is everything. It is not dependent on a woman's self control.

It's dependent on the sum total of you.

I mentioned in my previous post, when a woman acts out of line within God's frame then she knows she will receive some form of punishment.

Similarly, when a women acts out of line within my frame then she too will receive punishment.

In this case, I will remove my protection, my strengths etc from her.

She will no longer enjoy it as she did in the past.

Because that is my frame, and since I project it, my women automatically know they need to behave themselves, their self control is derived from my frame just like much of their happiness is derived by being around me - through my frame.

Frame = ur inherent personality and ur childhood upbringing + how you think (mindset) + how you do things in real life.

Each one influencing the other to make up a man's frame.

 

[Spaz]

Yea maybe there is a flip side but if all possible i will never give her that decision and leverage.
Many men may disagree but when you put your mojo on the platter for her it is not usually ever good for your soul. Man soul

That's a fool's errands because there are many lines to consider.

For some lines, crossing it means immediate dismissal, such as cheating - having an affair with another man etc, it is clear cut to all parties.

Meanwhile for other lines that's subjective such as in this case, which it is still considered an unacceptable behaviour for a married woman, then he will need to lay down the law.

Now as to why I asked him to say those words, it is a power play.

A play that only the one in POWER could give out.

In other words, a woman is free to do anything within his frame BUT the moment she steps out of line, there will be consequences.

And for that power to manifest, it must be a conscious choice of her own and not forced.

My friend, when a woman feels forced she will either rebel at ur back or right in front of you, maybe not immediately but she will in time because no one enjoys being forced, it takes away their willpower.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Ahh. Finally some wisdom. The reality is much different than the feminine programming version.

My grandmother told me about how when she was a teenager during the depression, migrant workers throughout the country would ride into Kansas during harvest.

Girls and especially farmers wives would sleep with them. If a young girl got pregnant, she would go sleep with a farm boy she knew liked her and then claim pregnancy. Naturally the honorable farm boy would marry her.

If one of the married ones got pregnant, they would just pass the kid off as her husbands. There was no DNA test back then.

This has been going on forever. No, just because it’s present time and there’s less of a penalty doesn’t make it any different between then and now. The whole subject has been a lie long before your great great grandparents.

Dope

 

[backseatjuan]

There is no patch. You choose her your fault. You can however divorce which is a proper thing to do, not because of your wife, because you fcked up with your selection.

or

Live with it see where it goes.

You can not patch things and change her.

It is your fault.

Take responsibility. Look out for yourself.

 

[guru1000]

Spaz respect the energy you take to type it but these things rarely work with women.
The idea that the woman ever has the upper hand on if the break up happens is essentially the very thing that happens to most men that try to get them back.

Lets agree to disagree on this one but i will never give ultimatums with words. They dont work. As soon as you state them you come off as weak. ESPECIALLY when it comes to wondering eyes.

He would be much more ahead of the curve if he showed her how flirting is really done by doing it himself. If he cannot stand the competition he should get out of the kitchen or become Amish.

You have a lot of fear of being vulnerable. This won’t serve you in the long run.

The goal is not to win, but to be bold,unapologetic, and Fearless in your desire and volition.

To win in fear is to truly lose.

 

[guru1000]

My advice to you is try to lead an uncalculated life.

Lol

 

[Spaz]

Dope

Dope = R u calling epic a stupid man ?

If so, please state which part of that post is stupid, I'm interested to hear it.

 

[Epic Days]

That's a fool's errands because there are many lines to consider.

For some lines, crossing it means immediate dismissal, such as cheating - having an affair with another man etc, it is clear cut to all parties.

Meanwhile for other lines that's subjective such as in this case, which it is still considered an unacceptable behaviour for a married woman, then he will need to lay down the law.

Now as to why I asked him to say those words, it is a power play.

A play that only the one in POWER could give out.

In other words, a woman is free to do anything within his frame BUT the moment she steps out of line, there will be consequences.

And for that power to manifest, it must be a conscious choice of her own and not forced.

My friend, when a woman feels forced she will either rebel at ur back or right in front of you, maybe not immediately but she will in time because no one enjoys being forced, it takes away their willpower.

Indeed. Good post spaz. You can take it to the bank.

 

[Clamslammer]

Curious to see where you are at with this a month later @Ceaserofnone

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Curious to see where you are at with this a month later @Ceaserofnone

He handled the drama well, stopped giving a ****, and then she willingly apologized to him. She’s wrapped around his finger now.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Curious to see where you are at with this a month later @Ceaserofnone

Basically what @ImTheDoubleGreatest! said.

Ive had a mantra that I keep reciting when I get the feeling of insecurity in my stomach 'I am the prize'

I have to remind myself of it as atm i dont have the value i SHOULD have. I am working on myself though. I have started to so my own thing. Improve on myself more so.

Ive come to a realisation. In the beginning i became very controlling. I did this because i wanted to put my foot down HARD. I thought that will straighten her and make her the 'perfect' girl. It did quite the opposit. She did listen but it was all smoke. She did what i told her but she seemed broken.

My approach has changed now though. Ive become less invested. I am caring but not controlling. I let her think she can do what she wants but I try to steer her my way by talking to her as well as through ACTION.

Its a work in progress though. I am still insecure but that will take time to rid. However I have only seen positive results from my change in attitude.