Why do women love douchebags?

[sangheilios]

I never really understood on a basal level why women just didn't go for good men and always opted for the douchebags. When I say good men I don't mean the weak, beta male doormat. I'm instead referring to an upstanding man who is well put together, strong, motivated, is truthful and honest with who he is and his intentions, etc.

On the flip side, I've seen women time and time again go for men that operated on a level that showed they were rather flaky, fickle, indirect, etc.....all traits that actually suggest weakness and a lack of true male character.

Why do women seem to prefer this over the strong man above? Is it because the former man is just not a project to work on? Is it because he is just boring to them and not a challenge? Are women just afraid of strong men with good character? I really don't get it.

 

[Serenity]

I'm instead referring to an upstanding man who is well put together, strong, motivated, is truthful and honest with who he is and his intentions, etc.

Such men are usually taken off the market pretty damn fast, given they truly do have these qualities.

On the flip side, I've seen women time and time again go for men that operated on a level that showed they were rather flaky, fickle, indirect, etc.....all traits that actually suggest weakness and a lack of true male character.

This is also true though, many women do fall for guys like that and they are indeed weak. Women can be blinded by emotion just as much, if not more than men.

Why do women seem to prefer this over the strong man above?

They don't prefer it, they're just unable to identify what they want, make a bad choice and some of them learn from it while others repeat their mistakes.

Is it because the former man is just not a project to work on?

Nope, it's because a well put together man doesn't act like a fvcking clown thus grabbing less attention than a douchebag does.

Is it because he is just boring to them and not a challenge?

For a woman of equal amounts of mental disorders, definitely. For a well put together woman the douchebag is waaaaay too much drama.

Are women just afraid of strong men with good character?

Not at all. They're way more afraid of the sociopathic douchebag, but being blinded by their emotions they fail to see reality before it's too late. Kinda like how men end up head over heels for a woman with BPD.

It boils down to ignorance.

 

[sangheilios]

Such men are usually taken off the market pretty damn fast, given they truly do have these qualities.


This is also true though, many women do fall for guys like that and they are indeed weak. Women can be blinded by emotion just as much, if not more than men.


They don't prefer it, they're just unable to identify what they want, make a bad choice and some of them learn from it while others repeat their mistakes.


Nope, it's because a well put together man doesn't act like a fvcking clown thus grabbing less attention than a douchebag does.


For a woman of equal amounts of mental disorders, definitely. For a well put together woman the douchebag is waaaaay too much drama.


Not at all. They're way more afraid of the sociopathic douchebag, but being blinded by their emotions they fail to see reality before it's too late. Kinda like how men end up head over heels for a woman with BPD.

It boils down to ignorance.

Well, I think a lot of women like drama and the "excitement" that these less than ideal men bring into their lives. I feel that a lot of women believe that good men that are stable are boring and predictable, though this speaks far more in volume of the nature of these women and not so much the men. A man should aspire to be stable, strong, honest and forward with his communication and his intentions. I feel that the current culture doesn't really encourage these traits, thus the reason why we see the player type being far more common well into adulthood.

I know of men who are like these douchebag player types that we are discussing, some of which are in their early 30s. I feel this a bit more acceptable for those who are in high school or up to their early 20s but beyond that I feel this behavior should be anything but.

 

[evan12]

I never really understood on a basal level why women just didn't go for good men and always opted for the douchebags.

Biologically speaking douchebags seen by women as more manly because they are more rebellious and do whatever in their head, and hence project more dominance. what we called a shiitty life, women see it as a free life.
It is women dirty secret that they see Jerks and douchebags as more manly than the "good man" and sometimes it could be correct from biological point of view.

 

[dk1990S111]

Well, I think a lot of women like drama and the "excitement" that these less than ideal men bring into their lives. I feel that a lot of women believe that good men that are stable are boring and predictable, though this speaks far more in volume of the nature of these women and not so much the men. A man should aspire to be stable, strong, honest and forward with his communication and his intentions. I feel that the current culture doesn't really encourage these traits, thus the reason why we see the player type being far more common well into adulthood.

I know of men who are like these douchebag player types that we are discussing, some of which are in their early 30s. I feel this a bit more acceptable for those who are in high school or up to their early 20s but beyond that I feel this behavior should be anything but.

Ya I think you got it. Didn’t really think about it until it was said on here. They love the douchebag because then they have stuff to gossip and ask for advice about with their friends. Makes their boring life seem a lot more interesting

 

[Pandora]

One thing I would add is that many women don't necessarily like doucebags per se. Its just that the guys they do like know that they can get away with anything. So these guys act selfish and obnoxious because the girls allow it.They like these guys in spite of the douche bag behavior.

The super good looking guys have an abundance mindset. So these chicks date them because of their looks and these girls are smitten with them. When a guy knows a girl is smitten with him he tends to abuse the power. Girls do it and guys do it. I did it when I was younger and I am average looking. Power turns you into a douchebag.

 

[greatsnake]

There’s a couple of reasons why certain women like *******s. Here is the list:

1. The confidence
2. Women want it feel protected
3. Biologically speaking, “stronger” men have the best genes and can procreate
4. The woman wants to fix the man (which I think is what leads to codependent relationship)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The women be the player types themselves. With full range of notion and entitlement at birth due to gender.

 

[Mike32ct]

There is definitely a looks component like Pandora mentioned. The guy has a look that is her type, so he can get away with almost any behavior.

The douchebag is also the male version of an AW. She can easily relate to this as an AW herself. She doesn’t understand a chill guy with nothing to prove. She thinks there is something wrong with him for not being an attention seeker*.

*I suppose she might have a ONS with a super hot chill guy, but wouldn’t date him. He’d be too “boring.”

 

[AttackFormation]

Not calling you an incel, but one of the biggest incel false beliefs is holding women's sexuality to the male ideal standard. Those traits sound good but have zero to do with sexuality, it sounds like some starry eyed BeExcellent rant or something. You won't be idealized for these traits, in fact they can make you seem inhuman and the women will fear being judged by you so they can't open up. Women hate, hate, hate feeling judged.

Men like T&A, men are not sexually attracted to idealized beliefs either. If you are a boring guy you are legitimately a 1/10 guy regardless of your other traits, boredom is THAT unforgivable to women.

Sound more like tradcuck and white knight beliefs to me, incels are black pilled lol.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's less about ideology though than simply projecting your opinions onto women, like OP does. He cannot fathom why they can't detect his greatness lol.

Aside from its ignorance, this is actually a narcissistic thought pattern too - thinking other people "should" do/think something in your favor because of your own opinion about yourself or reality, and blaming them when they don't do what you want. It's an egoistic way of relating to other people without humility, acceptance or empathy, despite being the first to insist they are paragons of those things.

 

[zekko]

The douchebag is also the male version of an AW.

That's an interesting comparison, I had never considered that. The reason AWs get attention is that they have learned effective techniques over time to feed their addiction to attention. I'm sure a lot of douchebags also operate on this level.

I never really understood on a basal level why women just didn't go for good men and always opted for the douchebags.

They don't always opt for douchebags, that's a myth. But there are many reasons why a woman might be attracted to a douchebag.

First off, remember a woman's role is generally passive. So she is somewhat dependent on which guys approach her. A loud, full of himself, narcissistic douchebag will assume attraction and garner attention to himself more quickly than a stable man with nothing to prove.

Also, I often make fun of smirking on here. But smirking can indicate dominance, in a way, and women like that. A douchebag who smirks at a girl is looking down on her, is thinking he is superior to her. It's really indicating that he is a douchebag, but she might be attracted to the dominance effect.

There are other reasons, but I'm sure the other posters will cover them. The real question is why would a woman settle for a douchebag? But you also have to remember a lot of women don't have standards, and are not high quality themselves. They're just part of the unwashed masses, there's nothing elite about them.

 

[Mike32ct]

That's an interesting comparison, I had never considered that. The reason AWs get attention is that they have learned effective techniques over time to feed their addiction to attention. I'm sure a lot of douchebags also operate on this level.

I'm not necessarily saying that the douchebag is CONSCIOUSLY seeking attention, although he might be sometimes. But typically, they do really enjoy having an audience, whether it's women, other guys, or both. They would likely have "withdrawl" if they didn't receive much attention. So definitely some strong AW-like traits.

They don't always opt for douchebags, that's a myth. But there are many reasons why a woman might be attracted to a douchebag.

First off, remember a woman's role is generally passive. So she is somewhat dependent on which guys approach her. A loud, full of himself, narcissistic douchebag will assume attraction and garner attention to himself more quickly than a stable man with nothing to prove.

Absolutely.

Also, I often make fun of smirking on here. But smirking can indicate dominance, in a way, and women like that. A douchebag who smirks at a girl is looking down on her, is thinking he is superior to her. It's really indicating that he is a douchebag, but she might be attracted to the dominance effect.

Yeah. She's used to guys worshipping her. When a guy looks down her or gives off the vibe that he believes he is superior, it really frys her narcissist circuits lol.

There are other reasons, but I'm sure the other posters will cover them. The real question is why would a woman settle for a douchebag? But you also have to remember a lot of women don't have standards, and are not high quality themselves. They're just part of the unwashed masses, there's nothing elite about them.

This is one of those timeless debates that could go for a hundred pages. But I'll leave one other thought...

Traditionally, men have been the ones that were blamed for "Thinking with the wrong head." But plenty of women are guilty of thinking with their vag. They can date and even stay with a guy with little (positive traits) going for him if the sexual chemistry is right.

 

[Epic Days]

Not calling you an incel, but one of the biggest incel false beliefs is holding women's sexuality to the male ideal standard.

Even more specifically, trying to hold women to the ideal standard that was given to men socially. It works completely in her paradigm and will lead to failure, anger, and in some extreme cases, loathing for women when it’s the man and not the woman.

It’s his stupid ideals about women and how HE thinks they should be conforming to his misguided beliefs.

 

[zekko]

Traditionally, men have been the ones that were blamed for "Thinking with the wrong head." But plenty of women are guilty of thinking with their vag. They can date and even stay with a guy with little (positive traits) going for him if the sexual chemistry is right.

That's another great point.

As for guys thinking they're superior, it doesn't only fry the girls' narcissistic circuits, it is part of their biological imperative to be dominated.

 

[derby1]

douchebags deem chics unworthy and they mean it

 

[Epic Days]

I think one of the biggest mistakes floating around is the idea that women actually have a preference at all.

I often come up with simple analogies to explain the nature of women (or at least the nature of women as I see it), and when it comes to discussions of nice guy vs. jerk (or any variation of it.... well grounded man vs. douchebag, in this case), I like to use this particular analogy of a solid rock protruding from the sea.

In this analogy, the ocean represents the jerk. It is dynamic in motion. Its turbulence creates the sounds of crashing waves that elicit emotion. It offers the allure of exploration and a mystery as to what might be found out there. It calls for a woman to explore it.

The rock is the well grounded man. Solid. Immovable. Dependable. A safe haven one can cling to for life when necessary.

Sometimes you will come across a woman when she is sitting on the rock. Meditating. Enjoying the comfort of peace and safety that the rock offers. But sooner or later the rock becomes stale and the mystery of the sea will call her to explore it. These are the women who end up cheating on their nice guy boyfriends, wives cheating on husbands and such.

And then sometimes when you come across a woman, she will already be out at sea. She is enjoying the adventure. But sometimes a storm rolls in, those seas get violent, and that sense of adventure turns to fear and self preservation. She begins to panic and seeks out the safety to which that solid rock offers. This is a woman who is dating a douchebag and complains she can't find a nice guy. You may notice a woman will always say this, not when the seas are more manageable and inviting, but at the height of the storm.

Many men would describe themselves as being either the rock or the ocean, and these men will believe they are constantly dealing with two types of women, each of which have a preference.

What few men realize is that the woman on the rock and the woman at sea are one and the same person.

Women need contrast. They need both. And they seek a man who is the perfect embodiment of both: Strong, solid, dependable, immovable, safe, but also provides a sense of adventure, mystery, a little danger and the allure of exploration. And because few men are capable of being both, a woman must often chose one against the other. It is not a preference but a forced choice. Sometimes she will bounce back and forth between the two in order to fulfill and satisfy her need for both qualities.

No woman wants to stay on the rock forever.

No woman wants to stay out at sea forever.

The more a man can be of both worlds, the more he will own any woman who steps into it, the more she will surrender herself to him and the more she will act to preserve what is perceived as so rare.

Never heard it like this before. Good analogy. Accurate.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I never really understood on a basal level why women just didn't go for good men and always opted for the douchebags. When I say good men I don't mean the weak, beta male doormat. I'm instead referring to an upstanding man who is well put together, strong, motivated, is truthful and honest with who he is and his intentions, etc.

On the flip side, I've seen women time and time again go for men that operated on a level that showed they were rather flaky, fickle, indirect, etc.....all traits that actually suggest weakness and a lack of true male character.

Why do women seem to prefer this over the strong man above? Is it because the former man is just not a project to work on? Is it because he is just boring to them and not a challenge? Are women just afraid of strong men with good character? I really don't get it.

Sang mate, women like me because I know. I know every baeeeees one broken condom and twinkie away from expiration.

Furthermore, hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21 every day.

I act accordingly. I kick dumpty off the pedestal. I get girls.

Women age like bread and milk.

Men age like a fine wine.


Women like fifty shades. They want to be put in check.

This is not Disney on ice.

Grow a pair. Man up. Step up or step aside.

 

[Epic Days]

Women like fifty shades. They want to be put in check.

Agreed

 

[sangheilios]

Not calling you an incel, but one of the biggest incel false beliefs is holding women's sexuality to the male ideal standard. Those traits sound good but have zero to do with sexuality, it sounds like some starry eyed BeExcellent rant or something. You won't be idealized for these traits, in fact they can make you seem inhuman and the women will fear being judged by you so they can't open up. Women hate, hate, hate feeling judged.

Men like T&A, men are not sexually attracted to idealized beliefs either. If you are a boring guy you are legitimately a 1/10 guy regardless of your other traits, boredom is THAT unforgivable to women.

I'm aware of a lot of this and feel this is one of my issues. I'm 6'4", educated, well spoken, doing well in life, don't drink, smoke or do drugs......list goes on and on with amazing traits. However, like you said these things make me look almost inhuman to the point where others, including women, cannot at all relate to me. As you mentioned, the women will fear that I will judge them, look down on them, etc. so naturally they don't open up and "reject" me, as they don't see me as human.