Ideas of where to meet women

[sangheilios]

. I had posted a thread almost 2 months ago about a speed dating event I had gone to, an interesting experience but filled with women I had absolutely no interest in.

I'm a regular gym goer and several times have tried approaching girls there and it resulted in nothing more than just wasting my time with attention seeking women. I'm not completely closed to approaching at the gym but I feel that it is fairly unrealistic for me to expect anything to come from that at this point.

I posted a thread a couple nights ago about an evening I had out at a local nightlife venue at my area and saw I actually was getting some attention from women, though as I had mentioned on there I'm getting myself reacquainted to that type of environment. Also, sometimes I'm just not really in the mood to go out on a given evening, and outside of Friday and Saturday evenings the nightlife is pretty much dead out here.

OLD has never really worked for me, I'd generally get no matches or messages back but with the ones I did it just turned into me messaging them to no avail. Also, OLD has been discussed on here relentlessly and it's pretty well accepted that it overall is just a waste of time.

I have and can do approaches in public, but this has netted me a fairly low success rate and it's not really something I can rely upon due to it being such a relatively uncommon occurrence.

I'm trying to come up with some ideas as to where I can possibly meet women. Right now I'm planning on going out on weekend nights on a more regular basis, even to just work on approaching women, but I need to be doing more than that.

 

[corrector]

I got a phone number and contact from a lady I met at the Gym. My dad egged me on to get her number. My foks and I were all talking with her on a massage chair. I never followed up with her because my mom and I believe she is Turkish, and probably is a Muslim and I don't want to start something with someone with a different religion to mine because that's fundamentally incompatible.

(I got burned by a marriage that didn't work-out that had my folks and myself shelling out money for the wedding, so we are all still a bit sore. Also I can't presume that nothing will go anywhere because I already had two relationships that didn't work out at the end of the day under that same presumption initially)

This will shut my mouth for some time. I can't complain that women are rejecting me and I can't blame any woman if she's a different religion than I am since she didn't reject me.

I handed her my cell phone and she put her contact information on it. Didn't ask for anything, jus handed the phone to her on the contact page.

How much mileage did you get from women at your gym? Did you get at least a phone number and flake-out afterwards?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I have and can do approaches in public, but this has netted me a fairly low success rate and it's not really something I can rely upon due to it being such a relatively uncommon occurrence.

But all your approaches are currently resulting in a fairly low success rate. You are asking the question because none of the places you are approaching are resulting in a success rate you believe to be ideal. So this means that cold approaching in public is still a viable option. As I mentioned in another thread, you need to get your numbers up before you can even be qualified to make the determination about success rate. You can't approach 4 girls total and them start calculating odds and strategy. Yes,. I know you've said you've approached more than that in your life but that has no bearing on my point here. Until you are approaching 25+ girls a week, consistently, you just need to keep hammering through it.

You just went to a night club and didn't make a single approach, but instead of focusing on the internal work required to address that issue inside yourself, you are here trying to look for an external fix: "There must be a magic oasis of women who are approachable, welcoming, and mostly willing to want me."

The best place to cold approach are places you don't run into the same people all the time, and that are busy. Outdoor malls, busy parts of town where there are outdoor cafes and tons of people walking/jogging/biking, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

But all your approaches are currently resulting in a fairly low success rate. You are asking the question because none of the places you are approaching are resulting in a success rate you believe to be ideal. So this means that cold approaching in public is still a viable option. As I mentioned in another thread, you need to get your numbers up before you can even be qualified to make the determination about success rate. You can't approach 4 girls total and them start calculating odds and strategy. Yes,. I know you've said you've approached more than that in your life but that has no bearing on my point here. Until you are approaching 25+ girls a week, consistently, you just need to keep hammering through it.

You just went to a night club and didn't make a single approach, but instead of focusing on the internal work required to address that issue inside yourself, you are here trying to look for an external fix: "There must be a magic oasis of women who are approachable, welcoming, and mostly willing to want me."

The best place to cold approach are places you don't run into the same people all the time, and that are busy. Outdoor malls, busy parts of town where there are outdoor cafes and tons of people walking/jogging/biking, etc.

I'm not in a place where I can be approaching anywhere near that number of women on a regular basis. The only places I see women I'd potentially be interested in are that the gym and once in a while in a public environment, like a grocery store or something like that. I emphasize the rarity of cold approaching in public simply because there just aren't that many opportunities for me with women I'd be into, I don't exactly have control over this.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Are there any urban walking/biking paths that are heavily used? Urban Greenways? Outdoor malls? Live/work complexes where the first floor is retail and upper floors are apartments? Parts of town where there are tons of independent bars, restaurants, taco trucks, etc, all located within easy walking distance? Parks? Patio bars? Swimming pools? Farmers markets? Train/subway station?

Is there nowhere in town you could sit down and have a steady stream of women walk past you on a Saturday afternoon?

I'd the answer to most or all of these is no, I would strongly suggest a move. You can make-do with your current area but you'll always be at a huge disadvantage vs living in a better place.

 

[sangheilios]

Are there any urban walking/biking paths that are heavily used? Urban Greenways? Outdoor malls? Live/work complexes where the first floor is retail and upper floors are apartments? Parts of town where there are tons of independent bars, restaurants, taco trucks, etc, all located within easy walking distance? Parks? Patio bars? Swimming pools? Farmers markets? Train/subway station?

Is there nowhere in town you could sit down and have a steady stream of women walk past you on a Saturday afternoon?

I'd the answer to most or all of these is no, I would strongly suggest a move. You can make-do with your current area but you'll always be at a huge disadvantage vs living in a better place.

Where I live right now the only real place I can go to actually meet women is by hitting up the local nightlife scene, but as I had mentioned it's pretty dead except for Friday and Saturdays. In our downtown area there are actually restaurants, patio bars and all that so that was actually an option I considered, I just wish I had someone who could come with me instead of having to go solo all the time.

We have a really big mall here but with the exception of the people that work there it's more of a hangout for teenagers, which I'm not anymore lol.

We have a lot of parks and outdoor recreational areas, but they aren't really used by anyone except for homeless people lol.

It really is hard for me to create situations where I can possibly meet women where I live with the exception of specifically going out on a Friday or Saturday night, and even that can be a hit or miss. The only real options are the gym, which hasn't worked at all, and OLD, which again has netted me nothing.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Then I would strongly advise moving. I moved away from the burbs to be closer to all the things I outlined above and it's been a huge benefit.

 

[Kotaix]

Are you sure that the problem lies with where you're looking for women and not with how you're approaching them? Are you sparking any attraction with them and building rapport with playful banter before trying to escalate? Or are you just being neutral and logical, getting a phone number and hoping you can spark an attraction later over text? Women are ruled by their feelings, if you can make them actually feel something then you're better off.

If you meet women on OLD, immediately ask them out on a date. If they say no, don't waste time with them.

 

[sangheilios]

Then I would strongly advise moving. I moved away from the burbs to be closer to all the things I outlined above and it's been a huge benefit.

I'm moving to Phoenix next year for school, currently living in a smaller city in AZ, but that is a while from now. I've kind of accepted that I'm not going to find what I'm looking for in my area, though that hasn't really stopped me from trying. I honestly do believe that the issues I'm having are largely due to where I'm currently living, the women are weird and the opportunities to meet any are VERY limited.

 

[sangheilios]

Are you sure that the problem lies with where you're looking for women and not with how you're approaching them? Are you sparking any attraction with them and building rapport with playful banter before trying to escalate? Or are you just being neutral and logical, getting a phone number and hoping you can spark an attraction later over text? Women are ruled by their feelings, if you can make them actually feel something then you're better off.

If you meet women on OLD, immediately ask them out on a date. If they say no, don't waste time with them.

As I said on my previous post, I truly think the issue has to do with where I'm currently living, the women here behave oddly and are just broken. I'm 6'4", in really good shape, an attractive and educated good guy and I can't land a date with any of them out here without tons of drama, time wasting, etc.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I'm going to disagree about location being the prime reason, but you'll need to go elsewhere first to prove that to yourself. How was your failing to approach the girl at the club the fault of your location?

I live in a very big city. I get lead-on and flaked on all the time. I keep approaching, and I get success.

Just last week, I cold approached a cute girl on the subway. She was into it. I could tell she was attracted to me. I made her just the right amount and kind of nervous. We rode the same train and sat next to each other and talked 20 mins. Got into some great topics that were deeper than "where do you work" etc. Shared some things about myself. We had a ton in common, in terms of work, dogs, and hobbies. Nearing her stop, I suggested we connect so I asked for her FB. She instantly said yes and took my phone and searched herself then requested the add. Later that day, she DM'd me (I had not reached out yet) and she said that it was really nice meeting me, that she loved our convo, thanked me for approaching her, and said it made her morning, with a big smiley face. Later I responded it was good to meet her, and I referenced something from our convo that I was impressed by and that I'd love to learn more, and we should get together. I gave her an activity, a date, and a time I was free. She read the message and never replied!

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a tiny bit frustrating, especially because I would give my game and our interaction that day an A+, coupled with her reaching out to initiate further contact. But this is just how 95% of women are. It's not the location. They are like this everywhere. You just have to roll your eyes and keep approaching. Most won't stick but some will. The ones that do make the effort worth it.

Change your location to fish in a bigger pond, but don't think you aren't catching fish because your current pond is empty, or that the fish will behave better in the other pond.

 

[Billtx49]

It's not the location. They are like this everywhere.

Change your location to fish in a bigger pond, but don't think you aren't catching fish because your current pond is empty, or that the fish will behave better in the other pond.

Exactly

Women are everywhere and with the right situational approach and convo skills you can pull Anywhere. Years ago I pulled a girl out of a convenience store in 10 min.

 

[sangheilios]

I'm going to disagree about location being the prime reason, but you'll need to go elsewhere first to prove that to yourself. How was your failing to approach the girl at the club the fault of your location?

I live in a very big city. I get lead-on and flaked on all the time. I keep approaching, and I get success.

Just last week, I cold approached a cute girl on the subway. She was into it. I could tell she was attracted to me. I made her just the right amount and kind of nervous. We rode the same train and sat next to each other and talked 20 mins. Got into some great topics that were deeper than "where do you work" etc. Shared some things about myself. We had a ton in common, in terms of work, dogs, and hobbies. Nearing her stop, I suggested we connect so I asked for her FB. She instantly said yes and took my phone and searched herself then requested the add. Later that day, she DM'd me (I had not reached out yet) and she said that it was really nice meeting me, that she loved our convo, thanked me for approaching her, and said it made her morning, with a big smiley face. Later I responded it was good to meet her, and I referenced something from our convo that I was impressed by and that I'd love to learn more, and we should get together. I gave her an activity, a date, and a time I was free. She read the message and never replied!

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a tiny bit frustrating, especially because I would give my game and our interaction that day an A+, coupled with her reaching out to initiate further contact. But this is just how 95% of women are. It's not the location. They are like this everywhere. You just have to roll your eyes and keep approaching. Most won't stick but some will. The ones that do make the effort worth it.

Change your location to fish in a bigger pond, but don't think you aren't catching fish because your current pond is empty, or that the fish will behave better in the other pond.

A lot of the women where I currently live settle at a young age, so obviously they aren't available, or they are single mothers, which I've learned is not really worth it. There are also a lot of issues with drugs out here, which is a massive deal breaker for me, so I'm really looking at a very limited potential pool of people. The issue is actually being in situations to meet them and having them actually be interested enough to want to spend time with me, again far easier said than done.

OLD is just totally out as an option, every time I've tried it just made me feel worse about myself lol. Gym is just far too limited of an environment to rely upon, though it is an option to keep open. Nightlife is just such a hit or miss, and as I had mentioned a lot of times I don't even feel like going out in the first place. Beyond that it's just random cold approach in public, again not something that can easily be relied upon.

All I'm saying is that the pickings are slim and that it's just hard to find situations I can put myself in where I can possibly meet women in a realistic manner. Something like seeing a woman with a dozen of her friends sitting down at a restaurant is not one of them lol. I do actually see women I'm attracted to, in case you are wondering, it's just being able to create an opportunity to meet them in an appropriate manner that makes this difficult.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Beyond that it's just random cold approach in public, again not something that can easily be relied upon.

That's all I do, except for the occasional warm-approach.

 

[Spaz]

Then I would strongly advise moving. I moved away from the burbs to be closer to all the things I outlined above and it's been a huge benefit.

Moving doesn't solve much.

It's not logistics it's his game to get girls that's the problem.

80% game + 20% looks = gets girls

Game takes years to build. Good looking guys had it easy, not because they're good looking per se but because from young they're been chased by girls even at a tender age of 11 or 12, it gave them confidence, swagger and that idgaf attitude with women.

This in turn made them a hot commodity even as they grew older.

So it basically boils down to those 3 things I mentioned that OP is lacking, right now he's too hungry and that reeks of desperation, and that in turn is repulsive.

Come OP, it's time to change ur luck, you're been here for some time, post a picture of yourself here, let's work with that 20% and then we'll work on the game part.

If u r serious then the forum will assist you.

 

[sangheilios]

Moving doesn't solve much.

It's not logistics it's his game to get girls that's the problem.

80% game + 20% looks = gets girls

Game takes years to build. Good looking guys had it easy, not because they're good looking per se but because from young they're been chased by girls even at a tender age of 11 or 12, it gave them confidence, swagger and that idgaf attitude with women.

This in turn made them a hot commodity even as they grew older.

So it basically boils down to those 3 things I mentioned that OP is lacking, right now he's too hungry and that reeks of desperation, and that in turn is repulsive.

Come OP, it's time to change ur luck, you're been here for some time, post a picture of yourself here, let's work with that 20% and then we'll work on the game part.

If u r serious then the forum will assist you.

When I was in the 8th grade we had moved to this white trash town and literally no one would talk to me, even on just a friendly level. I dealt with years of abuse through high school, none of the girls would flirt with me at all because I was this outsider. Every single new kid that had moved there dealt with the same issues I did, the difference was their parents pulled them out of there within a year. Even after I had graduated high school I heard tons of stories about the same things. Anyway, that stunted me socially to a horrible degree, including with developing "game". I do have friends now but I'm still very awkward with women and it doesn't come across as natural.

I didn't ask out a girl until I was 19, it was embarrassingly awkward but what ended up happening was she made fun of me for it and gossiped about it with tons of people, who then continued to mock me for literally stumbling over myself and my words.

I've already posted pictures of myself on here, I'm 6'4", I'm naturally broad shouldered and have a fit/athletic body. I'm told I'm a nice looking guy, on here as well as in real life. That isn't the issue, and if it was there really isn't much else I could change.

 

[corrector]

Moving doesn't solve much.

It's not logistics it's his game to get girls that's the problem.

80% game + 20% looks = gets girls

Game takes years to build. Good looking guys had it easy, not because they're good looking per se but because from young they're been chased by girls even at a tender age of 11 or 12, it gave them confidence, swagger and that idgaf attitude with women.

This in turn made them a hot commodity even as they grew older.

Why were they chased by girls at a tender age if it's not because they are good looking per se?

 

[corrector]

When I was in the 8th grade we had moved to this white trash town and literally no one would talk to me, even on just a friendly level. I dealt with years of abuse through high school, none of the girls would flirt with me at all because I was this outsider.

You are white, and you were an outsider in a white town?

Every single new kid that had moved there dealt with the same issues I did, the difference was their parents pulled them out of there within a year. Even after I had graduated high school I heard tons of stories about the same things. Anyway, that stunted me socially to a horrible degree, including with developing "game". I do have friends now but I'm still very awkward with women and it doesn't come across as natural.

I moved from two different schools. I was weird with some women who were attracted to me (i.e. I didn't reciprocate back to them properly or pursued them) and had insane infatuations to women who absolutely wanted to have nothing to do with me. Do you think you may have unintentionally ignored the woman that you may have had a chance with and was just eying the wrong women?

 

[Spaz]

Why were they chased by girls at a tender age if it's not because they are good looking per se?

U r focusing on the looks.

Focus on what those little girls did to their mindset and how that helped them as they grew into adults.

 

[Spaz]

When I was in the 8th grade we had moved to this white trash town and literally no one would talk to me, even on just a friendly level. I dealt with years of abuse through high school, none of the girls would flirt with me at all because I was this outsider. Every single new kid that had moved there dealt with the same issues I did, the difference was their parents pulled them out of there within a year. Even after I had graduated high school I heard tons of stories about the same things. Anyway, that stunted me socially to a horrible degree, including with developing "game". I do have friends now but I'm still very awkward with women and it doesn't come across as natural.

I didn't ask out a girl until I was 19, it was embarrassingly awkward but what ended up happening was she made fun of me for it and gossiped about it with tons of people, who then continued to mock me for literally stumbling over myself and my words.

I've already posted pictures of myself on here, I'm 6'4", I'm naturally broad shouldered and have a fit/athletic body. I'm told I'm a nice looking guy, on here as well as in real life. That isn't the issue, and if it was there really isn't much else I could change.

I don't care about any pity stories you might have or didn't have.

Right now you should only care about getting results, so let's focus on the future. Let the past remain in the past.

Dress and groom up to the max, take a picture and let us see if there's any improvements to be made.

Once that's taken care of we'll work on the 80%.