Want my ex gf back.

[daproest1]

Don't do anything. Let the situation unfold. Tell us what she's doing while you are not doing anything at all. And don't dwell on this ****. Have a positive take on it. She seems like a supergirl to you because you know her for 6 years, she;s just a girl. Common man, go out do some man sh1t. I don't know, take care of your fence or sth. Think about her while fixing the fence or walking the dog or something like that. Get sad, then laugh about it ironically. Embrace the brake up. You gotta master handling break ups, it's a key feature of human life. People come and go all the time especially nowadays in this very fluent and insecure world we live in.

Chaos is a ladder.

I just hate dating. I hate the idea of starting over and going thru dozens of women so that MAYBE I find one like her. I’m 31 going on 32. It was easy with her cuz she was so young and moldeable when we met. But at this age... meh...

 

[lizardking82]

I just hate dating. I hate the idea of starting over and going thru dozens of women so that MAYBE I find one like her. I’m 31 going on 32. It was easy with her cuz she was so young and moldeable when we met. But at this age... meh...

Don't date. Rotate multiple ones. On your terms. You'll eventually find one that is willing to stick around.

Live is nature. Nature is not cosy and sweet. It's rough and uncomfortable. Deal with it. You're 31. You're entering sexual market value prime time right now. Right now, if you got most of your sh1t together, you're like a 20 year old woman.

 

[daproest1]

Don't date. Rotate multiple ones. On your terms. You'll eventually find one that is willing to stick around.

Live is nature. Nature is not cosy and sweet. It's rough and uncomfortable. Deal with it. You're 31. You're entering sexual market value prime time right now. Right now, if you got most of your sh1t together, you're like a 20 year old woman.

Rotating takes time, energy, and going out of my way. It was fun when I was in my early 20s. Not now. I’ve been doing it just because I feel like I have to. But I don’t enjoy it. I have shyt to do now and I value stability. Starting from square 1 sucks. Like u said.... nature is uncomfortable. I guess I always idolized those old couples that stuck it thru thick and thin. She wanted that and so did I.

Quick unrelated question... how do you guys pick snippets of posts to respond to? That comes in handy but idk how to do it.

 

[lizardking82]

Rotating takes time, energy, and going out of my way. It was fun when I was in my early 20s. Not now. I’ve been doing it just because I feel like I have to. But I don’t enjoy it. I have shyt to do now and I value stability. Starting from square 1 sucks. Like u said.... nature is uncomfortable. I guess I always idolized those old couples that stuck it thru thick and thin. She wanted that and so did I.

Quick unrelated question... how do you guys pick snippets of posts to respond to? That comes in handy but idk how to do it.

Select the part you want to respond to, an option should appear that says "Reply". Select, proceed to reply.

 

[Spaz]

Rotating takes time, energy, and going out of my way. It was fun when I was in my early 20s. Not now. I’ve been doing it just because I feel like I have to. But I don’t enjoy it. I have shyt to do now and I value stability. Starting from square 1 sucks. Like u said.... nature is uncomfortable. I guess I always idolized those old couples that stuck it thru thick and thin. She wanted that and so did I.

Is this the attitude of a winner or loser?

 

[daproest1]

I mean establish a ground first. Right now there is an "earthquake" situation of your emotions. You're unstable. This woman felt neglected and felt like you had the upper hand emotionally so what she did is she caused an "earthquake" by completely removing herself from your life in a desperate, childish attempt to regain back emotional control (or at least that's how she feels, she's as unstable as a leaf in reality). You reinforced this with your whining and crying, whatever, that's fine, a lot of guys here have made those attempts.

Well when does this leave? Because it’s been 6 months. I’ve done everything I can and can’t shake the feeling. She DID drop hints here and there which I ignored or did not catch. Even a month before she said “I wanna grow old with someone and I want that someone to be you. I want it more than my career or anything else. But if it’s not with you, I’ll have that”. She said this to me after we had just had an argument about nothing. Yes... now I know better than to argue with women. I told her I wanted the same thing with her. She told me later (when I brought it up after the BU) that she felt my body language and response wasn’t sincere. She’s right, it wasn’t. CUZ WE HAD JUST HAD AN ARGUMENT. I’m sure u saw it if you went thru the whole thread. Anyway it wasn’t all that sudden. Started off almost like a test. Was unhappy, needed a break, etc etc. Then my AFC shyt just pushed her to solidify her decision. Said she knew we were both thinking about it for a long time (too much dread game on my end I guess, didn’t even know what dread game was when I did it). Blah blah blah. She’s 27. Deadly age for women.

 

[daproest1]

Is this the attitude of a winner or loser?

Depends on your definition. Women don’t mean much to me. My goals do. I rather focus on those than women. That’s why having ONE makes things easier when it comes to everything else.

 

[Spaz]

Depends on your definition. Women don’t mean much to me. My goals do. I rather focus on those than women. That’s why having ONE makes things easier when it comes to everything else.

A loser finds excuses and reasons.

That's the only definition that matters.

 

[daproest1]

A loser finds excuses and reasons.

That's the only definition that matters.

Goals > women. It’s that simple. If that makes me a loser so be it.

 

[Spaz]

Goals > women. It’s that simple. If that makes me a loser so be it.

This is another excuse.

U r here almost daily talking about ur ex.

I've yet to see any concrete plans to achieve ur goals.

Seems like ur goals = how to be a super chump by getting repeatedly dump by an Ex.

 

[daproest1]

This is another excuse.

U r here almost daily talking about ur ex.

I've yet to see any concrete plans to achieve ur goals.

Seems like ur goals = how to be a super chump by getting repeatedly dump by an Ex.

Touché. What I’m saying is it’s hard to focus on what I want to do and spinning plates. Maintaining a rotation takes time and energy. I want to buy property, grow my biz, and grow my portfolio.

She’s on my mind every day. The notifications pop up. I keep getting new perspectives from new people (which I appreciate). I’m human.

 

[daproest1]

Ok let me answer the second question first. After seeing this ****ty behavior I DONT want her back. It’s only when I dwell on MY OWN ****ty behavior (that I can honestly say she did NOT deserve) that I consider it..... fair....ish. Ok, so consider yourselves even then.

As far as what I think would bring her back, if she would just hang out with me, in my house for like an hour or 2, my own way of being would make her fall right back in. She herself admitted that was part of the reason she was avoiding me first. She knew that if she just came to see me, her emotions would take over her logic. Check out Coach Craig Kenneth on YouTube. Licesnced psychotherapist, behavior analysist, and relationship coach. He will tell you, thet EVERY man thinks this after a breakup. (including me - you know my sitch.) It doesn't work. What works is space, time and distance. She needs to miss you, not see you, hear from you. She needs time for her imagination to dream up all the nasty scenarios of where you are, who you are with, and what positions you are fukkking them in. Seriously.

And logically, in her mind, it goes a little like this:

He’s not gonna change. He doesn’t wanna marry me. He’s negative. He’s always annoyed by me no matter what I do... and he doesn’t wanna spend time with me.

Little does she know that this break up was needed for me to wake up a bit. I was in a fog. We all have those periods in life where we fall into a funk. I was in a funk for a year or 2. And my rational logical brain can explain it all. But her female emotional brain, cannot. She just “wasn’t happy”. Nobody can make another “happy”. Happiness comes from within. I was not happy. Had nothing to do with her though. Then again I’m never happy. I’m like a grumpy old dude. In a funny way. Always have been. But it got worse due to certain circumstances.

Intuitively I know every couple is gonna have ups and downs. U can’t just give up. But my generation (fvckin millennials) give up right away. And where I live it’s worse. Miami FL.



I still feel your absolute best bet is no contact. Assume it is over, act like it is over and never contact her again. If I were you, and I saw her in person, I wouldn't even speak, nod or look her way. You might be surprised, but a "slap in the face" so to speak, like this, might be exactly what it takes to wake her up (if she ever will).

As far as "giving up"? There is NOTHING you can "do". The only thing you can do, is nothing. Move on. Act as if she is dead to you. Ironically, if anything will bring her back around, it is this.

That's my take. But it is a very interesting story, I will be following one way or the other.

That’s what I did when I saw her. Didn’t say a word to her. But yeah. You’re right. I give up. When I spoke about giving up, I was referring to her giving up on us as a couple. Not me giving up on pursuing her. Because that I definitely gave up on.