How do you afford online dating if feel like you are paying to get rejected?

[MatureDJ]

You use Jswipe? Jewish girls don't age well and are ugly, big noses. No, I'm not being racist, but just stating the obvious. If you're Jewish then I can see it's no big deal, but otherwise, what would make you attracted to them? Even Jewish guys say Jewish women are not very attractive.

AIUI, Jewish women tend to be very well-endowed, like Ben Shapiro's sister:

https://i.4pcdn.org/pol/1509390473047.png

 

[biggoal]

At least the ones in the USA ...

Downside seems to be a lot of fake profiles even on paid sites.

 

[corrector]

Why are you paying for that crap? There's more than enough video content free on YouTube, and there are pirate sites like jokerlivestream for sports.

Youtube is not free at all. It costs money to rent or purchase great movies or TV-shows that are on there. I would spend a zillion times more on youtube if I went a la carte and rented or purchased their content for every single movie I was interested in viewing compared to having a subscription and then watching any movie within the service for free.

Pirating is stealing and contrary in spirit to having a proper movie hobby. It lowers the hobby.

 

[RickTheToad]

AIUI, Jewish women tend to be very well-endowed, like Ben Shapiro's sister:

https://i.4pcdn.org/pol/1509390473047.png

She's him in a dress. LOL.

I guess you'd consider "well-endowed" (never heard that for a lady with a large nose, but okay, we'll go with that) ladies also "ugly"

Sarah Michelle Gellar
Kate Hudson
Alicia Silverstone
Jennifer Connelly
Selma Blair
Mila Kunis
Amanda Peet
Brooke Burke
Dianna Agron
Ginnifer Goodwin
Evan Rachel Wood
Jamie-Lynn Sigler
Michelle Trachtenberg
Elizabeth Banks
Sara Paxton
Rachel Weisz
Emmy Rossum
Kat Dennings
Lea Michele
Emmanuelle Chriqui

 

[biggoal]

I've tried professional pics in the past and I think was even rated a 7 on hotornot, this stuff was tried like 10 years ago. I don't think if I had issues with online dating 10 years ago, things are going to be any easier, especially looking at the fact that I'm actually 10 years older (If I'm honest about my age on the profile)! I don't visit bars or have an interest in going there.

Uh, OLD has changed a lot in the last 10 years due to every Tom, ****, and Harry having a smartphone now.

Here is the thing. Do women view your profile? I mean like when you message them and they read it or view their profile do they view you?

If they're viewing your profile obviously they don't think you're ugly when they see your profile photo or they simply wouldn't check you out and would just move on to the next. If women are checking you out on OLD but not replying it's probably the content on your profile and what you're saying, or what you're saying in the messages that is turning them off.

Women, especially on the higher end sites like Match do pay attention to the content on the profile like hobbies, career, etc. I consider it like a resume.

You can even tell that. Like one chick I messaged a few days ago because I saw her view me so I fired off a message to her. After she read the message she once again checked out my profile. Didn't reply but then checked out my profile 2 more times again. Likely telling me she was comparing my profile to probably other guys and then narrowing in down to a few choices.

 

[MrWood]

never paid for OLD sites/apps and have great success.
I also use Instagram and pen-pal sites, great success.

pay for date app/sites, lol

 

[MrWood]

if I could find a hot 46 year old no kids, never married I'd take her in a jiffy!

Your real preference just exposed itself, you want a woman 10+ yrs older than you
Now please stop b1tching about not finding younger chicks etc.

just stop

 

[corrector]

Uh, OLD has changed a lot in the last 10 years due to every Tom, ****, and Harry having a smartphone now.

Here is the thing. Do women view your profile? I mean like when you message them and they read it or view their profile do they view you?

If they're viewing your profile obviously they don't think you're ugly when they see your profile photo or they simply wouldn't check you out and would just move on to the next. If women are checking you out on OLD but not replying it's probably the content on your profile and what you're saying, or what you're saying in the messages that is turning them off.

Women, especially on the higher end sites like Match do pay attention to the content on the profile like hobbies, career, etc. I consider it like a resume.

You can even tell that. Like one chick I messaged a few days ago because I saw her view me so I fired off a message to her. After she read the message she once again checked out my profile. Didn't reply but then checked out my profile 2 more times again. Likely telling me she was comparing my profile to probably other guys and then narrowing in down to a few choices.

I didn't say anywhere on this thread that I was ugly if I got a 7 on hotornot. However, if there are guys who have "the looks" who can write they like molesting children on their profile and still get women throwing themselves at them, then you wonder how much of the content of the profile actually matters. While I'm not ugly, I may not have "the looks" to have an easier time with online dating.

As far as having some success as an "average joe" or someone in my "looks category" then you may have a point. (i.e. if I was looking for a date with a decent Christian hb 6+ at least once a while where she's moderately or highly interested based on how I look and what I wrote on the profile and is pre-sold, there is a good chance based off of that it could go somewhere). However, the expectation bar here is set very low.

I wouldn't understand, say, based on a Christiancafe profile, what I could be possibly writing on there (assuming I get serious about that again) that would throw women off reading it. I think you may not have to turning women off as much as failing to impress them. If you are not portraying yourself as very solid (i.e. great job, well rounded, very social, very active in church/ministry, etc....) then you are not going to get any bites. If you don't make a great impression on the profile if you have a "doable picture" then it's the same as turning a woman off. Just "being there" with an "okay" picture, and an "okay" profile means a disaster.

 

[RickTheToad]

I didn't say anywhere on this thread that I was ugly if I got a 7 on hotornot. However, if there are guys who have "the looks" who can write they like molesting children on their profile and still get women throwing themselves at them, then you wonder how much of the content of the profile actually matters. While I'm not ugly, I may not have "the looks" to have an easier time with online dating.

As far as having some success as an "average joe" or someone in my "looks category" then you may have a point. (i.e. if I was looking for a date with a decent Christian hb 6+ at least once a while where she's moderately or highly interested based on how I look and what I wrote on the profile and is pre-sold, there is a good chance based off of that it could go somewhere). However, the expectation bar here is set very low.

I wouldn't understand, say, based on a Christiancafe profile, what I could be possibly writing on there (assuming I get serious about that again) that would throw women off reading it. I think you may not have to turning women off as much as failing to impress them. If you are not portraying yourself as very solid (i.e. great job, well rounded, very social, very active in church/ministry, etc....) then you are not going to get any bites. If you don't make a great impression on the profile if you have a "doable picture" then it's the same as turning a woman off. Just "being there" with an "okay" picture, and an "okay" profile means a disaster.

Ever think it's the persona you are putting off?

 

[corrector]

Ever think it's the persona you are putting off?

What are you talking about?

 

[RickTheToad]

What are you talking about?

The person YOU are portraying to others. Ladies want a strong independent dude who has a high self-esteem. Right now, this is what you need to work on.

 

[corrector]

The person YOU are portraying to others. Ladies want a strong independent dude who has a high self-esteem. Right now, this is what you need to work on.

If copy and paste is a simple fix then I probably would have thought about this before. Also, I have to see what the questions on a Christian-cafe site, and how I would want to be portrayed on there to those types of women, and how that would fit in to what you are saying here.

It seems most of my complaints is about meeting women online in the first place, and the type and quality of women I'm meeting online if it goes that far, but not actually how the date is going on from people I'm meeting online (i.e. because that's too infrequent to register as an issue, so I won't care if there is a mild catfish on the wording of the profile/ but not the picture). There are only two variables that can change to how one portray themselves online, that is the wording of the profile, and the picture. Of course, I could also change other variables such as height and age if it's really a big deal, but if something seriously comes out of a potential meeting, it could be a deal-breaker later on, but then again a 50/50 deal-breaker chance of initially being dishonest is better than no chance at all. Do you think misrepresenting my age, height, or any other aspect would be helpful?

 

[corrector]

I'm assuming you are/were which is why you created the thread. Unless you are so unconfident in yourself that you don't even bother going on dates because you assume you will be rejected.

That's far worse because

1) It gives you no chance to make any improvements to what you are doing or not doing on dates

2) It creates a self fulfilling prophecy where your mind determines the outcome before it happens and then if you actually go out on a date your mind will find a way to create the outcome you envisioned.

This is another aspect to look at. Is there a real rejection online if women are not biting on your profile (i.e. initiating messages to you after seeing your profile, or replying to messages from you after looking at your profile) since nobody knows you well enough to interpret that as rejection? The approach should be tweaking here and there to see what results in the most bites without doing a blatant catfish (i.e. having a photo of someone else like a male model) since women are only rejecting or choosing a profile. This undermines online rejection as being real and looks more like a failed marketing effort.

 

[RickTheToad]

If copy and paste is a simple fix then I probably would have thought about this before. Also, I have to see what the questions on a Christian-cafe site, and how I would want to be portrayed on there to those types of women, and how that would fit in to what you are saying here.

It seems most of my complaints is about meeting women online in the first place, and the type and quality of women I'm meeting online if it goes that far, but not actually how the date is going on from people I'm meeting online (i.e. because that's too infrequent to register as an issue, so I won't care if there is a mild catfish on the wording of the profile/ but not the picture). There are only two variables that can change to how one portray themselves online, that is the wording of the profile, and the picture. Of course, I could also change other variables such as height and age if it's really a big deal, but if something seriously comes out of a potential meeting, it could be a deal-breaker later on, but then again a 50/50 deal-breaker chance of initially being dishonest is better than no chance at all. Do you think misrepresenting my age, height, or any other aspect would be helpful?

Dude, I get it. However, like biggoal, you need to work on yourself FIRST then you will be better prepared to deal with the ladies. In addition, you need to strike out quite a few times with the ladies until you get into your comfort zone and you can read the ladies like second nature. It's just going to take time and experience... Oh, and a lot of failure. We learn the most from our failures than our successes. Failures often lead to success in the end; if we learn from said failures. Happens to all of us; include this sly toad. ;')

 

[corrector]

Dude, I get it. However, like biggoal, you need to work on yourself FIRST then you will be better prepared to deal with the ladies. In addition, you need to strike out quite a few times with the ladies until you get into your comfort zone and you can read the ladies like second nature. It's just going to take time and experience... Oh, and a lot of failure. We learn the most from our failures than our successes. Failures often lead to success in the end; if we learn from said failures. Happens to all of us; include this sly toad. ;')

Work on myself first so I can fail with women enough times? You seem to be talking allot about failure.

 

[MrWood]

Re: Title of this post

FYI... since I use OLD almost exclusively, developing a good "copy and paste" opener is a great way to cut the effort.

I used to have snippets for reply's too, taken from past text/messages... worked great. This allows you to get some numbers going which has a better filter down rate for consistent dates on a weekly basis. I do very very well and typically have a schedule of who will be visiting me or where I might be traveling... Many of these do need to text/message more to build rapport etc, but they produce nearly 100% sex on first date/meeting. Most girls and myself are looking for someone eventually to go LTR or more serious... its a filtering process, but that what dating is.

Never paid for a date site or app, and typically used non-date sites like pen-pal, language help sites, Instagram, Tagged, etc. If in Europe or looking for Russian/Chinese there are a few really great free sites with literally a 0 scammer ratio. These RU/CN sites produced the best numbers for real dates/girlfriends/LTR (two almost went to marriage). Currently I use apps that are locale based (Tan-Tan, Tinder, OK.ru) and actually.. Instagram. IG is great if you do any traveling or take a decent photo... you can see what that persons focus is on, like, comment etc.

Guys, there are many many Russian and Chinese in the States too that use apps they would use in country of origin even if they have immigrated.

Russian - get VK, OK, Love.ru
Asian - get Tan-Tan, WeChat
All - get Tinder

good luck boys!

 

[biggoal]

Re: Title of this post

FYI... since I use OLD almost exclusively, developing a good "copy and paste" opener is a great way to cut the effort.

I used to have snippets for reply's too, taken from past text/messages... worked great. This allows you to get some numbers going which has a better filter down rate for consistent dates on a weekly basis. I do very very well and typically have a schedule of who will be visiting me or where I might be traveling... Many of these do need to text/message more to build rapport etc, but they produce nearly 100% sex on first date/meeting. Most girls and myself are looking for someone eventually to go LTR or more serious... its a filtering process, but that what dating is.

Never paid for a date site or app, and typically used non-date sites like pen-pal, language help sites, Instagram, Tagged, etc. If in Europe or looking for Russian/Chinese there are a few really great free sites with literally a 0 scammer ratio. These RU/CN sites produced the best numbers for real dates/girlfriends/LTR (two almost went to marriage). Currently I use apps that are locale based (Tan-Tan, Tinder, OK.ru) and actually.. Instagram. IG is great if you do any traveling or take a decent photo... you can see what that persons focus is on, like, comment etc.

Guys, there are many many Russian and Chinese in the States too that use apps they would use in country of origin even if they have immigrated.

Russian - get VK, OK, Love.ru
Asian - get Tan-Tan, WeChat
All - get Tinder

good luck boys!

As I said, dating in the states is a lot different, especially OLD.

 

[MrWood]

no its not, I visit back to the States about once a year and have no problem getting a date from OLD.
I do agree that it is harder to get more than 4yr younger, unless they are Russian/Ukrainian.

note:
I first realized I could date extremely younger long before I moved to Europe, at 36 I dated a 22yo Russian for 6mo.

 

[RickTheToad]

Work on myself first so I can fail with women enough times? You seem to be talking allot about failure.

No no no. Work on yourself and learn from failure. That is how we all grow. I've learned a lot from failure. It's how I've grown in life to be who I now am. As you experience failure, you will see what works and doesn't work. Over time, you will stop doing what doesn't work and only do what does and has worked in the past. Get it?

 

[corrector]

No no no. Work on yourself and learn from failure. That is how we all grow. I've learned a lot from failure. It's how I've grown in life to be who I now am. As you experience failure, you will see what works and doesn't work. Over time, you will stop doing what doesn't work and only do what does and has worked in the past. Get it?

Work on yourself sounds ambitious because part of working on yourself SOUNDS like experiencing failure. Learning from failure is okay in principle as long as the failure is not a catastrophic break-down. The thread is already about failure to get online traction so its clear I must be aware of what doesn't work in terms of making an online profile, and that's being honest or weak with your profile.
You can't learn or grow from all failures if the failures themselves are catastrophic. If you deal with a woman and fail then a catastrophic breakdown is possible if you end up bankrupt, lose your job, end up in a bad marriage/divorce, catch an STD, or get into a nasty dry-spell once you go through another emotional rollercoaster, etc....

So yeah, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, assuming it does not kill you.