Woman I went on a date with started texting me again....but

[lamath]

I don't really get where the other posters on this thread are coming from. She ghosts for almost a week, comes back, we text a bit and she initiates by asking if I'm free later. I mention I'm busy at that moment but would be available later in the evening, we are talking 8:30-9 and not some insanely late time. She then says she doesn't really feel like going out and is just going to stay in.

I don't see how others on here see that as an opening to invite yourself over to her place.

Anyway, I really don't get why she'd go through all of that just for attention, but I probably dodged a bullet. A woman at that age behaving in such a manner is extremely concerning, this is something you'd expect from a teenager or girl in her early 20s.

If she texts me again I'd probably just call her out on her behavior but I'm not going to go out of my way to do that.

Depending on how you told her you were busy, she might have taken it as low interest.
I would have just told her
- Need to finish some work im available after 9

Still she is acting weird af, not worth trying to figure out what happened it will drive you crazy.

 

[guru1000]

I had posted a thread about a woman I went out with twice, the first time exactly two weeks ago and the second time last weekend. Anyway, she ghosted me and then a few days ago started texting me again. She was asking me how I was, sending me all these pictures of herself, etc. She then sends me a text asking if I was free later and had any plans, I then mention to her I'd be busy until the early evening and that I would text her later. Anyway, later that evening I send her a text and she says that she's just looking to stay in that night. I just told her "ok, well you know how to reach me" and then just deleted the text conversation. This was on Friday and of course I haven't heard anything from her since lol.

Why the hell return and start texting me again after ghosting for almost a week if you are just going to pull that lol. This woman is older than me and in her mid 30s lol, I don't get it. This doesn't even really make me made, it just makes me think "why the hell bother with dating if even fully grown women that are older than me act like this". It honestly feels like all these women I meet and interact with are just trolling me, as there is no way they are all this mentally ill.

Welcome to the game.

She ghosted you right. Then she reappears.

You invested, I assume, a text, to which she did not respond. Then she reappears a week later, correct?

My response would have been nothing. Straight Silence and Distance.

Think of attraction as a dance. You invest. She invests. If one of you invests, and the other does not, it is no longer a dance. It becomes something else entirely.

In such a scenario, assuming the above is what occurred, the onus would fall upon her to double text. And if she doesn't, then you let the rapport die as you are serving her a lesson for the next guy.

I know a lot of guys will tell you to pursue if a window is open. I disagree with such a pursuit, and only invest into interactions where I am getting at least equal output from the other side.

Yes, you will lose some women with the above, but those are women who are either not interested enough or damaged women who have a skewed version of how a fruitful dance should operate. I prefer to pay it forward and instruct her for the next guy rather than attempt to keep such a woman to myself.

The only exception I would make here is if she in fact didn't ghost you, and you guys just were texting a few days ago with your last text not requiring a response--or--if you were clearly wrong in your last interaction/communications, thus justifying her ghosting.

 

[sangheilios]

Lotta young ladies are like that. You need to take it in stride and decide how you want to proceed. The worst thing you can do though is react negatively. If any lady reaches out to you out of the blue, and you want to see if anything is there, go for it, just keep it cheap. Whether it's going to her place to Netflix and chill or out to a bar. If the later, order one drink, and if the vibe is not there, say nice meeting you and leave. No harm, no foul and at most it was 12 - 15 bucks. Have a positive outlook, not negative or pessimistic.

This woman is 36, not exactly young lol. I was actually very attracted to her and wouldn't take that away from her though, very nice body, lips, etc.

That's why I just texted her "ok, you know how to reach me" and just left it at that. It isn't rude, but it says that if she wants to go out she is going to be the one to initiate. I'm not swamped with stuff every single day, but I don't really have the desire to degrade the quality of my life by bringing drama into it, and I'll be honest I have it really good right now.

When we first went out I bought her a couple drinks, bought myself a glass of wine and we shared a plate of cheese fries, whole thing was $20.

I've had women in the past do stuff like this before and I'd generally just express my annoyance, but I stopped doing that a while ago. Women talk, and though her behavior is rude expressing anger or frustration would make me look far worse and therefore lower in value.

I'm not going to lie though, I'm annoyed by the fact someone who ghosted me returned just to reject me again.

 

[sangheilios]

Depending on how you told her you were busy, she might have taken it as low interest.
I would have just told her
- Need to finish some work im available after 9

Still she is acting weird af, not worth trying to figure out what happened it will drive you crazy.

I have a part time evening job that I was busy with so I told her when I was getting out and that I'd text her when I did. When I did get out I had sent her a text which was when she said she just wanted to stay in, this was before 9 on a Friday night.

 

[lamath]

I have a part time evening job that I was busy with so I told her when I was getting out and that I'd text her when I did. When I did get out I had sent her a text which was when she said she just wanted to stay in, this was before 9 on a Friday night.

Listen to guru advise then women get away with this behaviors because we let them.
Time to let her knownits not ok by givingnher no attention.

 

[sangheilios]

Welcome to the game.

She ghosted you right. Then she reappears.

You invested, I assume, a text, to which she did not respond. Then she reappears a week later, correct?

My response would have been nothing. Straight Silence and Distance.

Think of attraction as a dance. You invest. She invests. If one of you invests, and the other does not, it is no longer a dance. It becomes something else entirely.

In such a scenario, assuming the above is what occurred, the onus would fall upon her to double text. And if she doesn't, then you let the rapport die as you are serving her a lesson for the next guy.

I know a lot of guys will tell you to pursue if a window is open. I disagree with such a pursuit, and only invest into interactions where I am getting at least equal output from the other side.

Yes, you will lose some women with the above, but those are women who are either not interested enough or damaged women who have a skewed version of how a fruitful dance should operate. I prefer to pay it forward and instruct her for the next guy rather than attempt to keep such a woman to myself.

The only exception I would make here is if she in fact didn't ghost you, and you guys just were texting a few days ago with your last text not requiring a response--or--if you were clearly wrong in your last interaction/communications, thus justifying her ghosting.

She ghosted last week after our second date, the last thing I heard from her then was a text saying goodnight soon after the date. I didn't hear from her for several days, almost a week, and she texted me out of the blue saying how she hadn't been feeling well, apologized for not texting me, asking me how I was....blah blah blah. On Friday she messaged me asking if I was free later and that's where the thread commenced. I didn't ask her out that time, she was the one who took it upon herself to go through all of that and being a normal person I was open to going out and communicated when I'd be available later.

Trust me, I'm aware of the fact that this behavior from her is extremely rude and it's almost unbelievable to me that a woman of her age, 36, still acts like that.

 

[sangheilios]

Listen to guru advise then women get away with this behaviors because we let them.
Time to let her knownits not ok by givingnher no attention.

I am lol, that's why I deleted her number from my phone. Part of me wanted to call her out on it and just say it's rude but I don't want to come across like that, as it shows she is getting under my skin and has all the power.

 

[guru1000]

She ghosted last week after our second date, the last thing I heard from her then was a text saying goodnight soon after the date. I didn't hear from her for several days, almost a week, and she texted me out of the blue saying how she hadn't been feeling well, apologized for not texting me, asking me how I was....blah blah blah. On Friday she messaged me asking if I was free later and that's where the thread commenced. I didn't ask her out that time, she was the one who took it upon herself to go through all of that and being a normal person I was open to going out and communicated when I'd be available later.

That’s not a ghost. That’s a good night.

If this is what occurred, the onus falls on you to lead the next communication. You court her, not vice versa.

Further, you said you’ll let her know later after work. Is she supposed to sit around waiting for your phone call? It takes time for women to get ready. Some women take two hours to get ready for a date. And she had kids, who’s to watch them on short notice. You can’t call her at 9pm and expect her to jump.

You were wrong here.

 

[sangheilios]

That’s not a ghost. That’s a good night.

If this is what occurred, the onus falls on you to lead the next communication. You court her, not vice versa.

Further, you said you’ll let her know later after work. Is she supposed to sit around waiting for your phone call? It takes time for women to get ready. Some women take two hours to get ready for a date. And she had kids, who’s to watch them on short notice. You can’t call her at 9pm and expect her to jump.

You were wrong here.

I had texted her after that night, the last time I had heard from her, and didn't receive a response at all for almost a week. So, yes, she did in fact ghost on me just to reappear.

I had told her when I was going to be getting out and that I'd text her when I did so we could make a specific plan. She was the one who asked if I was free that night earlier in the afternoon before I even started. I'd share a screenshot if I still had the text messages on my phone but I don't.

 

[guru1000]

I had texted her after that night, the last time I had heard from her, and didn't receive a response at all for almost a week. So, yes, she did in fact ghost on me just to reappear.

I had told her when I was going to be getting out and that I'd text her when I did so we could make a specific plan. She was the one who asked if I was free that night earlier in the afternoon before I even started. I'd share a screenshot if I still had the text messages on my phone but I don't.

You are flip flopping facts.

What did you text her last that you claim she ghosted you on? You just stated that she said goodnight to you. Which is it?

Now your post-ghost communication exchange also changed.

You can’t get accurate advice if you’re are not providing accurate facts.

If you deleted the text, then recreate the exchange in a quote.

 

[sangheilios]

You are flip flopping facts.

What did you text her last that you claim she ghosted you on? You just stated that she said goodnight to you. Which is it?

Now your post-ghost communication exchange also changed.

You can’t get accurate advice if you’re are not providing accurate facts.

If you deleted the text, then recreate the exchange in a quote.

So, on the second date I had to bring her home early because she wasn't feeling that well.

I get home, and send her a text saying that I had a good time and other such typical stuff. She replied by saying that she also had a good time, she specifically mentioned what days she was NOT working and then said goodnight.

I sent her a text a couple days later, on the day she was not working, asking her how she was feeling and that if she was up to it I had some fun date ideas. No response.

Almost a week after our second date was when I finally did hear from her, which was when she was apologizing for not getting back to me, asking me how I was, etc. She was including pictures of herself, mentioned she hadn't been feeling great but was still having to grind through it at work, etc. etc.

On Friday she then proceeds to ask me if I had plans later because she said she was feeling much better and wanted to do something that night. So, I then mention to her I'd be working and that I'd get out around 8, from there I'd text her and we could make a plan.

I text her around the time I got out, which is when she mentioned she just wanted to stay in that night. I respond by saying "ok, you know where to reach me".

Haven't heard from her since.

I'd post the text messages for you if I could but that is a pretty accurate description of the overall exchanges that we had going back and forth. I apologize for not being able to recall exact quotes, but since I had erased the text messages I'm not going to be able to pull them up.

 

[guru1000]

“I get out at 8 and I’ll text you and we could make a plan” are not plans.

It’s akin to saying, “let’s see how it goes.”

Women can’t get ready like that on short notice.

Although I don’t like her ghosting for a few days and would likely not have responded when she returned, if you proceeded to make a plan, then make a plan (e.g. “‘I will pick you up at 9” or “see you at xyz at 9”)

Next time make definite plans with a specific time and place.

 

[sangheilios]

“I get out at 8 and I’ll text you and make a plan” is not plans.

It’s akin to saying, “let’s see how it goes.”

Women can’t get ready like that on short notice.

Although I don’t like her ghosting for a few days and would likely not have responded when she returned, if you proceeded to make a plan, then make a plan (e.g. “‘I will pick you up at 9” or “see you at xyz at 9”)

Next time make definite plans with a specific time and place.

I get that, but out of all of the things mentioned on here that is an irrelevant detail.

The whole point is that she ghosted for almost a week, asked me out and then when I get in touch with her she then proceeds to say how she just wants to stay in......and then ghosts again.

I have other things that are going on in my life, so I'm not going to drop everything for a woman, least of all one who acted like this.

 

[guru1000]

I get that, but out of all of the things mentioned on here that is an irrelevant detail.

The whole point is that she ghosted for almost a week, asked me out and then when I get in touch with her she then proceeds to say how she just wants to stay in.

I have other things that are going on in my life, so I'm not going to drop everything for a woman, least of all one who acted like this.

No it’s very relevant. And by dismissing it, you will run into the same problem again.

That is not how you invite women to go out. Period.

Don’t reject what you don’t understand yet.

As to her ghosting, you took the bait. I already wrote on that subject in my first post in this thread.

 

[sangheilios]

No it’s very relevant. And by dismissing it, you will run into the same problem again.

That is not how you invite women to go out. Period.

Don’t reject what you don’t understand yet.

As to her ghosting, you took the bait. I already wrote on that subject in my first post in this thread.

No matter what I did the outcome would have been the same. I could have called her on the phone with a very specific plan and the result would have been the same, with her saying she doesn't want to go out and her ghosting again.

I realize that I should have had an exact plan, but again that is not the reason why she went through all of this.

If she really wanted to go out none of what I have written on here would have made that much of a difference, she was just looking for validation and attention like all other women do. I wouldn't be all that surprised if she texts me out of the blue again, I just wish she would have left me alone the first time.

 

[guru1000]

Why are you not humble is the greater question?

This is a character flaw which destroys your social vibe. You carry a degree of arrogance even when the subject is entirely foreign to you.

This same arrogance made you think it permissible to let her know if there are definite plans at 9pm at night. Hence her aversion. You’re delusional and she likely viewed you in the same light and thus ghosted you.

Humble yourself.

 

[sangheilios]

Why are you not humble is the greater question?

This is a character flaw which destroys your social vibe. You carry a degree of arrogance even when the subject is entirely foreign to you.

This same arrogance made you think it permissible to let her know if there are definite plans at 9pm at night. Hence her aversion. You’re delusional and she likely viewed you in the same light and thus ghosted you.

Humble yourself.

Huh? I'm not the one who went out of the way to ghost on another person, only to return to do it all over again.

I just said that no matter what I did or didn't do probably wouldn't have made all that much of a difference, do you deny that? If a woman wants to go out little trivial details are irrelevant. I have my own life, as do most people, and I'm not going to drop everything for some woman who also ghosted on me to begin with.

I don't get it, seriously. She was the one who went out of her way for all of this, not me. Why is everything my fault?

 

[lamath]

Huh? I'm not the one who went out of the way to ghost on another person, only to return to do it all over again.

I just said that no matter what I did or didn't do probably wouldn't have made all that much of a difference, do you deny that? If a woman wants to go out little trivial details are irrelevant. I have my own life, as do most people, and I'm not going to drop everything for some woman who also ghosted me on to begin with.

I don't get it, seriously. She was the one who went out of her way for all of this, not me. Why is everything my fault?

Its very true that a women needs time to get ready when going out.
If you make plan at 9 its already too late. A very high interest would probably still find a way to go out, but imo she is medium to low atm.

 

[sangheilios]

@guru1000

Seriously, I'm at the tale end of the semester and finishing up my degree and the last remnants I need to get into physical therapy school, it was originally supposed to be this fall but certain things didn't line up for me. I have a part time job, as well as some side hustles I'm involved with. I have friends, my own hobbies and interests and just all around productive.

I'm supposed to drop everything for some woman who acts like this? I don't get where you posters are coming from.

 

[sangheilios]

Its very true that a women needs time to get ready when going out.
If you make plan at 9 its already too late. A very high interest would probably still find a way to go out, but imo she is medium to low atm.

That's the whole ****ing point I'm getting at lol. Let's say it was a little too late, she would have said something like "I'm not really feeling it tonight but how about tomorrow?"

Seriously, I don't understand why little details are seen as so important when they are anything but lol.

I liked spending time with this woman but I have other stuff that is going on in my life, what the hell am I supposed to do.....just drop everything as if it doesn't exist lol.