Want my ex gf back.

[Alvafe]

I didn’t do EVERYTHING right. I was barely seeing her. I’d see her maybe once or twice a week. If that. I didn’t give a ****. And she worked so much. One of those “u don’t know what you have until you lose it” type of deals.

so what? you was lazing around doing nothing when you should be seeing her? or you was working your ass off?

also once or twice a week is pretty common for people who work, most talk during a week everyonce in a while, but see each other? weekends.

i'm still waiting on what you did wrong

 

[daproest1]

so what? you was lazing around doing nothing when you should be seeing her? or you was working your ass off?

also once or twice a week is pretty common for people who work, most talk during a week everyonce in a while, but see each other? weekends.

i'm still waiting on what you did wrong

Working my ass off. But when she’d be around, if I wasn’t working my ass off, I was just chillin. Didn’t take her nowhere. Didn’t try and have fun. Wouldn’t bang her sometimes if she was frustrating me. Etc. Id also mention issues with the business, or other issues, and shyt like that. Which I now know is a no no. As a Man U always have to appear like u have everything under control. I got complacent basically. 6 years is a long time. I got too comfortable with HER. Always improving in all other areas of my life though. .

 

[glass half full]

Working my ass off. But when she’d be around, if I wasn’t working my ass off, I was just chillin. Didn’t take her nowhere. Didn’t try and have fun. Wouldn’t bang her sometimes if she was frustrating me. Etc. Id also mention issues with the business, or other issues, and shyt like that. Which I now know is a no no. As a Man U always have to appear like u have everything under control. I got complacent basically. 6 years is a long time. I got too comfortable with HER. Always improving in all other areas of my life though. .

I agree with Alvafe, I don't see that you did anything wrong. If she needs constantly showered with attention, she has the problem and she's gonna have a long irritated life/ No man needs this when they come home.

Start looking elsewhere, try to find one with enough mutual interests that you don't have to walk on eggshells all the time. That, is no fun.

 

[Billtx49]

Didn’t take her nowhere.
Didn’t try and have fun.
Wouldn’t bang her sometimes if she was frustrating me.
Id also mention issues with the business, or other issues
I got complacent basically.
I got too comfortable with HER.

You basically bored the hell out of her and she put up with it for 6 years.
She isn’t ever coming back…
She’s done.

 

[daproest1]

You basically bored the hell out of her and she put up with it for 6 years.
She isn’t ever coming back…
She’s done.

Lol it wasn’t always like that. But yeah toward the end I was boring for sure. Which is fvcked up cuz when she was busy in nursing school 5 days a week and always doing homework and all that, I didn’t get “bored”. Goals are important.

 

[daproest1]

I agree with Alvafe, I don't see that you did anything wrong. If she needs constantly showered with attention, she has the problem and she's gonna have a long irritated life/ No man needs this when they come home.

Start looking elsewhere, try to find one with enough mutual interests that you don't have to walk on eggshells all the time. That, is no fun.

I didn’t walk on eggshells AT ALL. We shared the same values. Maybe not the same interests, but she didn’t have any specific interests per se. I did. Remember, I got her when she was really young. Completely moldable. She came into my life and just followed my lead.

 

[daproest1]

Here you go. Start at video #1 and watch them all.

The Love Chat

Behavioral Analyst (ABA), Bestselling author ("Until Next Time" on Amazon), Dating & Reconciliation life coach (CLC). This channel gives easily absorbed advi...

www.youtube.com

I’ve watched them all already. Even spoke to the guy in the phone. All he said was to do nothing. Then he bet me $10 that she’d reach out in 7 months. This was.... 3 months ago.

 

[daproest1]

He is right. In your case, that is all you CAN do - nothing.

Well, nothing to "save" this.
.
I have a unique circumstance right now regarding a breakup, but it is different in that it involves a serious illness. Very complicated. But for the most part, I have had to come to accept the steps I am going to recommend to you.

In YOUR case? Here is what I recommend, FWIW.

1. Accept that it is over - that is the hardest part.
2. delete her number and move all reminders of her to a box in the closet. After a couple months, maybe to the dump?
3. Work on yourself - it is all you CAN do! You can't control someone else. In the end, she wanted marriage and you didn't. If you had, you would have acted on it. So, let her go get married. She very well may realize after a few months, that she gave up a gem in you. But you can't wait for that.
4. Go straight into no contact and don't break it. She dumped YOU. If she realizes that was a mistake, she will contact YOU. At that point, you can decide what to do. There is no reason for you to chase HER. Chasing will NOT change her mind, your absence may. She needs to MISS you and she won't if you contact her at all. She nneds to wonder what you are doing, how you are doing, if you are seeing someone else and if you are moving on. THIS is the only thing that will make her reach out (if anything does)
5. Hit the gym hard, spend time with friends, stay busy
6. Realize, that although she was a "good fit" (as mine was) there are OTHER good fits.

Realize, as far as "getting back together" you have no control. She will do what she will do. However, if you move on, focus on yourself, and prosper and she contacts YOU - that tells you she has realized the grass in not greener. She may, she may not. Assume she won't.

All you can do is move forward.

I would have married her. I never told her I wouldn’t have. I’d just voice my concerns. Then she’d shut down and retreat into herself.

Also, I already made all the classic mistakes post BU. All AFC bullshyt that my brain knew not to do, but my brain wasn’t working. I reached out about 2 months later and told her I’d marry her. It’s simple bro, she lost attraction to me. She can rationalize all she wants and come up with 15 million reasons but the bottom line is, her interest level dropped to like 70%. Then her “friends” (women have no real female friends) helped that come down to maybe 60%. Her mom probing and asking her about marriage brought that down even further to about 50%. And then me acting kike an AFC post BU brought it down even more.

I have to indirectly or directly get that interest level back up. Somehow. Or not do anything at all.

 

[daproest1]

My belief, is that the guy is good, and is likely close. But your job is to NOT WAIT. You MUST become the best you have ever been, for your own confidence. Hard at the gym, get your money the best it can be. If you don't want to date, don't.

Trust me on this part - because of my GF illness, I retain hope. BUT it is very hard on a person when you do that. VERY hard. I have because of the enormous extenuating circumstances.

But in your case, and now moreso mine as well, the best bet is to assume it is done, and move forward.

Fvck that sucks man. Sorry to hear you’re going thru the same thing. My money and gym have never been an issue. I’ve always stayed on top of those. Too much so in a way.

 

[daproest1]

Let me respond in bold
I would have married her. I never told her I wouldn’t have. I’d just voice my concerns. Then she’d shut down and retreat into herself. She didn't want concerns, she wanted you to follow through. That doesn't make you the bad guy. In a way, you maybe dodged a bullet. IF you had proposed, without really wanting to, you would be in a worse spot now.

Also, I already made all the classic mistakes post BU. All AFC bullshyt that my brain knew not to do, but my brain wasn’t working. Happens to the best of us. It is done now, can't be changed. Move forward. I reached out about 2 months later and told her I’d marry her. It’s simple bro, she lost attraction to me. Ok - same result, move forward.She can rationalize all she wants and come up with 15 million reasons but the bottom line is, her interest level dropped to like 70%. Then her “friends” (women have no real female friends) helped that come down to maybe 60%. Her mom probing and asking her about marriage brought that down even further to about 50%. And then me acting kike an AFC post BU brought it down even more. I hear ya and believe you. I can picture very easily the influence her mom and friends would have had, as I have seen it. When I got divorced, the ex-wife's mother played a HUGE role. Ironically, when I later got custody of my kids, ex's mother told my Dad she was so glad I did, because I had my shat together so much more and was a better parent. My ex learned the hard way. Here is the thing though - that divorce FORCED me to self-reflect, improve, and become a better man. And I have in a thousand ways. When my ex-wife filed for divorce I thought my world was ending. That was 13 years ago. Today I wouldn't take her back for a billion dollars. I am far TOO GOOD for her.

I have to indirectly or directly get that interest level back up. Somehow. Or not do anything at all. The MOST POWERFUL thing you can do is - nothing. Nothing regarding her. That is very counter-intuitive, but true. Accept it, and put your self-improvement into overdrive.

Remember - the one who cares the least has the power.

Well said. Thank you. I always cared the least. So she always ate our of the palm of my hand. Those “friends” were all relatively new compared to how long I’d been around.

As far as following thru, I was definitely going to. I was warming up to the idea. I just didn’t think i was on a timer. Like I didn’t know she was in that much of a rush. I don’t have married parents. And my married friends... 1 guy proposed 9 months in, and the other waited 10 years. Both couples have been together 12 years. We didn’t want kids so.... I didn’t think there was so much pressure on the whole thing. She’d pick the worst times to bring it up too. She had just gotten started on her career, and I was ramping my business up to branch out into real estate. In my primal male brain, I wasn’t ready to marry unless I had bought property first or felt stable. Business was going thru some things. That, and I’m the stubborn type. I don’t like to feel forced to do anything. I’m am against the grain kinda guy (which I’m sure is obvious here). If I wasn’t, I would’ve finished college and ended up in a cushy 9-5 with a fat 5-6, always nagging me, with 3 kids.

She wasn’t a “good” fit. She was the perfect fit. I was just a dumbazz. When u work from home, with tunnel vision focus, time passes by much faster and you don’t have many points of reference. Now looking back it’s like well yeah. 6 years. 27F with career, 31M with business, wtf else was there to wait for?

 

[daproest1]

Thanks, yes it does. She is/was a very good woman. I am the same, money and gym are good. In my case, the disease has made her push those close to her away as she tries to cope. We still communicate a bit, but I am reaching the point where I need to accept what is and move forward, assuming it is done. If she reaches out and warms up, I would consider it. It is cancer, and believe me, it is a life-changer for all involved.

But until she reaches out, I have to focus on me. I suggest you do the same.

CANCER?!?!?!?! Why can’t u be there for her?!

 

[daproest1]

She SAID she didn't want kids. SAID that. That doesn't mean it was true. She knew you didn't and maybe said whatever it took to get you to the altar. Then once married, "we need to talk " or "Oops I have some news for you" Trust me dude, This happens ALL the time. Plus, she sees all her friends getting married and having kids, and she feels left behind. I have a daughter this age, and see the same thoughts in her - this is not speculation on my part, I am SEEING it.

You SHOULDN'T feel forced to do anything. It seems you two had different goals, and that is ok. The woman who does NOT want marriage and kids, is very rare. VERY rare.

The "perfect fit" . I felt the same about mine. But it changes nothing. THEY pulled themselves out of OUR lives.

So what are you going to do about it - sit around and pine. Or move forward. I am moving forward. I was awesome before, and I will be even more awesome a year from now. No doubt in my mind.

I bet you are going to spin this in your mind from every angle for the next two months, I did too. In the end, you will come to the same conclusion as me. you have no control, and the only thing you can do is move forward.

Every relationship that ends hurts. And then the next one starts and you laugh, looking back, at how you could have been so worked up about losing the last one. Life goes on my friend. Go forth and prosper.

SHE told ME when we met SHE didn’t want kids. Before me asking. She was 21 then though. 27 now. As far as spinning it from every angle for the next 2 months, try almost 6 months lol we split in November/December. NOW is when the fog is starting to lift. The thing is.... she was my muse. If I am going to prosper just to.... be alone, or never get close to anyone... what’s the point? With no continuity of narrative? I’d be perfectly happy living in a cave and living off the land if that’s the case.

 

[daproest1]

She is choosing to face it without me. It boggles my mind too, but have given up on trying to figure out "why" My daughter has a friend who works in Oncology as a nurse, she tells me this type of reaction is very common.

So, although I don't understand it, I HAVE to accept it and move forward.

Fvck that i’d show up anyway. Cancer is cancer.

 

[Spaz]

She is choosing to face it without me. It boggles my mind too, but have given up on trying to figure out "why" My daughter has a friend who works in Oncology as a nurse, she tells me this type of reaction is very common.

So, although I don't understand it, I HAVE to accept it and move forward.

The true measure of a man is not when he's high up in the clouds but rather how he picks himself up after falling down from great heights.

Good job with picking yourself up Mauser.

 

[daproest1]

That is how she felt THEN. Not necessarily how she feels now. In any case, it simply doesn't matter. You are still at the same spot - you have no choice but to accept it and move forward, focusing solely on yourself. Otherwise you prolong your pain.

there are 3.5 BILLION women in the world. Stop assuming only ONE is a good fit.

Shyt. I hate unsolvable puzzles.

 

[daproest1]

Lol, sounds so simple, but trust me, it is not. The person with cancer is on an extreme emotional roller coaster.

I don't need a restraining order against me or a visit from the police. She has made it VERY clear she needs to face it alone for now, and I have made it VERY clear that I am here to help, when and if she needs it. That is all I can do, trust me.

Didn’t know that part.

 

[Spaz]

@daproest1 you have an obsessive personality so much so that you are having a hard time to let go.

Your ex has moved on to better herself but you are still stuck in the past and the world still spins regardless, always moving forward.

And the more you stay in the past the more you'll lose — little things at 1st until such a time you become a shell of a man with no one around, no even your business will survive.

But you can't see this yet.

 

[daproest1]

@daproest1 you have an obsessive personality so much so that you are having a hard time to let go.

Your ex has moved on to better herself but you are still stuck in the past and the world still spins regardless, always moving forward.

And the more you stay in the past the more you'll lose — little things at 1st until such a time you become a shell of a man with no one around, no even your business will survive.

But you can't see this yet.

I see it. Partly thanks to you a week ago. But still. I don’t believe in “impossible”. And no. She didn’t do it to better herself. She did it cuz she doesn’t know what she is doing. She’s lost. That girl raised herself basically until she met me. I always told her, once you have your shyt together, your parents will all of a sudden care about you and new people will pretend to be your friend. I guess she forgot that lesson.

 

[daproest1]

LOl.

Write this on a piece of paper and post it throughput your house.

"This was not your choice. Accept and move on. Be better, be the best you can be. 3.5 billon women haven't had a chance yet"

Ugh not that simple. My standards are ridiculous.

 

[Spaz]

I see it. Partly thanks to you a week ago. But still. I don’t believe in “impossible”.

Sure nothing is impossible.

The impossible will be possible when you deal with something that's real.

The impossible will NOT be possible when you deal with delusions.

Nothing you said is a fact for your ex because she doesn't care nor even acknowledges it — then it becomes mere delusions.