why you should not say "you're so beautiful"?

[espanish]

This question is inspired by another thread where the guy was telling girls on tinder "you are beautiful" and they would unmatch him

Come to think of it, that has never worked for me either in real life approaches. Well, it worked once but that was a weird exception.

When I say that, it's like an instant turnoff. The girl closes off and it's done.

I am just trying to figure out why this happens. I don't think the answer is "because that's what she hears all the time" because I have approached ugly girls who definitely don't hear that all the time - there has to be something deeper to it.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

I am just trying to figure out why this happens. I don't think the answer is "because that's what she hears all the time" - there has to be something deeper to it.

One aspect is the "genericness" of the compliment. She sees you put no effort into your intro and assumes you probably say the same weak thing to all women you court.

Another aspect is she thinks you are cheaply licking her boots to get her attention, thus making you in her subconscious inferior to her.

Most women don't want a guy they think is of a lower status than them.

Go up to a random woman and tell her "fcuk you're so average" and then walk away. Try that for fun.

 

[Billtx49]

Her mental response to a statement like that, He doesn’t even know me yet…
A semi to absolutely hot woman generally knows where she stands on the looks scale and wants you to rate the whole package and that takes personal time. A looks only statement is considered as only pandering by her…

 

[logicallefty]

Her mental response to a statement like that, He doesn’t even know me yet…
A semi to absolutely hot woman generally knows where she stands on the looks scale and wants you to rate the whole package and that takes time. A looks only statement is considered as only pandering by her…

This^
When I complement a woman it is for something positive earned. Did she make a good logical decision? Meet a goal? Get a promotion? I never ever ever ever ever ever complement a woman on her looks because she did not earn them. God gave them to her for free.

 

[Trump]

This question is inspired by another thread where the guy was telling girls on tinder "you are beautiful" and they would unmatch him

I would write back “I should have write “you are ugly?””

Come to think of it, that has never worked for me either in real life approaches. Well, it worked once but that was a weird exception.

When I say that, it's like an instant turnoff. The girl closes off and it's done.

Thats because you didn’t say it in the right context.

I am just trying to figure out why this happens. I don't think the answer is "because that's what she hears all the time" because I have approached ugly girls who definitely don't hear that all the time - there has to be something deeper to it.

It all depends how you say it and in what situation. If you go on a date and say “you are very pretty, have you ever been an actress?” She will eat it up. If you say “you are so beautiful, can we sleep together?” she won’t. Everything is a situation, you have to know your moments and pick the right situation.

And for goodness sake, don’t put it in writing, especially on Tinder. How dumb can men be?

Come on bro, you are not 17, you are 37. If your 12 year old son came up to you and said “dad, should I tell a girl she is beautiful?” Would you tell him you have to check with sosuave first?

 

[zekko]

When I complement a woman it is for something positive earned. Did she make a good logical decision? Meet a goal? Get a promotion? I never ever ever ever ever ever complement a woman on her looks because did not earn them. God gave them to her for free.

Looks are free, but women do work hard to enhance them. Just having and maintaining long hair has to be a hassle.

It's a shame we can't tell women they are beautiful, because I think we have a natural desire to. We admire women for their beauty. Women seem to resent this, which is ridiculous considering they will play that card when they want to use it manipulate men or gain attention. And if they don't get attention, they get upset about that too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In todays game you cant complement someone like that. They hear it 10x more than the past due to social media. So theyll think your rather inexperienced for someone like her. How about dealing with females who are heavily smitten with you.

 

[Focal core]

she just not into you..in my experiences when I reject girl thats so into me, whatever I do , say something bad to them they never took the hints, they just keep coming like a crazy cometh ...a girl that i was having a fling or relationship with doesn't have a problem abt me complimenting them.just don't make it a line opener when having a conversation with them, it will turn them off..it means that you have nothing interesting to say, its projecting your boring life, and your happiness IS ONLY ABOUT BEING WITH A GIRL. IF a girl wanted to be in a relationship, they wants something interesting going on in it, not a boring infatuation guy.

 

[Hal9000]

I've dated women who's go to compliment to me was "you're so sexy" and I've got to admit it became pretty cringe worthy very quickly. I mean what the hell am I supposed to say to that when I hear it every time we are together?? I imagine that kind of what being a chick is like except you've got 100 people saying to you every day.

 

[The Diver]

Don't compliment a woman on her physical look, she hears it 100 times a day (especially the pretty one). Compliment her on something else she has, like her dress, hairstyle, her jewellery. Those are the things she put an effort to select bf leaving home, and she will appreciate it that you have noticed them.
By totally ignoring her physical beauty, and compliment her on those things, you covertly tell her you're not baffled by her look and you can see beyond it.
Also, a great kino trick is to comment on ONE piece of her jewellery, like her earrings, while subtly touching her ear. Same you can do with pendant, watch, rings, all will give you an excuse to touch her subtly.
And, most of all, it shows her you are not afraid to enter her personal space without her permission, it's bold, its confidante.
I did/do it many times and its work great, it's kind of "breaking the ice".

 

[MrWood]

Don't compliment a woman on her physical look, she hears it 100 times a day (especially the pretty one). Compliment her on something else she has, like her dress, hairstyle, her jewellery. Those are the things she put an effort to select bf leaving home, and she will appreciate it that you have noticed them.
By totally ignoring her physical beauty, and compliment her on those things, you covertly tell her you're not baffled by her look and you can see beyond it.
Also, a great kino trick is to comment on ONE piece of her jewellery, like her earrings, while subtly touching her ear. Same you can do with pendant, watch, rings, all will give you an excuse to touch her subtly.
And, most of all, it shows her you are not afraid to enter her personal space without her permission, it's bold, its confidante.
I did/do it many times and its work great, it's kind of "breaking the ice".

This +1

Compliment her on something she can control... she was born with her looks.
This is why I compliment style and smile.

Style is something she puts effort into
Smile is something from an effect, from inside her to her exterior lips.
Lips are very erogenous and mentioning them strikes in a primal subconscious way

 

[wifehunter]

You'd be better off treating her like she's beautiful, rather than saying it. Talk is cheap,

 

[zekko]

This question is inspired by another thread where the guy was telling girls on tinder "you are beautiful" and they would unmatch him

It irritates me that you can't tell a woman that she is beautiful. If she wants a guy, does she really not want him to think she is hot?

Or else she just considers it just a given that any guy would think she is beautiful, so it has no value. We've all seen on this forum though, that guys disagree widely on which women are attractive - although that is mostly with pictures. I think in real life, beauty is a little more universal. Not completely, but more so.

 

[Serenity]

I am just trying to figure out why this happens. I don't think the answer is "because that's what she hears all the time" because I have approached ugly girls who definitely don't hear that all the time - there has to be something deeper to it.

It can be done, but how and when it's said matters a lot. I'll get back to that.

There are several reasons it doesn't work most of the time.

1. It lacks substance, she gets it a lot, high supply means it's perceived as cheap.
2. It's very often said by guys who doesn't have anything more interesting to talk about.
3. It often comes off as desperate, the guy says it enthusiastically expecting reward.
4. It takes zero effort, why someone imagine it will impress anyone is beyond me.
5. It's not creative.
6. The only thing it shows about you is that you only care about her looks, especially if you've not proven that you've picked up on her personality, they care about that.

It's useless to rely on this to seduce. There are ways to say it without negative results, but it won't sway the results in a positive direction any more than not saying it.

1. Never say it in texts.
2. Never say it before meeting her.
3. Never say it early on the first date, wait until the second date if you want to safe it, also then late in the date.
4. Be nonchalant when you say it.
5. Switch topic after you've said it, if she says thanks then switch after that. If she returns the compliment say thanks and switch after that. If she remains silent for 2 seconds switch immediately.
6. Do not say it often, less than once per date.

If you've met her a few times already it's natural to say "you look beautiful today", following the rules listed above of course.

Basically this compliment isn't a big deal, it's when guys put too much importance on it and expect too much from it that it doesn't work. Women pick up on it and it's simply unattractive. Even I pick up on it when I see guys doing it wrong. They say it right off the bat and too many times, as if they expect a woman will be charmed by it. It's like a woman telling me I'm handsome, yeah ok, so what? What else does she have to offer, nice words doesn't do much for me.

 

[zekko]

It's useless to rely on this to seduce. There are ways to say it without negative results, but it won't sway the results in a positive direction any more than not saying it.

I do think a certain kind of guy can use it effectively, depending on is style and personality. But I wouldn't use it, there are too many issues with it, as you point out.

I disagree that it takes zero effort though, just approaching is a major step for some guys. If a man is genuinely inspired to say it though, I don't think a woman realizes quite what that means to a man, or the depths of spirit from which it comes. Which is why it irritates me that we can't use it.

It's like a woman telling me I'm handsome, yeah ok, so what? What else does she have to offer, nice words doesn't do much for me.

I always appreciate getting complimented on my looks, especially by a stranger, especially since I've never been one to get a lot of such compliments. But it doesn't cause attraction, of course, unless the girl is attractive herself. Otherwise, it doesn't have much impact.

 

[Serenity]

I disagree that it takes zero effort though, just approaching is a major step for some guys. If a man is genuinely inspired to say it though, I don't think a woman realizes quite what that means to a man, or the depths of spirit from which it comes. Which is why it irritates me that we can't use it.

I wouldn't say most users of this compliment has it coming from any sort of depth of spirit. While it probably is a sincere opinion most times, the motivation to say it comes from the wrong frame. They just say it in the hopes that the woman will like them, it's a compliment with (mostly poorly) hidden expectations rather than just a nice and simple comment. The motive for saying it matters and often it's the wrong motive.

You may say it with a lot of meaning, but you're the exception then.

I always appreciate getting complimented on my looks, especially by a stranger, especially since I've never been one to get a lot of such compliments. But it doesn't cause attraction, of course, unless the girl is attractive herself. Otherwise, it doesn't have much impact.

Yeah, of course. I appreciate compliments, it's nice to hear, but that's about it. You see this the way you do exactly because you haven't received a ton of compliments. If you were an actually beautiful woman you'd repeatedly hear the same compliment over and over, desperate idiots will say it as the first thing they say and repeat it in an attempt to make her like them. There are A LOT of those guys out there. Naturally women will associate this compliment with those losers, therefore if it is to be given it should be clearly differentiated from the way the losers deliver it.

I don't particularly use this compliment much myself, I'm much more inclined to compliment personality attributes, behaviors and displays of intelligence. I don't think that has ever failed for me. Things that doesn't just require using my eyes to see the obvious, but also actually pay attention.

I wouldn't mind saying a woman is beautiful, but I'd save it for when I know her a bit and it would probably be said as a spontaneous thought, not something planned, thought about or motivated by any hope of gain from it.

 

[MrWood]

If you were an actually beautiful woman you'd repeatedly hear the same compliment over and over, desperate idiots will say it as the first thing they say and repeat it in an attempt to make her like them. There are A LOT of those guys out there. Naturally women will associate this compliment with those losers, therefore if it is to be given it should be clearly differentiated from the way the losers deliver it.

this +1

 

[zekko]

You may say it with a lot of meaning, but you're the exception then.

I don't say it at all lol.
But I do think it, and I admit I have an inner urge to say "Wow, you're beautiful" when it's called for.
But I know better.
As for how much meaning it has, that depends on the girl.

It actually irritates me that I censor myself, based in part on stuff I read on the Manosphere (because I don't want to make myself look like these dopey AFC schmucks who say such things). Because if I really DGAF, if I really didn't care what anyone else thought, why should I stop myself from saying something that I actually think? If I actually said what I thought, wouldn't I actually be coming across as more congruent? I suspect that I would.

I don't particularly use this compliment much myself, I'm much more inclined to compliment personality attributes, behaviors and displays of intelligence. I don't think that has ever failed for me.

I don't mean this as a criticism, but I can't help but notice it, based on some of the conversation here lately. You're doing the same thing as the guy you're complaining about - the guy who gives the "beautiful" compliment. In the sense that you are using compliments that "have never failed for me". You're saying you're giving these compliments because they "work" for you, you're expecting something in return. The only difference might be the creativity.

 

[dude99]

This question is inspired by another thread where the guy was telling girls on tinder "you are beautiful" and they would unmatch him

Come to think of it, that has never worked for me either in real life approaches. Well, it worked once but that was a weird exception.

When I say that, it's like an instant turnoff. The girl closes off and it's done.

I am just trying to figure out why this happens. I don't think the answer is "because that's what she hears all the time" because I have approached ugly girls who definitely don't hear that all the time - there has to be something deeper to it.

You are killing challenge by telling her she is beautiful. You are saying " here i am. I am all yours. You will not have to do any work for this at all i am zero challenge," when you tell them they are beautiful.

Women are hard wired to enjoy a challenge. They want something to get their emotions going. Mystery of not knowing how you feel is a good example of being a challenge. Telling them how beautiful they are tells them openly how you feel.

 

[Spaz]

On numerous occasions I'll say that, to many women I crossed paths with on a daily basis, more like words and body language that convey that meaning rather then the outright "you look so beautiful".

And I've been doing it for years.

My mindset is one where I'm appreciative of the effort those women took their time to dress up their sexiest so as to brighten my day.

I actually think women dress up just for me.

The least I could do is say thank you and make them always do their best each morning to doll up.