Making the most out of my time

[marmel75]

I'm not desperate when it comes to long term relationships and she's a virgin. She happens to be a lot better than any of the girls in my area.

Hahahaaha....the lies we tell ourselves and the fantasies we create within our own minds.

 

[GrowingPains]

You are not special (not generic post)

You are not special. You think your so good at golfing because your the best of your friends but chances are, you got one good hit when you were young and were excited by that and built on it. You think you are just not the type of person to get up in the morning and go to the gym because "ive...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Plinco]

You are not special (not generic post)

You are not special. You think your so good at golfing because your the best of your friends but chances are, you got one good hit when you were young and were excited by that and built on it. You think you are just not the type of person to get up in the morning and go to the gym because "ive...

www.sosuave.net

If you were me, would you do anything different yhan what is already in my action plan in order to become the popular guy at school? If so, then what and why

 

[AJ84]

I think your concerns are fair, and I think if I were someone else looking at me, as someone who does not know me, I would think the same way.

I think she would be too scared to leave me.

Thinking is not knowing. Lots of stories here of guys who were totally surprised they got dumped by a girl and didn’t see it coming.

Not trying to make you paranoid but be mindful and get to really know her before committing to marrying her.

 

[AJ84]

And considering that you want to mess around with other women first, while technically still with her and her assuming you’re being faithful, she clearly doesn’t know you that well either lol.

This is like a bad episode of 90 Day Fiancé.

 

[Plinco]

And considering that you want to mess around with other women first, while technically still with her and her assuming you’re being faithful, she clearly doesn’t know you that well either lol.

This is like a bad episode of 90 Day Fiancé.

I appreciate your concern, seriously.

 

[Plinco]

Okay, here is some of what I am going to do. I'm going to take an online class and then join an inter-fraternity club, which does sets stuff up for fraternities. I'm also going to play as many sports as my schedule allows me to.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Plinco said
"Since then I promoted the principle of individual authority over external authority as a corollary of the principle of acting in one's own self-interest. I noticed that people acted out by other's authority impulsively and I felt both superior and the calling to teach people the principle of self-authority."

IMHO, somewhere along your journey and your striving not to be influenced by, or to submit to external authority it appears you have put blinders on yourself. You may be aware and you may be not. You fight to maintain your viewpoint, without seeing beyond it, whether you realize it or not. You are limiting yourself and your perception. Rather than stepping OUT OF your viewpoint, expanding your perception, and REALLY considering what others here see, in your behavior and choices, it seems that you keep your blinders on and directly or indirectly, declare what is not in the limited scope of your blinders, as not so, or irrelevant, so to speak. You seem to think it has no relevance to you, as it is outside your tunnel vision. You are mistaken.

While that may keep yourself, on track with your goals and proud of yourself for not being influenced by authority, other than your own, you are failing to see the costs and pitfalls that are right around you, in your blind spots. You have tunnel vision. You are not seeing the picture as those of us, without YOUR blinders on, see it. I am not sharing this as a judgement. I am saying this to awaken you to the realization. You are moving forward with huge pot holes and sink holes next to your feet but you act as if they are not so, as long as you look forward and refuse to look down and see/acknowledge them. Or your blinders are so ingrained that you simply can't see beyond them right now.

I'll point out some of the disparity I see.

I asked you to compare statements that in my view directly contradicted each other. I expected it to be obvious to you. It wasn't. You in fact saw and justified the exact opposite of what I was hoping you would awaken to, beyond your blinders.

I asked you to compare YOUR statement of "I don't live for others." with some other things you had also written.

Plinco said:
Rejection=shame
Acceptance=pride

Plinco said:
I don't live for other people.

Consider these... Do they match???

What I see without your blinders...are statements by someone who VERY MUCH CARES what others think of him. THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS (especially 18-24 year old, popular college kids) is what is currently driving your choices, your emotions and your feelings of self worth. If one rejects you, you feel shame. Rather than their opinion, being their own, and a reflection of THEM and NOT YOU, you SEE IT AS A DETERMINANT OF YOUR VALUE. If they accept you, you feel pride. If they reject you, you feel shame. YOU have chosen to put yourself at the mercy of OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS, AS THE DECIDER OF YOUR VALUE.

That is a crazy-making way to live your life. If people are in a good mood and like you than you feel good. If people are having a crappy day (unrelated to you even) and they are less than positive and you FEEL rejected, YOU EXPERIENCE shame!!! That is a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big deal! Their feelings and projections are a reflection of them.

YOUR OWN alignment, with YOUR OWN values and actions creates CONGRUENCE within you, that creates TRUE PRIDE.

Subjecting your self to the whims of other peoples' thoughts and feelings in random moments of their life, as a determining factor of your value, is a roller coaster YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. It has more to do with the other people and their own filters, history and emotions, than truly anything about you. It does NOT deserve to be on the pedestal you have placed it upon. They don't truly know you! They don't! They know see you as the conglomeration of their projected stuff upon you, in a moment of whatever came before, in their experience, all piled upon that and then declared as you, in some interaction. You are simply the receiver of their projections. In your experience, you are choosing for their "stuff" to determine your self-value, as in if you feel pride or shame. SERIOUSLY!

Drop any feeling of needing to be defensive. I am not attacking. I am simply trying to raise the shade on one of your blinders so you can see what you are actions are conveying. Let the ego defense go.

Look. See. Consider. That's what I and others read in what you have shared. YOUR SELF VALUE is NOT CURRENTLY about YOUR VALUES and YOUR ACTIONS and YOUR CONGRUENCE with them. It is chasing/seeking the approval/validation of a special target audience. 18-24 year old POPULAR KIDS. The approval of "those kids" and declaration and acceptance of you is what you seek. YOU WANT FOR THEM TO ADMIRE YOU and FOR THEM TO SEE YOU AS, "AS GOOD AS THEM," PREFERABLY ----EVEN BETTER THAN THEM. You do!

Not attacking. Drop any defensiveness. Consider. You have far more to gain from looking with open eyes than looking with blinders on.

I get that in a weird way it feels like life and death, that there is this intense drive in you to GAIN AND RECEIVE THEIR APPROVAL AND ADMIRATION! It is undeniable. It is all over your posts directly or indirectly. Hold back the defensiveness. Be smart. Consider it. You can declare it irrelevant or not applicable, without looking at it. What you will miss is that you have given control of your self worth and your sense of satisfaction, to nameless strangers, you have never even met yet. You are on a mission to feel accepted, by strangers! I get you will feel driven to respond and argue. I am not here for that. I am not interested in that. There is no right and wrong. It's your life and you have choices. I am simply suggesting you pull off your blinders and REALLY CONSIDER THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY TO STRANGERS!

Maybe, just maybe...WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR...REALLY...IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN POWER BACK????

I contend that is really where you feel off-balance.

You think those young popular kids can somehow grant it back to you and then you will feel better about yourself and heal what did not go the way you wanted earlier in your life. What happens when a different clique of young popular kids gives you a snotty look or laughs in your direction the next day, next year, in ten years??? You will always feel powerless to how they perceive you....UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!!

UNTIL YOU CHOOSE....YES CHOOSE....TO REALIGN YOUR SELF VALUE, WITH YOUR OWN UNCONDITIONAL LOVING,
...AND WITH THE CONGRUENCE YOU FEEL, BETWEEN YOUR OWN VALUES AND ACTIONS.

YOU THINK THEY HAVE THE POWER TO SET YO FREE. IT'S AN ILLUSION. THEY CAN'T GIVE YOU YOUR POWER BACK. YOU TAKE IT BACK. YOU BURST THE BUBBLE OF THE ILLUSION. YOU CHOOSE TO...OR YOU DON'T.

I think you are chasing a mirage trying to find and gain self approval through the approval of 18-24 popular college kids. You won't find it there. You can come back and post a response below where declare that it is not so that it is not what you are looking for, in your interactions with them. It will be an empty declaration. Those will be words of your ego not wanting to be perceived as less than your ideal self. Get over it. Everyone here is human and has their own sh!t so to speak. You have yours. Pretending you don't isn't going to clean it up or make it stink any less. It will simply keep you on the same merry-go-round, going up and down, in circles, never really getting anywhere.

Consider that perhaps there is whole big life for you, off that merry-go-round. Consider taking YOUR power back and what life could feel like, waking up every day, lined up inside yourself, feeling great and interacting with the world that way.

Opportunity is yours. Life without those blinders is far bigger than the merry-go-round. Lots of other rides and fun to be had, in this life. Taking your power back means giving up that story. You may be able to see it and do it. You may not yet. I am offering it up, in case this helps you to see it.

Having your self worth be at the whim of strangers or simply people outside of you, is chasing a mirage. You will never feel truly satisfied. Life will you by before you know it.

Food for thought.
Wishing you the best.
LYD[/QUOTE]

 

[Plinco]

Plinco said
"Since then I promoted the principle of individual authority over external authority as a corollary of the principle of acting in one's own self-interest. I noticed that people acted out by other's authority impulsively and I felt both superior and the calling to teach people the principle of self-authority."

IMHO, somewhere along your journey and your striving not to be influenced by, or to submit to external authority it appears you have put blinders on yourself. You may be aware and you may be not. You fight to maintain your viewpoint, without seeing beyond it, whether you realize it or not. You are limiting yourself and your perception. Rather than stepping OUT OF your viewpoint, expanding your perception, and REALLY considering what others here see, in your behavior and choices, it seems that you keep your blinders on and directly or indirectly, declare what is not in the limited scope of your blinders, as not so, or irrelevant, so to speak. You seem to think it has no relevance to you, as it is outside your tunnel vision. You are mistaken.

While that may keep yourself, on track with your goals and proud of yourself for not being influenced by authority, other than your own, you are failing to see the costs and pitfalls that are right around you, in your blind spots. You have tunnel vision. You are not seeing the picture as those of us, without YOUR blinders on, see it. I am not sharing this as a judgement. I am saying this to awaken you to the realization. You are moving forward with huge pot holes and sink holes next to your feet but you act as if they are not so, as long as you look forward and refuse to look down and see/acknowledge them. Or your blinders are so ingrained that you simply can't see beyond them right now.

I'll point out some of the disparity I see.

I asked you to compare statements that in my view directly contradicted each other. I expected it to be obvious to you. It wasn't. You in fact saw and justified the exact opposite of what I was hoping you would awaken to, beyond your blinders.

I asked you to compare YOUR statement of "I don't live for others." with some other things you had also written.



Consider these... Do they match???

What I see without your blinders...are statements by someone who VERY MUCH CARES what others think of him. THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS (especially 18-24 year old, popular college kids) is what is currently driving your choices, your emotions and your feelings of self worth. If one rejects you, you feel shame. Rather than their opinion, being their own, and a reflection of THEM and NOT YOU, you SEE IT AS A DETERMINANT OF YOUR VALUE. If they accept you, you feel pride. If they reject you, you feel shame. YOU have chosen to put yourself at the mercy of OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS, AS THE DECIDER OF YOUR VALUE.

That is a crazy-making way to live your life. If people are in a good mood and like you than you feel good. If people are having a crappy day (unrelated to you even) and they are less than positive and you FEEL rejected, YOU EXPERIENCE shame!!! That is a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big deal! Their feelings and projections are a reflection of them.

YOUR OWN alignment, with YOUR OWN values and actions creates CONGRUENCE within you, that creates TRUE PRIDE.

Subjecting your self to the whims of other peoples' thoughts and feelings in random moments of their life, as a determining factor of your value, is a roller coaster YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. It has more to do with the other people and their own filters, history and emotions, than truly anything about you. It does NOT deserve to be on the pedestal you have placed it upon. They don't truly know you! They don't! They know see you as the conglomeration of their projected stuff upon you, in a moment of whatever came before, in their experience, all piled upon that and then declared as you, in some interaction. You are simply the receiver of their projections. In your experience, you are choosing for their "stuff" to determine your self-value, as in if you feel pride or shame. SERIOUSLY!

Drop any feeling of needing to be defensive. I am not attacking. I am simply trying to raise the shade on one of your blinders so you can see what you are actions are conveying. Let the ego defense go.

Look. See. Consider. That's what I and others read in what you have shared. YOUR SELF VALUE is NOT CURRENTLY about YOUR VALUES and YOUR ACTIONS and YOUR CONGRUENCE with them. It is chasing/seeking the approval/validation of a special target audience. 18-24 year old POPULAR KIDS. The approval of "those kids" and declaration and acceptance of you is what you seek. YOU WANT FOR THEM TO ADMIRE YOU and FOR THEM TO SEE YOU AS, "AS GOOD AS THEM," PREFERABLY ----EVEN BETTER THAN THEM. You do!

Not attacking. Drop any defensiveness. Consider. You have far more to gain from looking with open eyes than looking with blinders on.

I get that in a weird way it feels like life and death, that there is this intense drive in you to GAIN AND RECEIVE THEIR APPROVAL AND ADMIRATION! It is undeniable. It is all over your posts directly or indirectly. Hold back the defensiveness. Be smart. Consider it. You can declare it irrelevant or not applicable, without looking at it. What you will miss is that you have given control of your self worth and your sense of satisfaction, to nameless strangers, you have never even met yet. You are on a mission to feel accepted, by strangers! I get you will feel driven to respond and argue. I am not here for that. I am not interested in that. There is no right and wrong. It's your life and you have choices. I am simply suggesting you pull off your blinders and REALLY CONSIDER THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY TO STRANGERS!

Maybe, just maybe...WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR...REALLY...IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN POWER BACK????

I contend that is really where you feel off-balance.

You think those young popular kids can somehow grant it back to you and then you will feel better about yourself and heal what did not go the way you wanted earlier in your life. What happens when a different clique of young popular kids gives you a snotty look or laughs in your direction the next day, next year, in ten years??? You will always feel powerless to how they perceive you....UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!!

UNTIL YOU CHOOSE....YES CHOOSE....TO REALIGN YOUR SELF VALUE, WITH YOUR OWN UNCONDITIONAL LOVING,
...AND WITH THE CONGRUENCE YOU FEEL, BETWEEN YOUR OWN VALUES AND ACTIONS.

YOU THINK THEY HAVE THE POWER TO SET YO FREE. IT'S AN ILLUSION. THEY CAN'T GIVE YOU YOUR POWER BACK. YOU TAKE IT BACK. YOU BURST THE BUBBLE OF THE ILLUSION. YOU CHOOSE TO...OR YOU DON'T.

I think you are chasing a mirage trying to find and gain self approval through the approval of 18-24 popular college kids. You won't find it there. You can come back and post a response below where declare that it is not so that it is not what you are looking for, in your interactions with them. It will be an empty declaration. Those will be words of your ego not wanting to be perceived as less than your ideal self. Get over it. Everyone here is human and has their own sh!t so to speak. You have yours. Pretending you don't isn't going to clean it up or make it stink any less. It will simply keep you on the same merry-go-round, going up and down, in circles, never really getting anywhere.

Consider that perhaps there is whole big life for you, off that merry-go-round. Consider taking YOUR power back and what life could feel like, waking up every day, lined up inside yourself, feeling great and interacting with the world that way.

Opportunity is yours. Life without those blinders is far bigger than the merry-go-round. Lots of other rides and fun to be had, in this life. Taking your power back means giving up that story. You may be able to see it and do it. You may not yet. I am offering it up, in case this helps you to see it.

Having your self worth be at the whim of strangers or simply people outside of you, is chasing a mirage. You will never feel truly satisfied. Life will you by before you know it.

Food for thought.
Wishing you the best.
LYD

[/QUOTE]

Are you a woman? I’m not bashing you, just asking.

I don’t have time to reply to right now because I’m at work. I will partially reply and then reply again later.

To clarify, you are saying that the situation has authority over me. Here’s my initial thoughts:

• Regardless if the situation or desire has authority over me or not, it does not change the fact that I desire that outcome. I’m going to have most of the day today to think about this. As you predicted, I’m going to initially disagree, and I will tell you why I do (or I might think about this and agree with you) later.
• I can control of kind of relationships I want as an adult.
• There’s nothing wrong with my goal morally.
• The goal is valuable, reinforced by the fact that others in that age range want it.
• The goal is achievable, evidence by the fact that people achieve it.

I like the way you are questioning my motivations. I like it when people challenge me, and I also like it to play devil’s advocate.

 

[Plinco]

Plinco said
"Since then I promoted the principle of individual authority over external authority as a corollary of the principle of acting in one's own self-interest. I noticed that people acted out by other's authority impulsively and I felt both superior and the calling to teach people the principle of self-authority."

IMHO, somewhere along your journey and your striving not to be influenced by, or to submit to external authority it appears you have put blinders on yourself. You may be aware and you may be not. You fight to maintain your viewpoint, without seeing beyond it, whether you realize it or not. You are limiting yourself and your perception….

I live by moral principles. Also, we would not be having this discussion if I had blinders on my perception.

….Rather than stepping OUT OF your viewpoint, expanding your perception, and REALLY considering what others here see, in your behavior and choices, it seems that you keep your blinders on and directly or indirectly, declare what is not in the limited scope of your blinders, as not so, or irrelevant, so to speak. You seem to think it has no relevance to you, as it is outside your tunnel vision. You are mistaken.

I had to really think about this. I think what you are saying is that I do not comprehend what other people are saying. What I think is going on, is that I am expected to take what people say and I am supposed to have an emotional reaction to it, and if I don’t, then I am ignoring it and have tunnel vision. I have a mind an engineer that wants to cut through the b.s. and look at the facts and uphold the moral principle of rational self-interest.

I am going to look back and carefully review what other people have said in this topic and see if I can understand something that I did not comprehend before. Maybe I missed something.

While that may keep yourself, on track with your goals and proud of yourself for not being influenced by authority, other than your own, you are failing to see the costs and pitfalls that are right around you, in your blind spots. You have tunnel vision. You are not seeing the picture as those of us, without YOUR blinders on, see it. I am not sharing this as a judgement. I am saying this to awaken you to the realization. You are moving forward with huge pot holes and sink holes next to your feet but you act as if they are not so, as long as you look forward and refuse to look down and see/acknowledge them. Or your blinders are so ingrained that you simply can't see beyond them right now.

I appreciate it when people point out things that are in my blind spots. The last thing I want to do when getting from point A to point B is step on a mine. People like you are the kind of people I like to keep close to me if possible. With that said, I will walk through a minefield to get to any of my four goals, including the first one of socializing like a 20 year old.

I'll point out some of the disparity I see.

I asked you to compare statements that in my view directly contradicted each other. I expected it to be obvious to you. It wasn't. You in fact saw and justified the exact opposite of what I was hoping you would awaken to, beyond your blinders.

I asked you to compare YOUR statement of "I don't live for others." with some other things you had also written.



Plinco said:
Rejection=shame
Acceptance=pride

Plinco said:
I don't live for other people.

Consider these... Do they match???

What I see without your blinders...are statements by someone who VERY MUCH CARES what others think of him. THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS (especially 18-24 year old, popular college kids) is what is currently driving your choices, your emotions and your feelings of self worth. If one rejects you, you feel shame. Rather than their opinion, being their own, and a reflection of THEM and NOT YOU, you SEE IT AS A DETERMINANT OF YOUR VALUE. If they accept you, you feel pride. If they reject you, you feel shame. YOU have chosen to put yourself at the mercy of OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS, AS THE DECIDER OF YOUR VALUE.

The differences between my statements are contextual.

My consciousness has sole authority over my mind and body, or at least that’s what I am striving for; not an easy goal! Really. That requires a level of both frustration and pain tolerance that I don’t even know yet. I just know that I’m getting there. Gaining youth is a part of that development.

I care what people think to the extent of exchanging values with that person. Of course I want there to be a relationship there, provided that the person has something that I uphold as a value. When I say that I don’t care what someone thinks, what I am really saying is that the person does not have authority over me and I am looking to another person who will help me achieve my goal.

For example, say there is a pretty 19 year old girl. I talk to her, and if I think there is a potential relationship with, I will ask her what she is doing over the weekend and ask her if she wants to play frisbee with me. She will say something like, “uhm, maybe.” I will say, “Yes or no.” etc. If she says “no” then I’m okay with it, usually I shrug my shoulders and walk away. I don’t care what she thinks at that point. I cared a little bit before I asked her otherwise I would not have asked her to begin with. I don’t feel any shame in this situation.

As far as the ‘collective’ group is concerned, I care enough not to get arrested or lose any possibility of gaining any values at all from any individual because I know that most people are weak minded and care too much of what people think in general. If given the right circumstance, I will tell an audience of people to go f* themselves, regardless of their age.

Knowing that I can achieve my values=pride

Feeling that I cannot achieving my values=shame


I am going to think about this more and see if I have a mental disorder.

YOUR OWN alignment, with YOUR OWN values and actions creates CONGRUENCE within you, that creates TRUE PRIDE.

Having fun with young people is congruent with my values.

… It is chasing/seeking the approval/validation of a special target audience. 18-24 year old POPULAR KIDS. The approval of "those kids" and declaration and acceptance of you is what you seek. YOU WANT FOR THEM TO ADMIRE YOU and FOR THEM TO SEE YOU AS, "AS GOOD AS THEM," PREFERABLY ----EVEN BETTER THAN THEM. You do! [/QUOTE]

What’s wrong with that?

I get that in a weird way it feels like life and death, that there is this intense drive in you to GAIN AND RECEIVE THEIR APPROVAL AND ADMIRATION! It is undeniable. It is all over your posts directly or indirectly. Hold back the defensiveness. Be smart. Consider it. You can declare it irrelevant or not applicable, without looking at it. What you will miss is that you have given control of your self worth and your sense of satisfaction, to nameless strangers, you have never even met yet. You are on a mission to feel accepted, by strangers! I get you will feel driven to respond and argue. I am not here for that. I am not interested in that. There is no right and wrong. It's your life and you have choices. I am simply suggesting you pull off your blinders and REALLY CONSIDER THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY TO STRANGERS!

I literally just had an insight when I read this. I think the term most would usually use is ‘moral center.’ I want to call it, a or the, value center.


Correct me if I am wrong, but I think what you are getting at is that other people in this case have my personal moral center and dictate what is good or bad because I am trying to compensate on some level.



It’s not that it is an authority over me, but rather where the values are. Let me really think about that because you might be on to something here.

Maybe, just maybe...WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR...REALLY...IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN POWER BACK????

I think that’s what everybody wants to do. Yes, I think so.

 

[Plinco]

I contend that is really where you feel off-balance.

You think those young popular kids can somehow grant it back to you and then you will feel better about yourself and heal what did not go the way you wanted earlier in your life. What happens when a different clique of young popular kids gives you a snotty look or laughs in your direction the next day, next year, in ten years??? You will always feel powerless to how they perceive you....UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!!

UNTIL YOU CHOOSE....YES CHOOSE....TO REALIGN YOUR SELF VALUE, WITH YOUR OWN UNCONDITIONAL LOVING,
...AND WITH THE CONGRUENCE YOU FEEL, BETWEEN YOUR OWN VALUES AND ACTIONS.

YOU THINK THEY HAVE THE POWER TO SET YO FREE. IT'S AN ILLUSION. THEY CAN'T GIVE YOU YOUR POWER BACK. YOU TAKE IT BACK. YOU BURST THE BUBBLE OF THE ILLUSION. YOU CHOOSE TO...OR YOU DON'T.

I think you are chasing a mirage trying to find and gain self approval through the approval of 18-24 popular college kids. You won't find it there. You can come back and post a response below where declare that it is not so that it is not what you are looking for, in your interactions with them. It will be an empty declaration. Those will be words of your ego not wanting to be perceived as less than your ideal self. Get over it. Everyone here is human and has their own sh!t so to speak. You have yours. Pretending you don't isn't going to clean it up or make it stink any less. It will simply keep you on the same merry-go-round, going up and down, in circles, never really getting anywhere.

Consider that perhaps there is whole big life for you, off that merry-go-round. Consider taking YOUR power back and what life could feel like, waking up every day, lined up inside yourself, feeling great and interacting with the world that way.

Opportunity is yours. Life without those blinders is far bigger than the merry-go-round. Lots of other rides and fun to be had, in this life. Taking your power back means giving up that story. You may be able to see it and do it. You may not yet. I am offering it up, in case this helps you to see it.

Having your self worth be at the whim of strangers or simply people outside of you, is chasing a mirage. You will never feel truly satisfied. Life will you by before you know it.

Food for thought.
Wishing you the best.
LYD

I have to get back to work. I will answer this tonight.

 

[LiveYourDream]

we would not be having this discussion if I had blinders on my perception.

That is a reflexive answer. You are smarter than that.

Nothing about what I brought up speaks of morality. That is your defensiveness looking/reaching for something to defend against.

See if you can, even for a moment, drop all of your defensiveness, and read what I wrote, not through the lens of needing to defend of justify your choices. If you can read it that way. Then see if you can ponder it, from that place as well.

It will likely be little bits at a time. Watch how your defensiveness WANTS to get involved as you read it and ponder it. Watch it. Become aware of it. It does not always serve your best interest. Be aware of it. Its one thing to be defensive by conscious decided choice. It's another when it is simply reflexive.

Right now your defensiveness is searching. Have a conversation with it. Tell it you are the boss and you are going to put it aside for 20 minutes. (Sounds weird I know..just play with it.) It's well developed, your defensiveness, you can pick it up again fully after those 20 minutes. Can you are you willing to, FULLY put it aside to read and consider what I offered you, without it.

With it, you'll keep seeing what you have always seen. Life on the merry-go-round for you, it will be.
Being able, and that's a skill you may need to develop, to drop it and see with it out, will expand your horizons.

You desire great success, I know. These are skills and insights that will assist you. Be willing.
I don't expect you to see it clearly in one read. Cracks may occur. They will let in some light that will allow you to see little pieces until you truly get it. I am not judging. I am not here with a moral view or an agenda to change you. You can relax about that. I am offering you insight into leveling yourself up (not about age), in how you interact in the world.

If it doesn't make sense fully yet, be kind to yourself. Give it space. Let it percolate in you. Let your defensiveness rest and let yourself see more. A bit at a time. Eventually you'll see it.

To answer your question, Yes, I am a woman.

 

[Plinco]

That is a reflexive answer. You are smarter than that.

Nothing about what I brought up speaks of morality. That is your defensiveness looking/reaching for something to defend against.

See if you can, even for a moment, drop all of your defensiveness, and read what I wrote, not through the lens of needing to defend of justify your choices. If you can read it that way. Then see if you can ponder it, from that place as well.

It will likely be little bits at a time. Watch how your defensiveness WANTS to get involved as you read it and ponder it. Watch it. Become aware of it. It does not always serve your best interest. Be aware of it. Its one thing to be defensive by conscious decided choice. It's another when it is simply reflexive.

Right now your defensiveness is searching. Have a conversation with it. Tell it you are the boss and you are going to put it aside for 20 minutes. (Sounds weird I know..just play with it.) It's well developed, your defensiveness, you can pick it up again fully after those 20 minutes. Can you are you willing to, FULLY put it aside to read and consider what I offered you, without it.

With it, you'll keep seeing what you have always seen. Life on the merry-go-round for you, it will be.
Being able, and that's a skill you may need to develop, to drop it and see with it out, will expand your horizons.

You desire great success, I know. These are skills and insights that will assist you. Be willing.
I don't expect you to see it clearly in one read. Cracks may occur. They will let in some light that will allow you to see little pieces until you truly get it. I am not judging. I am not here with a moral view or an agenda to change you. You can relax about that. I am offering you insight into leveling yourself up (not about age), in how you interact in the world.

If it doesn't make sense fully yet, be kind to yourself. Give it space. Let it percolate in you. Let your defensiveness rest and let yourself see more. A bit at a time. Eventually you'll see it.

To answer your question, Yes, I am a woman.

I brought morals into the discussion because I talked about my values. When I said I may have a mental illness, I was being hypothetical and blunt.

 

[Plinco]

You think those young popular kids can somehow grant it back to you and then you will feel better about yourself and heal what did not go the way you wanted earlier in your life. What happens when a different clique of young popular kids gives you a snotty look or laughs in your direction the next day, next year, in ten years??? You will always feel powerless to how they perceive you....UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!!

UNTIL YOU CHOOSE....YES CHOOSE....TO REALIGN YOUR SELF VALUE, WITH YOUR OWN UNCONDITIONAL LOVING,
...AND WITH THE CONGRUENCE YOU FEEL, BETWEEN YOUR OWN VALUES AND ACTIONS.

YOU THINK THEY HAVE THE POWER TO SET YO FREE. IT'S AN ILLUSION. THEY CAN'T GIVE YOU YOUR POWER BACK. YOU TAKE IT BACK. YOU BURST THE BUBBLE OF THE ILLUSION. YOU CHOOSE TO...OR YOU DON'T.

I think you are chasing a mirage trying to find and gain self approval through the approval of 18-24 popular college kids. You won't find it there. You can come back and post a response below where declare that it is not so that it is not what you are looking for, in your interactions with them. It will be an empty declaration. Those will be words of your ego not wanting to be perceived as less than your ideal self. Get over it. Everyone here is human and has their own sh!t so to speak. You have yours. Pretending you don't isn't going to clean it up or make it stink any less. It will simply keep you on the same merry-go-round, going up and down, in circles, never really getting anywhere.

Consider that perhaps there is whole big life for you, off that merry-go-round. Consider taking YOUR power back and what life could feel like, waking up every day, lined up inside yourself, feeling great and interacting with the world that way.

Opportunity is yours. Life without those blinders is far bigger than the merry-go-round. Lots of other rides and fun to be had, in this life. Taking your power back means giving up that story. You may be able to see it and do it. You may not yet. I am offering it up, in case this helps you to see it.

Having your self worth be at the whim of strangers or simply people outside of you, is chasing a mirage. You will never feel truly satisfied. Life will you by before you know it.

Food for thought.
Wishing you the best.
LYD

[/QUOTE]

You sound like you are insightful into psychology. I would definitely call this thinking outside of the box for me, in certain ways I already thought of some of this too. Of course I still want what I want, but maybe what I should do is take complete control over my physical health and then approach my goal, while looking for inhibitions.

I would be interesting if we had a face to face discussion.

 

[LiveYourDream]

When you say... "achieving my values," what does that mean to you exactly? Examples please. What values exactly do you feel separate from?

When you say...
"I care what people think to the extent of exchanging values with that person. Of course I want there to be a relationship there, provided that the person has something that I uphold as a value.

Again, please explain what you mean when you use the word value here. Please give examples of what values are exchanged and how.

Your use of the word values is new/uncommon to me. I am wanting to understand with clarity what you are truly conveying with these statements. They are key for you. Please help me and explain them further.

 

[LiveYourDream]

What inspired you to specially choose this quote to tag your posts: "The real problem is that you dislike pain,"?

How and why is it personally significant and meaningful to you? Why did you choose it tag every one of your posts with?

 

[Plinco]

When you say... "achieving my values," what does that mean to you exactly? Examples please. What values exactly do you feel separate from?

When you say...
"I care what people think to the extent of exchanging values with that person. Of course I want there to be a relationship there, provided that the person has something that I uphold as a value.

Again, please explain what you mean when you use the word value here. Please give examples of what values are exchanged and how.

Your use of the word values is new/uncommon to me. I am wanting to understand with clarity what you are truly conveying with these statements. They are key for you. Please help me and explain them further.

noun
noun: value; plural noun: values

1. 1.
   the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
   
   
   
2. 2.
   a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
   
   
   "The Objectivist ethics holds man's life as the standard of value—and his own life as the ethical purpose of every individual man. ... The standard of value of the Objectivist ethics—the standard by which one judges what is good or evil—is man's life, or: that which is required for man's survival qua man."

—Ayn Rand Lexicon

The Ayn Rand Lexicon: This mini-encyclopedia of Objectivism is compiled from Ayn Rand’s statements on some 400 topics in philosophy, economics, psychology and history.

aynrandlexicon.com

Values are contextual. It is always important to ask "to whom and for what" when defining a value. Everyone has their own individual values, they are not innate nor are they subjective.

 

[Plinco]

What inspired you to specially choose this quote to tag your posts: "The real problem is that you dislike pain,"?

How and why is it personally significant and meaningful to you? Why did you choose it tag every one of your posts with?

The 'Asian Lover' was a member here a long time ago, back when I used to visit this site on a regular basis. He said it very well at the time something that I have thought about but did not verbalize quite that simply. Since then I have told many people that the key to freedom and free will is character, and the key to character is learning how to focus yourself despite either pain or frustration.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Bear with me...please clarify the bolded below, with explanations and details specific, to you right now in your life

When you say... "achieving my values,"
What values exactly do you feel separate from, and are striving or focused upon achieving? and then Why for each value, please.

When you say... "I care what people think to the extent of exchanging values with that person. Of course I want there to be a relationship there, provided that the person has something that I uphold as a value.
Please give examples of what values you experienced as exchanged and how.

Also...You used the example of hanging out with college kids. Please help me understand that from your perspective/experience, relative to the statement above.

 

[LiveYourDream]

The 'Asian Lover' was a member here a long time ago, back when I used to visit this site on a regular basis. He said it very well at the time something that I have thought about but did not verbalize quite that simply. Since then I have told many people that the key to freedom and free will is character, and the key to character is learning how to focus yourself despite either pain or frustration.

Do you subscribe to the belief that a goal must be effortful, difficult or painful to obtain, in order to be highly valued? If so, explain please. Would you still value it and welcome it, if you could simply have it and enjoy it? Would you resist that? why or why not?