How to stop being needy

[Jackpnicholson]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a beta. I want to progress but keep getting stuck with the same issues.
Im 21 and got with my SO last year. I played into her hands at all times and ended up having a child with her 2 weeks ago.
She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us, and when I'm out she seeks the attention off of everybody that will give it her.
I don't trust her and I'm aware that I need to do a lot to change. But every time I go to leave, or even go out to see my dad or friends, I feel like she's going to betray me and it consumes me. To the point I don't want to leave the house or do anything.
I spoke to a professional and they reckon it's because I have an abandonment complex learned from my younger years. - I just don't get how I can switch off and get on with my life without feeling so anxious and like my world will fall apart if she strays.
Feel free to call me what you want, it's pathetic typing it out, but it's real and I'd appreciate the help

 

[Crown]

Not an easy situation, mate.
You have to understand that If you don't trust her, it means you're not trusting yourself to keep her in check. If you play by her rules, she will never respect you and a relationship without respect is doomed to fail. A women expects to be guided in a relationship, If she's making the decisions, she will end up finding someone that will make them for her.

Get familar with the Sixteen commands of spoon.
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

They will help you in your therapy.

 

[GrowingPains]

If she left you right now, what would you do? And why would you behave that way?

Why is it that her opinion and you feeling so bound by her agenda that are such strong driving forces in your psyche?

 

[anon56]

She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us

Set your foot down, bro. Priorities, she isnt going to be a provider, so you gotta get your sht together and focus on whats important not her needs. You are her tied down beta now, there is no way out other than to end the relationship and start a new relationship with her, or to set boundaries from the gitgo.

You already are at a huge disadvantage by having a kid. Have an adult conversation about her behaviours and how they should change or you will leave her with the kid, only 1 warning then do as you say or you will look like a little weak bch.

Read the book called the rational male by rollo tomassi, there isnt much that can be done short term, but can be fixed long-term if its worked on. Else this is doomed to fail at some point and your fears will become reality.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Sorry you are going through this. Nothing we say is going to make it any easier though. You have to get to a place where you fully accept the pain and suffering you experience now is worse than losing her for good.

There are many women in the world. You are young. You'll find another. Or many others. You must work through your issues in therapy and get to a place where you are happy alone, and you have a good social life with enough friends that you can choose to be alone, or with friends any time you want, and be happy with both options.

Spend some time asking yourself what exactly would fall apart in your world if you parted ways. List out the things that would go wrong.

 

[Murk]

He’s only 21 and it already sounds like he’s working to be successful, but he’s tied down to an entitled selfish b1txh and now he’s a kid with her.

OP I think you need to let her know you are providing for the family and if she wants to be a single mum on handouts she can fvck off. Otherwise you make the rules and she falls in line. This woman is now in your life forever, you can’t drop her and spin plates, technically you can, but this is the mother of your first born and you should try to steady this ship now as your child is only a few weeks old and needs harmony for now.

Best you can do is lead her and make her fall in line to make your life, all lives including your kid, better.

Speak to your family about this too and get their backing.

 

[Vivacity]

She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us, and when I'm out she seeks the attention off of everybody that will give it her.
I don't trust her and I'm aware that I need to do a lot to change. But every time I go to leave, or even go out to see my dad or friends, I feel like she's going to betray me and it consumes me. To the point I don't want to leave the house or do anything.

He’s only 21 and it already sounds like he’s working to be successful, but he’s tied down to an entitled selfish b1txh and now he’s a kid with her.

OP I think you need to let her know you are providing for the family and if she wants to be a single mum on handouts she can fvck off. Otherwise you make the rules and she falls in line. This woman is now in your life forever, you can’t drop her and spin plates, technically you can, but this is the mother of your first born and you should try to steady this ship now as your child is only a few weeks old and needs harmony for now.

Best you can do is lead her and make her fall in line to make your life, all lives including your kid, better.

Speak to your family about this too and get their backing.

He is tied down to a slut, and that's even worse. You don't ever want to tie yourself down to an untrustworthy person.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a beta. I want to progress but keep getting stuck with the same issues.
Im 21 and got with my SO last year. I played into her hands at all times and ended up having a child with her 2 weeks ago.
She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us, and when I'm out she seeks the attention off of everybody that will give it her.
I don't trust her and I'm aware that I need to do a lot to change. But every time I go to leave, or even go out to see my dad or friends, I feel like she's going to betray me and it consumes me. To the point I don't want to leave the house or do anything.
I spoke to a professional and they reckon it's because I have an abandonment complex learned from my younger years. - I just don't get how I can switch off and get on with my life without feeling so anxious and like my world will fall apart if she strays.
Feel free to call me what you want, it's pathetic typing it out, but it's real and I'd appreciate the help

Outside the middle east women are allowed to go full retard. No consequence.

Op, you dun goofed. You don't play house and have kids with a attention *****. You walk. You downgrade her to booty call or side piece.

You go get more girls. She acts out of turn, freeze her dumb ass out. When she comes back, in the words of AMS, she has to suck a whole lot of ****kkk.

Women use ***** and children as a weapon. You must lead and be willing to walk. You created a monster by being a beta *****. Step up or step aside.

Vet women. Not pedestal skanks.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

He is tied down to a slut, and that's even worse. You don't ever want to tie yourself down to an untrustworthy person.

+1

You, the man should only be 2nd to God. Srs

Women are disgusting and untrustworthy. They are hit and run material. Not mother of child prospects.

 

[Jackpnicholson]

If she left you right now, what would you do? And why would you behave that way?

Why is it that her opinion and you feeling so bound by her agenda that are such strong driving forces in your psyche?

In honest, the thought of her leaving me cripples me. We've been arguing a lot more as she accommodates men who are messaging her that clearly want their way with her, she even tells me they fancy her! But i call her out on it and it's apparently my issue, so I believe it, suck it up and keep quiet. I don't understand the psychology of being so dependant on this particular person, but it really does ruin me.

 

[SoSuave666]

In honest, the thought of her leaving me cripples me. We've been arguing a lot more as she accommodates men who are messaging her that clearly want their way with her, she even tells me they fancy her! But i call her out on it and it's apparently my issue, so I believe it, suck it up and keep quiet. I don't understand the psychology of being so dependant on this particular person, but it really does ruin me.

This is a very dangerous mindset and her overt communication of potential suitors is not a good sign.

 

[GrowingPains]

In honest, the thought of her leaving me cripples me. We've been arguing a lot more as she accommodates men who are messaging her that clearly want their way with her, she even tells me they fancy her! But i call her out on it and it's apparently my issue, so I believe it, suck it up and keep quiet. I don't understand the psychology of being so dependant on this particular person, but it really does ruin me.

Do you feel like she cares about you? What actions has she shown that prove that she does/doesn't care for you (think respect, reciprocation, etc).

Now, in the case that she doesn't respect you then why should you respect her? Do you believe that respect has to be earned? How were you raised to treat people that disrespect you?

It seems to me that your kid is the only thing keeping you in this relationship. It is unhealthy beyond explanation for you to still care about - if you do - her given the way she's treating you. So what do you want to do next to change your mindset and your situation?

What is the ideal outcome for you in this situation?

 

[highSpeed]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a beta. I want to progress but keep getting stuck with the same issues.
Im 21 and got with my SO last year. I played into her hands at all times and ended up having a child with her 2 weeks ago.
She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us, and when I'm out she seeks the attention off of everybody that will give it her.
I don't trust her and I'm aware that I need to do a lot to change. But every time I go to leave, or even go out to see my dad or friends, I feel like she's going to betray me and it consumes me. To the point I don't want to leave the house or do anything.
I spoke to a professional and they reckon it's because I have an abandonment complex learned from my younger years. - I just don't get how I can switch off and get on with my life without feeling so anxious and like my world will fall apart if she strays.
Feel free to call me what you want, it's pathetic typing it out, but it's real and I'd appreciate the help

Honestly man, you're young enough that you need to put your foot down. Even if it doesn't work out, you've got plenty of time to focus on yourself, improve yourself and find someone who is more to your liking.

Tough to do, easy to say but what difference does it make? That's no way to go through life, grinding it out, hoping to simply make it to the next day or week or whatever, hoping that someday, she'll have a come to Jesus moment. She's not having that moment and even if she does, it's not going to be for years and it most likely won't be with you.

You could be a great guy, you might not be. Either way, no amount of gaming this one will make much of a difference. If she's an attention wh@re, I'd say you're on thin ice to begin with. Attention wh@res are for a lay-up, not a relationship.

 

[ChillDude6767]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a beta. I want to progress but keep getting stuck with the same issues.
Im 21 and got with my SO last year. I played into her hands at all times and ended up having a child with her 2 weeks ago.
She wouldn't like me going to work as it takes time away from us, and when I'm out she seeks the attention off of everybody that will give it her.
I don't trust her and I'm aware that I need to do a lot to change. But every time I go to leave, or even go out to see my dad or friends, I feel like she's going to betray me and it consumes me. To the point I don't want to leave the house or do anything.
I spoke to a professional and they reckon it's because I have an abandonment complex learned from my younger years. - I just don't get how I can switch off and get on with my life without feeling so anxious and like my world will fall apart if she strays.
Feel free to call me what you want, it's pathetic typing it out, but it's real and I'd appreciate the help

What exactly do you need them for?

I would be cautious about taking the opinions of "mental health professionals" too literally.

 

[Glassguy]

OP- what exactly do you need from this woman? Why is she not replaceable?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

OP- what exactly do you need from this woman? Why is she not replaceable?

He wants her to validate him.

 

[Robert28]

Neediness never fully goes away no matter what anyone says. The right girl can and will bring it out in you. Maybe not right away but eventually. It’s hard to suppress human nature and we all want what one special person we feel strongly about to feel the same way about us. Now if you’re needy for every single girl you date then that’s a whole different set of problems.

 

[SoSuave666]

He wants needs her to validate him.

ftfy

 

[RangerMIke]

My ex was like this... but I always kept my foot down, eventually she cheated on me... and I divorced her.

Giving into her will not help you in a relationship... staying on your purpose will not help you in your relationship, but if you stay on PURPOSE you will have that. If you become a needy supplicating little b!tch you will eventually lose her, or she will change into a nagging hag, and drive you to an early grave. If you stay true to yourself, you will at least have YOU and your life, if she decides she wants to go elsewhere.

It really is a firing pan fire situation, but if you do not take care of yourself first, you are no good to anyone else. You can not control her, nothing you do will change her. It is up to her to change, you stay on course. Because at the end of the day the only real way you lose, is if you lose yourself. You can not make someone happy by making yourself miserable.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

ftfy

She can sense this