This is what makes me feel incredibly hopeless in dating

[Atom Smasher]

Women today have a grossly exaggerated view of their SMV. That's why most male 7's are having trouble these days. You need to develop social ease. Social ease is the most attractive quality a man can possess.

Do you stare at them with a creepy vibe, or do you exhibit social ease and command of your surroundings?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women today have a grossly exaggerated view of their SMV. That's why most male 7's are having trouble these days. You need to develop social ease. Social ease is the most attractive quality a man can possess.

Do you stare at them with a creepy vibe, or do you exhibit social ease and command of your surroundings?

If you have puzzy on demand will you be needy or creepy?

 

[Atom Smasher]

If you have puzzy on demand will you be needy or creepy?

Exactly, but he needs to detach himself and get the basics down.

 

[bigdave17]

Women today have a grossly exaggerated view of their SMV. That's why most male 7's are having trouble these days. You need to develop social ease. Social ease is the most attractive quality a man can possess.

Do you stare at them with a creepy vibe, or do you exhibit social ease and command of your surroundings?

what do you mean social ease? I make friends everywhere I go

but again, my biggest issue is I need somewhat of a natural opportunity to approach. I just can't go in there like a bull in a china shop when there are a million obstacles in the way

 

[Atom Smasher]

You're not comfortable with women you're attracted to, correct?

You need to learn to talk with attractive women without an end in mind. Do it just to get used to it without pressure.

As far as a natural opportunity to approach, there's no such thing. Just get out there and be active. You're no different from anyone else, You need to make and find those situations. Don't you have any hobbies or interests where women with similar interests might congregate?

 

[bigdave17]

You're not comfortable with women you're attracted to, correct?

You need to learn to talk with attractive women without an end in mind. Do it just to get used to it without pressure.

As far as a natural opportunity to approach, there's no such thing. Just get out there and be active. You're no different from anyone else, You need to make and find those situations. Don't you have any hobbies or interests where women with similar interests might congregate?

Natural opportunity to approach - meeting women through friends or some kind of mutual social gathering, work, etc...


cold approaching at a bar when she is there with 9 friends is very difficult

 

[bigdave17]

Women are value sensing machines. You can rationalize all you want about how you think you fit every criteria. At the end of the day all of your frustrations comes from the feeling that you are not good enough. You feel that you do not have enough value to barter with women so that they give you what you want.

No one can cure this for you. It might be reality. It might be illusory. Maybe you do have the value but a deep seeded insecurity blocks you. Or maybe you are slacking off in certain aspects. Only you know what the deal is.

At the end of the day, there is nothing new under the sun. We have seen it all. In my experience, I would say that most guys like you already have what it takes.....but you don’t believe it no matter what anyone tells you. And if you don’t believe it, it might as well be your reality. Because as a great man known as pook once said: “as you think, so shall you become.” This works both ways. You can be a 7 who is good enough who thinks himself into a 4....or you can be a 7 who accepts his own value and knows he is good enough.

good point

I've had 25923582305823528 people tell me I have what it takes, but making myself believe it is so hard

It's like a kid who touches a hot stove when he is young and he is absolutely terrified to ever go near it in the future

 

[bigdave17]

Lots of people suck in high school. It means nothing when it comes to adult life. It doesn't carry over unless you let it mindfvck you.

Look at all those ugly duckling girls who got into their 20s and all of a sudden they were smoking hot. Leave the past in the past.

I agree, hell the people who tormented me in high school encountered me again when I was 22-23 and had nothing but praise to tell me

I'm running away from ghosts that don't exist

 

[Atom Smasher]

Natural opportunity to approach - meeting women through friends or some kind of mutual social gathering, work, etc...


cold approaching at a bar when she is there with 9 friends is very difficult

You know yourself that there is absolutely nothing you can do but to overcome your fear and self-doubt. Yes, it's hard, but all things worthwhile are hard.

I used to be a fearful, hopeless wretch. If I could do it, then so can you. You need to start small.

Have you read the Book "Tiny Habits" or perhaps books about the concept of "Kaizen"? The only way a person can defeat fear systematically in chunks that are easily handled is a little tiny bit at a time.

You've conquered other fears in your life. What makes this one any different?

 

[bigdave17]

I’ve be



I’ve been there. Despite all of of my calibration, I started off as an ugly duckling. But then I became a beautiful swan. But 10000 women checking me out couldn’t solve me. They couldn’t erase my past. That’s why I empathize with you. It is not as easy as “hey man wake hell up. You are cool now.”

The only silver lining I have for you is that there is another type of guy. Like me and you. Someone who started off as ugly. And then we beCame beautiful but minus the ego. This is an ahrodiasiac for women. Most women cannot believe that I don’t act like a Chad. Confidence + humility. Don’t deny your past. Make it part of your unique personality. It is refreshing to women. Trust me, I know. A Chad who acts humble. Maybe that’s your niche.

I'm not a chad, not when graded on white European standards. In my homeland of Armenia, I would easily be considered a Chad but my ethnic facial features drop me down to maybe a 6.5 to 7.5/10

I have a weird dichotomy with women. I hate approaching and think that process is miserable but when I'm on a date and/or around a woman who is obviously attracted to me, I am very comfortable and likable and generally dominate. It's like a switch goes on in my head and I'm good to go.

just so you guys know what I'm talking about when I say I would be considered a chad back home - this is a famous Armenian movie star. This is top 0.1% of Armenian men

I'm every bit as good looking as that and maybe even more handsome






It's so sad that I'm torturing myself like this in the US. Back home, I would have been guaranteed a wife who looks like this, has no tattoos, no kids, is a good housewife, has good family values, doesn't believe in feminism, etc.... but I would be doing mediocre financially and I can't go back to living like a peasant.

 

[bigdave17]

I think


You’ve hit on something important. A Chad is not universal. I am not a Chad either. Except sometimes i am. It is a dichotomy. I am good enough. That’s the frame that will carry you through.

look at the pictures I posted. I'm easily top 0.1% or 0.01% of Armenian men but that doesn't mean much when I get graded on white European standards in the US. I become a mere 6 or 7/10 due to the natural ethnic features of my face and that means nothing on dating sites


in real life, I have to approach more with a good attitude. Nothing more I can do about it.

 

[ChillDude6767]

Women are value sensing machines.

I wouldn't give them so much credit. In theory, that's what they're supposed to do, but I have little faith in their ability to do this accurately.

Plus, even if what you're saying is true, then it wouldn't matter what he thought of himself, it would only matter what they thought of him.

 

[ChillDude6767]

look at the pictures I posted. I'm easily top 0.1% or 0.01% of Armenian men

You should just stop with all this nonsense. It means nothing. You're not top 1% of anything except being annoying.

 

[bigdave17]

I wouldn't give them so much credit. In theory, that's what they're supposed to do, but I have little faith in their ability to do this accurately.

Plus, even if what you're saying is true, then it wouldn't matter what he thought of himself, it would only matter what they thought of him.

how you think of yourself gets projected to the world on your body language and tone of voice

 

[bigdave17]

You should just stop with all this nonsense. It means nothing. You're not top 1% of anything except being annoying.

look up every Armenian male actor in the world, I'm better looking than all of them or at least comparable. Actors are generally the very very elite of society


I'm just telling you...if I never moved to US, I would have the wife I should be with who looks like this and is a fantastic housewife and mom

 

[bigdave17]

I

in boxing we call it having a punchers chance. The most masculine guys can work with this probability. It’s not ideal. But is life ever ideal?

what do you mean bro?

 

[ChillDude6767]

look up every Armenian male actor in the world, I'm better looking than all of them or at least comparable. Actors are generally the very very elite of society


I'm just telling you...if I never moved to US, I would have the wife I should be with who looks like this and is a fantastic housewife and mom

I can see there is no point in responding to your threads so I will just stop here.

 

[zekko]

I met her at a bar I always go to. I saw her for maybe 8 months - usually 1-3 times a week. We had sex all the time, it was great. She 47 - very attractive for her age and was great in the bedroom.

You were banging a 47 year old woman (and enjoyed it apparently). But now you'll reject a woman if she's 34 because she's "too old".
From the perspective of someone my age, those five years are just a blink of any eye.

Considering that you are getting absolutely nothing right now, I think you should expand your standards a little bit. If you reject a girl who is, say 31, but is otherwise what you're looking for, then Atom Smasher was right, you are way too shallow.

It's not like you're trying to be a player extraordinaire or anything, you're just trying to find a decent girlfriend, or potential mate. Although to me, that's a much harder task than just banging through a bunch of one night stands. It's one thing for a girl to bang you, it's another for her to want to keep you around.

 

[lamath]

You were banging a 47 year old woman (and enjoyed it apparently). But now you'll reject a woman if she's 34 because she's "too old".
From the perspective of someone my age, those five years are just a blink of any eye.

Considering that you are getting absolutely nothing right now, I think you should expand your standards a little bit. If you reject a girl who is, say 31, but is otherwise what you're looking for, then Atom Smasher was right, you are way too shallow.

It's not like you're trying to be a player extraordinaire or anything, you're just trying to find a decent girlfriend, or potential mate. Although to me, that's a much harder task than just banging through a bunch of one night stands. It's one thing for a girl to bang you, it's another for her to want to keep you around.

Standars is the excuse he use to rationalize not going for any women

 

[bigdave17]

You were banging a 47 year old woman (and enjoyed it apparently). But now you'll reject a woman if she's 34 because she's "too old".
From the perspective of someone my age, those five years are just a blink of any eye.

Considering that you are getting absolutely nothing right now, I think you should expand your standards a little bit. If you reject a girl who is, say 31, but is otherwise what you're looking for, then Atom Smasher was right, you are way too shallow.

It's not like you're trying to be a player extraordinaire or anything, you're just trying to find a decent girlfriend, or potential mate. Although to me, that's a much harder task than just banging through a bunch of one night stands. It's one thing for a girl to bang you, it's another for her to want to keep you around.

I would probably be okay with 31, but I don't know much beyond that. Women just don't age that well

If I'm dating a white girl, I would really prefer to stick around 24-25. If I was to date black or Indian or dark middle eastern, I might be okay with 30-32