In a LTR - if you begin noticing loss of intimacy/interest

[Barrister]

The "black magic" that very well may work to mysteriously spurn her desire is to start spending time and fvcking another lady who is into you. Make sure shes attractive enough.

Right - which I agree I think would work to make her come back for more sex for a time period. But this woman I have been in an LTR for awhile now. I guess I feel like if all I am looking for is sex I would rather just go after some completely different women rather than continue to have sex with someone where there will be emotional strings attached. My question was more geared about getting the LTR back to where it was. But maybe that isn't a possibility. Always interested to hear other's thoughts though.

 

[stovepipe]

Been thinking about your post in particular. Do you believe it is possible to change this by giving her space and backing off as others have suggested or is this just going to be a constant cycle where I have to almost play a game to keep her invested 100% moving forward post-honeymoon? Seems somewhat pointless if it is the latter.

I do not. From all my years of studying people the dynamic never changes. She will always be the one who cares less than you in the relationship. Hence why you're on here asking for help while she's just living her life not worrying about the things you are.

Making yourself too available in the beginning "can" have detrimental effects on her attraction towards you after the honeymoon phase is over. They tend to look at you like a dog who comes whenever they're called. She is the owner, you are her pet. She knows you have no other women after you so she is in control of you. Even if you don't have other women in the picture you need to make her mind think & wonder by simply making yourself less available.

The way you act and carry yourself in the beginning has a huge impact on the course of the relationship. If you're beta from the start, you will always be a beta in her mind.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Right - which I agree I think would work to make her come back for more sex for a time period. But this woman I have been in an LTR for awhile now. I guess I feel like if all I am looking for is sex I would rather just go after some completely different women rather than continue to have sex with someone where there will be emotional strings attached. My question was more geared about getting the LTR back to where it was. But maybe that isn't a possibility. Always interested to hear other's thoughts though.

Alternatively outside cheating you can desire a passion outside her and starve her of attention. That passion is a hobby.

 

[RickTheToad]

I do not. From all my years of studying people the dynamic never changes. She will always be the one who cares less than you in the relationship. Hence why you're on here asking for help while she's just living her life not worrying about the things you are.

Making yourself too available in the beginning "can" have detrimental effects on her attraction towards you after the honeymoon phase is over. They tend to look at you like a dog who comes whenever they're called. She is the owner, you are her pet. She knows you have no other women after you so she is in control of you. Even if you don't have other women in the picture you need to make her mind think & wonder by simply making yourself less available.

The way you act and carry yourself in the beginning has a huge impact on the course of the relationship. If you're beta from the start, you will always be a beta in her mind.

This is very true. I find when the lady you're in a LTR with knows an ex or other ladies who are interested in you are hanging around, she has more interest and works for your attention. Example, the lady I am seeing now nows I run into two of my ex's once or twice a week; and both still have interest in me. She's very jealous of one of them.. It actually makes her (in her mind) work harder and prove herself. You need to develop an abundance mindset. If she seems to want to walk, you not only encourage it, but open the door for her. It's weird, but for the ladies, the opposite always happens. So, you need to think differently when handling them. After a while, you'll get the hang of it. Don't care too much. That's the best advice I can suggest. The more and more ladies I date, I seem to care less and less. Yes, the sex is good and I'd miss them if/when they leave, but I adhere to my one strike policy. It keeps them in line and shows I am higher value then them. Ultimately, that is what a lady wants to strive for.. The highest value and quality of life she can obtain for her and her potential offspring.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

What do any of you do? And yes, I realize a lot of DJs prefer just to spin plates.

Do you pull away and try to recreate the tension of not knowing what the other person is thinking? Or just talk to them about what the problem is? I have attempted to talk to her multiple times and "work" and "being exhausted" are the excuses for the flatness. Gut feeling tells me it's more than that. In fairness - she is starting her own business but again just seems like it is more than that. Or am I being unfair? Thoughts?

#nextset

I don't fix what's already broken.

 

[Barrister]

LTR or Not. Guys always should be dating there girl. Ofcourse some women are nuts.
Whats been going on in your life? Shes starting a business. What do you do?

I'm a criminal defense attorney. I have very little free time but make her a priority. Hence the frustration where it doesn't seem like that's being reciprocated.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is very true. I find when the lady you're in a LTR with knows an ex or other ladies who are interested in you are hanging around, she has more interest and works for your attention. Example, the lady I am seeing now nows I run into two of my ex's once or twice a week; and both still have interest in me. She's very jealous of one of them.. It actually makes her (in her mind) work harder and prove herself. You need to develop an abundance mindset. If she seems to want to walk, you not only encourage it, but open the door for her. It's weird, but for the ladies, the opposite always happens. So, you need to think differently when handling them. After a while, you'll get the hang of it. Don't care too much. That's the best advice I can suggest. The more and more ladies I date, I seem to care less and less. Yes, the sex is good and I'd miss them if/when they leave, but I adhere to my one strike policy. It keeps them in line and shows I am higher value then them. Ultimately, that is what a lady wants to strive for.. The highest value and quality of life she can obtain for her and her potential offspring.

So in your opinion ladies want to fight over a highly sought after man who excercise his benefits?

 

[RickTheToad]

So in your opinion ladies want to fight over a highly sought after man who excercise his benefits?

Yes. Since there is no security when others have options, ladies tend to work and try harder to obtain that security. The point is, never give her 100% security. She violates your terms, she needs to know that you will exercise your option to leave.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes. Since there is no security when others have options, ladies tend to work and try harder to obtain that security. The point is, never give her 100% security. She violates your terms, she needs to know that you will exercise your option to leave.

So its best if at least two options are worked.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Rare for a woman who's on Sosuave to admit their/women inherent flaws (which is not technically a flaw since its chemically induced).

It's even rarer for a women to offer good honest advice to men here without parading their usual feminists drivel.

In this instance, take her comments positively @Julian

I see J’s point that it’s not mature or helpful to a relationship. I don’t do it on purpose and i try to remain aware. Like you said, Spaz, it is inherent or biological i think. It really is hard to tame or control biological impulses. Or maybe it’s a learned behavior as a result of how social is, or what we were taught. Anything i say that i have done, i am being honest. it doesn’t mean i am proud of it nor condone it. it just is. I am lucky to have one partner that calls me out on it because it’s hard to recognize our own patterns sometimes.

Spaz, thanks for understanding and interpreting what I am trying to say into man speak. lol. I do feel attacked on here a bit but i don’t mind as i don’t take it to mean me (but female behavior) they are attacking. And i get it. Bunch of wolves with their teeth bared. haha. I certainly am not here to defend myself because i don’t care about you guys so i have nothing to gain or lose here.

 

[Barrister]

Ahhh ok gotcha. Yes that would put you on the higher end of busy.
Question, have you been supportive of her starting this business?

Been in her corner to do it for quite some time. She is getting out of a work environment she should have left a long time before and this seemed like a no-brainer to me.

 

[Julian]

Rare for a woman who's on Sosuave to admit their/women inherent flaws (which is not technically a flaw since its chemically induced).

It's even rarer for a women to offer good honest advice to men here without parading their usual feminists drivel.

In this instance, take her comments positively @Julian

I dont take them positively because its a cop out. The reason is because ive dealt with level headed women who have respect and are mature and will communicate with you even when they are emotional. Then ive also met those on the emotional hot cold spectrum whom i have no desire to deal with

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I dont take them positively because its a cop out. The reason is because ive dealt with level headed women who have respect and are mature and will communicate with you even when they are emotional. Then ive also met those on the emotional hot cold spectrum whom i have no desire to deal with

Well i wasn’t asking for a date from you. lol. Just giving my POV.

 

[Julian]

Well i wasn’t asking for a date from you. lol. Just giving my POV.

i appreciate your perspective

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

i appreciate your perspective

i like when you yell at me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

i like when you yell at me.

It makes your lady boner get so hard it hurts?

 

[Spaz]

i like when you yell at me.

Julian has acknowledged you.

Be a good girl now.

 

[Barrister]

Summary Update: She and I had a long discussion last night. She said that I wasn't being understanding about how busy she is now (despite the fact that it is about her distance/lack of communication and not about how busy she is) and actually told me she thought I was being "needy." Told me she shouldn't "have to ask my permission" to do anything when I told her I had no problem with her doing those things but think she should be communicating about it beforehand. Said she doesn't want to break up and wants to stay in a relationship with me but that I need to be more understanding that she is going to have to be busy with the business and start going to more social events to "get her name out there" and pass out her business cards. Basically just brushing off everything I said and telling me in so many words that her behavior isn't going to change.

Seems like this is in a downward spiral at this point and it might be time for me to exit.

 

[Barrister]

How is the sex life? Frequency/ drive?

When it happens it is generally still good sex. It has slowed down though. We used to have it like rabbits. Now, when I am at her place or she is at mine it seems like it is about a 50/50. Probably happens 3-4 times per week, maybe slightly more.

 

[Barrister]

There's another guy.

I don't think she is actively sleeping with anyone else but would it shock me that she is entering an emotional relationship with another guy that could turn physical -- no.