This started in response to your PM. I took it farther. A while back you said the 31st is the last day to withdraw from classes, I think. I am posting here so others will hopefully offer you their feedback and support, as well. You have some big decisions to make, in my view. It is not my area of expertise. Those that are in it, at either end, are more equipped to advise you. I hope they will. This is what came forward for me...
I am going to give you some hard truth... (with a lot of love behind it)
Unless your parents are incredibly rich, I think you should seriously consider withdrawing from college. I really said that. You are wasting their hard earned money. You have no appreciation for how much it costs for you to get D's and withdraw from classes, only to repeat them again and again. It is a waste of your time and a HUGE waste of their money. If you still had scholarships it would be another thing. As I understand you lost those. Don't waste your parents' money. They don't deserve that! You can go watch P/U videos in their basement and not cost them thousands of dollars, as you are now.
You cram at the last minute. You scramble to find a solution of the internet. I don't get the sense, nor do your grades reflect it, that you are truly learning much of anything, that you will retain and will actually be useful to use to perform for a client. You will have a transcript with what ?...a bunch of C's, D's, and W's, and a huge college bill with no real skill, if you actually can scrape by as you are.
You say you want to be a successful CS person. You show no true passion for it. You seem to only do it because a deadline gets to the point that you are going to be fvcked if you don't. Even then, you tend to wait till your fvcked. If this was the first term like that or due to a special circumstance, I'd suggest differently. It's not. How many terms have been like this? Two years, maybe three YEARS worth????
You need to invest in a profession that you are passionate about! If not a lot, at least enough to learn it well, enjoy it and be good at it.
You are not doing what you need to learn what you are there to master. You don't seem to enjoy it. It seems more like a task to get done. How can you be good at it when you don't even take the time to learn it???
Your world/priority is becoming a DJ. You watch youtube videos for hours on end, while your parents are paying good money for you to master a skill so you can do well and support yourself comfortably, out in the world. QUIT WASTING THEIR MONEY!!!! I imagine they work hard for their money. I imagine it is a sacrifice, on some level, for them to cover your college costs, now that you lost your scholarship.
Don't get suicidal and think you are the world's biggest fvck up. You are not! If you get crazy down reading this then call a suicide hotline or go to a counselor on campus. Bypass those thoughts. It's not hopeless. There is always a solution. Open your eyes wider when you are not seeing one.
There is not a nicer way to say these things, at least that I know. I mean well, with all of it.
You need to get honest with yourself. You tell yourself day after day after day how you are going to study and get your assignments done early. They don't interest you or it seems. I wonder if the real world of having a job doing what you are training to do is actually going to be any more interesting to you? You are young and learning and this is the field you are interested in and you have to lock yourself down to the last hours to even engage it. If the real world after college is not going to interest you anymore than what you are doing now, all the more reason to take a break and reevaluate.
I think to be in college bet you are at least 80% into it, bare minimum. Otherwise you are wasting someone's money. Right now your interest seems at 10% on a good day, from where I sit. Your GREATEST interest is in P/U videos, waves and music. That is what fills your head 90% of the time, from my view. Again, you can do that from your parent's basement.
Most of your expenses are paid and you have no connection to how much money is being thrown away, every term that once again, you don't really learn anything. You worry about gaming hoe's and what to text them or not, what waves to have or not, meanwhile thousands of dollars are circling down the drain, because while your body is there at college, your mind and heart is not.
I think you should seriously consider withdrawing. I am not telling you you to. I am saying consider it. Until your head and heart are in it...why are you there? To get a piece a paper diploma with no actual knowledge or skills??
If you are truly passionate about CS and want to pursue it, I suggest you at least get a serious reality check from Marmel and Sacz about what life, day to day is really like vs your idea of what it is going to be like. If it is going to be more of the same, day in and day out, then cut your losses now, or at least your parents' losses now. It's your time invested too. Best to be into something you are excited to wake up and do. Or at least happy and good at it. This would not be it, if it is more of the same.
If you really are into it, but just incredibly distracted, than talk to them about how relevant all the classes you've done poorly in, really are in the long haul. If they are more fluff or things that are outdated you may be able to work it out. If they are foundational then better ask how to get it done so you can truly catch up and repair the foundation that you should already have. You never want to build upon a crappy foundation.
It was recommended you meet up with a counselor and handle some issues. You said you would, but that didn't seem to happen. Avoiding it doesn't help you. The intent was to get you support so you on multiple levels, one being so you could /would do school/life differently. If you decide to stay in college and move forward, I'd suggest you engage such support ASAP. You could seriously benefit simply from the basics of helping you to create and solidify good daily habits for yourself, and to work week by week, to build upon them, with accountability. To really do it vs talk about it.
To me it seems you priorities have been:
1. 70% DJ/ P/U Skills via SS and YouTube
2. 10% Hoes
3. 10% Waves and Music
4. 10% College Classes and Assignments
I am an outside observer with a skewed view. From my perception that's how I see you spending your time/energy. To be successful there, it needs to flip bigtime.
If you do seriously consider withdrawing and even if you don't, I'd recommend you talk to an academic advisor and see where you stand about being able to re-enroll. Would they allow you with your current GPA? Would you be able to automatically re-enroll or would you possibly lose out vs another candidate with better credentials?
If you do stay, where do you stand as far as the college putting you on academic probation? Are you already on it? How far away are you, from the college kicking you out? They do that for poor academics that continue. You best know where you stand so you are not blindsided. Likley better you leave by choice, than because the college kicked you out.
I know there is a lot here. None of it is meant as a personal judgement. I think you need to get yourself in order and make a clear choice about what is REALLY going to serve you, moving forward!!!!
By the way...is this how you got through High School? Is this usual behavior for you? No offense, you come across as incredibly immature and irresponsible for your age. Did you have a rough upbringing? Did you grow up feeling entitled and everything was handled or considered good enough and you always made it through, without REALLY putting in an effort?
Why do you think you are so immature for your age??? Truly??? Think about it and answer it.
Do you simply check out when you feel overwhelmed or uninterested?
What have you really worked for/earned in your life?
I read in one of your comments in the last couple days or so about your dream of being a Barber or wave guy or something. If that is what floats your boat and you are ACTUALLY more of a people person and more of a creative heart, than sitting in front of a computer writing programs by yourself you need to get HONEST about that! REALLY look at that!!! Not everyone can sit in front of a computer day in and day out and love it. Some people need a different level of tangible interaction. Do what will most fulfill your heart!!!! Find a REAL way to translate it into financial success, as well!!!
Food for thought. Lot's to think about.
TL;DR
Get REAL with yourself!!! Not hyped for a few days about what you want/intend to do and say you are going do!
GET REAL ABOUT WHAT IS TRULY GOING ON FOR YOU!!!!
Come up with the solution that will TRULY best serve you and your life!!!!
