The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SoSuave666]

Girlfriend (23) me (25) going out for 3.5 years. We lived together on and off for most of it and it started off great then I slowly became more beta as I progresed in my career as a software engineer (which is a hard job and commands a lot of your energy). I started becoming more orientated around long-term things (mortgages etc)and lost my passions along the way (music, entrepreneurship) meaning I turned into a boring beta ****. Signs were visible 4/5 months prior where she mentioned she wanted to live with her friends instead of me, then started going out way more with her home friends and then I eventually found out she was messing around with the bad boy ex boyfriend before me who hurt her bla bla ... it is literally a club classic on February 13th 2019. Anyway, I swiftly asked her to move out like any person with some respect left would do and she then went on to say she wanted to be single so it was over like that. I had ONEitis bad with this girl so it will be a long journey no doubt.

Welcome and good luck. It sounds like you at least have a good grasp of the situation and your own feelings. This is a crucial first step.

Stick around, read posts, post here when you are down, focus on work, workout, become more social. That's really the best way to handle it.

 

[soulforge]

Day 9 NC

How do I feel? Not really too bothered to be honest.. I thought I would be feeling much worse than this, but so far a sense of relief that it ended, otherwise would have wasted years of my life.

Been hitting the gym every day, eating well.. working hard.. I do have the odd moment of sadness but I don't dwell on it.. my job keeps me busy and mind off the break up.

Smashed two chicks since the breakup.. I feel sad, but relieved at the same time.

Keep going nc guys, you will feel much better soon enough

 

[powersize]

30 NC

She dumped me over the text saying that we are too different but i was and i am important for her. Then i texted something like "I have nothing to say, good buy" she replied "wait, i don't want to lose a contact with you". I am think if i was such important for her she would try to contact me for these 30 days.

So what i started to do after the 1st week of NC - is simply having fun with my friends and meeting new people and be positive in general.
The funny thing that after 3 weeks i met her in the same club but i did not pay any attention on when she was doing and with whom, instead i found a nice lady and spent the whole night with her. I bet she or her friends saw it.

Right now over the time i try to analyse and learn my mistakes: first of all i was focused to much on her, paying to much attention and always available. I disclosed my feelings first and she replied something like "it is too early for me...bla bla bla....but i want to be with you". I acted as a boyfriend but she considered all as "not a relationship". Also i did not react correctly when she behaved in the way i don't like. For example when we go party she could disappear with her friends leaving me alone for the whole evening in the company of people i don't know. Sometimes when we together she could dive into her cellphone for a couple of minutes.

Damn, right now looking back I see how blind and stupid i was. So the take away for that experience was for me to become a better man, don't put any girl as a priority in your live, and don't let them do not respect and value you.

 

[soulforge]

Day 11 NC

Today was a tougher day to get through.. It is usually weekends that are the hardest, as that is when we spent time together.

I totally believe this relationship NEEDED to END as doing long distance for 5-6-7 years is just insane.

However, i miss her qualities.. She was a good GF, never caused drama, was respectful, followed my lead, payed her way, didn't expect me to pay for everything.

I just feel like finding a girl with her kind of qualities is going to be extremely difficult to find, as MOST woman these days are HORRENDOUS.

Thats the bitter pill to swallow.

 

[powersize]

Day 11 NC

Today was a tougher day to get through.. It is usually weekends that are the hardest, as that is when we spent time together.

I totally believe this relationship NEEDED to END as doing long distance for 5-6-7 years is just insane.

However, i miss her qualities.. She was a good GF, never caused drama, was respectful, followed my lead, payed her way, didn't expect me to pay for everything.

I just feel like finding a girl with her kind of qualities is going to be extremely difficult to find, as MOST woman these days are HORRENDOUS.

Thats the bitter pill to swallow.

Yeah man. Weekends are sucks when being alone. Even though you realize that it is over and want to move on you just have that ****ty feeling and more you think about it - worst it becomes.

 

[soulforge]

Yeah man. Weekends are sucks when being alone. Even though you realize that it is over and want to move on you just have that ****ty feeling and more you think about it - worst it becomes.

Its crazy man.. I'm glad its over, as I dodged getting screwed over years down the line..but at the same time feel a loss, due to her being good GF material.

Weekends are the hardest, however i'm keeping busy and going to the gym even on weekends now.

Keep active, stay busy.. It helps take your mind off things.

 

[soulforge]

I had a breakup with a decent girl once, and she flat out told me "don't put me on the pedestal." She knows herself better than you do, just because you don't see the negatives doesn't mean they aren't there. in fact she basically told me that she treated me much better than she normally treats guys. Still, I get it, things seem relative so you compare her to others and she is relatively better. Hell, one of my GFs cheated on me at LEAST 2x that I know of and she was like a unicorn compared to a lot of them lol

She was a good girl man.. All the qualities you want in a woman.. Loving, caring, obedient.

However nothing changes the FACT she was the long distance and with some ex issues..

It would have remained long distance for another 5 years, maybe even more.

It would have been foolish of me to wait that long on a woman.

I have to accept this is a blessing in disguise.. Otherwise I would have wasted many more years of my life.

 

[soulforge]

Day (lost count)

As each day goes by, more I realise this was the wrong relationship for me

I wouldn't recommend a LDR to anyone.

If you are seeing each other only once or twice a week, then that is OK for the shorter period of time, for example a year or so.

But if you want to be in a committed relationship which requires you to be long distance for YEARS on end... You best forget that Jazz.

Chances are it will go completely wrong.

 

[NSX-R]

Around 80 days of no contact.
Last month was fantastic, didn’t think of her once and i can say I’m over her . Yesterday though while i was checking the list of people i have blocked on instagram, I checked her icon to see if it’s possible to unblock her .( I wouldn’t unblock her , just wanted to check something out as I did to some other blocked accounts) There was no option to unblock her so it seems she blocked me back . It seems you have the option to block people who blocked you on instagram , still though i have no idea how that works.I felt weird and suddenly couple of thoughts came on my mind but hopefully i controlled it fast .

But still i had some laugh . She’s just buthurted and i know that , otherwise she would just ignore it and wouldn’t block me back . In couple of weeks I’m going back to my hometown and most probably to places we used to go together. I doubt if I’m going to see her but if it happens it’s gonna be so funny looking at her face while i shall be surrounded by beautiful women . Wish i had the chance to see her butthurted face once lmfao .

 

[powersize]

Day 38

Today I finally decided to delete her number and to delete her from Suggestions in Instagram (which was the most annoying, cause every time she bumps when you search for a new girl)

I hope it will help me to get completely over her. As far as i remember, she has a working contract till April and was planning to go back to Spain to start her master - so for me she has already gone.

Honestly speaking I have started NC with a desire to make it easier for myself but deep in my mind i was hopping her to come back. I have completely followed the rule: never chased and begged, deleted her social media, and totally ignored (even though she never reached me back after the break up).

For some point I am happy that she dumped me and I have experienced all of that. As a result, I started to change my attitude and behavior which will make me a better person. I have started listening to a lot of these relationship couches and reading some books about how to be successful with girls, became more socialized and trying to keep expanding my comfort zone.

Before that I have never thought that you don't need to chase a girl and never lose self respect with her. Never heard about being mysterious and unavailable, do not depend of her and do not overtext her. I was just a simple guy without serious relationship experience, who thought if you find the right person everything will be smooth and effortless.

It was painful but useful lesson. I wish to find that post in a couple of years and realize how much i have changed and how happy i am now.

 

[soulforge]

Day (Lost Count)

Do I want her back? Nope

Am I craving to see her again? Nope

Do I feel relieved? Yes

What I am feeling most days is mostly anger at MYSELF for getting involved in a committed relationship with a woman, who due to distance and obstacles, I could NEVER be with.

Why didn't i think about the long term prospects of this relationship?
I was blinded by the belief that me and her could get through 7 years of long distance.. How very silly.

I also feel some anger, because realistically, it should have been me DUMPING her ass..

Long distance single mother, with an EX who still has power over her.. She also confessed recently, that she is scared of committing fully to me, due to her ex screwing her over.. Emotionally damaged Alpha Widow.


Then the way she ended 2 years, with a simple crappy little text message.. What a coward.

So guys, remember be very careful what type of woman you get involved with... Don't WASTE your time on woman who have NOTHING to offer you.

And ALWAYS take red flags seriously!! Always

 

[Johnwic11]

day 32 for me. its been relatively easy but still always wanted to slam the door on her if she ever contacted me. oh well.

 

[powersize]

day 32 for me. its been relatively easy but still always wanted to slam the door on her if she ever contacted me. oh well.

Man, did you delete her completely or leave some kind of back door where you are waiting to her to come?

 

[Johnwic11]

Man, did you delete her completely or leave some kind of back door where you are waiting to her to come?

I Deleted her completely. I ain’t hung up on her I’m hung up on the fact I can’t troll the ***** lol.

 

[Johnwic11]

Man, did you delete her completely or leave some kind of back door where you are waiting to her to come?

Nah I just wanted to troll her if she ever texted me now that I’m relatively over it

 

[powersize]

Nah I just wanted to troll her if she ever texted me now that I’m relatively over it

By keeping her number you just make the process of getting over her longer. It could be invisible for you over the day but deeply inside you know that you can call her whenever you want. It is like trying to quit smoking by keeping a cigarette pack hidden somewhere... just in case....to show how strong you are. But every time when you want really smoke you will be struggling of that feeling, that it is right here, available.


I would say when I finally deleted her number - at least I don't wait anymore her to call or text me. Right now the ball is in her hands. If she will contact me - maybe we will figure something out, if no - too bad for her. Cause I learned my mistakes and on my way to be the best version of myself.

 

[Johnwic11]

By keeping her number you just make the process of getting over her longer. It could be invisible for you over the day but deeply inside you know that you can call her whenever you want. It is like trying to quit smoking by keeping a cigarette pack hidden somewhere... just in case....to show how strong you are. But every time when you want really smoke you will be struggling of that feeling, that it is right here, available.


I would say when I finally deleted her number - at least I don't wait anymore her to call or text me. Right now the ball is in her hands. If she will contact me - maybe we will figure something out, if no - too bad for her. Cause I learned my mistakes and on my way to be the best version of myself.

i did delete her number. I aint "waiting" for her to text me. would I love to reject her. yes. so probably 80 percent over it

 

[soulforge]

3 weeks NC

I am at the stage now, where I have accepted that the breakup was the BEST thing for me.

Waiting on a girl 5 years long distance, while she raises another man child, is FUKING INSANE.

If she came back to me tomorrow, I would absolutely REJECT her, she has no future to offer me.

I have a question guys.. Even though she did the dumping, I am happy with that decision.

However.. I did not reply back to her dumping text...


Was ghosting her the best option?

Or should I have replied back, and said, hey I am happy with the breakup, I don't think you are the right girl for me long term.

Is ghosting the much more powerful response?

 

[DreamAgain]

3 weeks NC

I am at the stage now, where I have accepted that the breakup was the BEST thing for me.

Waiting on a girl 5 years long distance, while she raises another man child, is FUKING INSANE.

If she came back to me tomorrow, I would absolutely REJECT her, she has no future to offer me.

I have a question guys.. Even though she did the dumping, I am happy with that decision.

However.. I did not reply back to her dumping text...


Was ghosting her the best option?

Or should I have replied back, and said, hey I am happy with the breakup, I don't think you are the right girl for me long term.

Is ghosting the much more powerful response?

Ghosting is the more powerful response, I read a post here that stands out to me perhaps more than any other.

Hamsters run best in silence.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Was ghosting her the best option?

Or should I have replied back, and said, hey I am happy with the breakup, I don't think you are the right girl for me long term.

Is ghosting the much more powerful response?

Hamsters run best in silence.

@DreamAgain That made me laugh! It is so true, too!