Okay let’s refrain from put downs. I’m very familiar with how my situation is perceived and is. It’s caused me much anguish.
She was upfront about it from the start. Saying she wasn’t girlfriend material. Thought we’d only be short term. Still trying to work things out emotionally within her about her previous relationship, seems like she can’t let go of some aspects.
Doesn’t want to get back with him at all, but clearly it still has a hold on her. It’s been really difficult. There was a moment early on when she told me on the fifth or so date that she wasn’t over him yet. I should have walked away then. I almost did; told her to contact me in 3-4 months when she was in a better place but then she didn’t want to let it go. So we continued on only to have it still around. He lives out of the country so it’s not like she can just see him today and get closure. So there’s a whole romanticizing going on of the past. Something they lost.
It’s not so easy to just slice it and end it with her. What we have is substantial. I know from the outside it sounds bad. But we have a lot of good and clearly she is invested in what we have if she wants to work at it and keep seeing one another. I’m not just some filler.
I just don’t know how to navigate this while allowing her to heal that slwouns and find the closure she needs.
Or if the only true way to do it is to end it. And tell her to reach out once she has put it to bed..
In a month we’re going on a 3 week trip together. Kind of near where he lives. I wonder if I should cancel the trip and tell her to do what she needs to do with him and reach out somewhere down the line If she feels the want to maybe pick us back up with a clean slate. To put everything to bed for once and for all.
And in the result of that, I live my own life and she lives hers. No bad blood between us. Jut understanding.
I just don’t want to end the relationship which is very rich and has a ton of potential.
In the text I read on her phone she was assuming we were going to break up this weekend, and so they had even touched on the idea of her re routing her personal flight to see him and then they figure out what’s what.
I asked her if she had talked to him recently and she said she had. Told me everything they talked about and was super open which was surprising to be honest. And she said during the conversation she felt apathy even though she had said all of what she said. So this is where my confusion comes in because why be so open about it with me if she does feel something for him, but also.. why keep going back and having talks like that? Is it just for attention, knowing she can have him. Because the way they ended was I believe HIM givibg up in the relationship and not wanting to move countries for her; she wasn’t worth it in his eyes.
Yea.
She was upfront about it from the start. Saying she wasn’t girlfriend material. Thought we’d only be short term. Still trying to work things out emotionally within her about her previous relationship, seems like she can’t let go of some aspects.
Doesn’t want to get back with him at all, but clearly it still has a hold on her. It’s been really difficult. There was a moment early on when she told me on the fifth or so date that she wasn’t over him yet. I should have walked away then. I almost did; told her to contact me in 3-4 months when she was in a better place but then she didn’t want to let it go. So we continued on only to have it still around. He lives out of the country so it’s not like she can just see him today and get closure. So there’s a whole romanticizing going on of the past. Something they lost.
It’s not so easy to just slice it and end it with her. What we have is substantial. I know from the outside it sounds bad. But we have a lot of good and clearly she is invested in what we have if she wants to work at it and keep seeing one another. I’m not just some filler.
I just don’t know how to navigate this while allowing her to heal that slwouns and find the closure she needs.
Or if the only true way to do it is to end it. And tell her to reach out once she has put it to bed..
In a month we’re going on a 3 week trip together. Kind of near where he lives. I wonder if I should cancel the trip and tell her to do what she needs to do with him and reach out somewhere down the line If she feels the want to maybe pick us back up with a clean slate. To put everything to bed for once and for all.
And in the result of that, I live my own life and she lives hers. No bad blood between us. Jut understanding.
I just don’t want to end the relationship which is very rich and has a ton of potential.
In the text I read on her phone she was assuming we were going to break up this weekend, and so they had even touched on the idea of her re routing her personal flight to see him and then they figure out what’s what.
I asked her if she had talked to him recently and she said she had. Told me everything they talked about and was super open which was surprising to be honest. And she said during the conversation she felt apathy even though she had said all of what she said. So this is where my confusion comes in because why be so open about it with me if she does feel something for him, but also.. why keep going back and having talks like that? Is it just for attention, knowing she can have him. Because the way they ended was I believe HIM givibg up in the relationship and not wanting to move countries for her; she wasn’t worth it in his eyes.
